<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Reckless Abandon by DreamersTales</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666488">Reckless Abandon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersTales/pseuds/DreamersTales'>DreamersTales</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Adventure, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bonding, Brotherly Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mild Hurt/Comfort, No Slash, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Gaius (Merlin), Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Protective Gwen (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:09:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>115,556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersTales/pseuds/DreamersTales</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has a habit of keeping Arthur out of trouble, without the prince noticing of course. But when it's the warlock's turn to keep himself from harm's way he's not as on top of things as he'd like to believe, leaving the task up to those closest to him. A series of connected short stories featuring our favorites from Camelot and their mission to keep one selfless sorcerer safe.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>474</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Bruises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N</p><p>Guess who is back with more Merlin feels! Is this fanfiction just a shameless excuse to amp up the angst and see some bonding between these two lovable idiots? Abso-heckin-lutely.</p><p>So I got this idea after having written a chapter in my previous story and I really wanted to play it through. And the idea behind this entire fic as a whole is that while each chapter will be contained stories of their own, there will be a long running plot connecting them altogether. I’d like to write from near the beginning of the show to the end and then past it (I refuse to acknowledge the death that occurred. I REFUSE) with yes, an eventual reveal and other fun little things along the way!</p><p>I’m not really sure if this is anything you guys will be into or interested in, but let me know! I’d love to hear from you and get your thoughts and ideas as the story goes on!</p><p>I’m gonna say right off too that there is no slash in this story, just a lot of good old fashioned bromance and the growing bond between these two dorks and all the others. Any relationships that occur throughout this story will be strictly canon. I hope you guys enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d first noticed something was wrong when Merlin was late. Of course Merlin was <em>always</em> late, but recently he was even more so than usual. He seemed incapable of being on time to wake him up, in finishing his chores, or much of anything else for that matter. For once though, Arthur hadn’t said much about it. He expected that Merlin was just caught up in the extra work that Sir Silas and his visit had brought along.</p><p>Frankly the prince hated it whenever a dignitary visited. The council sessions were always a bore, the feasts were tiring and playing nice with the accompanying knights was one of the man’s least favorite pastimes. However he did as he was told and he acted the part of a dutiful prince. After all, regular dignitaries were bad enough, but Sir Silas was one of his father’s oldest friends and he’d made it clear that his visit was to go smoothly.</p><p>And though Arthur was a perfect example of everything a prince was supposed to be, that didn’t mean he didn’t spend what time away from it all complaining about the man to his servant. Sir Silas was a horrid, rotund man of short stature who had an even shorter temper. Arthur had declared one morning when Merlin had finally shown up that the man in fact reminded him very strongly of a prized pig who had gone to rot.</p><p>Such a comment had brought a smile to the boy’s face, but he hadn’t made a retort back, something that had surprised the prince. He’d expected some sort of response from the servant, especially as Arthur himself had made it clear how much he detested the man and his vile sense of humor, but Merlin had merely carried on with his work in a much quieter fashion than usual.</p><p>Arthur was aware that all the servants were wary of Sir Silas, the dignitary having made it plain at every possible moment that he cared very little for anyone that was without a title, but he was shocked to find that even Merlin was careful when anyone spoke of the visitor.</p><p>The prince hadn’t bothered to question things, instead poking fun at the way his servant shied away from any topic of the man or the way his eyes shifted to the floor when they spotted him across the room. After all, the man was only to be in Camelot for a couple of days, and Arthur wasn’t above getting amusement from the rumors that had obviously come to worry Merlin.</p><p>But then Sir Silas’ stay had stretched on and the prince found his manservant acting strangely as the days continued to pass. Not that Merlin ever acted normal to begin with, but his behavior was odd compared to what he’d grown accustomed to.</p><p>Instead of mindlessly talking the prince’s ear off while he went about his chores, he’d grown more silent and reserved, hardly even speaking unless Arthur himself initiated a conversation. Even the playful bantering that the prince had come to expect, and yes <em>fine</em>, even <em>enjoy</em> at times had all but stopped, turning more into the blond’s comments going unanswered or unheard.</p><p>And while the silence was bad enough, the way the boy went about his tasks had even begun to confuse the man. Merlin worked quickly and efficiently, but he stayed entirely out of Arthur’s way, barely even looking up at the man unless forced.</p><p>The prince pushed the boy’s actions aside however and blamed it on the added work from the meetings and feasts that even Arthur himself had grown weary of. At least, that had been his thinking until he’d caught sight of the discolored skin on Merlin’s arm when he’d rolled up his sleeves to clean his floors. Arthur chalked it up to the boy being his usual clumsy self, but he began to keep an eye on him all the same as time went on.</p><p>By the time the longest week of the prince’s life had come to an end, he was tired of the silence that fell upon his room whenever the servant appeared and he was sick of how late he constantly was. No matter what other work he’d been doing, his service to Arthur came first. Which was exactly what had led to the blond stalking through the corridors looking for the worthless boy who was late <em>again</em> with his lunch. Though as irritated as he was, he could not deny the small amount of uncertainty that had been lingering since their conversation the day before when he’d finally confronted the boy.</p><p><em>“What is wrong with you?”</em> Arthur had snapped after Merlin had come to put away his laundry and had barely even glanced in the blond’s direction. <em>“Have you suddenly gone dumb?”</em> He’d demanded, leaning forwards in his chair as he’d watched his servant tense.</p><p><em>“What are you talking about?”</em> Merlin had questioned, his movements stiff as he’d kept his back to the prince.</p><p><em>“Merlin, you’re acting like a.. a.. proper servant!”</em> He’d sputtered out only to have the boy glance over his shoulder and furrow his brows at the man.</p><p>
  <em>“Isn’t that my job?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Of course that’s your job, but you’ve never been this quiet before.”</em> He’d muttered, glaring at the boy who had turned back and continued to put away his clothes.</p><p>
  <em>“I just haven’t had anything to say.”</em>
</p><p>That was when the observation had begun to spiral dangerously close to concern. Merlin always had something to say. Sometimes he hated the boy for prattling on about the most pointless things. And though he’d never have admitted it aloud, he had noticed its absence.</p><p><em>“What about how you got that bruise?”</em> Arthur had asked as the boy froze, his fingers tightening around the basket.</p><p>
  <em>“What are you talking about?”</em>
</p><p><em>“On your arm, I saw it there the other day.”</em> He’d waved a hand towards him, pretending as though the defensive expression he’d seen hadn’t caused doubt to well up inside him at his previous thoughts towards the matter. <em>“Did you walk into a wall or something?”</em></p><p><em>“Or something.”</em> The boy had murmured, taking the basket and making what Arthur had found to be too quick of an exit.</p><p><em>“Merlin.”</em> Arthur had called as his servant paused. <em>“Is something going on with you?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“No, nothing at all.”</em>
</p><p><em>“Because that was very convincing.”</em> He’d retorted as Merlin pushed his door open. <em>“You’re really going to leave without telling me?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“There’s nothing to tell, Arthur.”</em>
</p><p>Arthur had known at that point that something was wrong. But that didn’t change the fact that he was outrageously late and Arthur didn’t want to spend his time searching for the idiotic servant. Gaius hadn’t seen the boy all day and neither had the cook, it was as if he’d simply vanished entirely.</p><p>Rounding the corner with an irritated scowl stretched across his face, the blond nearly crashed into Guinevere who was carrying a stack of linens towards Morgana’s room.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Arthur.” She apologized quickly as he backed a step away and shook his head.</p><p>“No, I should’ve been looking where I was going, are you alright?”</p><p>“I’m fine.” She smiled, stepping to the side to let him pass.</p><p>“You haven’t seen Merlin anywhere have you?” He questioned, his hands falling to his hips. “The idiot is late with my lunch again and apparently no one has seen him.”</p><p>It was clear the question had startled the girl, dark hues widening a fraction before she was looking away. “No, I’m sorry, I haven’t.”</p><p>“Gwen?” With narrowed eyes, Arthur’s voice softened. “Do you know what’s been going on with him? I know it’s something, but he hasn’t told me.”</p><p>“No.” Gwen shook her head quickly before worried eyes rose to meet his and she looked away guiltily. “But.. I know he’s been tending to Sir Silas when he’s not been with you.” She offered, and the small amount of concern Arthur had felt shifted into an irritating rush of worry.</p><p>“Why has he been serving Sir Silas?”</p><p>“I’m not certain.” Guinevere shrugged lightly, pulling the linens closer as Arthur nodded.</p><p>“It’s alright, thank you.”</p><p>With a small smile the girl took her leave and Arthur found himself standing in the corridor alone. Why exactly was Merlin aiding Sir Silas? And why hadn’t he told him about it? The bruise he’d seen on the boy’s arm came to mind and a weight settled in the prince’s stomach as he began to make his way back to his chambers. He’d heard the same rumors as everyone else, but he’d never thought them to be true. Though the dignitary was a horrendous man, could he really stoop so low?</p><p>As Arthur neared his room he caught sight of his partially open door and slowed his steps, stopping inside the doorway and spotting Merlin setting out his lunch tray. As the boy leaned forwards across the table to fill his goblet, Arthur stepped closer and caught sight of another patch of discolored skin that stretched down the back of the boy’s neck that was almost entirely hidden by his scarf.</p><p>Clearing his throat with a frown prominent on his features, he watched as the servant jumped and turned, wide blue eyes staring back at him. “You’re late, again.” He commented evenly, walking around him and seating himself at the table as Merlin’s gaze flickered away.</p><p>On any other occasion the prince would have dug into his meal, but he found the knot in his stomach had him staring at his servant instead, the meal remaining untouched before him. “What were you doing?” He asked, attempting to keep his voice light as the boy’s hands fell and he stared at anything that wasn’t the blond while he neatened a stack of papers on his table.</p><p>“Getting your meal ready.”</p><p>“And before that? I’ve been looking for you and I checked the kitchen.”</p><p>“You must’ve missed me then.” He shrugged, but the way he winced at the movement had not gone unnoticed as Arthur shifted in his seat, no longer interested in waiting for him to tell him himself.</p><p>“Merlin, take off your neckerchief.” The prince instructed, and where normally he would have enjoyed seeing such a shocked look on his servant’s face at the order, he could not deter the thoughts that were running rampant in his mind.</p><p>“What?” The boy questioned, a weak laugh leaving him as he shook his head. “No.”</p><p>“Merlin, take it off.” Arthur commanded, leaning against the table and staring at him as Merlin backed a step away.</p><p>“I’m not taking it off, Arthur, what’s gotten into you?” He scoffed, but his eyes held a hint of panic at the order.</p><p>“Take off that ridiculous scarf or I’ll come over there and do it myself.” Arthur warned, an authoritative tone woven into his words as the servant stared at him long enough to realize how serious the prince was before fingers that held the slightest tremble reached up and untied the fabric.</p><p>Arthur wasn’t sure what he’d expected when the neckerchief was lowered, but the myriad of splotches that decorated the pale skin of the boy was the last thing he’d wanted to see.</p><p>“<em>Gods</em>, Merlin!” The prince’s chair scuffed against the floor as he rose, striding towards the boy who pulled away and tried to put the scarf back.</p><p>“It’s nothing, I’ve just got to learn to be more careful.” He forced out another laugh with the poor excuse as Arthur batted his hands away and stared at the discolored flesh in horror.</p><p>Reaching a hand out and tugging at the collar of the boy’s tunic, he found the marks stretched towards his shoulder and chest, a disgusting rainbow of blues and purples and blacks marring his skin as Merlin stumbled back and shoved at his hands.</p><p>“What the hell, Arthur!”</p><p>“Who did this to you?”</p><p>“I told you-“</p><p>“Was it Sir Silas?” Arthur demanded, the answer clear in the look of fear that flashed across the boy’s face before he was turning his head away and tying the scarf back around his neck. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>“There was nothing to tell. He wasn’t pleased with my work, that’s all.” He murmured as Arthur scoffed and threw out his arms.</p><p>“That’s all? Merlin, he’s been <em>beating</em> you, that’s not worth mentioning at any point? Or what about the fact that you’re even serving him to begin with? That’s not your job!” When the boy refused to answer the prince sighed, dropping his arms and shaking his head in frustration. “Fine, don’t answer me. You’re not to go to him again, I’ll send someone else to take over.”</p><p>“Arthur, no.” Merlin spoke quickly, his head jerking up and catching the man’s stare. “You can’t do that.”</p><p>“Excuse me?” He laughed dryly, jabbing a finger towards his servant’s chest. “You don’t tell <em>me</em> what to do, <em>Mer</em>lin. It’s the opposite, actually, and I mean what I said!”</p><p>“If you send someone else it will just be the exact same thing.” Merlin argued, his shoulders slouching as he gestured towards the door. “Just let me do it, no one else needs to deal with this.”</p><p>“You would rather continue to be beaten than have someone else take your place?” The prince asked, studying the boy as he stared at him and nodded his head.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The two stood in silence as Arthur looked away, a hand reaching up and dragging down his face. Why did he have to be like that? To care more about the wellbeing of others than himself?</p><p>“Stay here.” Arthur muttered, pulling away from the boy as Merlin’s eyes lifted and he drew his brows together in question.</p><p>“What are you going to do?”</p><p>“I’m going to put a stop to this. And you, you’re going to stay right there.” He pointed as he opened his door.</p><p>“What? Arthur-“</p><p>“I mean it, Merlin, you’d better be here when I get back.” The prince stated, stepping into the hall and pulling the door shut behind him. The fact that Sir Silas would treat any of the servant’s poorly was bad enough, but Merlin? No, that wasn’t going to continue any longer.</p><p>The walk to his father’s chambers was a short one, but he could feel his anger mounting as he knocked and stepped inside, spotting the king behind his desk reviewing documents from the session they had had that morning.</p><p>“Arthur, what is it?” His father asked, glancing up from his work and staring at his son who came to a stop before him.</p><p>“Father, are you aware that Sir Silas has been beating the servants?” He questioned, keeping the tone of his voice level as the paper the man held lowered slowly to his desk.</p><p>Stern eyes regarded his son for a moment before he spoke. “I know that Silas is strict about the way work is done for him and that he has a very low tolerance for anyone incapable of doing their job properly.”</p><p>“So you knew he was tormenting them?” Arthur stared, unable to believe what he was hearing. “And you did nothing?”</p><p>“Arthur-“</p><p>“Did you know that Merlin has been serving him? That he’s been doing that to <em>him</em>?” He demanded, his voice rising as his father leaned back in his chair and frowned at his son.</p><p>“Seeing as I am the one who appointed him to Silas, yes. I thought he could teach the boy a few things about actually doing his job. Some disciplinary action might do some good.” Realization struck Arthur and the reluctance Merlin had towards answering him suddenly made sense. “I know you’re fond of the boy for whatever reason, Arthur, but he needs to learn. He’s loyal to you, I’ll give him that, but if I’d have known he was so incompetent I would never have appointed him to you in the first place.” His father continued as the prince’s mind reeled.</p><p>“So instead you’ve allowed my servant to be <em>beaten</em> because you think he can’t do his job?” The words were spoken harshly as he glared towards his father.</p><p>“How many times has the boy forgotten to remind you of important meetings? How many times has he been in the stocks this past month alone? He’s constantly dropping things, losing things, honestly the boy should have been sacked ages ago.” He muttered while waving a hand flippantly.</p><p>“Merlin may be a klutz, but he does his job as he is asked. And regardless, how can you sit there and allow <em>any</em> of our servants to be treated in such a way? They’re our <em>people</em> the ones <em>we</em> are supposed to protect! The ones we’re supposed to keep from things like this!” Arthur scowled as the king’s chair pushed away from his desk and the man rose, his hands falling flat on the surface as he stared his son down.</p><p>“This discussion is over. You will not say a word about this, Arthur. Silas is a friend and a trusted ally. You will not create tension over something as trivial as this. Am I understood?”</p><p>Standing straighter, the blond’s jaw locked as his head tilted forwards. “I understand.”</p><p>“Good.” The man sighed, sitting back down and picking up the piece of parchment he’d been reviewing.</p><p>“I understand that you and I have very different views on what it means to protect our people.” Arthur shot out, catching the look of indignation that his father wore before he was turning and striding out of the room.</p><p>The anger he felt was near its breaking point as he stormed through the corridors, his father’s words playing over and over again inside his head. How could he stand to let this happen? All because he felt Merlin was incapable of his job?</p><p>Clenching his fists as he made his way back towards his chambers, a twinge of guilt struck him. Was this because he’d asked Merlin to lie for him? If he hadn’t have run off with Sophia, would this have still happened? He knew his father had been furious with the excuses of forgetfulness that Merlin had come up with, but that was no reason to allow such a thing to happen.</p><p>Turning down the corridor and pushing open the door to his chambers, Arthur took a single glance inside and froze in his spot. His room was empty. His lunch remained on his table, but where he’d left Merlin standing was now empty space and a silence that was nearly deafening.</p><p>“Why do you <em>never</em> listen?” Arthur cursed softly before walking back the way he’d been. He had an idea of where to find the boy, and the very thought of it had him moving faster. As he neared Sir Silas’ chambers and heard shouting, he knew he had been right. He could see the open door as he turned down the hall and the sound of a tray clattering to the floor echoed towards him.</p><p>“Clean it up! I’ve never seen such a useless servant before in my life!” The dignitary’s voice screamed as Arthur practically jogged the rest of the way.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll get you a new tray.” He heard Merlin apologizing, picturing the boy cleaning the mess as he slowed and neared the room.</p><p>“You come in late and then you just let the food fall to the floor. If you were my servant I’d have you flogged for such utter incompetence!”</p><p>Stepping through the doorway, Arthur caught sight of the two near the table in the center of the room. Merlin, as he’d suspected, was kneeling on the ground gathering together the food that must have fallen from the tray as the dignitary hovered over him with his face resembling that of an angry hog. Starting into the room, the prince watched in shock as Sir Silas’ fist shot out without warning and the back of his hand connected with the side of the boy’s face, sending Merlin’s head jerking to the side.</p><p>“What the hell is going on here?” Arthur demanded, striding the rest of the way into the room and stepping between the two as Merlin’s eyes met his. He could hardly swallow down his rage at seeing the moisture that had gathered in the boy’s eyes from the strike or the streak of crimson that dotted across the surface of his cheek.</p><p>“Prince Arthur.” The man bowed, his mouth drawn into a thin line as he clasped his hands together and met the prince’s furious gaze. “I apologize that you had to witness such a scene. My servant, as you can see, was not only late in serving me but has proceeded to spill the meal all across the floor.” He gestured as Merlin continued to clean the mess in silence.</p><p>“<em>Your</em> servant?” The prince asked brusquely, watching as the man stiffened. “Sir Silas, Merlin is <em>my</em> personal manservant.” He stated sharply as the man shifted uncomfortably.</p><p>“I was not aware of that, Prince Arthur.”</p><p>“While Merlin’s lack of finesse may annoy me at times myself, there is no reason to lash out in such a fashion, on <em>anyone</em>.” The prince spat, staring hatefully at the man who shuffled back a single step and glanced towards the servant with a reproachful glare.</p><p>Taking his own step back and to the side to block the dark haired boy from his view, Arthur’s arms folded across his chest. “I apologize for the tardiness of your meal, and I’ll send for another to be brought immediately. But I strongly suggest that from now on you keep your <em>disciplinary actions</em> to yourself.”</p><p>“Of course, Sire.” The man bowed his head as Merlin rose, his eyes on the floor and the tray in his hand as Arthur motioned for him to leave.</p><p>Following behind him and closing the dignitary’s door, the blond shot a dirty look towards the boy. “What were you thinking?” He hissed as Merlin flinched away, his fingers tightening around the tray as his eyes remained firmly on his boots.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’ll get another tray for him.”</p><p>“No, you won’t.” Arthur muttered as he took the tray from the boy’s hand and glanced around. Spotting two maids as they rounded the corner, he gestured for one to near before handing it off to her. “Tell the cook to prepare another tray for Sir Silas and then have someone bring it to him.” He spoke quietly as the woman’s eyes darted to where Merlin stood silently near the wall.</p><p>“Yes, Sire.”</p><p>“And if there’s any problems,” He called back as the maid paused. “Tell me immediately.”</p><p>“Of course.” She nodded, quickly walking off in the other direction as Arthur’s hand fell carefully against the boy’s shoulder.</p><p>“Let’s go.” He urged, ushering the boy back towards his chambers. The servant remained silent during the walk, his head down and shoulders slouched once Arthur had drawn his hand away.</p><p>Shoving open the door to his room and pushing the boy inside, he closed the door and pointed towards the chair he’d been in earlier. “Sit down, Merlin.” He instructed as the boy sat without a word, his hands settling into his lap as he stared across the room.</p><p>Arthur watched him for a moment before he was walking towards a table near his wardrobe and picking up a pitcher of water. Pouring some into a bowl and dropping a rag into it, he rang out the excess water before striding over and tossing the wet mound onto the table as Merlin glanced towards it in confusion.</p><p>“You’re bleeding.” The prince commented dryly as his servant frowned and lifted a hand to his face. As the pads of his fingers brushed against the cut he winced and withdrew them, staring at the crimson that dotted his hand.</p><p>“Must’ve been his ring.” Merlin murmured as he dropped his hand and grabbed ahold of the cloth.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me what happened? Why you so <em>blatantly</em> ignored me?” Arthur asked as he walked around and sat on the edge of the table while casting a disapproving gaze in the other’s direction.</p><p>“I was doing my job.” He muttered, pressing the cloth carefully to his cheek as he winced again. “He said the food was inedible and he pushed it away. The tray fell before I could catch it and well.. you saw what happened after that.” He shrugged, his eyes flickering over the prince as Arthur pressed his lips together and drew in a short breath.</p><p>“Your job is to listen to <em>me</em>, Merlin. Not some visiting dignitary who can’t be bothered to treat his help any better than he might his cattle.” The prince ground out as Merlin glanced away, falling silent once more. “Why didn’t you tell me that my father assigned you to tend to Sir Silas?”</p><p>Lowering the rag, the boy’s fingers picked at the edges of the cloth. “I told you, I was doing my job.”</p><p>“You should have come to me.” Arthur shook his head, heaving a sigh as he placed his hand firmly on the table. “And you should have listened when I told you to stay put.”</p><p>As Merlin sunk back in the chair and looked towards the door, the prince took note of the dark circles beneath his eyes. They were darker than usual, though he didn’t find that surprising. If he was busy serving both him and Sir Silas, no wonder he’d looked exhausted the past few days.</p><p>The scarf around his neck worked to hide the other marks that wretched man had left, but the red welt that stretched across his cheek made the rest of his face seem paler in comparison. He hated that Merlin had been forced to deal with that. That his father was not only aware but had instigated it. A lot of their guests were unsavory, but Sir Silas was an entirely new breed. One in which Arthur abhorred.</p><p>“Go to Gaius, have him give you some salve for that cut.” Arthur finally sighed, pushing away from the table and making his way towards his desk. “And let him look over those bruises because I’m certain you didn’t tell him what was happening either.” He added, hearing the chair move as the boy rose.</p><p>“I’ll return as soon as I can.”</p><p>Glancing over his shoulder, Merlin was already at the door when the next word flew from the prince before he could stop himself. “No.”</p><p>“What?” Turning back and staring at the blond, the prince cursed himself silently as he cleared his throat.</p><p>“Take the rest of the day off.” He muttered, waving his hand flippantly as if it were nothing. “There are quite a few meetings still to be attended, so I won’t need you.” <em>And he would have to deal with the fallout from his father once Sir Silas spoke to him.</em> “Besides, I’d rather have someone a bit sightlier to tend to me during the feast.” He spoke, a teasing nature to his words that drew barely more than a second glance from the boy.</p><p>“I’m capable of doing my work, Arthur.”</p><p>“I never said you weren’t.”</p><p>“Then why are you sending me away?” The question caught the prince off guard as he stared at him, the boy’s expression a mixture he couldn’t place.</p><p>“It’s not a punishment, Merlin.” Arthur spoke earnestly, turning and leaning against his desk as the boy’s form tensed. “What happened was not your fault.” He said firmly, his hands tightening around the edges of his desk as he imagined a hundred different scenarios in his mind of the accidents that might befall the dignitary in the future. “Sir Silas is a detestable man with ridiculous views and what he did is not tolerated. And how he treated you, that was <em>not</em> your fault, no matter what he might have said.”</p><p>Merlin’s gaze shifted away as he began to open the door. “Merlin.” Looking back, a hard expression fell on the prince’s face. “Stay away from him, I mean it. Until he leaves, you’re not to go near him. And the next time something like this occurs, just tell me. There’s no point in hiding it when it can be stopped.” He stated as the boy nodded once, and as he turned to leave the room Arthur caught the smallest amount of relief washing over his face.</p><p>His father would not be pleased if Sir Silas spoke of what happened, but Arthur would stand by what he said. Treating any servant in such a way was unacceptable and deplorable coming from anyone. But to have his own servant treated in such a way? To have to watch Merlin be struck for no reason? No, he would not stand for that. He would not stand for any harm to come to him like that again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It felt as though the night had lasted an eternity. Merlin had tried to sleep; he’d been trying for hours in fact. And yet the more time that passed the more he tossed and turned. By the time sunlight had started to filter into his room the young warlock had given up on the hope of getting any rest before his day began.</p>
<p>A dull ache spread throughout his head as Merlin forced himself to rise, knowing that while he was exhausted, at least he wouldn’t be late in waking Arthur. His movements were slow and heavy as he rifled through a stack of clothes that he’d yet to do more with than merely toss in the corner.</p>
<p>Changing from his bedclothes, his eyes drifted over his left shoulder and side of his chest, the last of the bruises from Sir Silas’ visit a few weeks before finally fading as he tugged on a tunic and snatched a neckerchief from the pile of laundry.</p>
<p>Stifling a yawn while he stumbled out of his room, Merlin found the physician already up and going about his day. A mess of glass vials filled the majority of the table, while the rest was covered in stacks of books. It looked as though the man was in the midst of rearranging one of his cabinets, but the warlock was too tired to bother asking as the elder glanced up from his work and at his ward.</p>
<p>“Morning. You look well rested.” Frowning at the sarcasm, the boy dropped onto a stool and slouched against the table, already wishing the day were over and done with.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t sleep last night.” He muttered, dropping his head between a set of vials and a mortar as Gaius shuffled about on the other side.</p>
<p>“Any particular reason?” The elder asked as Merlin tilted his head and watched him as his lips moved in a silent count while his fingers skimmed over the top of his books.</p>
<p>“Aside from getting in late because Arthur needed his armor polished at the last minute? No, don’t think so.” He grumbled, his cheek pressed against the wooden planks as his eyes drifted shut.</p>
<p>“You look a bit pale.” The physician commented as he stepped closer, the boy’s eyes flickering open before Merlin sat up reluctantly. “You were in the Lower Town a few days ago, perhaps-“</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” The warlock cut in, shaking his head a fraction and wincing at the jolt of pain that throbbed behind his eyes. “I’m just tired is all.” He assured, though his mentor let out a doubtful hum that indicated his disbelief. Gaius said nothing else on the matter though, instead placing a small dish in front of the boy who found his appetite to be lacking. “Thanks.” He murmured, picking up his spoon while the physician cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“You may want to take that to go.” He advised as blue eyes peered up in question.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“You’ll be late otherwise.”</p>
<p>Looking to the sunlight that fell across the floor of the room in streaks, the boy let out a quiet curse before shoveling a couple of spoonful’s of his breakfast into his mouth. “Thanks, Gaius!” He called through the food as he quickly rose and tied the scarf around his neck while heading for the door.</p>
<p>“Be careful you don’t choke!” He warned as the warlock swallowed and coughed, glancing over his shoulder with a sheepish expression.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He waved, his voice hoarse as he closed the door on his mentor muttering about him.</p>
<p>Maneuvering his way through the already bustling halls and entering the kitchen, the servant was relieved to find Arthur’s tray already prepared and sat out for him. Grabbing ahold of it and slipping back into the corridor, Merlin made his way towards the prince’s chambers. In his rush the ache in his head had flared, settling into a pulsing pain as the warlock came to a stop in front of Arthur’s room and hesitated, drawing in a slow breath and swallowing down his discomfort.</p>
<p>Pushing open the door and preparing himself for the day, Merlin placed the tray on the table with little care, the noise of the dishes clattering resounding through the quiet room as the lump beneath the blankets on the bed twitched.</p>
<p>A low groan sounded and as the warlock neared the windows he turned to find the blond with his head half beneath a pillow and his arm dangling off the side. Maybe he wasn’t feeling top notch, but the boy couldn’t resist the opportunity presented to him as he hid his smirk and yanked open the drapes to allow sunlight to flood the room.</p>
<p>The effect was immediate, the prince’s body jerking as his eyes closed tighter and he tugged the pillow over his face. “Merlin!” The muffled yell was easy to decipher as the servant cracked a smile, walking closer as squinted blue hues peeked angrily out at him.</p>
<p>“Morning, Arthur.” He said cheerily, passing the bed and walking towards the wardrobe. “Lots to do today.” The boy continued, pulling open the wooden door and retrieving clothes for the prince as the bed creaked behind him.</p>
<p>“Must you always be so disgustingly chipper in the morning?” Glancing over his shoulder at the complaint, the smile Merlin wore widened into a grin at the disheveled nature of the blond’s hair.</p>
<p>“Must you always be such a grouch?”</p>
<p>“I am <em>not</em> a grouch!” Arthur snapped as the servant turned away.</p>
<p>“Could’ve fooled me.” He muttered to himself as the bed creaked again at the prince moving.</p>
<p>“Did you get my armor cleaned last night?”</p>
<p>“Your armor?” Merlin asked, biting back his amusement at the groggy man stretching before him. “I knew I forgot something..”</p>
<p>“You <em>forgot</em>?” The prince gaped, all signs of sleep fading from his face as he stared the servant down.</p>
<p>“Was it important?” He questioned, feigning his best look of innocence as Arthur sputtered in shock.</p>
<p>“<em>Important</em>? Of course it was important, <em>Mer</em>lin!”</p>
<p>“Actually, now that I think about it, I did get it done.”</p>
<p>“You-“ Arthur cut himself off, a furious glare landing on the servant who remained as innocent as ever. While he would have preferred rest the night before, he found riling up the blond offered a sense of amusement that helped ease the strain. “I should have you put in the stocks.” The prince ground out, jabbing a finger towards him before stalking over and refusing to look at the servant as he helped the man to dress.</p>
<p>Flashing Merlin a scowl when he’d finished, the prince sat at the table and drove his fork through one of his sausages while the boy went about straightening his bed. The moment of enjoyment faded faster than the warlock would have liked, tugging on one side of the blanket as his chest tightened and a cough forced its way out of his mouth.</p>
<p>Turning his head and smothering the noise, Merlin glanced towards the prince when he began to speak. “I’m having dinner with my father and Morgana tonight after I’ve finished testing the knights.” Chewing on a piece of bread, the blond turned and eyed the servant. “So be sure my boots are clean. The last time you left mud on them.”</p>
<p>As he turned back to his food, Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, biting back what he wanted to say about how <em>he</em> had been the one who stepped in the puddle <em>after</em> Merlin had already cleaned them. “I’ll also want a bath drawn before then, after having been out on the field.” He continued as the warlock sat the pillows upright and coughed again, the sudden jerking motion driving up the pain in his head.</p>
<p>Lifting his gaze to respond, he found annoyed blue hues staring at him as he cleared his throat and turned away instead, beginning to gather up the laundry that had been left out the night before. He could already tell it was going to be a long day, and he’d only been around the prince for a few minutes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The morning had drug on and on, tedious chores stacking together one after another that Merlin found himself struggling to get through. Normally they would be nothing, but his lack of rest had made even the smallest task seem nearly impossible.</p>
<p>He’d been sluggish and out of sorts from the beginning, but as he stood beneath the sun that beat down on him, the warlock felt even worse. The ache in his head had doubled, becoming a painful throb that refused to be ignored, and a heavy weight had settled on top of his chest.</p>
<p>“Will you hurry up? This should have been done right the first time.” Arthur chided, shifting where he stood while Merlin adjusted one of the straps on his armor. Instead of responding to him, the servant tugged the leather tight and watched while the prince moved a couple of times, testing the way it felt.</p>
<p>“It should be a quick few fights. They’ve done well, but they’re nowhere near ready to be knighted. They’re foolish to even be trying.” The blond stated, glancing across the training field where several of the men were sparring with each other.</p>
<p>“Maybe they’ll surprise you.” Merlin offered, turning away to cough, his lungs burning as he drew his hand up and leaned over while the noise rattled out of him.</p>
<p>“Are you sick?” Arthur demanded when the boy had stood up straight, a shudder running through him as he met the other’s stern gaze.</p>
<p>“What? No.” He shook his head, turning and retrieving the prince’s sword.</p>
<p>“Then stop with the coughing.”</p>
<p>“You can’t just, <em>stop</em> coughing, that’s not how coughing works.”</p>
<p>With an annoyed huff and a roll of his eyes, Arthur yanked the sword from the boy’s hands and slid it into his sheath. Backing a step away, the warlock’s chest constricted again and he turned away, a hand clamped over his mouth to suppress the next cough that was determined to come out.</p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin!”</p>
<p>“You can’t just stop it, Arthur!” The boy snapped, swallowing away the ache the fit had brought on as the prince glared at him.</p>
<p>“All of my boots need a good cleaning, go and do that.”</p>
<p>“<em>All</em> of them?” Merlin stared, finding that the clarification had only served to strike up a look of amusement at his cost.</p>
<p>“Yes, Merlin, did I stutter? If you can’t stop that infernal sound then you might as well be off doing it somewhere else. I can’t have you distracting me.”</p>
<p>“Distracting you? I thought you said these would be quick and easy fights?” He shot back, irritation rising up within him.</p>
<p>“They will be, but a distraction is a distraction and a fight is still a fight, no matter how easy.” Beginning to argue, another short cough stopped his words and caused the blond to frown in his direction. “Go, Merlin. Just make sure you’re done and back before I’m finished.”</p>
<p>“Fine.” He muttered, too tired to bother fighting him anymore as he began to trudge off.</p>
<p>“Oh, and cheer up, Merlin! You’re acting a bit of a <em>grouch</em> today!” Arthur called out after him, a smirk wide on his face as he started off towards his men.</p>
<p>Coughing into his hand, Merlin took the opportunity and covered his mouth, his eyes flashing to gold. <em> <strong>”Eorðe ac stanas.”</strong> </em> Looking behind him, the warlock watched as Arthur’s next step faltered and the prince lurched forwards, the man forced to throw out his arms and steady himself to keep from falling flat on his face.</p>
<p>As he stood back upright, several of the men who had been training were hiding their laughter just as Merlin himself was, the boy turning back and making his way through the busy corridors of the citadel.</p>
<p>The warlock didn’t have any problem leaving the field, he was happy in fact to be out of the sun. But the feeling was quickly subdued when he realized the amount of work that lay ahead of him.</p>
<p>Entering the empty room with slouched shoulders and scuffling feet, Merlin paused and glanced around. The room was empty, and it would be for a while. Pressing his lips together and looking behind him, the boy closed the door and pushed his back against it, his eyes flickering to a shimmering gold.</p>
<p>As if invisible hands were working with him, several of the boots began to clean themselves as a tired smile rose to the boy’s face. The idea was reckless, and certain to get him in trouble if anyone found out, but as he settled down and retrieved one of the still boots to work on himself, he found he really didn’t care all that much. He kept one eye on the door and one on his magic while he worked, the task going faster than he’d thought as the boots lined themselves up and Merlin stared at them in satisfaction.</p>
<p>With the job being complete and Arthur still out on the field, Merlin was left with time on his hands, something that had become rare for him recently. Stepping back into the busy corridors and keeping to one side as much as possible, Merlin wanted nothing more than to spend that precious bit of time in the silence of his room.</p>
<p>The more the day had worn on the more the warlock felt his body revolting against his lack of rest the night before. He’d been without sleep on other occasions, but he seemed unable to cope as well this time around. His body dragged, the heat had become unbearable, and the constant pain in his head had long overstayed its welcome.</p>
<p>By the time he’d reached the physician’s chambers, Merlin could barely even keep his eyes open. He knew he should go back out to Arthur, to be there right when he was done, but he had finished his job early and the temptation of just a few minutes of rest before continuing on with his day had proven too good to pass up.</p>
<p>“Merlin, good, you’re back. I need you to make a few deliveries for me today.” Gaius spoke when the boy had stepped through the door.</p>
<p>“Can they wait until later?” He asked quietly, trudging into the room as the elder looked up at him. “I’ve not got long before Arthur wants me back and this pain in my head just won’t go away.” He murmured, sinking down onto one of the stools as the physician drew close.</p>
<p>“Honestly he didn’t even really need me, but of course today of all days would be the time he has me off doing absolutely everything.” He continued, his eyes beginning to burn as he dropped his head into his hands and pressed his fingers against his temples.</p>
<p>“Merlin, look at me.” Gaius urged as the boy’s head lifted weakly and found concerned eyes staring back at him. “You look awful.”</p>
<p>“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He asked dryly, beginning to sit up before a cough had him doubling over again.</p>
<p>“I don’t think this is just from your lack of sleep last night, Merlin.” The physician began, stepping away from his ward and rifling through his potions behind him. “After having been in the Lower Town I would not ignore the possibility that-“</p>
<p>“Gaius, really, I’m fine.” Merlin cut in, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples again. “I’m not sick, I’m just tired. Between Arthur and the outbreak I haven’t had much time to rest. I just need this ache to go away and I’ll be fine. I’ll do the deliveries for you after Arthur has gone to dinner with his father.”</p>
<p>When he didn’t receive a response, Merlin pulled open his eyes and stared at a green tinted vial held out in front of him. “Drink this, it will help your thick head.” Gaius instructed, a hint of annoyance in his words as the warlock took it and quickly downed the contents.</p>
<p>The bitter taste it left in his mouth drew out a disgusted face, the boy passing the vial back to the elder. “These really taste terrible.” He grimaced, swallowing down the flavor.</p>
<p>“Perhaps, but they work.” The man responded with a pointed stare that Merlin worked to ignore.</p>
<p>Pushing himself up from the stool, the warlock wavered for a moment as another coughing fit doubled him over, a hand grabbing ahold of the table beside him as it racked through his body. When it had passed and the boy stood taller he could feel the physician’s pressing gaze burning a hole through him.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He mumbled, his head swimming as he trudged up the steps to his room and pushed open the door, stumbling towards his bed. Without another thought Merlin collapsed on top of the mattress, his eyes already shut before his head had hit the pillow.</p>
<p>He would stay for just a few minutes. Just long enough for the potion he’d taken to kick in and rid him of the throbbing that had worsened with his last bout of coughing. Once it was gone he would get up and get on with his work and Arthur would never need to know.</p>
<p>Settling into a relatively comfortable half daze, Merlin kept track of the minutes that passed as he rested. Or at least, he thought he had. At what point he’d drifted off he wasn’t sure, but he knew the minute he’d been woken. Something had fallen in the other room, something heavy clattering to the floor that had jerked the warlock from his sleep.</p>
<p>Blinking hazily, Merlin felt worse than he had before. Every inch of his body ached as if he’d spent two days endlessly traipsing through the woods. The pain in his head had faded, but it had been replaced with a soreness in his throat and a burning in his chest. Something that felt important prodded at the back of the warlock’s mind as his eyes began to close again, but when he couldn’t place what exactly it was he allowed himself to give back in to the pull of sleep.</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Jolting, the boy’s eyes flew open as his door swung wide and Arthur strode inside, both shock and fury fighting for its place on the blond’s face as he stared the servant down.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> are you doing?” He demanded as Merlin stared, trying to figure out why exactly he was being shouted at inside his own room. “Why are you <em>sleeping</em> in the middle of the day?” Arthur spat, waving his arms about and glaring at the warlock, anger having been the expression he finally settled for. “I knew you were lazy, but <em>this</em> is <em>too much</em> even for you!”</p>
<p>Pushing himself up with shaking arms, Merlin grimaced and threw his legs over the side of the bed, still unsure of what was going on. “Why are you here?” He questioned, his brain a mess of fog as the blond stared back in stunned silence.</p>
<p>“Why am I here?” He asked, his voice unusually quiet as he took a step closer. “Merlin, I am <em>late</em> for dinner with my <em>father</em> because my pathetic <em>excuse</em> for a servant is lazing about in <em>bed</em> when he’s <em>meant</em> to be <em>working</em>! That’s why I’m here!”</p>
<p>Blinking, the day flooded back to the boy as Merlin’s eyes widened in horror. Oh gods, oh <em>hell</em>. “Arthur, I’m so sorry.” He began, pushing himself up from the bed. “I didn’t mean-“</p>
<p>As he stood the words faltered, his world caving in around him as a surge of dizziness had the floor rushing up to meet him. Before it could, two hands shot out and caught the warlock’s shoulders, keeping him from falling to the ground.</p>
<p>“Merlin!”</p>
<p>Another coughing fit rippled through the boy, his body tensing as he leaned forwards and crashed into the blond, his head pressing into his shoulder as the hands around him tightened.</p>
<p>“Sorry..” He rasped out, barely aware that Arthur had pushed him back until he was sitting once more on his bed.</p>
<p>“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that you were sick?” The prince demanded, his hands still keeping the other steady as Merlin grimaced, the level of his voice drawing the ache back to his head.</p>
<p>“I’m not.” He muttered softly, though even he’d stopped believing that after the last few minutes.</p>
<p>“I can feel the heat coming off you, Merlin, you’ve got a fever you <em>idiot</em>.” Arthur chided, pulling away from him finally and glaring down at him in annoyance. Rather than objecting, Merlin coughed again, his body drawing in closer as he shuddered.</p>
<p>“Arthur?” Looking up at the voice, Gaius stood frozen in the doorway and looked between the two of them before an understanding fell over him. “He never returned to work, did he?”</p>
<p>“No, he didn’t.” Arthur scoffed, folding his arms across his chest.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid this may be my doing. Merlin was helping me a few days ago with an outbreak in the Lower Town, and it seems he has caught the same illness that was spreading.” Gaius explained, casting a look towards the warlock who still sat hunched on the edge of his bed.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t he tell me that he was sick?”</p>
<p>“The boy is stubborn.”</p>
<p>“And right here.” Merlin croaked, his voice strained as he tried to swallow past the rawness of his throat. “If you’re going to talk about me at least go into the other room.”</p>
<p>“You should have said something, you complete idiot. I even asked you if you were ill and you said no.” The blond snapped, the complete and utter disapproval in his gaze causing the boy to duck his head.</p>
<p>“I could still work, so I did.” He stated simply, curling in on himself as another round of coughing shot through him. The sound echoed loudly in his ears, his chest burning as though it had been set on fire as he clenched his hands together, tears springing to his eyes at the force. He’d seen the families who had suffered from the sickness, but he hadn’t thought it was so bad. He felt miserable, and when the fit finally died down he was left weary and gasping for breath.</p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>A hand fell on the boy’s shoulder and when he looked up he found Gaius hovering over him, a cup in hand. Taking it carefully and drinking, the water inside worked its way down his dry throat and eased a bit of the pain in his chest.</p>
<p>Lowering the cup a moment later and glancing across the room, both men were staring down at him in silence. Gaius wore an expression of concern while Arthur held a stern mask, his eyes flickering over the servant with a tense frown tugging at his lips.</p>
<p>The physician took the cup from the boy when he’d finished while the prince shifted, standing off to the side. “You’ll watch over him I presume?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Gaius nodded as Arthur started for the door.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do?” Merlin called out as the blond turned and flashed him an irritated look.</p>
<p>“I’m going to find someone to do <em>your</em> job.”</p>
<p>“No one can do <em>my</em> job.” The warlock muttered, dropping his head. “You don’t even know what my job is.” He added softly as Gaius’s hand reached out and nudged him.</p>
<p>“I’m certain I can find someone to show up late for everything.” The prince commented dryly as a small pout formed on the servant’s lips.</p>
<p>“That’s not fair, you’re late places too.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I am, because my <em>manservant</em> can’t be <em>bothered</em> to show up on time. Or to inform me when he’s <em>ill</em>.”</p>
<p>Starting to retort to that, his words were cut off by another string of coughs, Merlin’s eyes squeezing shut as his body lurched with the action. Gaius’ hand settled on his arm and guided the boy back until he was lying on his side, his head against the pillow as he drew in a shallow breath. Half lidded eyes met the prince’s gaze, a tense expression furrowing his brows before his hands were tightening into fists and he was looking away, shifting his stare to the floor.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to make you late.. I intended to be there..” He murmured, exhaustion washing over him as Arthur glanced up, his expression softening before he turned away with a sigh.</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>Closing his eyes fully, Merlin felt the hand on his arm pull away as their quiet voices drove him back towards sleep. It was anything but restful though, the boy tossing and turning until he woke with another coughing fit, his body jerking up as a cloth fell into his lap.</p>
<p>When the fit subsided, he realized Gaius was beside him, a comforting hand against his back as the warlock blinked away the moisture gathering in his eyes. Looking towards the doorway where his door was partially open, he looked back to the elder sitting next to him.</p>
<p>“Arthur left?” He questioned, his voice breaking at the strain.</p>
<p>The man nodded in response, worry for his ward unmistakable in his eyes. “Quite some time ago, yes.”</p>
<p>Barely bobbing his head, Merlin began to lie back before he was shooting back up, his heart racing as he looked to his darkened windows. “The deliveries.” He breathed, lowering his head as the sudden movement caused the room to spin around him.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about those, I took care of them.” The physician assured, pushing on his shoulder’s to have him lie back.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Gaius. I said I’d do them.” Merlin apologized quietly, tears burning at his eyes again as his mentor’s hand patted his arm.</p>
<p>“Don’t work yourself up about such a thing, you cannot help being ill.”</p>
<p>“Arthur’s probably furious.” He murmured, closing his eyes again and sinking into the pillow as he shuddered. At some point his boots had been pulled off and his blanket laid over him, the familiarity and comfort relaxing him as he settled back.</p>
<p>“I believe he was more worried than anything else.” The physician corrected, a small smile on his face when the warlock looked up at him.</p>
<p>“Worried about who he will torment, I’m sure.” He uttered, though there were no harsh feelings spoken with it. Had Arthur been concerned for him? He almost couldn’t believe such a thing, but then the tone of irritation at not having been told he was sick came to mind, and the way he’d held him steady when he’d collapsed.</p>
<p>The sound of water dripping into a bowl drew the warlock from his daze, the cloth that had fallen replaced against his forehead with the sensation of water cooling his burning skin as Merlin closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the physician, his cheek brushing against his hand.</p>
<p>“Sorry for this..” He mumbled, already beginning to drift off again as the hand moved, settling into the mess of the boy’s dark hair.</p>
<p>“You have nothing to apologize for, just get better.” The elder said kindly, his fingers moving gently as the warlock shifted closer to the sound of the man’s voice.</p>
<p>“Thanks..”</p>
<p>“Rest now, Merlin.” Gaius encouraged, his fingers moving once more through his hair as the boy surrendered into the pull of sleep, finally grasping ahold of a peaceful slumber with the safety he felt from his mentor being beside him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>This prompt has been done so many times but I could not pass up such a soft Merlin and Gaius moment ;-; man I love their relationship.</p>
<p>I’m really enjoying writing these. I wasn’t really sure I would, but they’re so much fun and I get to explore so many interesting avenues. I already have like eighty prompts to do and I keep thinking of more. I have so much planned for this, it’s gonna go on for forever.</p>
<p>Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts, I love hearing from you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bleeding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning was warm and pleasant, a gentle breeze swaying the trees and stirring the scent of earth as the two walked beneath the branches. Arthur had decided rather suddenly to go on a hunting trip that morning, striding into the physician’s chambers barely after dawn to wake the boy and tell him to prepare for it.</p>
<p>Normally Merlin would have been annoyed, those few extra minutes of sleep precious to him on any other occasion, but once they’d stepped foot into the forest he found himself glad to be out in the beautiful weather.</p>
<p>The citadel had been rather quiet the last couple of days after the disruption that the wraith had caused and while the young warlock would have enjoyed a few peaceful days himself, Arthur had seemed desperate to get out. Traipsing through the trees beneath the weight of Arthur’s things, Merlin had finally come to terms with the fact that ‘peaceful’ and ‘Arthur’ were likely to never be used in the same sentence together.</p>
<p>“Merlin.” Arthur spoke from ahead of him, the blond’s crossbow held in one hand as he paused near a tree and glanced back to where the servant had fallen behind.</p>
<p>“Yes?” A glimpse of hesitation crossed over the prince’s face, his eyes narrowing as he looked the boy over. Merlin paused a few paces away, a hand outstretching and falling against the bark of a tree as he waited for the question he knew the other was contemplating.</p>
<p>“Did anything happen between you and my father?”</p>
<p>Blinking in surprise, the warlock’s brows knit together in confusion. “I haven’t seen the king in a couple of days, Arthur, let alone spoken to him.”</p>
<p>It was no surprise that Uther was far from Merlin’s biggest fan, in fact the boy was fairly certain he was still under the impression that he had some form of mental illness that prohibited him from properly doing his job. Although he supposed things had been different since the fight, after what had been said.</p>
<p>“Before the fight then, with the Black Knight.” Arthur pressed, turning away and beginning to walk again. “You prepared him for the fight, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“You show him the most extraordinary loyalty.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That is my job, Sire.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Beyond the line of duty.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, you could say there is a bond between us.”</em>
</p>
<p>Swallowing once, Merlin nodded. “I did.” Uther hadn’t actually told Arthur of their conversation had he? God, he would never live that down if he had.</p>
<p>“My father said that the sword he used in the fight, it was one that you had made for me.”</p>
<p>Stepping over a tree root and keeping his eyes on his feet, Merlin responded. “Oh?”</p>
<p>“Did you?”</p>
<p>“Did I what?”</p>
<p>“Get me a new sword.”</p>
<p>Glancing up, he found the prince’s eyes on him as the warlock barely shrugged. “Yes. I just.. I felt you needed a better one for the fight.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because there was a chance you wouldn’t survive.” He stated, slowing to a stop and adjusting the quiver on his shoulder while meeting Arthur’s stare. “So I had one made, one I felt would be better suited to you.”</p>
<p>His body tensed at the way blue hues studied him, an unreadable mask covering the blond’s face before he was turning and ducking beneath a branch. “My father said it was a good sword, one of the best he’d ever used.”</p>
<p>Letting out a slow breath, the boy nodded. “It did its job.”</p>
<p>“So where is it?”</p>
<p>Pressing his lips together and ducking beneath the branch himself, he nearly stumbled into the man. “Sorry, what?”</p>
<p>“Where is the sword, Merlin? It’s not here, and you certainly haven’t presented it to me. So where is it?”</p>
<p>Opening his mouth, the warlock found himself without an answer as the warning he’d received played through his mind. “I uhm, it must’ve been misplaced after the fight. I was unable to find it.”</p>
<p>“You lost an entire sword?” Arthur asked incredulously as Merlin offered a sheepish grin.</p>
<p>“It just sort of happened. It will turn up somewhere, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>“You’re utterly hopeless, you know that?” The prince scoffed, rolling his eyes and turning away as Merlin bit down on his lip.</p>
<p>“Was that all that Uther said?” The warlock ventured, staring after the man as Arthur glanced over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Oh, just curious is all.” Merlin shrugged, doing his best to act normal as he readjusted his grip on Arthur’s sword and dagger.</p>
<p>“Did you say anything to him?”</p>
<p>“What?” The boy blinked, his head shaking side to side. “No, no of course not. Like I said, I was just curious.”</p>
<p>“Because if you did, I’d want to know exactly what was said between you.” The prince stated, narrowing his eyes at the servant.</p>
<p>“I didn’t say anything.” He spoke quickly as Arthur took a step towards him. “It was all very.. quiet.”</p>
<p>“Merlin-“</p>
<p>“Oh look, I think I just saw a rabbit taking off, right over there.” The warlock gestured, cutting off the prince and directing his attention towards an empty field.</p>
<p>“Are you trying to change the subject?” The prince demanded, cutting his eyes towards the empty space before looking back to the boy.</p>
<p>“What? No.” He laughed awkwardly, the sword he held beginning to slide from his grasp. “No I just thought we were hunting is all and you’d want to know.”</p>
<p>“<em>We</em>?” The man stressed as Merlin’s smile faltered.</p>
<p>“You. <em>You</em> were hunting.”</p>
<p>The smirk that began to rise to the blond’s face was one Merlin had become familiar with and in turn learned to be wary of. Normally it meant he was either about to be saddled with extra chores or on the verge of becoming the next source of the man’s amusement, and neither was something he ever ended up enjoying.</p>
<p>“Alright,” Arthur nodded, glancing down at the crossbow he held. “Let’s hunt.”</p>
<p>With no warning he was tossing the weapon towards him, the boy stumbling forwards just in time to catch it. Fumbling with the added weight, he fought to keep hold of everything as he dared a quick glance to the blond who was fighting a smile.</p>
<p>“What-What is this?” He questioned, adjusting the crossbow to keep it from pointing at either him or the prince in case of a misfire.</p>
<p>“That’s a crossbow, Merlin. Surely you’ve seen one before?”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I-“</p>
<p>“You have handled one, haven’t you?” Arthur pressed, the smirk widening at the warlock’s growing discomfort.</p>
<p>“Oh, sure, loads of times.” Merlin muttered as he shifted the weapons beneath his arm and managed to straighten out the bow with his other hand.</p>
<p>“You never have, have you?”</p>
<p>“Course I have!” He stated, meeting the other’s eye and finding a dubious expression staring back at him.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Well, once.” He shrugged, drawing the bow closer. “Sort of.”</p>
<p>“Like I said, hopeless.”</p>
<p>“Why would I need to use one, anyway?” He grumbled as the man strode forwards and pulled it from his grasp.</p>
<p>“Well <em>we’re</em> hunting, aren’t we?”</p>
<p>“No, <em>you’re</em> hunting.”</p>
<p>Letting out a brief laugh, Arthur shook his head. “You know, you’re the only man I’ve ever met who is so adverse to it all.”</p>
<p>“I just don’t think killing animals for sport is considered fun.” He muttered as they began walking again, the weapons pressed tight against his side.</p>
<p>“I suppose it does take a great amount of discipline and determination. Two things you obviously lack.”</p>
<p>“Or perhaps it just means I actually have a heart.” The boy mumbled under his breath as the prince’s eyes cut towards him.</p>
<p>“What was that?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I said I just, haven’t mastered the art yet.” He spoke louder, noting the brief glimpse of uncertainty before he was looking away.</p>
<p>They walked in silence for some time before the prince paused, lifting his hand in a silent gesture for the servant to still. In the distance the warlock could see a rabbit, its nose twitching as it moved through the brush.</p>
<p>“Maybe you’ll actually learn something.” Arthur commented softly, his voice barely a whisper as he crept closer and readied his crossbow. His steps were precise and careful, never once touching down on a fallen leaf or branch.</p>
<p>Merlin himself lingered back, watching the creature rather than the prince. Its ears pricked in warning, dark eyes moving as its head turned towards them, its sleek body tensing before beginning to sprint away. It didn’t make it far however, a few steps into its run before it halted, its body jerking strangely as its ears turned again.</p>
<p>The sound of the bow firing had the boy glancing away, wincing ever so slightly at the sound of the arrow striking its target. Hunting for food was one thing, but to kill an innocent creature merely for sport? He wasn’t sure he’d ever come to understand what drove another to find such enjoyment out of it.</p>
<p>“There, you see?” Arthur declared, turning back to look at the servant with a triumphant smile.</p>
<p>“Yes, you did quite well.” Merlin stated, stepping closer and gesturing towards the fallen creature. “Except that it got itself caught in the vines and underbrush, so really, it’s not all that impressive.”</p>
<p>The smile the blond wore faltered as blue eyes landed towards his prey, long strides carrying him closer before he knelt beside the rabbit. Merlin didn’t work very hard to keep the grin from his face as he trailed behind, the prince frowning down at it.</p>
<p>“Well regardless, it was a clean kill.” He huffed, extending his hand out to the boy. “Give me my dagger, I’ll cut it free and we’ll continue.”</p>
<p>Fumbling around for a moment, the prince’s sword fell to the ground as he grabbed the dagger, ignoring the pointed glare that was sent his way before the warlock was passing the man his knife. While the prince cut away at the vines that had condemned the rabbit to its fate, Merlin stooped to retrieve the sword that had fallen. As his fingers wrapped around the soft leather sheath, a branch cracked in the distance and the boy’s head jerked up, blue eyes peering through the trees.</p>
<p>“Did you hear that?” He asked quietly, standing up and holding the sword close.</p>
<p>“Hear what?”</p>
<p>“It sounded like someone’s out there. I heard a branch and-“</p>
<p>“You’re just hearing things.” Arthur muttered dismissively behind him. “There’s no one else out here except perhaps a patrol.”</p>
<p>“You’re sure about that?” The warlock asked, his head twisting to see further.</p>
<p>“Course I am, stop acting so jumpy. Here.” He stated as the boy hesitated, backing a step towards him but keeping an eye around them. “<em>Mer</em>lin! Stop looking for things that aren’t there and take this!” The man snapped as Merlin’s nose wrinkled in a frown, switching the sword to his left hand and reaching out for the rabbit.</p>
<p>Maybe he was still just on edge after the past few days, but the forest seemed to have grown too still, and it wasn’t rare for bandits to lurk around. Stretching his hand out behind him, the prince thrust the creature up at him in annoyance. Or at least, he’d <em>thought</em> it was the creature.</p>
<p>The pain was immediate and excruciating, the blade of the dagger catching one side of his open palm and tearing across his hand as the boy jerked back and yelped, the sword falling from his grip once more as he drew his injured hand close.</p>
<p>“What are you <em>doing</em>?” Arthur demanded as he looked up with a horrified expression.</p>
<p>Merlin only grimaced in response, his fingers wrapping around his right wrist as blood gathered in his palm and began to spill down the side. “What am <em>I</em> doing?” He ground out, his hand pulsing in pain. “I thought <em>you</em> were handing me the game!”</p>
<p>“I was handing you my <em>knife</em>!” Arthur shot back, the dagger still in hand while he stood as the warlock caught sight of his own blood coating the blade.</p>
<p>“Who hands someone a knife blade up?” He asked, moving his hand to cup the other as crimson spotted his other palm.</p>
<p>“I wanted you to clean it!”</p>
<p>“With what, my <em>blood</em>?” Merlin scoffed, groaning as he tried to curl his fingers in over the wound.</p>
<p>Stepping in front of the boy and tossing the dagger to the ground beside his sword, Arthur reached out as the warlock pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes full of apprehension. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Taking a look at it.” The man replied sharply, though he’d frozen at the inquiry as the two stared at each other.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I’d rather have Gaius take a look.” He said slowly, drawing the injured appendage closer to his chest while Arthur quirked a brow at him.</p>
<p>“You’d rather spend the rest of the day hunting and the walk back with it bleeding like that?” Merlin hesitated a moment, eyes flickering down towards his palm that had begun to gather a small pool of blood that was beginning to paint his fingers with the same gruesome shade. “You are aware that I’m trained for this sort of thing on the battlefield?”</p>
<p>“Well this isn’t exactly a battlefield.” He retorted as Arthur took another step towards him.</p>
<p>“No, it’s not. That scratch is nothing compared to what I’ve seen.”</p>
<p>“<em>Scratch</em>?” The boy scoffed, glaring at the blond. “You practically stabbed me!”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so dramatic, Merlin.” Arthur rolled his eyes, reaching out suddenly and grabbing his wrist, yanking it out towards him while the warlock let out another pained sound.</p>
<p>Holding his wrist in one hand and forcing his fingers to uncurl with his other, Arthur frowned down at the wound as the servant grimaced. The blood that had pooled dripped down across the prince’s fingers as Merlin’s hand shook, the boy biting back the pain that coursed through him.</p>
<p>“It’s not that bad.” Arthur remarked when he finally let go, the warlock quickly drawing his arm back and glancing down at it before looking back up.</p>
<p>“Not that bad? I’m not going to be able to close my hand for a week!”</p>
<p>“That better not affect your work.” The prince stated dryly, dragging his hands along his trousers to rid them of the blood. “Give me the pack and sit there.” He instructed, holding out his hand for the bag.</p>
<p>Merlin hesitated only a moment before he did as he was told, carefully setting the quiver beside the sword and dagger before he pulled the pack from across his shoulders and passed it to the prince. Once the bag was out of his hands Merlin backed a step away and sat heavily on a tree stump, resting his arms against his knees while holding his hand out and watching the blood that had yet to stop.</p>
<p>“Keep your hand raised.” Arthur murmured while he rifled through the bag, pulling out and setting one of the waterskins beside him.</p>
<p>“What? Why?” Pained blue hues looked up in confusion to find the prince staring at him as if he’d suddenly grown a second head.</p>
<p>“Have you learned <em>nothing</em> from Gaius?” He demanded, his mouth open in disbelief as the boy stared blankly at him. “You slow the bleeding by putting pressure on the wound and keeping it above your heart.” The blond muttered, leaning over and grabbing ahold of his wrist. “While I look for something to put on it, keep it <em>raised</em>.” Shoving his hand up the boy grimaced at the motion as the prince went back to rifling through the pack.</p>
<p>“Where did you learn this?”</p>
<p>“Have you forgotten that I’m the head of the knights?” He muttered, eyeing the boy whose shoulders slouched. “Not to mention that Gaius has been around my whole life. And unlike some, I actually listen when he tells me something.”</p>
<p>“I listen.” Merlin defended.</p>
<p>“With selective hearing I’m sure.” The blond grumbled as the boy pressed his lips together and looked back to his hand.</p>
<p>“Well it’s still bleeding, and all lifting my hand has done is caused it to drip down my arm.” He sighed, pulling his sleeve up and wiping away a drop of crimson that had trickled down his skin.</p>
<p>“Merlin?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Did you pack this?” The prince questioned slowly, his movements stiff as he stared inside.</p>
<p>“Yeah, why?”</p>
<p>“<em>When</em> did you pack this?”</p>
<p>“This morning.” He answered, tilting his head to one side. “When you told me we were going. Why, is something wrong with it?”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing in it, <em>that’s</em> what’s wrong with it.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean there’s nothing in it? There’s a lot in there!”</p>
<p>“Nothing of actual <em>use</em>!” Arthur scowled, shoving the bag aside. “Where did you learn to make a pack?”</p>
<p>“It was a half day of hunting, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be maimed.” Merlin murmured quietly, shifting his gaze away as his answer drew a heavy sigh from the man in front of him.</p>
<p>“That’s the whole point of a pack, <em>Mer</em>lin! To be prepared for what <em>might</em> happen!” Fully turning his head away with a soft apology being uttered, Arthur’s shadow dipped across him. “We’re just going to have to make do.”</p>
<p>“Make do? What are you talking about?” Looking up, he found the prince retrieving his dagger from the ground. The warlock’s eyes widened when the man stepped closer, hovering next to him. “Arthur, what are you doing?” He asked warily, starting to shift away as the prince met his gaze.</p>
<p>“Making do.” Reaching out, the blond’s fingers began to pull at the knot tying the scarf around the warlock’s neck as Merlin stiffened, his good hand reaching up and trying to pull him away.</p>
<p>“But I- no, Arthur, <em>no</em>. No, no, n- oh..” The warlock groaned as the fabric was torn away. In the next moment the sound of the material being cut had the boy dropping his head and squeezing his eyes shut. “I liked that neckerchief..”</p>
<p>“You can mend it later.”</p>
<p>Jerking his head up, Merlin stared at the chunks of cloth that the blond held. “You ripped it to <em>shreds</em>, Arthur, there is no mending that!” The boy cried, accusatory eyes falling to the torn scraps as Arthur knelt in front of him.</p>
<p>“Perhaps this will be a lesson then for you to pay more attention to your work.”</p>
<p>“Or perhaps you shouldn’t thrust a knife blade up at another without a warning.” He shot back, receiving a glare at the comment as the prince held out his hand.</p>
<p>Offering his palm up reluctantly, Arthur took hold of his wrist and pressed one of the pieces of the scarf against the open wound firmly, eliciting a low groan from the servant as his head dropped at the sudden spike of pain.</p>
<p>“Calm down, Merlin, it’s not that bad.”</p>
<p>“How would you know?” He hissed through clenched teeth, the pressure causing his hand to tremble as the prince steadied it, keeping a firm but careful hold.</p>
<p>The two sat frozen in silence for what felt like ages, Arthur keeping a steady pressure while Merlin kept his eyes on his boots. Finally the cloth was removed and the boy looked up, watching as Arthur grabbed the waterskin and pried off the top with his teeth before he poured a portion over the boy’s open hand. Biting back another groan, his hand flinched, held in place only by the blond’s grip as blue eyes flickered up to him.</p>
<p>“Keep your hand steady, Merlin, or you’ll only make it worse.” He spoke slowly, taking a second piece of the scarf and cleaning the blood, water and dirt from the wound.</p>
<p>Instead of looking at the jagged cut that had torn open his palm, Merlin directed his gaze to the prince while he worked. He wore a calm yet focused expression, eyes darting over the boy’s hand as he began to wrap a longer piece of the scarf around his palm, securing it tightly and surveying his work before he was finally letting go.</p>
<p>“There, good as new.” He declared, retrieving the waterskin and pouring some over his own hands to clean them of the blood.</p>
<p>Lifting his throbbing hand, the warlock turned it over in apprehension. “You and I have very different definitions of <em>new</em>.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” The man stated, pushing himself up and dropping the half empty skin in the pack before he was retrieving his dagger and wiping it clean.</p>
<p>“It still hurts.”</p>
<p>“Merlin, if you lose your hand then you’re welcome to complain. Until that point, <em>shut up</em>.” Sliding the sheath of the dagger into his boot, Merlin looked away, his fingers running gently over the makeshift bandage.</p>
<p>“Arthur.”</p>
<p>“Merlin, I don’t want to he-“</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Pausing with his sword in hand, Arthur glanced towards him briefly before he was turning away, tying the belt in place. “I couldn’t very well have you bleeding all over the place while I tried to hunt.” He muttered as the boy smiled, dropping his head before a piece of the ruined neckerchief landed in his lap.</p>
<p>“Clean yourself up, for as small as it was you still somehow managed to get blood everywhere.” Picking up the scrap, Merlin looked up and watched while Arthur returned to his fallen prey before he began to scrub as the trails of crimson that had left streaks on his hands and wrists.</p>
<p>As he was finishing up the prince strode back over and retrieved his quiver of arrows, slinging it over his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go.” He instructed as Merlin pushed himself up.</p>
<p>Reaching down for the pack and slinging it over his shoulder, he waited for the other objects to be handed to him. Instead, Arthur turned away and began to walk, his crossbow in one hand and the rabbit in the other.</p>
<p>“Where are you going?” Merlin called out, noting the different direction the prince was headed in.</p>
<p>“I know you’re slow, Merlin, but I thought you’d at least know how to get home. No wonder it takes you so long to gather herbs for Gaius.” Arthur scoffed, not even bothering to look back at him.</p>
<p>“I know where home is.” The boy shot back, readjusting the pack and trailing behind him. “I thought you were hunting.”</p>
<p>“It’s getting late. Besides, I’ve no interest in listening to you complain about such a minor injury for the rest of the day.”</p>
<p>Glancing up at the sky and ignoring the second part of his comment, Merlin walked faster to catch up to him. “It’s barely midmorning.”</p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p>“And normally your hunting trips last longer and have more to show from them.” The servant countered.</p>
<p>“Unlike you, Merlin, I am a prince. I don’t have the luxury of lazing about all day doing nothing. I have work to attend to that requires me to do more with my day than spending it out here.”</p>
<p>Opening his mouth in shock, Merlin stumbled over a branch and let out an angry breath. “I don’t laze about all day! The <em>last</em> thing I do is laze about!”</p>
<p>“Whatever you say, Merlin.” The prince replied as the warlock stared in irritation.</p>
<p>Grumbling softly as they continued, the blond finally looked back with an amused expression that he’d obviously failed at hiding. “I can hear you back there, <em>Mer</em>lin.”</p>
<p>“Just admiring the forest, Sire.” He commented dryly, waiting until the man’s back was turned before he flashed him a dirty look.</p>
<p>Stepping over a mess of fallen leaves, the boy’s eyes drifted to his still aching hand. The wrapping would need changed into something more sustaining, and he’d happily allow Gaius to look it over and prescribe a salve to help with the healing, but Arthur <em>had</em> managed to get the bleeding to stop, and though the wrap had been made rather crudely he’d done a fairer job at it than he’d expected.</p>
<p>In fact, despite the comments he’d made, he’d even taken care of in a far gentler manner than he’d have expected from the man. Looking to the prince, Merlin’s mind wandered back to what he’d been instructed to do earlier.</p>
<p>While Arthur had eaten he’d declared they wouldn’t be back until the afternoon and that Merlin was to tell the servant tending to his father those exact words. And yet he’d said just now that they needed to get back because he had things to do. Things that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere? There was no reason for them to be heading back so early, not unless..</p>
<p>Holding up his hand, Merlin’s eyes darted between it and the prince, the realization settling over the warlock as a small smile rose to his face. Arthur had begun to list off a myriad of things that Merlin could do that afternoon since he claimed he didn’t ‘laze about’ but the boy was hardly listening.</p>
<p>For as annoying and self-centered as the prince could be at times, he did have his moments when he cared. Not that he’d ever admit it of course, but perhaps what he’d told Uther had indeed been true. Maybe a bond had begun to form between them, and perhaps Arthur was beginning to view the boy as more than just his servant.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>I love them, have I said that recently? Because I DO. I started rewatching season one so I could finally get around to watching the rest of the series and my HEART.</p>
<p>Also can we talk about those stupid people in television who need blood for one thing or another and cut their palms open? (Supernatural I am looking at YOU) like that is the WORST thing to do. The palm of your hand is so sensitive and you can do a ton of damage with just a small cut and agh it hurts to even think about it.</p>
<p>Let me know if you guys liked this one or if you have any ideas or anything at all! I love to hear from you and comments make my stressful life a thousand times better! ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fire crackled quietly in the hearth next to where Gaius sat, the aroma of lavender wafting through the air as the man went about his work. His tables were filled as usual with an odd assortment of his things, varying from old books and half-filled bowls to freshly cleaned vials and bunches of herbs waiting to be dried.</p><p>On one table sat a brewing potion for Uther’s shoulder and on another a sleeping draught that he’d made for Morgana. A small satchel sat off to the side and was partially filled with a mixture of colored glass bottles and sealed jars of salve and a single branch of rosemary for one of the vendors he often purchased from.</p><p>Gaius typically favored completing his rounds in the morning so he’d be left to go about his work uninterrupted during the rest of the day, but he’d chosen to wait and carry out those tasks later than usual. Glancing briefly to the closed door at the back, the physician lifted the small pot from off the fire and placed it on his workbench to cool.</p><p>Perhaps he was being overly cautious in waiting on his rounds, but Merlin had returned the night before and had yet to leave his room and Gaius found the more time that passed the more concern built within him. Although it seemed that ever since the boy had come into his chambers a few months before, he often worried about even the most mundane things when it was in connection to him.</p><p>Lifting the lid of the pot and allowing steam to filter into the air, a tense frown scrunched up the features on the elder’s face. He hadn’t thought Merlin would return from Ealdor, not after learning what had happened to his mother while he’d been gone. He hadn’t worried too much that anything would happen to him, not with the talents the boy possessed, but he’d expected him to stay with Hunith at least for the season.</p><p>And yet a few days after his departure he’d returned and he’d not been alone. Arthur, Morgana, and Guinevere had ridden back with him. No one had spoken a word to the other when they’d dismounted, each instead making their way back to their respective homes. Gaius of course had been thrilled to see the boy, but Merlin had spoken very little.</p><p>As he unpacked he explained that Morgana and Gwen had gone with him when he’d left and that Arthur had shown up at their camp that night. They’d worked together in training the people and preparing them to fight, and when Kanen returned they had been victorious. The elder had listened quietly, amazed at not only the fact that Ealdor had been protected but that the prince and the king’s ward had gone with him to fight.</p><p>In the short time that Merlin had been in Camelot, he’d already made quite the impression on Morgana and Arthur, even if the two boys often times found each other to be annoying. And yet despite the victory Merlin had seemed to have other things on his mind, the story he’d told spoken in a somber tone and with barely a hint of pleasure.</p><p>Gaius had tried to get more out of him, to get him to talk about Morgana or Arthur, but Merlin had merely shrugged. He’d known that the prince had left not long after the warlock and his mother had, but the boy had led his father to believe that he was going on an extended hunting trip.</p><p><em>“We wouldn’t have won without Arthur, so I am grateful he was there. That they all were there.”</em> Merlin had finally stated upon the man’s pestering, but he’d promptly turned away and headed for his room.</p><p>The physician was no fool, he knew that something was going on with the boy, something he was reluctant to share with his guardian, but Merlin had waved off his concerns and flashed him a smile. <em>“I’m just tired, Gaius. Give me the evening to rest and I’ll tell you more tomorrow.”</em> Then his door had been closed and the man had been left in the silence of his workshop.</p><p>Carefully straining the steaming contents of the pot, sweat gathered along the man’s brow as he began to combine the mixture with a few of the crushed leaves he had prepared earlier.</p><p>Gaius hadn’t been too surprised when the warlock had failed in rising for work that morning, from what he’d heard from one of the guards retrieving a potion, all four of them had been weary from their travels. But as the morning progressed the physician was concerned that the boy had yet to come out even for food or water. He had not eaten anything since returning and had failed to mention when he’d last eaten before that.</p><p>Clearing a small space on his table between a stack of tomes and the cooling mixture, Gaius prepared a small meal for the boy before allowing his resolve to break, walking towards the boy’s door and pushing it open to peer inside.</p><p>He knew Merlin was exhausted, that running about all day between the chores Arthur gave him and the errands for the physician left him little time for other things, but the state of his room never ceased to amaze him. He kept Arthur’s chambers clean; often times muttering about how careless the prince was when leaving his things just lying about. And yet when it came to his own room he seemed incapable of actually cleaning a single thing.</p><p>Dishes lay about on the dresser and near his bed and clothes were strewn about along the corners of his room. His pack and clothes from the trip were spread in the middle of the floor, and even the floorboard that Merlin kept the magical book Gaius had given him was half pried up as if thrown back in a careless haze.</p><p>“Merlin?” The man called out, stepping into the room and around the items as he frowned at the floor. Perhaps he should encourage better habits in the boy, though he was unsure of where to even start. “I know you’re tired but to sleep the day away in such a manner is a poor way to spend a precious day off.” The elder chided, still looking over the mess as he waited for a response that never came. “You ought to at least get up and eat something, I can’t imagine you’re not hungry.”</p><p>“I’m not really.” A muffled voice came from the warlock as he shifted on the bed, the blanket pulling up higher with his back facing the man.</p><p>The response was an uncommon one from the boy as Gaius’ brows knit together in question, taking a step closer to his ward. “Merlin? Is something the matter?” He asked as the warlock’s head pressed into the pillow.</p><p>“No, I’m fine. I’ll eat later.” His voice was heavy when he spoke, the words catching as the physician neared the bed and stared down at the boy.</p><p>“Merlin, sit up.” He instructed, watching the warlock’s form tense as he remained where he was. There was no doubt in the physician’s mind that something was wrong, the night before had been more than enough to lay the beginnings of concern, but the boy was acting far too out of character for his liking. Had he been injured while away? Or had this something to do with whatever he’d been keeping from the man?</p><p>“Merlin.” He spoke again, a stern tone woven through the warlock’s name as the boy finally shifted reluctantly, his movements slow and dragging as he sat up and turned around. Where lively blue eyes normally greeted him was instead a dulled, glassy gaze and red rimmed, swollen eyes. He looked as though he hadn’t slept much of the night, his body slouched as he drew his legs towards his chest and ducked his head, refusing to look the physician in the eye.</p><p>“Merlin, what’s happened?” He asked softly, setting himself at the foot of the boy’s bed as Merlin folded his arms on top of his knees and stared down at them in silence. When a few seconds passed without a response the elder turned towards him and offered a small smile. “Missing your mother so soon?” He probed gently as a weak breath shuddered out of the boy.</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>“I can see very well that it’s not nothing, Merlin.”</p><p>“Really, Gaius, it’s nothing.” He stated, glancing up and flashing him another weak smile that only served to worry the man.</p><p>“Tell me.” The two words he spoke had the boy’s poor facade slipping as he dropped his head and barely shook it.</p><p>“There’s no point. Talking won’t change anything.” He mumbled, his hands tightening into fists as a weight settled over the physician.</p><p>“What won’t it change?” He pressed as the warlock fell silent again. Reaching a hand out and placing it on his arm, Gaius tilted his head towards the boy. “Merlin?”</p><p>“The fact that Will is dead.” The words were short and cracked, the boy’s chest heaving as he drew in a shallow breath.</p><p>“I’ve not heard you mention him before.” He said slowly, meeting pained blue eyes as they lifted to look at him.</p><p>“He was my friend. We were friends for years, and..” Trailing off, the boy turned his head to the side and blinked quickly. “He knew of my magic.”</p><p>“He knew?” Gaius stared as Merlin nodded once.</p><p>“I was being careless one day, I didn’t even know he was there. I just wanted to practice out in the woods and he’d followed me.” He murmured, his arms drawing away and tucking in closer to his chest. “He saw me, but he never said a word, never told a soul. We hid it for a while, but we were playing around one day and a tree fell and nearly crushed one of the farmers.” A small laugh followed the tale, his shoulders shaking at the movement. “But after that we had to tell my mother and she was worried. Will never would have told anyone, but she didn’t want to take the chance. That’s why..”</p><p>“Why she sent you here.” He finished for him as Merlin glanced up, tears gathering in his eyes.</p><p>“He was my best friend. And then I left, and Kanen ruined the village.”</p><p>“You couldn’t have predicted that would happen.”</p><p>“I should’ve.” Merlin scoffed, his hands lifting and running raggedly down his face. “If I hadn’t have left then it never would’ve been so bad. I wouldn’t have let it get that way and Will he.. he wouldn’t..”</p><p>“Merlin-“</p><p>“He wanted me to tell Arthur.” A shuddering breath rattled out as he leaned forwards, his head lowering towards his knees. “He kept saying that I could fix it all if I’d just use my magic.”</p><p>“Did he know what Arthur would do if he discovered you? Your secret?” Gaius asked as the boy paused, his lips pressing together tightly.</p><p>“I.. I don’t think he understood, not really. I think he was angry. Angry I went away, angry I wouldn’t stop the deaths. Angry that I left him. And I don’t blame him, I should’ve been there to stop it. It never should’ve happened in the first place.”</p><p>“Merlin, you cannot blame yourself.”</p><p>“Then who is to blame?” He demanded, lifting his head and staring at the man with such a broken expression it made the physician ache to see it. “We fought them off, we protected Ealdor, but Kanen tried to shoot Arthur and Will he pushed him out of the way.” His words faded near the end, his eyes closing tightly as a short, mirthless laugh left him.</p><p>“He hated Arthur from the second he stepped foot in the village. He thought he was just another royal who didn’t care about anyone else, who would rather throw others into the fire than fight himself. But he still pushed him out of the way. He still.. he still took the blame..”</p><p>“Took the blame?” Gaius repeated as a look of guilt shifted onto the warlock’s face. “Merlin, what did you do?” He asked as the boy ran his fingers over his eyes, his voice hitching as he recalled the events.</p><p>“It was getting bad, Gaius. There were too many of them and the people, none of them knew how to fight. Not well enough to make a difference. We were standing near the field watching everything we’d worked for break apart, Will and I, and I.. I..”</p><p>“You used your magic.” Gaius finished as Merlin nodded.</p><p>“And Arthur saw.”</p><p>“He saw you use magic?” The physician’s eyes went wide as Merlin’s hand lowered from his face.</p><p>“He knew one of us had done it, we were standing side by side when I.. And I-I was going to tell him the truth, I was going to.. But then Will was shot and.. and he lied. He told Arthur that he was the sorcerer, that he’d been the one to gain the upper hand over the bandits.” Merlin was speaking faster, the words pouring out of him as his fingers curled into the blanket beside him.</p><p>“He lied so that my destiny would stay on track, and I couldn’t do anything for him. He was in pain and scared and <em>dying</em> and there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t use my magic to save him I couldn’t even help to ease his pain he was-“</p><p>“Merlin-“</p><p>“What’s the point of having magic if I can’t use it to help the people I care about?” Tears had begun to track down the boy’s face while he spoke, his head shaking back and forth. “What’s the point if I can’t use it for anything worthwhile? I left him, I left my home, and people <em>died</em>. I should’ve been there or I should have acted sooner. If I’d listened to him, if I’d have just used my magic-“</p><p>“If you’d used your magic and Arthur had seen <em>you</em> were the sorcerer, then everything you’ve done to this point would be thrown aside.” Gaius spoke carefully, holding his ward’s gaze. “Merlin, you have a great destiny ahead of you, one that is directly connected to Arthur himself. The prince is a good man, and he cares a great deal for you to have followed you despite knowing the trouble that might have arisen with Uther had he known the truth. But Arthur is still unsure of magic. Had you shown your gift, you may have faced more trouble than you know.”</p><p>Looking away, Merlin quickly wiped a hand across his face as he bobbed his head. “I know.. I know. It doesn’t matter anyway.”</p><p>“It does matter.”</p><p>“No, it <em>doesn’t</em>.” He said sharply. “Nothing I say or do will bring Will back or change what has happened. I just.. I need to accept that and move on. I’ll be fine. I am fine.”</p><p>Gaius stared at Merlin in shock, silence lapsing over them as the boy stared at the floor. How had he convinced himself that it didn’t matter? That grieving over the loss of his friend was something wrong? A piece of the physician ached at the thought, at wondering if this was the first time he’d lost someone of importance.</p><p>“Merlin.” He broke the silence as the boy tensed. “Merlin, look at me.” Blinking a couple of times, blue hues flickered up to the man who felt his heart break for the boy. “You’re allowed to grieve for the loss of your friend.” He began, staring intently at him. “You’ve lost someone you held close, someone that you trusted and feel as though you’ve failed. That pain isn’t something that you can just brush away and wait for it to fade.”</p><p>Another tear began to track down his cheek and Merlin quickly brushed it away, averting his gaze once more as the physician continued. “It’s difficult, and it hurts, but he’s not entirely gone. He lives on in the memories that you two shared.”</p><p>Smiling kindly, Gaius watched as his eyes shut tightly, his chest heaving as he fought against his cries. “You said he knew of your magic?” He asked as Merlin nodded in a jerking manner, a hand rubbing beneath his nose while a hitched breath slipped out.</p><p>“It seems as though he was a good friend, loyal and trusting. Someone that you no doubt enjoyed your days with growing up.” He went on, smiling a bit more when the boy opened his eyes and stared at his guardian. “What he did for you, Merlin, what he did for Arthur? That just shows how much he cared for you. He protected you, and he was a true friend who died a noble death.”</p><p>Choking back a sob, a shaking hand covered his face as Gaius reached forwards, a hand resting comfortingly on the boy’s shoulder as his body shook, cries finally breaking free as the physician moved closer.</p><p>“You’ve not rested at all, have you?” He asked as Merlin shook his head.</p><p>“I can’t. Every time I close my eyes I see him there, Gaius. He was in so much pain, and he was so <em>scared</em> and I couldn’t do anything for him. Not a thing. And I keep.. I keep seeing him there, over and over. He protected me and Arthur and all I did was fail him when it mattered.”</p><p>“Now stop that.” The man uttered firmly, his hand shifting to the side of the boy’s head. “Even the most powerful of sorcerer’s have a difficult time with healing spells. But one to save another’s life, Merlin, you’re still learning. No one expects such things from you yet, and I’m <em>certain</em> that your friend did not either. He knew what he was doing when he pushed Arthur aside, when he admitted to using magic instead of you. He obviously did not blame you and he would not want you to blame yourself.”</p><p>The warlock didn’t respond, though he had stopped trying to hold back as he sunk against Gaius’s touch. Time passed in relative silence, broken only by a few murmured words by the physician or the muffled sobs of his ward. He hated to see him suffer through such a thing, though there was no avoiding it.</p><p>When the boy had begun to calm and he finally lifted his head again, his face was streaked in tears and his eyes were bloodshot. A look of embarrassment flashed across his face as he wiped at his cheeks and murmured a soft apology.</p><p>“Don’t apologize for your grief, Merlin.” The man stated, moving his hand away and settling it on his arm as tired blue hues looked up at him. “I wish I could tell you that this gets easier, that you won’t be forced to deal with these things again. But death, be it unfair or too soon, is a part of life. People you love will leave, even if you wish they would stay.”</p><p>Smiling sadly, Gaius squeezed his arm as the warlock sucked in a short, hiccupping breath. “Don’t push it aside, don’t force yourself to not feel that grief. Feel for them, miss them, but most of all remember them. Remember the good things, the great things, and let that be a comfort to you. We cannot live forever in this world, but keep those you hold close in your heart, and they’ll live forever to you.”</p><p>Receiving the smallest of nods in response, Gaius patted his arm and rose, leaving the boy to collect himself as he ventured into the other room. Retrieving a cup of water and searching through the vials he’d left out, the physician grabbed ahold of a purple tinted one and walked back into the boy’s room.</p><p>Merlin had shifted in his absence, his back propped against the wall and his eyes staring blearily across the room as he huddled in on himself, exhaustion weighing on his slight frame.</p><p>“If I hadn’t left.. do you think anything would have changed?” Merlin asked softly as Gaius approached him, the cup of water extending out to the boy who took it wearily.</p><p>“Your magic has improved greatly since being in Camelot.” The physician spoke slowly, the vial he held twisting round in his hand as the boy drank from the cup. “I don’t honestly know what might have happened, but I believe that what you’ve learned and done by being here is what led to your victory in your village.”</p><p>“Yeah..” He murmured, setting the empty cup off to the side as Gaius offered the vial out to him. “I can’t.” Merlin shook his head, a glimpse of hesitation striking him.</p><p>“You must try and rest, Arthur is unlikely to grant you another day off.”</p><p>“If I do I’ll dream and.. I can’t.”</p><p>Smiling a bit, Gaius placed the vial against his hand and caught the uncertainty in the boy’s face. “Perhaps they will be good dreams.”</p><p>The resolve the warlock had had faded quickly, the vial taken from the elder’s hand as he pulled the cork out and drank the contents. Dropping his head and staring at the empty bottle, Gaius began to reach for it when the door to his chambers opened.</p><p>“Hello?” A voice called out. “Gaius?”</p><p>Frowning to himself, the physician glanced to his ward who continued to stare at his hands, his fingers running over the indentions of the vial as he attempted to keep himself awake.</p><p>“I’ll be right there!” He called, hesitating a moment before he was reluctantly leaving the boy and making his way into the other room. Waiting near one of his tables was a tall man half dressed in the armor the guards wore. A sword hung by his side, and as the physician entered the room he was greeted with a wide smile.</p><p>“Sorry to bother you, but you told me to stop by for that salve for my wife?” He reminded him as he took a step nearer, curiosity evident on his face as he looked around the room.</p><p>“Oh, yes, of course.” Gaius nodded, glancing about the room for the jar he’d purposely left out the night before. “How is Mira doing?”</p><p>“Better! Though she feels awfully foolish, such a silly mistake. I’m grateful for your help, she was worried about missing too much work due to it.” The guard rambled on as Gaius searched around, finally locating the small jar and presenting it to the young man.</p><p>“There you are. That should help her immensely.”</p><p>“Thank you.” The man nodded his head towards him, holding the salve close as he took his leave and left the physician alone in his chambers once more.</p><p>He’d need to do his rounds before it got much later, but he found himself drifting back towards the room where the boy remained. Pausing in the doorway, Gaius stopped at seeing the sleeping draught had finally won out against the stubborn boy, his body stretched across his bed and a peaceful expression across his face.</p><p>Walking inside and once more avoiding the various items strewn about, Gaius drew the blanket up over his ward and removed the vial that lay in his partially opened palm. Reaching out, the elder’s hand rested gently in the boy’s mess of hair while he sighed quietly.</p><p>In so many ways Merlin had matured and grown, taking on responsibilities regarding Arthur’s safety and his duties as his manservant. And yet in so many others he often forgot that he was just a boy still learning from day to day. His magic had such a long way to go and there were things in his life he’d yet to experience.</p><p>The young warlock had so much weighing on his shoulders, so much that he was meant to do and it wouldn’t get any easier for him as time went on, in fact Gaius was sure it would only get harder. But he would stay with him, he would do what he could and be there when he was needed.</p><p>Merlin was the son that he’d never had, a blessing that had made his life hectic and chaotic beyond belief, but had also brought him so much joy. He only prayed the boy would hold onto the words that he’d said, that he would take some solace in what he could offer. There wasn’t much Gaius could do on his path in life, but he’d be there every step of the way that Merlin wanted him to be, no matter what came his way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>I have so many unresolved feelings about episode ten??? Like?? Will died, right, and Merlin wasn’t really given a chance to grieve that we saw. I mean this is pretty much the first person that Merlin lost and they’d been best friends? Not to mention aside from his mother Will was like the first person to ever know about his magic? Plus the way they acted and talked leads you to believe that they were childhood friends so they’d known each other for years? Yeah, Will was bitter about Merlin hiding his magic but he also protected him? He protected Arthur? He made sure that Merlin’s destiny stayed on track? I dunno guys, I just have SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.</p><p>Also you KNOW Merlin wasn’t able to hide it from Gaius because after that kind of thing and leaving his mother again and all that stuff and not really getting to mourn his best freaking friend, you KNOW Gaius was there with the perfect fatherly advice for his boy and agh don’t touch me I’m SAD. Writing this one actually made me sad beyond belief. I cried while writing and editing it. So many tears.</p><p>Anyway. I hope you guys enjoyed and I’m sorry for my rant. Leave me a comment if you want, I love them with all my heart and soul!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Burned</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dragging the tip of his finger down the rows of text, Merlin propped his elbow against the table he sat at and slumped into his hand while blinking sluggishly at the book before him. As his eyes skirted across the same paragraph for the third time, the warlock dropped his head onto the open pages and sighed long and loud.</p>
<p>The noise echoed throughout the empty room, the absence of the physician one that the boy was almost unfamiliar with. It was rare that whenever Merlin was in the man’s workshop that Gaius himself wasn’t present. Of course most of the boy’s time was spent with Arthur, or doing something for Arthur, or worrying about what he’d be subjected to next by Arthur. So really, a bit of time alone was nice, if only he’d been granted the opportunity to enjoy it how he wanted.</p>
<p>Glancing reproachfully towards the brewing potions beside him, Merlin lifted his head and shifted on the stool. Gaius had been incredibly specific when explaining the process, one that the warlock was truthfully interested in, although he could have gone without the reiterations of importance. So he sat, watching and waiting for the slow boiling concoctions to be finished as he tried to keep himself busy with the numerous books Gaius had.</p>
<p>Closing the cover of the tome he’d entirely lost interest in, Merlin shoved it aside and pulled a different one closer, flipping through the pages halfheartedly. The physician was meant to be back ages ago, and while the boy didn’t mind keeping an eye on things, he was <em>bored</em>.</p>
<p>Tapping a finger against his temple as his cheek pressed back into his palm, the warlock’s eyes drifted over the sketched out images of various magical creatures spread throughout. Detailed descriptions and observations were written beside each one, and Merlin found himself suddenly searching for a particular beast.</p>
<p>Page after page he flipped, becoming more involved in the book with each one until a sudden knock on the door startled the boy from his trance, his body knocking against the table as a small stack of parchment scattered across it while blue eyes flew towards the opening door.</p>
<p>“Gaius?” Morgana called out, her fingers wrapping around the edge of the door as she stepped inside and looked around, soft green hues landing on the boy as he slammed the book shut and stood, jostling the table again as he did. “Oh, Merlin, is Gaius here?” She asked, the door falling closed behind her as the warlock shook his head.</p>
<p>“No, he’s off doing his rounds. Can I help with something?” He offered, taking a step towards her as a faint smile began to curve upwards on her face.</p>
<p>“Thank you, but no. Gaius asked to see me, but I must be early.”</p>
<p>“He’s just late. He was meant to be back a while ago.” Merlin shrugged as Morgana turned towards him, her dress moving around her ankles as she tilted her head a fraction.</p>
<p>“Uhm, Merlin, you’ve got something on fire.” She pointed behind him as the boy glanced over his shoulder before doing a double take, his eyes widening at the sight of a piece of parchment half in the flames of the brewing potion he was meant to be watching. The fire ate through the page rapidly and grew as it made its way onto the table and towards the books that Merlin had shoved away earlier.</p>
<p>“No!” He yelped, lunging forwards and tugging one of the tomes towards him. In a flurry of movement Merlin dropped the first of the books on a stool and reached for the next, the fire barely an inch away as the boy slammed his hand down on it without thinking. A soft hiss shot out of him as he batted the flames away and shoved the last book aside and to safety before wrenching back from the table.</p>
<p>“Here.” Morgana spoke from behind him, holding out a pitcher that he quickly took. Throwing the water across the end of the table, the flames died out immediately, thin streams of smoke curling into the air from the charred pieces of parchment and half a folded piece of cloth that had been in the fire’s path.</p>
<p>Heaving out his next breath, the pitcher lowered to the warlock’s side as he glanced towards the books in relief before he heard a laugh erupt from the girl beside him. Turning, Merlin found Morgana with a hand covering her mouth and her eyes wide while her shoulders trembled from the failing effort of concealing her laughter.</p>
<p>“You’re a lot like Gaius, aren’t you?” She finally managed to get out, her hand falling to her side as Merlin’s brows drew together in confusion.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Do you often start fires like this?” She teased as Merlin cracked a sheepish smile.</p>
<p>“I’m really not sure how that happened.” He shrugged, drawing his hands up at the sharp pain that spiked through his palm.</p>
<p>“At least you saved Gaius’ books, he’ll be relieved they’re safe I’m sure.” Morgana remarked as the warlock shuddered and turned away, beginning to gather the books together.</p>
<p>“I think he would’ve put me in the stocks himself if anything had happened to them.”</p>
<p>“He sounds almost as bad as Geoffrey.”</p>
<p>“I think he might be worse.” Merlin rolled his eyes, carefully stacking them against his arm while curling his fingers in on his left hand. “Once when he was having me research something, I accidently crumpled one of the pages and the look he gave me would’ve been enough to scare off one of the knights.” He continued, carrying the stack to one of the other tables and dropping them down on a chair. “He does this thing with his eyebrows and honestly, it can be terrifying.”</p>
<p>At the sound of Morgana’s returning laughter, Merlin found himself smiling wider. “Well, he takes great pride in his books.” She stated once the amusement had subsided. “Although the mess to spare his things is rather large.”</p>
<p>Glancing over at the sopping table, the warlock grimaced. “Probably shouldn’t have just thrown the whole thing over it all.” He mumbled with a frown.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“What?” Turning back to the woman, concerned green eyes had settled on where his hands were drawn near his chest, one cupping over the other without him having realized he’d done it.</p>
<p>“Your hand, it looks like you’ve burned it.” Twisting his wrist, a bright patch of red skin stretched along the side of his hand and partially into his palm, the injury a side effect of his desperate attempt to keep the flames from reaching the books.</p>
<p>“Oh, right. I’m fine, it’s not that bad.” He shrugged, lowering his hands and watching as a small frown took the place of the smile she wore.</p>
<p>Before he could even blink Morgana walked up to him and extended her hand out. “Let me see.”</p>
<p>“Really, I’m alright.” He said quickly, keeping his hands by his sides as she stared him down.</p>
<p>“Merlin, I know you, remember? Let me see.” Biting back another objection, the warlock relented and lifted his hand, holding it out to her as she took it in her own and gentle fingers brushed over the sensitive skin. “You’re always getting yourself into trouble, aren’t you?” Morgana shook her head at him as his heart began to beat faster.</p>
<p>“Usually only at Arthur’s hand.” He murmured back with a weak laugh.</p>
<p>“Does Gaius have any salve for burns lying around?”</p>
<p>“Somewhere, but really, I’m alright.” He persisted, beginning to draw his hand anyway as her fingers curled in, the edge of her nail catching the side of the burn. Merlin grimaced before he could stop himself, the pain flaring through him as Morgana shot him a pointed stare.</p>
<p>“Over on the shelf, then?”</p>
<p>“Morgana-“</p>
<p>“I’ve got to wait for Gaius anyway, I might as well be of some help.” She stated firmly before turning and marching over to one of the shelves where the physician had stored a myriad of remedies.</p>
<p>Standing still and staring at her back as she looked throughout the various vials and jars, Merlin forced himself to swallow and shift his gaze back to where the water was gathered in puddles on the table and had begun to drip slowly to the floor.</p>
<p>Determined to keep his thoughts from running amok, the warlock busied himself with trying to tidy what he’d made a mess of, pulling the partially cooled mixture off its drenched stand and setting it carefully off to the side while gathering together the charred pieces of parchment.</p>
<p>“Here, sit down.” Morgana spoke behind him, blue hues flickering up from his work as she gestured towards one of the stools. “Arguing isn’t going to work, I can see it on your face.” The words were uttered with the hint of a smile as the boy obliged, sitting himself in front of her as she sat a small jar and a dish of water on the driest part of the worktable.</p>
<p>“You really don’t need to do this.” Merlin tried again as she pulled a cloth from the dish and began to wring some of the water from it.</p>
<p>“I know I don’t.” Staring at him patiently, the warlock surrendered his hand as she rested it in one of hers, the other placing the cool fabric over the burn. It was painful at first, the feel of the rough cloth making his body tense before the water eased over the irritated skin and Merlin was sagging at the relief.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have expected you to know how to treat a burn.”</p>
<p>“Well,” She began, one shoulder jerking upwards in a half shrug. “I know a lot more than most might expect from me.”</p>
<p>An image of the woman fighting in Ealdor flitted through the boy’s thoughts, the way she carried herself and the sword burned into his mind as he looked away, his heartrate picking up again.</p>
<p>“I know we haven’t had much of a chance to speak since but.. how are you doing?” Her question was hesitant, appearing out of thin air as the boy dared to look up and found sympathetic eyes focused on him.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He said quickly, forcing a smile to widen across his face. “Aside from dealing with Arthur.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant.” Morgana shook her head, though she smiled faintly at the quip.</p>
<p>“I know.” He murmured, his expression falling. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t really want to even think about it. He’d spent enough time dwelling and he’d decided to focus on other things. Gaius had been kind, had supported him when he’d needed it most, but it was time to move on. Time to let the memory of Will rest and try to get on with life as usual.</p>
<p>“It’s barely been a week and, well, I know what it’s like to have someone important to you taken so suddenly.” Morgana continued, her eyes on his hand as she pulled the cloth away and opened the jar of salve.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, really.” He repeated, though the words were quiet as their eyes met for a moment and an understanding fell over the girl.</p>
<p>Clearing her throat and dipping her fingers into the jar, she looked away. “You know, I never told you, but your mother was wonderfully kind.” She declared, twisting his hand and spreading the salve carefully over the skin.</p>
<p>“She’s something special.” He admitted, smiling a bit at the mention of her.</p>
<p>“Sort of like you.” Looking up, sincere green eyes watched him as her words struck the boy dumb. “You’ve changed Arthur.”</p>
<p>“I highly doubt that.” Merlin scoffed as she pulled her hands away and wiped them against the rag.</p>
<p>“You really have. I’ve never seen him take a liking to someone as quickly as he has with you, let alone a servant.”</p>
<p>Beginning to retract his hand Morgana’s shot out and stopped him, her fingers curling against his wrist as she drew a roll of bandages closer. “If anything I’ve merely given him the opportunity to focus all of his energy on tormenting one person.”</p>
<p>He said that, but did he truly believe it? After all, he’d helped him when he was poisoned. And when he’d kept Sir Silas from hurting him further. Not to mention the fact that he’d shown up in the middle of the night to help him fight for his village.</p>
<p>“Well I think he considers you a friend, just as I do.” She stated with a widening smile, wrapping the bandage around his palm gently before securing it and resting her hands in her lap. “And unlike Arthur, I’m not too proud to admit it.”</p>
<p>Unsure of what to say to the king’s ward, Merlin drew his hand close and smiled faintly. “Thank you, Morgana.”</p>
<p>“Gwen cares for you too, you know.” She stated, rising from her seat and flashing him a teasing smile before she began to gather the supplies she’d used. “She’s quite fond of you I think.”</p>
<p>Blinking at her back, Merlin’s fingers drifted lightly over the bandages covering the burn. “I’m grateful for her help, for the help that you all gave me.” He spoke earnestly, his eyes trailing after her as she walked across the room to return the salve to its original place.</p>
<p>Morgana was so different from what anyone would expect. She could fight, she was brilliant, and she cared about people no matter where they came from. She’d risked everything in helping that druid boy, and then she’d gone along with him to help in defending his home. He couldn’t help but wonder what she might become, too. If she did have magic, if her dreams were more than just nightmares, would she become someone he could trust? Someone who wouldn’t wish to see him dead for what he was able to do?</p>
<p>The boy’s mind was lost in thought when the door to the chambers opened again, this time giving way to the physician who strode in wearily. “You’re back.” Merlin spoke, his eyes darting towards Morgana who peered over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Very observant, Merlin.” The man uttered as he smiled for the woman walking towards him. “Morgana, my dear, I’m sorry.” He apologized, catching her arms and leaning in to kiss her cheek. “I’m afraid I was caught up with a patient. You weren’t waiting long, were you?”</p>
<p>“Not very.” She smiled, dark hair falling against her face as she shook her head. “Merlin kept me company.”</p>
<p>The elder’s eyes cut towards his ward as the warlock placed his hands in his lap and fought back a grin at the expression the man wore.</p>
<p>“I’d wanted to discuss your dreams,” He spoke slowly, looking back to the girl. “But I’m afraid I took far longer than I’d planned and you have dinner with the king soon, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Is it really so late already?” She asked, shock spreading over her face while the physician nodded.</p>
<p>“Here.” Reaching around to the table beside her, Gaius retrieved a small vial and placed it in her hands. “Take this, and we’ll find another time to sit down and discuss things, alright?”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Wrapping her fingers tightly around the glass, Morgana started towards the door as her eye caught the warlock’s. “Goodbye, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Bye.” He grinned finally, watching her leave as the door fell shut and her footsteps echoed down the staircase. His smile only lasted a moment however, the gaze that burned across the room from him having Merlin shifting on his stool and brows lifting in question towards the elder as he set his bag heavily on the table.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” He asked innocently, hearing another drop of water fall to the floor from the workbench behind him.</p>
<p>“You look as though you’re hiding something, Merlin.” Gaius stated suspiciously, walking nearer to him as the boy leaned back and rested his elbow against the damp surface while leaning his body back in an effort to hide the mess.</p>
<p>“Nothing, nothing at all. You’re probably just over tired, imaging things.”</p>
<p>“Really?” The physician narrowed his gaze at his charge, stopping and glancing down at the stack of books that Merlin had hastily moved and left haphazardly on a chair. Lifting his head and staring at the boy, a single brow arched in question as the warlock began to fidget. “Merlin, I’ve had a long and tiring day. Tell me what you broke, or did, and let’s be on with it.”</p>
<p>Pressing his lips together tightly, the boy drew himself away from the table and offered a sheepish smile. “Why is my bench dripping?” Gaius questioned, cutting his eyes towards the boy while he stood.</p>
<p>“There was just a bit of a problem, but I took care of it and everything is fine.” He assured him, his hands easing behind his back while the elder frowned.</p>
<p>“The table caught on fire, didn’t it?”</p>
<p>“It was an accident.”</p>
<p>“And how did you manage to cause this <em>accident</em> exactly?”</p>
<p>“Well a bit of parchment got caught in the flame and sort of, you know.” Merlin shrugged a bit as the physician whirled back around to look at his tomes.</p>
<p>“Did you damage-“</p>
<p>“No!” The warlock spoke quickly, lifting his hands in a defensive manner as the man turned back to face him. “No, I swear, Gaius, everything is fine. The only damage is some scattered empty pages. Well, that and the list of herbs I was meant to gather tomorrow.” He laughed nervously as the man walked closer to him, an unreadable expression on his face as his hand shot out and caught ahold of the boy’s left wrist, pulling it forwards and twisting it around to see the bandage wrapped over it.</p>
<p>“That’s all that was damaged, you say?”</p>
<p>“Well, I.. it sort of.. I’m fine.” He stuttered out, tugging his hand back while a mixture of annoyance and amazement settled onto his guardian’s face.</p>
<p>“How is it Merlin that whenever I leave you alone you either end up injured or in some sort of mess?”</p>
<p>“I’m talented?” He offered as a frown reappeared.</p>
<p>“Did you at least put some of that salve on it?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s been taken care of.” He nodded, backing away and grabbing a dry cloth to clear the water from the table. When the man failed to respond Merlin dared a glance over his shoulder and found the physician staring expectantly at him. “What?”</p>
<p>“Did Morgana help you?” For a minute the boy had the urge to lie, to laugh and shrug off the question that somehow felt too personal. But in his brief moment of deliberation a smug smile had crept onto Gaius’ face and the warlock could feel his cheeks warming.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she did, yeah.” He finally responded, turning back again and beginning to mop up the water.</p>
<p>“How very kind of her.” The man remarked in a lighter tone as Merlin cleared his throat and nodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she.. it was.”</p>
<p>“Merlin-“</p>
<p>“You know I think I hear Arthur calling for me.” He cut the physician off, turning abruptly with the sudden need to leave and ignore the way his heart was hammering away inside his chest. “I’d better go and see what he wants.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t hear anything.”</p>
<p>“Well you are getting a bit on in years, your hearing isn’t as good as it was.” Striding across the room to the door, the boy was nearly through when the elder called out again.</p>
<p>“Merlin?” Looking over his shoulder, he found Gaius watching him with a faint smile. “Perhaps you should wait to see Arthur until your face no longer resembles that of a beetroot.”</p>
<p>The warlock’s face grew warmer as he turned and slipped through the door. “Bye, Gaius!” He shouted louder than necessary, tugging the door shut behind him before quickly running a hand down his face. He had no idea what the man was talking about; no idea at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>I love the idea of Gaius being fully aware of Merlin’s crush on Morgana and teasing him about it when the opportunities arise. I also just love seeing Morgana be soft. I wish we had more season one moments with the four idiot kids because their (mostly) innocent nature and relationship with each other is so underrated.</p>
<p>I had someone say that I should make a note of which episode the story lies in, so this one currently takes place between episode ten (The Moment of Truth) and episode eleven (The Labyrinth of Gedref) of season one. I started the story a couple of weeks after episode seven (The Gates of Avalon) and it’s gone on since then. I think I’ll be writing one to two stories between each episode, and I’ll normally reference the previous episode in each story too, so hopefully that helps with any confusion!</p>
<p>Hope you guys enjoyed, I needed a cute story after the traumatic one I wrote previously. I would love to hear from you, so drop me a comment! Thanks for reading! ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nosebleed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shield up!” Arthur’s voice barked out, the sound of steel colliding ringing around him as the prince drove towards his servant. “Left! No, Merlin, your <em>other</em> left!” He scolded, his sword striking the boy’s as his servant staggered backwards.</p>
<p>“Arthur-“</p>
<p>“Right!” Another strike jarred the boy and caused him to stumble to the side, the helmet he wore rattling while a ragged breath heaved out of him.</p>
<p>“Arthur, can we stop for a minute?”</p>
<p>“There is no stopping in battle, Merlin. Shield <em>up</em>!” Twisting the sword around in his hand, Arthur struck the boy’s shield that he held pathetically low.</p>
<p>“But this isn’t battle.” His friend complained, his movements sluggish as the prince frowned.</p>
<p>“You’re right, it’s not. If it were you’d be dead already. Now we’ve been over this, keep your shield up!” Stepping closer and striking, Merlin’s sword lifted and blocked the blow. “Right! Come on, Merlin!” His next attack was parried, though the boy’s arm quaked from the effort before he was stepping backwards.</p>
<p>“Arthur, please, I don’t-“</p>
<p>“It’s not that difficult, Merlin.” He interrupted him, ignoring the weariness that clung to his words. “Quit playing defense, try and come at me.” The faintest whimper echoed from his friend, the reluctance clear in his steps as the boy attacked only to have the prince block the blow and easily disarm him. “We’ve been at this for nearly an hour, how is it that you’ve learned nothing?” He snapped, picking up the other’s sword and thrusting it towards him.</p>
<p>“If we could just take a break, perhaps I would do better.” The servant muttered, taking the sword and adjusting his grip on it.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you what,” Arthur began, twisting his sword around again. “If you can manage to land a blow, <em>then</em> you can take a break.” Dropping his head with a sigh, Merlin readied himself once more and lifted his shield. “Come on then, attack!”</p>
<p>Striding towards him, Merlin struck towards his left and feinted, turning and attacking towards the right instead. Arthur was almost impressed by the move, though the boy’s poor footing and failure to keep his shield raised made it easy to counter the attack and knock him back with his own shield. The force was greater than he’d anticipated though, the blow sending his servant sprawling back into the grass and knocking the helmet half off as the sword fell from his grasp.</p>
<p>“You’ve done better, although you ought to learn to keep your sword in your hand.” The prince commented with a smirk, walking forwards and kicking at the boy’s foot with the toe of his boot. The action elicited a groan, Merlin’s hand pulling free from beneath his shield and rising to his head, tugging the helmet away weakly.</p>
<p>“You did that on purpose.” He mumbled, tossing the helmet to the side and squinting at the sudden flood of sunlight that blinded him.</p>
<p>“I did tell you countless times to keep your shield up.” Arthur stated, shaking his head at him as the dark haired boy sat up with a grimace, one hand hiding a portion of his face. “Besides, your head is too thick to have done any damage anyways.” He rolled his eyes at him, taking a step closer and pausing at the sight of blood dotting the front of the boy’s blue tunic.</p>
<p>“Sure about that?” Merlin mumbled, dropping his hand and looking up to reveal a mess of crimson smeared across his face and dribbling down from his nose. Taking a knee beside the servant, Arthur watched while the boy tilted his head forwards and pinched his fingers over his nose. “I get it,” He spoke, his voice taking on a different pitch as blue eyes flickered up to the prince. “This is because I tricked you into eating rat stew, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>Narrowing his eyes, Arthur glanced around them before leaning closer and jabbing a finger towards him. “No one is to know about that, <em>Mer</em>lin.” He snapped, lowering his hand and propping his arm against his knee. “But as a matter of fact, no. You think I want your blood decorating my shield? It’s hardly my fault that you seem incapable of retaining any information.” He muttered while eyeing the boy. “What happened to you picking up on things quickly?”</p>
<p>“Learning to fight is a bit different, Arthur.” He grumbled, his nasally tone almost amusing if not for the blood coating his fingers. “Why don’t you train with the knights? I’m sure they would offer a better fight.”</p>
<p>“This isn’t about training <em>them</em>, Merlin.” Arthur spoke sharply, confusion clouding the boy’s features before his eyes were flickering to something behind the kneeling man.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur?” Turning, Sir Edric stood only a few paces away, curiosity and concern alight on his face while dark eyes moved back and forth between the two of them.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“The men are waiting for you.”</p>
<p>Looking past the knight towards a different part of the field where the men he’d been training had gathered, Arthur’s gaze shifted back to Merlin who had switched hands in pinching his nose, wiping the bloodied one against the grass beside him.</p>
<p>“Take over their training, Sir Edric. You know the drills as well as I.” The blond stated, waving a hand dismissively as the knight lingered, shifting his weight in hesitation.</p>
<p>“Is Merlin alright?” He finally asked, cutting his eyes towards the boy who glanced up and flashed a wide grin, though the streaks of blood that had run down the sides of his mouth made the expression more gruesome than reassuring.</p>
<p>“I’ve just made my debut as his next punching bag.” He declared, his joke widening the smile he wore as Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Obviously you’ve damaged more than your nose if you found that amusing.” He stated dryly while Edric lowered his head, the faintest trace of a smile fighting to appear.</p>
<p>“I’ll start the men on their drills.” The man spoke, casting a final look between the two before he turned and made his way back across the field.</p>
<p>“Why aren’t you training them?” Merlin asked once the knight was beyond earshot.</p>
<p>“Sir Edric is more than capable of taking over their training.”</p>
<p>“I know that, but there’s not a tournament about to happen is there? Normally you only put me through this when you need to train by yourself.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need to explain my actions to you, <em>Mer</em>lin.” Arthur snapped as the boy’s eyes widened in surprise before falling away in silence. Staring at the servant in irritation that was directed more towards himself than the other, the prince ground his teeth. “You need to learn to defend yourself.” He finally huffed, confusion infiltrating bright blue eyes that lifted to meet his again.</p>
<p>“I already know how to fight.”</p>
<p>“Really?” The blond scoffed. “You nearly took my head off on our way to Ealdor.”</p>
<p>“You were sneaking around our camp in the middle of the night; I thought you were a bandit.” He grumbled quietly while the prince glared.</p>
<p>“And if I were you would’ve been dead in seconds, which is exactly why you need to learn to at least use a sword and shield to defend yourself.” When no response countered his, Arthur sighed and rubbed at his eyes. Why didn’t he seem to get it? Did he care so little for his own wellbeing or did he honestly just not think about protecting himself?</p>
<p>He wasn’t always going to be around to keep him out of trouble, yet the boy constantly placed himself there. Arthur dreaded to even think what might have happened had he not followed behind them when he’d gone off to fight for his village. Though that wasn’t the only situation he’d managed to get himself into.</p>
<p>Between the Afanc and that poison he’d intercepted, not to mention the way he’d blatantly ignored him and gone through the labyrinth, the boy was bound to get himself killed if he kept it up. He was incredibly loyal while also being incredibly stupid. He’d never met someone with such a lack of self-preservation before. Nor had he met someone so willing to risk everything in an effort to aid him.</p>
<p>Blinking away the thoughts, Arthur opened his mouth to speak when Merlin leaned over, blood spitting out of his mouth and into the grass in distaste as the prince sighed again. He was a lost cause wasn’t he?</p>
<p>“What exactly do I need to protect myself from?” Merlin’s voice sounded as he sat back up and drew his hand away from his nose, though his voice still sounded as though it were clogged. “I don’t expect any more bandits to threaten my village. Not for a while at least.”</p>
<p>“You can’t predict what will happen, Merlin. Especially when you never listen to anyone.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” He asked, furrowing his brows while wiping his fingers beneath his nose to clean some of the blood.</p>
<p>“You don’t even think about things before you do them, do you?” The man scoffed as his fingers clenched into a fist over his knee.</p>
<p>“Is this.. is this about the labyrinth?” The boy questioned slowly, his sleeve catching the blood that had dripped down his chin. “Because, if it is, remember that we were both meant to be there for you to pass.”</p>
<p>“Even though I specifically told you to stay put?” Arthur demanded, irritation rising as he stared hard at the servant beside him. “You put yourself in danger for no reason, and you never did tell me why exactly you followed me out there while disobeying me.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want you to face whatever it was alone.” Merlin stated simply, his own gaze firm on the prince.</p>
<p>“You know Merlin, I’m beginning to believe that you have some sort of ridiculous death wish.”</p>
<p>“Well, if it gets me out of being bludgeoned during training.” He retorted, his lips quirking upwards into another small grin.</p>
<p>“Next time do as I say and keep your shield up.” The blond muttered, pushing himself up and stretching a hand down towards the boy. “You’re still bleeding, Gaius should look it over.”</p>
<p>With his usual controlled mask falling into place and the boy’s smile fading, Merlin took his hand and let the man tug him up. As he stood, a fresh streak of crimson trickled down from the servant’s nose and Merlin quickly pinched the skin once more.</p>
<p>A piece of the prince considered returning to the field and leaving the boy to find his own way back to the physician’s chambers, but as Merlin started trekking his way there Arthur found himself following. With their gear abandoned and the servant walking in silence beside him with blood staining his hands and chin, the man wondered if he’d taken things too far.</p>
<p>He’d appreciated the fact that Merlin had followed him, that he’d been there when he’d thought he was going to die, and he’d been amazed at the fact that Merlin was planning to trade his life for the prince’s without more than a second thought. He’d never had a servant so willing to do such a thing, let alone someone he might call a friend. But it had also shown him just how reckless the boy was.</p>
<p>Loyalty was something he admired, and while it was common for a life to be traded for royalty something about that practice sat unwell with him, even more so when it regarded his manservant. Had he really expected to be able to teach Merlin, though?</p>
<p>He’d seen him use a sword, and he certainly knew how uncoordinated the boy was. Frankly he was lucky that he hadn’t cut his own hand off during their practice. But it irritated him nonetheless knowing that even the simplest form of protecting himself was lost on the idiot.</p>
<p>Climbing the stairwell towards Gaius’ chambers, Merlin shoved open the door and glanced around. “Gaius?” He called, the same nasally voice echoing throughout an empty room as the boy sighed. “So much for that idea.”</p>
<p>“Here.” Swiping a folded towel off a stack of linens, Arthur threw it towards the servant who fumbled in catching it, only reinforcing the frustration the prince felt towards his obvious lack of skills.</p>
<p>Sitting down at one of the work tables and using the edge of the fabric to clean his free hand, Merlin leaned his head forwards and propped his elbow against his knee. “You know I’m not going to get the hang of that whole thing, don’t you?” He questioned, keeping a firm gaze on the floor while the prince leaned back against a wall and folded his arms across his chest.</p>
<p>“If you put in some effort you might.” The blond uttered, staring down at the dark haired boy as he shifted awkwardly where he sat.</p>
<p>“Is it necessary that I do?” Blue hues lifted to stare up at him and Arthur’s jaw locked, anger surging through him.</p>
<p>“You’re hopeless.” He muttered, pushing away from the wall suddenly and striding for the door. If Merlin didn’t want to bother then why should he? If he was idiotic enough to go with him when he wasn’t needed than his own safety was in his own hands.</p>
<p>Yanking open the door Arthur nearly stumbled into Gaius, the elder lifting his head from his bag and staring at the prince in shock.</p>
<p>“Arthur.”</p>
<p>“Gaius.” He nodded, keeping a hand on the door and backing away to allow the man to enter.</p>
<p>“Are you alright? What are you doing here?” He questioned, looking the man up and down in worry as Arthur frowned, nodding his head in the direction of his servant who had developed a rather sheepish expression.</p>
<p>“What have you gone and done now?” Gaius sighed heavily, setting his bag down and walking closer as the prince lingered near the opened door.</p>
<p>“Training accident.” The boy explained as the physician lowered his hand and winced in sympathy at the bloody mess.</p>
<p>“Training accident?” He repeated, casting a look towards the blond whose own gaze shifted away. This wasn’t the first time he’d caused someone to end up in the elder’s care, the prince was known for his heavy hand in fighting, but it was the first time he’d done so to the man’s ward.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t meant for battle.” Merlin commented with a strained smile, his eyes flickering briefly towards Arthur before back to his guardian while the physician carefully probed the injured area.</p>
<p>“Nothing is broken, you’re lucky. Keep a firm hand there until I say.” He instructed, patting the boy’s arm and moving away to rummage about in his vials.</p>
<p>Turning to leave once more, the boy behind him spoke and caused the prince to pause. “I’ll return to the field when this is under control.” He stated, and as blue eyes met blue, there was a determined look set in Merlin’s. He would return to the training, so long as that was what the prince wanted. And oh, if that wasn’t so Merlin.</p>
<p>Releasing a slow breath as his irritation faded, Arthur nodded. “Good. You need to clean your blood from my shield.” The boy grimaced at that, only to have the prince continue. “And you’ll need to polish my armor and clean my weapons as well.” The determination shifted to confusion before settling onto understanding as the smallest smile pulled at one side of the servant’s lips.</p>
<p>Turning his back to him, Arthur stepped through the doorway. There was no point in forcing the boy to continue practicing, not when it was so painfully clear he wasn’t learning anything and it seemed to be causing more harm than good.</p>
<p>“Of course, Sire.” Merlin called after him, the nasally voice finally drawing out a smile that no one could claim he actually wore as the blond pulled the door shut behind him. If Merlin was so determined to tag along on quests or put himself recklessly in danger for the sake of being by his side, Arthur would just have to make sure that the idiot stayed out of harm’s way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>After watching the Labyrinth of Gedref I wanted to play around with Arthur’s admittance of Merlin being his friend and the fact that the boy has literally ZERO skills with fighting yet tags along with him everywhere. Like Arthur has to wonder about that sometimes. But hey I’m in a fluff mood I suppose so what can I say.</p>
<p>Also, fun author fact, when I was nine I made a girl’s nose bleed while playing a game called steal the bacon. People heralded me as a badass for weeks, but all I remember is all the blood running down that poor girl’s face like Merlin’s.</p>
<p>Anyways, thanks for reading! I would love a comment or review, my inbox always eagerly awaits them! The next story may be a bit delayed as I’m moving my grandmother this week so I won’t have as much time to write with all the packing. But I hope you guys enjoyed! If you have any thoughts or ideas about what you’d like to see in the coming stories just let me know!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Guilt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An eventful morning had turned into a quiet evening with the air holding a slight chill and the sky showing off its display of stars. Most of the people that often bustled about the halls of the citadel had returned to their homes or their chambers and left the corridors empty and the chattering voices to fade. And yet one person remained.</p>
<p>With footsteps that padded softly through silent rooms and a mind that practically screamed in the dark, Merlin had long since stopped caring for where exactly he was headed. It had been an impulsive decision to sneak away from his room and slip past Gaius, the man having been half asleep over his tomes at the time, but it was one he did not regret.</p>
<p>After the king and Morgana had returned from their trip with news that the sorcerer Tauren had been killed in an attempted ambush of the king, the young warlock had been pleased. Morgana had come to her senses, her bond with Uther had been repaired, and Gaius was proud of him for his part.</p>
<p>Things might have been perfect if not for Gwen being forced to mourn over the loss of her father. But Merlin had decided that his choice to intervene had been the right one, even if it hadn’t gone quite to plan and had left him with a bump on his head from his own spell being thrown back at him. Yet when he’d returned from his duties and bid his guardian goodnight, his mind had begun to turn the day’s events around in his head over and over again.</p>
<p>He’d tried to ignore them, tried to push the thoughts aside in favor of some well-deserved rest, but each time he’d close his eyes they’d begin to resurface and the questions would begin their assault. Why had he hesitated for so long? Why had he considered letting the king die? Was this what his world was to become? What if he had made the wrong choice? What if Uther had died and Camelot suffered for his lack of judgement? What would Morgana have become if she had followed through with her plan?</p>
<p>Endless inquiries pushed and poked and prodded at the boy’s mind until Merlin could no longer bear it. He’d paced about his room until the air had grown stale and then he’d snuck his way past the physician to walk mindlessly about the halls of the citadel.</p>
<p>He’d gotten a few cautionary glances from the guards at their posts at first, but most had grown accustomed to the warlock’s odd behavior and paid him no further mind once it was clear he was up to no harm. So Merlin had walked. Down a flight of stairs, through various halls, up winding staircases.</p>
<p>At some point he’d convinced himself that if he walked enough either the questions plaguing his mind would fade or he would finally come up with the answers to them. Though both of those options seemed unreachable the further he went and the longer they lingered. It wasn’t until the boy had found himself at the far side of the castle that he’d finally stopped to pay attention to where he was.</p>
<p>With all the tasks that Arthur gave him Merlin had been all around the citadel more times than he could count. There were some rooms he hadn’t been in of course, but he knew what almost all of them contained. Many rooms lay empty awaiting a requested guest or the occasional dignitary passing through on a journey elsewhere.</p>
<p>Some were used for storage and the occasional few contained nothing, empty space that awaited the day it would be filled and given the chance to show off its potential. But as Merlin glanced around the short stretch of corridor that he’d stopped in the middle of, he found the area was one he didn’t recognize in the slightest.</p>
<p>Balconies that were decorated in intricately carved stone and large towering pillars stood off to his left, overlooking the massive forest that surrounded the kingdom. To his right were empty walls that lacked any and all of the decorative tarps, tapestries, or winning shields that frequented the more used areas of the citadel.</p>
<p>Straight ahead of him was a closed off room, though Merlin knew it could not lead anywhere else. Even the space near the door was empty, no sign or plaque indicating the assignment of the chambers to a past or current resident. He’d managed to climb into one, if not the only, abandoned tower that remained in the citadel, and though his mind was filled with his own swirling uncertainties he found that curiosity had taken hold.</p>
<p>Though rather than walking straight away to the closed off room, Merlin instead stepped closer to the balcony, his hands falling onto the smoothed out edges of the ledge. A soft breeze that carried the scent of the forest drifted around him, the cool air pushing back his hair as the boy gripped the edge of the balcony tighter.</p>
<p>Tilting his head to stare up at a cloudless sky, an uncomfortable weight settled back into the warlock’s stomach. He’d hoped that for just a moment the pressing questions that ran rampant throughout his mind had faded, but as he stood staring out at the darkened trees below, it felt as if the voices from the conversations that had swayed his decisions were louder than ever inside his head.</p>
<p>He’d gone to the dragon for wisdom, for guidance, for any answer that could be given on what he was meant to do. After all, he could hardly believe that Morgana had been willing to let Uther die in such a way, and in part by her own hand. But what he’d expected to hear from the dragon was in fact the furthest thing from it.</p>
<p><em>“Don’t you want Uther dead?”</em> The dragon had uttered, his voice as loud in his mind while he stood there as it was whenever he called out to the warlock. <em>“It is Uther that persecutes you and your kind Merlin. It is Uther that murders the innocent.”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“But surely that doesn’t make it right to kill him.”</em>
</p>
<p>And it didn’t. Uther was hard and cruel at times but he was still the king. But the way the dragon had looked at him, the way his eyes had glinted with so much more than just the wisdom he often offered the boy, it had given him pause. In that moment they had been harsher, more cunning and direct than he’d ever seen before. And with that a single seed of doubt had begun to spread, though the words that were spoken had continued to worm their way inside his head.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Only if Uther dies can magic return to the land. Only if Uther dies will you be free, Merlin. Uther’s reign is at an end, let Arthur’s reign begin! Fulfill your destiny!”</em>
</p>
<p>All at once that single seed had sprouted, but where it had held doubt towards the dragon had been shifted onto Uther and his reign. Towards his decision and his actions and what if Arthur were to become king? Though he knew for that to happen it meant he’d have to allow Uther’s death to occur. Which also meant he’d be partially to blame for it.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wait! Where does it say my destiny includes murder?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Free this land of tyranny Merlin! Free us all!”</em>
</p>
<p>Dropping his head and squeezing his eyes shut, Merlin’s fingers probed at his suddenly throbbing temples. Uncertainty had clouded his mind after their conversation. It had raged through him like a wildfire and filled him with the wonder of what a kingdom ruled by Arthur might be like.</p>
<p>Would he repeal his father’s law? Allow magic within Camelot? Would Merlin finally have a home where he wouldn’t have to hide who he was or what he could do? A kingdom where the people who were innocent of biased misdeeds were not brutally slain because of the prejudice of their king?</p>
<p>Merlin had never been Uther’s greatest fan, and he knew it went both ways regarding the king’s feelings towards his son’s manservant, but the idea of allowing his death was almost too much for the warlock to stomach. Thinking back on his morning and realizing how close he’d been to allowing events to unfold made the boy sick even then.</p>
<p>Heaving a slow breath, Merlin lifted his head and rested his chin in his hands, his shoulders slouching as he leaned his weight against the balcony. He’d gone back and forth in his mind the whole time, an internal struggle that he knew had left him an unfocused mess, more so than he usually was.</p>
<p>And though most hadn’t noticed, it definitely had not slipped past Gaius, although the physician always seemed to know when the warlock struggled with anything, magical or not. Tapping his fingers against his face, Merlin’s head tilted as the concerned gaze the elder had worn flickered through his mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Is there anything you want to tell me?”</em>
</p>
<p>The words had sounded all too familiar, and so had his expression. It was one his mother often wore when trying to get whatever was bothering Merlin out of him, but still he’d kept it to himself. Not that it was easy; he hated keeping anything from Gaius, from the man who had taken him in and given him a home. A place where he could safely learn and grow, a place where he had someone he could look up to as a father. Yet still he’d kept it hidden.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can’t.. I-I just.. I can’t, you just gotta trust me.”</em>
</p>
<p>And he had. Gaius had stepped away and he’d trusted him just as he had with so many other things. What would he have said if he hadn’t changed his mind? Would he have known? Of course he would’ve, that was just Gaius. But would he have understood? Or would he have been furious because of his friendship with the king?</p>
<p>Sinking his face into his hands, Merlin let out a low groan. He kept trying to tell himself that none of it mattered, that in the end he’d come to the right choice and that he’d never let Uther die just to jumpstart Arthur’s reign.</p>
<p>After all Gaius had been right when he’d said the prince wasn’t ready for that. Merlin respected Arthur and viewed him as a friend, but he was still learning just like he was. And while Uther held unfair beliefs in regards to magic and those who practiced it, Arthur still needed his father’s guidance.</p>
<p>”But I considered it.” He breathed out the broken words as another gust of wind blew past and carried them away, his admission swirling amongst the trees as his fingers dug into his hair.</p>
<p>He should’ve told Gaius, should’ve asked for his advice. If not regarding the decision before hand than for the guilt he dealt with now. Because his choice had been set, hadn’t it? When he’d gone to Gwen, all he’d been waiting for was her blessing. All of it was over her father, over what had happened to Tom, and in some warped way Merlin had felt that if she’d wanted Uther dead than maybe it was alright what Morgana was doing.</p>
<p>Squeezing his eyes shut as his breath hitched, the warlock’s elbows shoved harder against the edges of the balcony while he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted him dead.”</em>
</p>
<p>He’d actually said that to Gwen, such a probing question and such a truthful statement. What had he been thinking?</p>
<p>
  <em>“If Uther died I’d feel nothing. He means nothing to me.”</em>
</p>
<p>She was suffering, mourning the loss of her father and he’d gone to her like that, what must she have thought?</p>
<p><em>“But if you had, you know, the choice, what would you do?”</em> She’d looked so confused and so worried, like she’d known exactly what he was getting at before the words had ever left him. <em>“If you had the power of life and death over Uther, would you kill him for what he did?”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What would that solve? That would make me a murderer, that would make me as bad as him.”</em>
</p>
<p>And somehow, suddenly, it had all become clear. Of course he couldn’t just let Uther die. Gwen was hurting, and he’d hated him for ruthlessly having her father killed, but one death did not justify the other. And even if it did, that was not a choice for him to make. The clarity she’d given him in that moment had been incredible and he’d rushed into action right then and there.</p>
<p>
  <em>But what if he hadn’t?</em>
</p>
<p>Slumping down against the edge, Merlin rested his arms across the ledge and propped his chin against them, a small frown forming across his lips. So why couldn’t he make the pit in his stomach go away? He’d done what he was supposed to, everyone was safe and a traitorous sorcerer had been dealt with.</p>
<p>But then, if Tauren was a traitor, what exactly did that make Merlin? He claimed to protect Arthur and Camelot but he’d nearly let the unspeakable happen. If faced with that decision in the future who was to say he’d make the right choice?</p>
<p>Digging his fingernails into his arms, the weight seemed to double as another thought struck him. Hadn’t he nearly chosen to let that druid boy meet a cruel fate as well? Time and again he was finding himself faced with choices that forced him to juggle another’s life in his hands. Was that what his destiny was meant to be? And if so, was that something that he wanted? What happened if he made the wrong choice and someone else suffered because of it?</p>
<p>“Merlin?” Jolting at his name, the warlock turned while blue eyes widened at the sight of Guinevere standing a few paces away.</p>
<p>“Gwen.” He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper as she looked away and intertwined her fingers.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t sleep.” She offered to his unspoken question, her feet carrying her closer to where he stood until her hands rested on the balcony beside him. “I was on my way home when I saw you come this way. I know it’s none of my business but you seemed distracted and..” Trailing off, her hands pulled apart and pressed flat against the stone before her head was tilting and dark eyes were staring up at him. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, course I am.” He replied, the words rushing from his mouth as Gwen’s brows drew together in doubt. “How are you doing?” He asked before she could pose the question he knew was forming in her mind.</p>
<p>Although his own question had been a stupid one, he knew how she was doing. Even if he hadn’t already known, the dark circles beneath her swollen eyes were enough to indicate what she’d been going through.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” The girl barely nodded, offering a weak smile as she looked back to her hands. And perhaps it was strange, but as a heavy silence lingered over the two, there was something almost ironic about it all.</p>
<p>The way they both had brushed off the other’s concerns though they knew there was more going on. It was almost poetic, the warlock thought, though the knot in his chest made it difficult to think on it for long.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know there was an empty tower up here.” Guinevere’s voice broke through the void, tilting her head to look around the boy and towards the room to his right.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. I just found that tonight. I was wondering what used to be up here.” Merlin nodded, practically jumping at the chance to change the topic as he followed her gaze.</p>
<p>“Maybe nothing. I’ve never even seen the maids come up this way.” She shrugged, turning around and leaning against the balcony. “Merlin, what did you mean earlier? When you asked me about Uther?”</p>
<p>Her sudden question was posed quietly, curious eyes finding his as the boy racked his brain for an answer he didn’t have. Of course she’d want to know, it had been such a strange thing to ask. Not to mention that not long after it was discovered that the king had nearly been killed.</p>
<p>“I was just wondering.” He answered with a shrug of his own, though the movement felt far too jerked to seem natural as he stepped away and pressed his back against one of the pillars. “After everything that’s happened, no one would blame you for hating him.”</p>
<p>“I don’t.” Gwen shook her head, a stray strand of hair brushing against her cheek as she turned her head away and focused on something the boy couldn’t see. “I hate what was done to an innocent man, but Uther is the king, and he’s Arthur’s father. I’m heartbroken over what has happened, but his death wouldn’t bring back my father and neither will my hating him.”</p>
<p>Pressing his hands behind him into the cool stone, Merlin felt the same mixture of guilt and wonder rising up within him. “What do you think would’ve happened? If Tauren had succeeded?”</p>
<p>Glancing up in shock, the girl’s brows lifted. “Well I-I suppose Arthur would be king.”</p>
<p>“What do you think about that?” He couldn’t help himself, the questions he’d been mulling over finally escaping as the girl studied him.</p>
<p>“What do I think about Arthur being king?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He nodded, his fingers curling into fists behind him as the girl looked straight ahead at the wall.</p>
<p>“I think he would reign differently than his father. In some ways better, I have to hope.”</p>
<p>“Do you..” Cutting himself off, Merlin’s gaze shifted to the floor. “Do you think he’d bring back magic?”</p>
<p>“Magic?” Gwen repeated, the surprise in her voice unmistakable. “I don’t know, maybe? He doesn’t seem to hate it as much as his father does, but to bring it back seems unrealistic.” She shook her head as the boy finally looked up at her. “Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>“Just curious.” He deflected, her pressing gaze burning a hole into him before he finally flashed her a widened smile. “That, and I’m having a bit of a hard time imagining Arthur as some wise king.”</p>
<p>A small smile broke the tension that worried the girl’s face as Gwen let out a laugh, her body relaxing while her fingers drummed gently against the balcony. “Will you still be by Arthur’s side when he becomes king?”</p>
<p>“I plan to be.” His answer was immediate, offered with a shrug of his shoulders while Gwen’s smile grew.</p>
<p>“You’re a good friend to him, Merlin.” Turning herself around and looking up at the stars, she carefully tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear. “With you by his side, I believe Arthur will be a great ruler. A king worthy of Camelot’s people.”</p>
<p>“He has you as well.” Merlin pointed out as the girl chuckled.</p>
<p>“Me? I’m just a maid, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“I’m just a servant.” He stated, pushing away from the pillar and moving to stand next to her. “He fought for your father, you know. He told me he tried to reason with Uther, tried to get Tom released.” Gwen’s head jerked up at his words, saddened eyes staring up at him. “We’re both sorry that he was unsuccessful.”</p>
<p>And he was. He would give anything to be able to bring her father back to her. He knew firsthand what it was like to be without one, though he couldn’t know what it felt like to lose them when they’d been as close as she had been with hers.</p>
<p>“It means so much that he tried, I’d no idea.” She murmured, turning her head away and brushing her fingers across her cheek. “Perhaps as king one day he will turn out to be more lenient towards magic, or at least of those innocent of it.”</p>
<p>The whispered words drifted over the boy as Merlin swallowed past the growing lump in his throat, his hands clasping together. “Gwen, what do you think of magic?” The question tumbled out with little thought or restraint, the need to know mixing with the urge to speak out as his fingers tightened around each other.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Magic, what do you, you know, think of it?” The repeated inquiry stuttered out of the boy as instant regret washed over him, blue hues flickering nervously towards the maid as Gwen stared back at him with a masked expression. What was going through her head? Everyone knew magic was banned, everyone knew what happened if you had even the slightest thing to do with it.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Merlin.” Her voice cut off his spiraling train of thought, her head tilting to one side in contemplation. “I suppose..” Looking over her shoulder and lowering her voice, Gwen barely shook her head. “I suppose that magic isn’t necessarily evil, but rather I think the power can corrupt those who use it. Like Tauren.” She finally relented as Merlin stared openly.</p>
<p>“So you don’t believe that everyone who has magic is bad?” He couldn’t hide the hope that clung to his words as he spoke them, but if Guinevere found it odd she didn’t show it.</p>
<p>“I guess? I think it really just depends on the person who has it. Sort of like you.”</p>
<p>“Me?” Merlin repeated, his breath catching as his blood ran cold. Fear coursed through him as Gwen’s eyes widened and she backed away.</p>
<p>“What?” Shaking her head quickly, her hands waved briefly. “No, I-I just mean that you’re not someone who would be corrupted by magic. I don’t think. Not that you have magic, or would ever use it. It’s banned. I just mean.. well.. you’re a good person, that’s all. And I don’t think that having that sort of power would lead you to abuse it.” Her voice faded as she stumbled over her words, her gaze shifting away as the warlock’s next breath fell out a little easier.</p>
<p>“Thanks, I think.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t saying that you have magic.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“If you had magic it would be a death sentence.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean-“</p>
<p>“Gwen, it’s alright.” He cut her off, unable to stop the laugh that followed his assurance as she turned away and slumped against the balcony with a sigh.</p>
<p>“What about you?” She asked, her voice tight.</p>
<p>“Me?”</p>
<p>“What do you think of magic?”</p>
<p>Expecting to respond flippantly, Merlin opened his mouth but found no words would come out. His mind raced as he stared down at her, curious dark hues watching him as a thousand different thoughts flitted through his mind.</p>
<p>He’d thought she had known and he’d been terrified, but was he scared because he was worried she knew, or he was worried how she would react? Would it really be so bad for someone to know? Lancelot knew, and that hadn’t turned out poorly. He’d ended up leaving, but he’d kept Merlin’s secret and he hadn’t thought any less of the boy for it either. But what would Gwen say if she found out?</p>
<p>“I don’t think that sort of power would lead you to abuse it.” She believed in who he was, in the person he was, but would she still feel the same way if she knew the truth?</p>
<p>“I-“</p>
<p>But his words faltered again and the hope shifted into fear. Even just speaking of magic had Gwen looking over her shoulder terrified of what might happen if someone overheard them. And look what had happened to those people who had given Tauren a room for the night, he doubted they had even known he was a sorcerer and still they’d been executed. How could he even consider telling her what he could do? Even if she did accept him, he’d be putting her at risk if he was ever discovered.</p>
<p>“I feel the same way.” He forced out, the words heavy as he swallowed down his disappointment. “It’s not evil, it just depends on who uses it.”</p>
<p>As Guinevere nodded at his response, Merlin’s fingers wrapped around the edge of the balcony. He’d kept his magic a secret his whole life, this was no different. Then again, he’d never had a friend quite like Gwen, and a piece of him hated keeping secrets from her.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re alright?”</p>
<p>Looking over at her, Merlin displayed another smile and bobbed his head. “Yeah, course, why do you ask?”</p>
<p>“You look as though you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.” She stated, smiling sadly up at him, and all at once he found the smile of his own impossible to hold.</p>
<p>“Sort of feels that way sometimes.” He murmured, one of his hands finding the other while picking at his nails absentmindedly. “What do you do when you’re faced with choices that affect not only your life, but someone else’s?”</p>
<p>A quiet hum left the girl as she leaned forwards, her arms braced against the ledge as they stood quietly a moment. “You do what you think is best.” She finally answered. “When my father helped Tauren, I truly believe that he didn’t know magic was involved. He made the choice to take the work, and then he made the choice to try and escape. In both situations, I know he did what he believed to be best. Maybe it wasn’t the right choice, but it was his. And I think that’s all anyone can do.”</p>
<p>“Do you think his choice would’ve changed if he’d spoken to anyone about it first?” Merlin asked as Gwen’s head lowered.</p>
<p>“I don’t think so, at least not really. People can sway you, but deep down you always know what you want, even if you don’t see it right away.”</p>
<p>Guilt tugged against the warlock’s frame as the boy slouched, his eyes closing tightly. “What if what you want and what’s right are two different things?”</p>
<p>“Then you have to hope that the person making that choice has a good heart.” Looking over at her, Gwen was smiling at him. “I stand by what I said, I think you’re a good person Merlin. Everyone has choices, but I find it difficult to believe you’d make one where anyone suffered or was hurt because of it.” Offering a small smile back towards her, Gwen pulled away from the balcony and took a deep breath. “I think I ought to be getting back now.”</p>
<p>“If you’re not ready to go home yet, you’re welcome to stay with us again.”</p>
<p>“That’s kind of you Merlin.” Gwen spoke, intertwining her fingers and stepping away. “But I think I need to go back. I can’t stay away forever, and I think it’s time.”</p>
<p>“Do you want me to go with you?” He offered, receiving another gentle smile that always drew one of his own up in response.</p>
<p>“I’ll be alright, but thank you.” She declined, glancing back towards the sky where the stars continued to shimmer above them.</p>
<p>“He’d be proud of you, Gwen.” He stated, looking up at the sky as well. “You’re incredibly strong.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t go that far.” She spoke softly, her fingers curling into small fists as his eyes cut towards her.</p>
<p>“I would. You’ve been through a lot, yet you’ve carried yourself wonderfully. And I think if he’s looking down on you, that he’d be just as proud of you as I am.”</p>
<p>Gwen’s head lifted, her eyes filled with gathering tears as her hand shifted and touched his arm. “Thank you, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“You know where we are if you ever need anything.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She nodded once, lingering a moment longer before she pulled away, the warmth from her touch fading all too soon as he watched her step back into the corridor. “And you know where I am if you need anything too.” She called out, hesitating another moment before she was turning and disappearing from his sight.</p>
<p>Drawing in a short breath, Merlin turned back to the forest. Somehow talking to Gwen had managed to ease the worry and the guilt that had been eating away at him. She’d been right. He could only make the choice that he felt was best.</p>
<p>He’d been conflicted, but he supposed that was where the people he trusted came into play. And there was something about Guinevere that made it easier to see that. Maybe she had a magic of her own that he just knew nothing about.</p>
<p>Leaning forwards and tilting his head up, the warlock decided to enjoy the solitude of his hideout for just a while longer, the tension from the day finally beginning to fade as another gust of wind blew around him and a smile rose to his face. His destiny didn’t have to include murder, not if he made the choice that it wouldn’t, and that was exactly what he was doing, making his choice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>Am I obsessed with giving Merlin a tower hideout in every story I write? Yes. Will I ever stop? Nope!</p>
<p>I really enjoyed finally writing a Merlin/Gwen story, their friendship is so sweet and I love how awkward Gwen always was with him. I also had fun exploring the way Merlin might have handled the aftermath of his choice. Especially since in the episode you can tell that he’d pretty much made up his mind until he’d spoken to Gwen, so you can’t tell me that he didn’t feel guilty about that later on.</p>
<p>I hope you guys enjoyed, and thanks so much for your patience! I’ve spent the last week packing and driving back and forth to a different state and I still have so much more work before I myself am moving, but I promise I’m doing my best to get some good stories out to you! I have plans for a two or three parter for the season one finale, so stay tuned! You guys rock ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Those We Forget...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Don’t move.”</p>
<p>The edge of a sword pressed against Merlin’s throat as the words were spoken in a snarl next to his ear, the warning causing the boy to stiffen . Not even daring to swallow, all the warlock could do was stare at where Arthur stood, his own sword at the throat of one of the bandits. A heavy tension lingered in the air and the prince’s steeled gaze bore into the man directly behind the servant.</p>
<p>How had all of this happened? All they had meant to do was deliver a newly signed pact for the king. The journey had barely taken two days’ time and they were so close to home that Merlin hadn’t even considered the possibility of danger. And yet they’d been ambushed before they could arrive, men having appeared on all sides and taking Arthur and the two knights that had accompanied them off guard.</p>
<p>Glancing to his left, Merlin felt bile churning in his stomach at the sight of the two knights lying dead on the forest floor, their blood soaking into the dirt beneath them. They’d fought valiantly despite the odds, taking down a couple of the bandits before they’d met their untimely fate. And now, with the edge of steel biting into his own skin, Merlin was forced to wonder if he were going to meet the very same end.</p>
<p>“Let my servant go.” Arthur’s voice rang with an air of authority throughout the trees, breaking the harsh silence as a dark chuckle left the man keeping the boy at bay.</p>
<p>Merlin’s nose scrunched at the smell of the bandit’s foul breath when his mouth opened again, and he fought the urge to cringe away. “Let my man go first.”</p>
<p>“Your man is the only thing guaranteeing my life and that of my servant’s.” Arthur retorted, his eyes darting towards the other two men that stood off to the side awaiting an opening.</p>
<p>“No, he’s guaranteeing <em>your</em> life, your servant on the other hand is one twitch away from being wolf’s food.” A cold chill ran through the boy at the words, his throat dry as he met Arthur’s stare. If he’d have just gone he could’ve used his magic to get away, but instead he’d taken a captive of his own and made it impossible for the warlock to even try without the fear of being caught in the act.</p>
<p>“What’s it to you anyhow?” The man barked, the noise grating against the boy’s ears. “He’s just a servant; you really want to risk sacrificing your skin for his?”</p>
<p>“You’ve already killed two of my men, I will not allow you to kill a third.” A deep, wheezing laugh left the man at the blond’s words, the sword he held sliding against Merlin’s skin as he hissed, his back pressing into the bandit in an attempt to escape from the weapon as he felt a trickle of warmth rolling down his skin. “Let him go or I will cut your man down.” Arthur snapped, his eyes flickering to the boy’s throat for the briefest moment before he was gripping his sword tighter.</p>
<p>“Will you? Well, I’d be careful if I were you lad, one slip of my blade and it will taste more than a drop of your servant’s blood. So I’d suggest if you don’t want to go looking for a new one, you give up that sword of yours instead.”</p>
<p>The debate that went through the prince’s mind was obvious to the warlock as Merlin clenched his fists. “Arthur don’t!” He shouted, grimacing as the arm around him tightened and the blade pressed further into his skin, drawing more blood to the surface.</p>
<p>Without another word the prince dropped his blade, the sound of the sword hitting the dirt the loudest thing imaginable. “Arthur!” Struggling against his captor, Merlin watched helplessly as the two bandits charged at his defenseless friend as the man holding the warlock back whistled.</p>
<p>“Imagine that, he actually wanted to save you, some lowlife servant like yourself. You should be grateful to have such a kind, if not stupid, master. Shame you’re not actually worth a damn thing to me alive.”</p>
<p>Gritting his teeth, Merlin’s arm wrenched away as he sent his elbow crashing back into the man’s chest, a quiet groan leaving him as the sword cut across the boy’s neck again. Ignoring the pain, Merlin pushed his weight against the bandit and knocked the sword away while tearing himself free before a strong hand clamped around his arm.</p>
<p>“Get back here boy!” The man huffed, swinging his sword back around as the warlock’s eyes shot to the tree above them. Willing a branch to break, the boy began to pry the man’s fingers loose from his arm before he was tugging away. He had barely taken a step when the bandit’s other hand grabbed ahold of the collar of his tunic and yanked him backwards as the branch came crashing down from above.</p>
<p>The next few seconds were a blur. All the warlock could remember was a striking pain and dirt pressing against his cheek. The world around him had grown hazy and quiet, though he could make out Arthur in the distance scuffling with the bandits with only a dagger to use in his defense as he tried to reclaim his sword.</p>
<p>Though he could see the fight happening, their movements seemed slow and unbalanced, the noise of their battle sounding as if he were listening to it from underwater. A painful throbbing spiked through his head and caused the boy’s eyes to pull shut in agony, the fight growing louder around him as he clutched at his head in an attempt to stop the blinding pain.</p>
<p>“Merlin!” His name was an explosion of sound to his ears, his body jerking as he forced his eyes to open and look up from where he lay huddled on the ground. The speed of the battle had increased in the moments his eyes had been closed, though one of the bandits now lay dead as dazed blue hues sought to find the source of the call.</p>
<p>When they finally landed on the prince, he found the blond turned his way, a mixture of concern and fear scrawled across his face in a manner that surprised the warlock to see given in his direction. And yet in the single moment it took for the prince to look towards him, one of the bandits swung at him and Merlin found he could not move fast enough.</p>
<p>“Arthur!” His voice might as well have been that of a muted man, the sound barely a croak that served no other purpose than to further distract Arthur as the attack proceeded uninterrupted on its destructive course.</p>
<p>Struggling to get his feet beneath him, the warlock watched as Arthur turned and ducked out of the way, the blow avoiding a critical hit though it caught hold of the skin on the man’s arm and tore down the side. Standing unsteadily on his feet, Merlin’s stomach lurched as the world spun around him, his hands outstretching in an attempt to keep his balance.</p>
<p>“Merlin! Run!” Lifting his head and feeling his body sway, the servant spotted the blond running towards him. “Go!”</p>
<p>Stumbling backwards, Merlin turned and ran, his head and his body screaming in objection at the movement as Arthur’s hand caught hold of his arm and tugged him along. Merlin was unsure if the bandits were chasing after them, the sound of his heart pounding inside his head nearly deafening, but he worked to keep up with the prince all the same.</p>
<p>Struggling to keep his feet beneath him, the boy’s vision darkened and he chose to focus on his breathing rather than the urge to heave what little he’d had for breakfast that morning, allowing Arthur to guide them away from any further danger. The ache in his head had risen to a nearly unbearable point, pressure building and pressing against the backs of his eyes until he was certain they were going to burst.</p>
<p>Stumbling their way through a section of brush, Merlin had just decided to tell the prince to continue on without him when he felt Arthur shove him backwards towards a hidden crevice between a boulder and the overhanging branches of a fallen tree.</p>
<p>“Get down!” The man hissed, pushing on his servant’s shoulder until the boy was on his knees and hidden beneath the branches. “Damn them.” Arthur cursed from beside him, his body shifting backwards as footsteps neared their hiding place.</p>
<p>The warlock blinked sluggishly despite the speed of his heart in his chest, his gaze drifting until it fixated on the growing stain of blood on the sleeve of his friend’s tunic. Drawing in a heaving breath, Merlin opened his mouth to question his wellbeing when Arthur’s arm pressed against his chest, forcing the boy’s back against the boulder as the blond leaned back beside him.</p>
<p>Merlin couldn’t tell if seconds or minutes had passed during the tense silence, but as their footsteps paused only inches from the opening they’d slipped through, a spark of fear coursed through him. After another period of time he was unable to determine, the men moved away and he weakly leaned his head back against the cool stone.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes and drawing in a trembling breath, he felt Arthur’s hands on his shoulders and opened his eyes to find the man hovering over him. When had he fallen to the ground? Arthur’s mouth moved as if he were speaking and there was a quiet buzzing in the boy’s ear, but he found he could no longer focus on anything for more than a few moments except for the ever building pressure in his head.</p>
<p>The pain had eased slightly since remaining still, but as Arthur attempted to pull the boy up he could not stop the groan that the movement had elicited. The man stared down at him so intently, and he got the impression that the noise hadn’t been wise, though he couldn’t recall why. He looked angry or worried, or maybe a mixture of both. Was it something he’d done? Probably, though he couldn’t remember what.</p>
<p>Everything ached and as his eyes fell shut he found he lacked any strength to try and force them open again. Heavy hands shook at his shoulders but the pain was persistent and Merlin no longer cared about what else was happening.</p>
<p>Darkness wrapped tightly around him and the pain faded with the waves of sleep that drew him further and further into its embrace. Whatever was nagging at him could wait, he doubted that it was important enough that he couldn’t stand to forget about it for just a little while.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Merlin! Run!” Arthur’s voice rang out across the forest as the blond kicked away one of the bandits and reclaimed his sword, barely managing to avoid a second blow as his arm seared with pain. He could feel the warmth of his blood coating the limb but he had no time to check on the injury, his focus split between getting himself out of danger and getting the idiot he called his servant moving.</p>
<p>He’d seen the branch falling right before it had struck the boy, but the sound of it connecting with his servant had been sickening. In between defending himself from the blows of their attackers, Arthur had caught sight of the boy huddled on the ground, his hands covering his head in a pained manner that had sent a jolt of fear through his chest. He’d frozen in place at the scene, and in the single moment that passed he’d been too late to fully block the sword that had injured him.</p>
<p>“Go!” He shouted, running full force towards the boy who stood swaying in a dazed fashion. To his credit at least he listened, turning and stumbling away from the fight as Arthur grabbed his arm and pulled him along. He could see the blood staining Merlin’s face and neck in his peripheral vision but he couldn’t bring himself to take a closer look, not until they’d put enough distance between themselves and the men still after them.</p>
<p>The ambush that had come without warning had left two of his men dead and he’d be damned if he let Merlin become the third. The boy didn’t object as Arthur pulled him sharply to the right, though he’d noticed his continued movement was solely based on the prince’s hand firmly keeping hold of his arm.</p>
<p>“Come on..” He murmured under his breath, frantic eyes scanning the forest before he was taking another sudden turn. Arthur almost saw it too late, his feet skidding to a stop as Merlin nearly crashed against him. Where a boulder and a partially fallen tree met, a broken tree limb created a small opening that looked as though it might work to hide the two of them while they waited for the remaining bandits to pass.</p>
<p>Arthur hated the thought of hiding from a fight, especially after losing his men, but he also knew when to count his losses and take what he could in his retreat. Between Merlin’s state and his own injury, fighting was no longer the wisest decision.</p>
<p>Readjusting his grip on the boy’s arm, Arthur turned and pushed his servant backwards and into the opening first before he was ducking beneath the limb himself. “Get down!” He commanded, pushing on the boy’s shoulder until they were both crouching beneath the branch. “Damn them.” Arthur cursed, a hand rising to his face where sweat and grime had gathered from their run and his fight.</p>
<p>Beginning to look towards the other, the sound of the bandits drawing closer caught Arthur’s attention as he stretched his arm out and pressed Merlin further against the boulder while leaning back himself. Forcing his breaths out slow and steady in the silence, the prince could feel the boy’s heart beating wildly in his chest.</p>
<p>He’d have killed the man who held a sword to Merlin’s throat if he’d been given the chance, anger welling up inside him as the bandits paused nearby and caused Arthur to freeze, his breath catching as the men turned and disappeared down a different path. Waiting a few moments more before lowering his arm, Merlin shifted next to him before his body was crumbling to the ground.</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Arthur hissed, casting a wary look over his shoulder before he pressed in closer and lowered his hands to the boy’s shoulders. He’d known it was bad, but the gruesome sight that looked back at him had concern and fear crushing his chest. Blood coated one side of the boy’s head and face, wetting his hair and sticking to his skin while the nicks from the bandit’s sword had allowed blood to trickle down his neck and stain the front of his tunic.</p>
<p>“Merlin. <em>Mer</em>lin!” Shaking him desperately, blue hues finally peered up at him in a dazed manner and Arthur swallowed down the worry that threatened to consume him. “We’ve got to go.” He urged, grabbing ahold of the boy’s arms and beginning to pull him up before the boy groaned and his face contorted painfully.</p>
<p>Easing him back into the dirt, Arthur’s eyes darted over his bloodstained face and shook him again as his eyes fell closed. “Merlin?” Gripping his arms tightly, he felt the boy’s next breath shudder out weakly before he was falling limp beside him. “Come on Merlin, don’t do this, not now.” He muttered, finally letting go of the boy and leaning back while running a hand down his face. As he did, a surge of pain shot through his left arm and the blond bit back the pained noise the movement had brought out of him.</p>
<p>Turning his arm, the prince shifted and tugged at the ripped sleeve, grimacing at the wide cut that had sliced through the skin. Blood soaked through the edges of the fabric and continued to run sluggishly down the length of his arm and down across the back of his hand.</p>
<p>Cursing softly, he pulled at the piece of the tunic that was barely hanging on, ripping the sleeve free and carefully wrapping it over the deeper portion of the wound before he leaned close and caught one edge in his teeth and pulled it taut. Dropping his arm with a shaking breath, he turned and leaned back over Merlin while reaching out and tilting his head to one side until he spotted a wide gash directly above his temple where the blood had spilled from.</p>
<p>Smaller nicks and scratches littered the boy’s face from the impact with the ground and the tree limb, but as Arthur pulled his dagger from his boot and cut away a piece of the other’s tunic, that was the place he focused on in an effort to stem the bleeding.</p>
<p>“Only you, you idiot.” He grumbled, his blood causing the fabric to stick to the wound as the prince glanced up through the leaves at the sky. Late afternoon light shined down in patches over the two of them, offering little hope for the long trek that he knew it would be back to Camelot.</p>
<p>Two of their horses had been spooked and one had been killed in the fight while the final had no doubt been taken as a prize for the bandits. There was a chance that the horse remained where the fight had taken place, but the risk of going back without knowing whether or not the men were there also was one he could not take.</p>
<p>Drawing in a heavy breath, Arthur pulled at Merlin’s wrists until the boy was sitting up before the prince was leaning closer and hoisting him up and onto his shoulders. Compared to the weight of his chainmail and shield used when fighting, Merlin hardly weighed a thing, but the pain that coursed through him at the movement and strain had the man wavering as he steadied the boy to keep him from falling.</p>
<p>The sensation of blood trickling down his arm had become an irritating feeling that made itself present in the back of his mind while a deep ache settled throughout his shoulder from another wound he’d endured less than two weeks prior.</p>
<p>He’d thought delivering the pact would be just the thing to ease himself, and his father, back into his duties after the creature that had nearly been the death of him, though obviously he’d been wrong. Why did nothing ever go as he planned? He couldn’t have predicted the beast that had attacked him nor could he have expected an ambush so close to his home, though he was certain his father would not see it that way.</p>
<p>Stumbling his way through the brush and straying away from the path the bandits had taken, Arthur focused on the way his sword beat steadily against his hip while he walked. He could easily make it to Camelot by nightfall on foot if he were alone, but Merlin had become nothing more than dead weight and he could not leave him alone with an injury such as he had, that would be sentencing the boy to his death.</p>
<p>The prince made his way with his servant for quite some time before the pain in his arm and the weight of the boy forced him to stop, the man reluctantly setting the servant in a patch of brush as he dropped down beside him and gripped at his shoulder that was quickly becoming as painful as the sword wound itself.</p>
<p>“You’re going to owe me for this, Merlin.” He muttered quietly, twilight settling over the forest as he studied the boy’s injury that only looked more gruesome in the fading light. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would be walking the rest of the way home in the darkness, but doubt began to poke through as his hand prodded carefully at his injured arm.</p>
<p>Blood had soaked through the entirety of the sleeve that he’d uselessly used to stem the flow, his left hand covered in trailing streaks of crimson while a numbness settled over the aching limb. Lowering his head and scraping back his hair, sweat had gathered along his face as he looked back to the injured boy.</p>
<p>Pushing himself to his feet, Arthur began to reach for the servant’s arms again when he heard the clopping of hooves in the distance. Dropping back down beside Merlin, a hand rested on the boy’s shoulder as the blond peered through the growing darkness, muffled voices growing closer. Had the bandits returned or was someone else making their way towards them? They weren’t far from the outskirts of Camelot, but few traveled into the forest at night, and even less had horses to do so.</p>
<p>Craning his neck to look, Arthur spotted a torch held high as two men dawned in Camelot’s armor made their way along the path. Relief washed over the prince as he stood, immediately catching the first man’s attention as a crossbow pointed in his direction.</p>
<p>“Announce yourself!” Before he could respond the second man was waving the first away, slowing his steed and dropping to the ground before the prince.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur?” He called out, drawing nearer as the man’s head nodded wearily. “We found one of the horses near the edge of the forest on patrol and came to look for you when we found you hadn’t returned.” He began explaining, though Arthur was far from interested as he gestured for him to hurry.</p>
<p>“We were ambushed and Merlin was injured, he needs to get to Gaius immediately.” He insisted, stepping away as the knight drew closer and paused, worry clouding his face though his eyes had yet to look to the ground.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur, you’re bleeding.”</p>
<p>“I’m aware.” He snapped, pulling his left arm close to his chest. “I said Merlin needs to see the physician immediately.”</p>
<p>“Doran!” The knight shouted back to the other, waving for him as the second knight dismounted and hurried over, the torch held high and casting eerie shadows over the darkened trees. Taking the fire without a word, Arthur kept hold of it as the two knights knelt beside his servant and hoisted the boy up.</p>
<p>At some point during their trek his head had stopped bleeding, but even in the dim light the blond could tell how pale he’d gotten, not to mention the lingering silence that came from the boy that was disconcerting and unfamiliar just in itself. Following with the light as one of the men mounted their steed and adjusted Merlin in front of him, the second stepped in front of Arthur and stared at him warily.</p>
<p>“Sire?”</p>
<p>“Take this.” Shoving off the torch to the man, the prince stopped the question before it could even be asked as he strode to the second horse and gripped the saddle, getting himself up singlehandedly. His arm screamed against the movement but a stern mask had fallen into place and the only sign of discomfort that could be seen were the whitened knuckles that gripped the saddle like a lifeline.</p>
<p>A moment later the knight was climbing on behind him and the prince was spurring his horse forward, his eyes flickering every few seconds to the boy hanging over the edge of the horse beside him. Though the ride was short, it felt like hours had passed before they were arriving in the pavilion and Arthur was dropping down before the horse had fully come to a stop.</p>
<p>While one of the knights passed off the torch to a stable boy that had come running, the second began to pull Merlin down. Ignoring the eyes of the people around them, Arthur followed the two men as they made their way to the physician’s chambers with his servant between them.</p>
<p>Drawing his arm in close as they walked, the prince was unsurprised to hear the shocked voice of Gaius asking about his ward as his door was thrown open and the knights carried him inside. Once they had cleared the doorway and Arthur himself had entered the elder froze, worried eyes flickering between the boy and the prince before he was making his way over to the blond.</p>
<p>“Sire, what happened?” Ushering him inside as Merlin was set on the patients cot, Arthur quickly waved the man away.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing, Gaius, look after him.” He instructed, permitting the man to care for the one in more pressing danger than himself. With a brief nod the elder moved towards the boy and carefully tilted his head, eyeing the gash along the side as the door burst open again and Gwen slipped past the knights as they left.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur.” She gasped, catching herself in the doorway and standing straighter, her gaze falling to the floor as the blond glanced her way.</p>
<p>“Guinevere, fetch some fresh water.” Gaius ordered in a tense tone from the other side of the room, not even looking up from his ward as the girl nodded silently. “And Sire, sit down.” Looking over, he found stern eyes focused on him as the prince did as he was told and settled wearily on a stool near the table while the maid grabbed a bucket and hurried back out the door.</p>
<p>“What happened?” The physician asked again, retrieving a small basin of water and a cloth before he set about cleaning the blood away from the boy’s face.</p>
<p>“We were ambushed on our way back.” Arthur uttered with a small sigh, his fingers reaching to his shoulder and probing at the aching wound. “There were several men and they got to Sir Daniel before we even knew what was happening. Sir Alst and I were fighting them off and one of them caught hold of Merlin, forced our hand. Sir Alst attempted to charge and was struck down.”</p>
<p>Recalling the events caused the prince’s head to drop, irritation at himself beginning to rise. He’d known he wasn’t in full fighting condition when he’d volunteered himself for the trip, but he also hadn’t expected such a thing to occur. Would his men still be alive if he hadn’t been along? Would they have even been attacked? Perhaps the journey wouldn’t have taken as long had he not been so insistent on going. Merlin certainly wouldn’t have been hurt as he never would have been there in the first place.</p>
<p>“I pretended to surrender, but before I could get to Merlin he and the bandit were struggling.” The prince continued, his hands falling in front of him as he stared down at crimson stained fingertips. “They must have knocked into one of the trees because a limb fell and struck the both of them. I hadn’t even realized the injury was so bad until after we’d gotten away and I saw all the blood.”</p>
<p>Curling his fingers into fists to hide the blood that remained from his servant, Arthur let a quiet breath shudder out. How had he let this happen? They’d been outnumbered but he was far more skilled than they were, they never should have gained the upper hand.</p>
<p><em>But they took Merlin.</em> He was at odds with himself over the whole thing, knowing if he hadn’t let go of his sword he never would have been forced to run. <em>But they would have killed Merlin.</em> And really, he’d known from the second they’d gotten their hands on him that he wasn’t going to let that happen.</p>
<p>The physician said nothing to the prince’s story, but as Arthur’s head lifted to where the man worked, he was sickened at the sight of the bloodied water that coated the rag and dripped into the basin. Before he could utter another word or ask after the boy the door pushed open and Gwen stepped through, carefully setting the fresh water on the table.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Guinevere.” Gaius answered distractedly, hardly glancing up at her presence.</p>
<p>“Is there anything else I can do?” She questioned, stepping closer and wringing her hands together as the man finally drew back from his ward. A heavy gaze landed on the girl before it shifted to Arthur, the physician’s eyes narrowing as he studied him.</p>
<p>“Will you tend to the prince’s arm?”</p>
<p>Turning, Gwen’s eyes met Arthur’s briefly before she was nodding and looking away. “Of course.”</p>
<p>Retrieving another small basin and pouring a fraction of the water inside, she carried it over and gathered a cloth of her own while the blond shifted towards her. “Second time in a matter of days that you’ve tended to me, Guinevere.” He remarked, a weak smile tugging at his lips as the maid ducked her head.</p>
<p>“You seem to make it a habit of causing others to worry for you.” She stated softly as she began to pry loose the crude wrapping that the man had created in the forest.</p>
<p>“Will you tell me what it is you said to me at my bedside now?” He prodded, his smile widening at the faint blush that rose to her cheeks.</p>
<p>“I told you it was nothing.”</p>
<p>“You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” He asked, the teasing nature of his voice drawing out a small smile as she pulled away the saturated fabric and revealed the long cut.</p>
<p>“I think you’ll believe whatever you wish to believe, Sire.”</p>
<p>Wetting the rag and carefully cleaning blood away from his injured arm, Arthur looked up at the girl. “Well will you at least say something similar to me now that I’m awake?” He questioned, tilting his head a bit to one side as her dark eyes flickered to his before dropping back down to her work.</p>
<p>“You ought to be more careful when you leave the castle, Arthur.” She spoke quietly, worry written across her face as the man leaned back and let his smile fall.</p>
<p>“Perhaps you’re right.” Looking towards Merlin once more, Arthur watched while Gaius applied some sort of salve and a bandage around the boy’s injury. The tense way his eyebrows furrowed while he worked indicated the worry he still felt towards the silent boy as the prince looked away, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>Merlin would be fine, he had to be. The idiot attracted danger often with his clumsiness but he was never down for long, so he doubted such an injury would have him worrying the elder for much longer.</p>
<p>His thoughts were pulled away from the boy as the cloth touched a portion of his open wound, a quiet hiss leaving the man as Gwen pulled away and murmured a soft apology. With the blood cleared away he could see the length of the injury, the cut stretching from his bicep to down past his elbow. Gwen had just begun to wrap a bandage around his arm when the door swung open and a guard stepped inside, the man’s gaze drifting around until he spotted Arthur and bowed his head.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur, the king has requested your presence once you’re finished here.” Nodding back in response, the guard bowed again and departed, leaving a frown to settle over the blond’s face as he cut his eyes back to where Gaius and Merlin were.</p>
<p>The physician met his eye before the prince was looking away, barely wincing as the maid tightened the bandage around the wound. He had a fairly good idea of what it was that his father wanted, though he doubted it would be as civil as the guard made it seem. He knew the knights would tell his father of his return and the state in which he arrived, but he’d hoped for it to take a while longer to reach him.</p>
<p>He was in no mood to listen to the king go on about risking his life for that of a servant. He’d heard the lecture a hundred times in the past but nothing would ever change, there was no way he could leave a man behind, be it servant or knight. Had his men still been alive he would not have hesitated in making certain that they were safe as well. Perhaps not as much as Merlin, but that was different, the boy was hardly capable of looking after himself and he held no formal training like his knights did. Of course, such things mattered very little in the eyes of his father.</p>
<p>“There, all finished.” Gwen’s voice penetrated through the man’s thoughts as he blinked, looking away from his servant and turning instead towards the young woman standing beside him.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Gwen.” He spoke, watching as a soft smile appeared on her face while she cleaned up the supplies she had used. Standing from his seat and pulling his arm close to his side, Arthur turned to face the physician though he found that the words he wanted to say would not come out.</p>
<p>In all his time with Merlin he’d never seen the boy so still. Even in his sleep he tossed and turned and mumbled nonsense that he’d once thought of as irritating, though now found he was desperate to hear again. With the blood and dirt cleaned from his face, several small scrapes and cuts were more visible and stood out along his pale skin, as well as the beginnings of a bruise along the left side of his head where he’d been struck by the branch.</p>
<p>“Sire?” Pushing the servant from his mind and standing straighter, Arthur met the elder’s prying eye and forced the exhaustion he felt down. “I would not keep your father waiting for long or else he might come to find you himself.” The words were spoken kindly, a look of understanding cast towards the prince as Arthur was struck with a feeling from years prior when the physician would help him tend to injuries acquired during play.</p>
<p>And though the man was correct, the prince was wary of leaving, his gaze shifting back to his servant before he was looking away altogether, the words desperate to be spoken unable to be said. So instead the prince nodded, uttered a quiet thank you to the elder’s promise to check on him later, and reluctantly left his servant behind.</p>
<p>As the door closed behind him and the deafening silence followed after him, Arthur wanted nothing more than to know when Merlin would be recovered. Whatever was wrong with him would be corrected he was sure, the question was only how long it would be before the boy was bounding into his room with the same level of annoying optimism that he’d somehow grown accustomed to.</p>
<p>And yet despite what he kept telling himself as he made his way to his father’s chambers, the look on Gaius’ face had given him pause. He’d remembered that look on his face once before in regards to his ward and the very memory of Merlin dying from the poison he’d ingested was enough to cause fear to bind around the prince’s heart as he walked just a bit faster through the halls. The sooner he dealt with his father’s irritation the sooner he could get back to the physician and his idiotic servant.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Sitting in front of his fire, Arthur rested his chin in his hand and stared at the flickering flames that did little to distract him from the chaos reigning inside his head. What he’d expected of his time with his father had been true, the king taking his time in scolding his son for what he had done.</p>
<p><em>“You cannot be so reckless, Arthur! You were nearly killed just a matter of days ago, then you go and risk your life for a servant?”</em> Scowling, the prince slouched down in his seat. <em>“If you were killed, what would I have done? What would become of Camelot? You must start thinking of the kingdom as a whole. As the prince you cannot allow your judgement to be clouded from what is important.”</em></p>
<p>Reaching his hand up, his fingers probed at his shoulder again, the tips digging into the still sensitive area and rubbing away the ache that had resurfaced. Despite what his father had said, if he was faced with the choice again he knew he’d make the same decision. He understood what his father meant, and perhaps he did need to consider his actions more carefully when it came to his kingdom, but a piece of him also disagreed.</p>
<p>What kind of prince was he, and what kind of king would he become, if he abandoned what he believed to be true? What he felt was right? He was not one to leave anyone behind, be it a servant or a knight or a royal, and he’d thought those were the beliefs that his father had tried to instill in him.</p>
<p>Reaching across to the table, he took hold of a goblet of water that had been brought to him with his dinner and took a slow drink, his mind still wandering when a knock on his door captured his attention.</p>
<p>“Arthur?” Sitting up straighter as the door cracked and a head poked inside, green eyes met his and the blond motioned for her to enter. “I heard what happened, are you alright?” As Morgana stepped closer, Arthur caught sight of the darkened circles beneath her eyes and quickly looked away. She’d been sleeping far less since her dreams had increased, and though no one was speaking of it he knew it was on everyone’s mind.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, it was barely a scratch.” He stated dismissively, resting the goblet on the arm of his chair and returning his gaze to the fire. While her concern was touching, he was in no mood to further discuss what happened.</p>
<p>“What about Merlin?”</p>
<p>“What about him?”</p>
<p>“Has he woken? Gwen was worried sick about him when she told me.” The girl sighed, nearing closer and leaning back against his table.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” He forced out, the guilt at failing to return to the physician’s chambers weighing on him almost as much as the pressing stare he felt from the girl next to him.</p>
<p>“What do you mean you don’t know? Haven’t you gone back to check on him?”</p>
<p>“I’ve had other things that took priority.” He spoke sharply, refusing to look her way at the sound of indignation that left her at his comment.</p>
<p>“What could be more important than making sure he is alright?” She scoffed, stepping into his line of sight while he took another drink. “This is because of something Uther said, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Morgana I cannot be concerned about a single person when I’ve an entire kingdom to think about. What use would I be sitting in a room waiting for a <em>servant</em> to wake up?” He hated himself for the words that poured out, true though that they were.</p>
<p>“That sounds <em>exactly</em> like Uther. I can’t believe I actually let myself believe you were changing.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“If you weren’t so prideful and stubborn perhaps you would see what is apparent to everyone else except you.” She snapped, her glare as sharp as any blade as Arthur forced his voice to remain calm.</p>
<p>“And what is that, Morgana?”</p>
<p>“The fact that you care about Merlin, and that he may very well be the only person who is <em>willingly</em> your friend, yet you choose to act as if he’s nothing more than a common servant.” Staring in shock at her, the girl stepped closer and stared down at him. “Well congratulations Arthur, Uther must be <em>so</em> proud.”</p>
<p>“Morgana-“</p>
<p>“Forget it, you’ll never change. I don’t know why I ever believed you would.” Turning on her heel and storming out of the room, Arthur found his mouth open mid complaint as he was left alone in his chambers.</p>
<p>One moment passed and then another before the goblet he’d held in his hand was launched across the room. What little water that remained was thrown with it as the cup slammed into the wall and clattered to the floor.</p>
<p>Damn her. Damn her, because ignoring her insults and overlooking the ridiculous sentimentalities, there had been truth in what she’d said. Though truth lay in what he’d said as well. What good would it do to sit there and wait for him to be alright? He had other duties and jobs to take care of and he would not allow himself to be so caught up in one person that he ignored everything else that he was meant to be doing.</p>
<p>If Morgana was so concerned about his manservant than she was welcome to check on him herself, but he would wait until he heard from Gaius that the boy was up and moving before he bothered wasting his time.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He blamed Merlin. No, he blamed Merlin <em>and</em> Morgana. He was exhausted from the journey and the day from hell, yet sleep eluded him at every turn.</p>
<p>Tossing around once again and burying his head beneath one of the pillows, a heavy breath pulled out past the prince’s lips before Arthur was sitting upright, the blankets falling into his lap as he glared across the room at the embers of the fire that had long since died out.</p>
<p>Glancing to his right where a small vial sat on his nightstand, he scowled at the way it almost seemed to mock him. When a maid had delivered it to his room instead of Gaius he’d known the boy wasn’t doing well, no other reason being possible for the physician refraining from checking on the prince himself.</p>
<p>Due to that he’d refused to take the potion that was sure to knock him out until morning, instead choosing to sleep lightly in case anyone came with news about the boy’s condition. Of course that implied sleep was actually a possibility, which so far, it wasn’t. Despite how irritated she’d made him, Arthur found Morgana’s words playing around and around in his mind until he was climbing from his bed and struggling to pull a tunic over his head.</p>
<p>After a span of time that he’d refuse to ever admit, the prince slipped out of his room and waved off the two guards standing outside his door. He wasn’t one to roam about often, but he suspected they knew better than to follow after a day such as he’d had.</p>
<p>The halls were deathly silent, his path lit by torches along the walls as he made his way towards the physician’s chambers. Climbing the stairwell and dragging his fingers lightly across the stone, Arthur paused at the door that was partially cracked and listened, the only noise being that of the fire casting a soft glow across the floor.</p>
<p>Pushing the door further open and slipping inside, the room held only the physician and his ward, the two near the back where the boy lay as still as when the prince had left and Gaius sat bent over him. Looking up at the movement, Gaius’ eyes landed on Arthur and he gestured him forwards silently, his weary expression one that disheartened the man even before he’d spoken a word. Letting the door fall shut behind him, the quiet crackling of the fireplace’s light guided the blond as he sat in a chair that he had no doubt had been placed there earlier for Guinevere.</p>
<p>“Are you feeling alright, Sire?” Gaius asked, though the question was more a formality as Arthur leaned back and let his eyes flicker to the boy before settling on the elder.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He nodded, resting his wrapped arm across one knee. “He still had not woken?”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid not.” The physician shook his head, relaxing back into his chair and staring down at the boy that lay before him. “He has swelling of the brain, though even I am unsure of how bad.”</p>
<p>Swallowing past a suddenly too dry throat, Arthur shifted uncomfortably and fixed his gaze back on his servant. “But he will wake up, won’t he?”</p>
<p>“We can only pray.” The man’s voice was thick, heavy with grief and worry. There was no doubt in Arthur’s mind that he hadn’t left his ward’s bedside once, and the very thought made him feel ill.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Gaius. I know what he means to you.” He offered quietly, lowering his head as the elder looked towards him.</p>
<p>“Merlin is strong, I’m sure he will pull through, though my concern lies with how long he’s been asleep. Until he awakens I cannot begin to guess at what damage may have been caused.”</p>
<p>“Damage?” The word came out in a hoarse croak, the prince immediately dropping his head while running his fingers along the back of his neck. “You mean he might..”</p>
<p>“I’m unsure of what may happen, but the longer he sleeps the more I find myself worrying.” A deep sigh escaped both of the men, a moment of silence lapsing over them as Arthur’s hand found its way to his shoulder once more, a twinge of pain at the contact a welcome distraction from the overwhelming concern that was eating away at him.</p>
<p>“Is there no way to wake him up?”</p>
<p>“What little I can try has failed to elicit a response. For now, all we can do it wait and allow him to fight on his own.”</p>
<p>Sitting up and running a hand down his face, Arthur’s eyes fell shut as his fingers pressed tightly against them. “I should’ve looked after him better, I know how the idiot attracts trouble.”</p>
<p>“There was nothing more you could do.” Gaius stated, his tone causing the blond to look over and find a stern gaze staring back at him. “I know how your father feels, his concern for you. I know what he would’ve had you do, but I am grateful to you Arthur for making certain that Merlin was returned to Camelot and not left in that forest alone.”</p>
<p>The sincerity in the man’s eyes and gratefulness of his tone had the prince looking away, barely even able to nod at the words. He’d been thanked by people before, those that he’d helped in ways both big and small, but somehow coming from Gaius it struck him differently. Perhaps because he knew how strongly Gaius felt for the boy, how he treated him as his own son. Or perhaps it was because in such a situation, he didn’t expect to be thanked.</p>
<p>Merlin went everywhere he did, whether it was required of him or not and whether he was putting himself in danger because of it or not. Arthur had just come to expect that wherever he went, Merlin would be beside him, and due to that he’d also come to expect that the boy’s safety was his responsibility. He’d never really questioned it or thought much about it. But with aged eyes that had seen so much and lived through even more staring at him in such gratitude over what he’d thought was a simple and expected action, Arthur could not respond.</p>
<p>As the physician rose to move about in the other half of the room, his hand fell to Arthur’s uninjured shoulder for a moment before he was pulling away and the blond was leaning forwards in his chair.</p>
<p>Clasping his hands in front of him, his mind wandered back to Morgana’s words. Perhaps he was stubborn, and though he rarely voiced the truth aloud, he <em>did</em> consider Merlin to be his friend. The boy had proven time and again his unwavering loyalty towards Arthur and his willingness to do whatever was asked or needed of him, regardless of what it put him through. A fact that often irritated Arthur, though it did dredge up a bit of admiration as well.</p>
<p>Merlin was the first person he’d met that treated him as, well, a <em>person</em>. Granted it annoyed him at times, and there were moments when he felt the boy needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut, but their bantering was something that Arthur had grown fond of, and sitting next to him in agonizing silence only made everything feel all the more wrong.</p>
<p>The servant was an accident waiting to happen at every moment, his clumsiness known by all and laughed at by many, but he’d never been injured in such a way before. And though Arthur was reluctant to admit it, he was worried for the idiot that had made himself an integral part of his everyday life.</p>
<p>“Arthur?” Jolting at the elder’s voice, Arthur sat up and blinked away his haze, his stiffened form complaining at the sudden movement.</p>
<p>Turning to find the physician standing over him with a newfound worry specifically for him, the prince sat straighter and cleared his throat. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should return to your chambers and get some rest. You’re no doubt weary from the day’s events and I can send someone to inform you when Merlin awakes.”</p>
<p>“No.” The objection was immediate and quickly regretted, the man backtracking at the surprised look the physician wore. “I couldn’t sleep, my arm was causing me pain and there was no point sitting there uselessly.”</p>
<p>It was a poor excuse and he knew they were both aware of that fact, but Gaius said nothing more as he nodded and turned away again while Arthur leaned back in his seat. He wasn’t sure of the exact time, but he knew it was late. Weariness did in fact cling to his every limb, but once he was seated beside the boy he found himself unable to leave. Not when there was the chance of him worsening or not waking up at all.</p>
<p>Dragging a hand down his face, Arthur’s eyes began to fall shut again when movement in front of him had the prince jerking up and staring intently at the boy on the cot. A moment passed in silence and the blond was beginning to think his over exhausted mind was imagining things when the boy shifted again, followed by a weak groan.</p>
<p>“Gaius!” Shouting for the physician, Arthur leaned close as Merlin’s head tilted towards him, the elder hurrying over and settling into the chair beside him.</p>
<p>“Merlin?” The man questioned, his hand falling to his ward’s arm as the boy’s eyes began to flicker open.</p>
<p>Swallowing down his nerves, Arthur sat on the edge of his seat as blue hues peered out past the boy’s eyelids, an unfocused gaze drifting back and forth between the two men before looking up towards the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Where am I?” His voice was hoarse and cracked, the words barely audible though they were enough to cause the prince relief as Gaius’ fingers tightened around Merlin’s arm.</p>
<p>“You’re home, Arthur brought you back.”</p>
<p>Blinking wearily, the boy’s eyes closed before opening once more a moment later, confusion and unsurety in them as he stared back at the physician. “Home?” He croaked, wincing at the force needed to speak as Arthur leaned forward.</p>
<p>“Come on, Merlin, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten where home is. You weren’t hit that hard.” It was an attempt at a joke, a piece of him expecting to get a rise out of the boy like normal, but all he received was another confused stare as the servant’s gaze came to rest on him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry..” He murmured, barely shaking his head before he was grimacing at the movement. “I don’t.. I..”</p>
<p>“Relax, Merlin, you don’t have to speak.” Gaius urged, the gentle touch on the boy’s arm lifting as Merlin looked between the two again and swallowed.</p>
<p>There was something about the way he was acting that unsettled the prince, the way his gaze kept shifting between the two of them and then past them, almost as if he were looking for someone else that he expected to be there instead.</p>
<p>“Please..” Pausing, a trembling breath rattled out of the boy as his fingers curled into fists beside him. “Please tell me.. who are you?”</p>
<p>Staring silently, neither man could form an answer as Arthur’s mind raced, his gaze fixed on his servant, on his <em>friend</em>. Something was wrong, he <em>knew</em> something was wrong, and yet he refused to allow the thought to go any further than that.</p>
<p>“You pick the worst times to joke, <em>Mer</em>lin.” Arthur chided, though the forced nature of the words made them harsher than he meant as Merlin stared back at him in bewilderment, and even worse, <em>fear</em>.</p>
<p>“Arthur-“</p>
<p>“You <em>are</em> joking, aren’t you?” Arthur demanded, desperation clawing up his throat at the wary way the boy looked at him. There was no hint of a smile or a too loud laugh that would echo off the walls at finding his own humor enjoyable, all that stared back at him were scared blue eyes that held no recognition for the men sitting beside him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but I don’t know who either of you are.”</p>
<p>Oh God, he wasn’t joking. Which meant..</p>
<p>“Please, can you tell me where I am?” His voice wavered as he spoke, and as Gaius pulled away and tried to soothe him with calming words, all Arthur could do was stare.</p>
<p>He felt cold and hollow, his mind refusing to accept what was right before his eyes. Merlin had no idea who Arthur was, and it pained him in a way he couldn’t even begin to express.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>I feel so bad, I left you guys without a chapter for so long and then I just throw you a cliffhanger.. WHOOPS</p>
<p>I know the whole ‘losing your memories’ thing is totally cliché but I couldn’t help myself, I desperately wanted to do this one and I really wanted a two parter for the end of season one soooooo here ya go! I’m gonna try to get the next chapter out faster, but I’m going on a short trip this week cause my birthday is on Wednesday so it may take a bit longer!</p>
<p>I hope you guys enjoyed the extra long chapter, and if you feel like leaving a comment I always enjoy them and I’d love to hear from you! ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ...And Those We Remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Please.. please tell me.. who are you?” His question fell past dry and cracked lips with desperation and fear, dazed eyes flickering back and forth between the two strangers that looked back at him in silence. Why weren’t they answering him? Where even was he? This wasn’t his home, it looked nothing like Ealdor, and where was his mother?</p><p>“You pick the worst times to joke, <em>Mer</em>lin.” The younger of the two spoke harshly, a frown set deep on his face as the boy tried to swallow past his growing unease. They knew his name, <em>how</em> did they know his name?</p><p>“Arthur-“</p><p>“You <em>are</em> joking, aren’t you?” Another beat of silence passed as Merlin tried to muster the strength to speak. The men were unfamiliar and the room entirely foreign, yet that man spoke as if he knew him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I don’t know who either of you are.” He said carefully, pain striking through his head as he grimaced, his fingers curling into fists beside him as his eyes darted around the room in search of his mother once again. What had happened to him? Why wasn’t she there? Why couldn’t he remember how he’d gotten to this place?</p><p>“Please, can you tell me where I am?” His voice wavered as the words left him, tears burning in his eyes from the pain mounting in his head and the fear crushing against his chest. The man who’d questioned him now only stared, blue hues seeming to look right through him while the older of the two leaned closer.</p><p>“It’s alright, Merlin, you’re safe here.”</p><p>“But where am I?” He begged, his breath falling out faster as he tried to think back, tried to recall anything that would give him the answers he needed. But all he was met with was an empty void and a thick darkness that hovered over him, leaving him feeling more helpless by the second. He couldn’t remember what happened, he couldn’t remember anything.</p><p>“Merlin, breathe, you’re alright.” A calming voice attempted to soothe him as the boy’s gaze shifted to the elder who wore a look of concern.</p><p>“You’re in Camelot.” The first man spoke aloud, his words sharp and cold as he stared at the ground, refusing to meet Merlin’s eye when he looked his way. “Gaius is the Court Physician, he’ll take care of you.” Standing abruptly, the blond stepped away and stalked to the other side of the room as the elder’s mouth pressed into a thin line.</p><p>“Do I know you?” He whispered, dragging the physician’s attention back to him as a kind smile appeared.</p><p>“You do, but don’t worry about that for now, you need to rest. I’m going to fetch something that I’d like for you to take, an herbal remedy to help with the pain you’re feeling, alright?” Quirking a brow at him, the warlock barely nodded before he was grimacing again, the simple movement sending a fresh wave of pain coursing through his head.</p><p>As Gaius rose and made his way in the same direction the blond had gone, Merlin closed his eyes and worked to think back, to delve into the darkness that had stolen his memories and try to find something, anything that he could use to tell him who these people were.</p><p>“Why doesn’t he remember?” A voice hissed from across the room before another quickly quieted it and Merlin found himself shifting his focus, trying instead to listen to the hushed conversation taking place about him.</p><p>“A number of things could be the cause. The placement of the injury, the trauma sustained, the swelling that happened.” He recognized the elder’s voice, low and whispered as it was, and Merlin strained to catch what else was said.</p><p>“He’ll remember when he heals, won’t he?”</p><p>“That is not something I can know.” Closing his eyes tighter and pressing his head against the pillow, the warlock bit back a wave of pain that was determined to be vocalized.</p><p>“You’re telling me there is a chance that he may never remember?” The man asked the same question Merlin was pondering, and as his fingers dug into the blanket beside him, dread filled him at the answer the physician gave.</p><p>“I’m saying that it is too early to tell.”</p><p>Releasing a sharp breath, Merlin shifted away from the voices and clenched his teeth, tears now threatening to spill down his face. Why wouldn’t they just tell him who they were? He wanted to see his mother, to have her fill in the missing pieces that were somehow lost to him now. He just wanted <em>answers</em>.</p><p>“Merlin?” A hand fell to the boy’s shoulder and the warlock struggled more than he should’ve to pull his eyes open again. “Here, drink this.” Extending a vial out to him, the boy took it and inspected the remedy warily, the color and scent reminiscent to one his mother used to make. Helping the boy to sit up, Merlin swallowed the contents quickly and winced against the increase of pain that struck him as he leaned back again.</p><p>“Is my mother here?” He asked, his voice no more than a croak that struggled to come out as Gaius’ face fell.</p><p>“No, she isn’t.” He shook his head, taking the empty vial from the boy and settling into the chair beside him once more.</p><p>“What happened? Why am I here?”</p><p>“Calm yourself.” The man soothed, his hand returning to his shoulder and squeezing it gently. “I promise I’ll answer all of your questions later, but for now you must rest.”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>“Rest, Merlin.” As he spoke, the hand on his shoulder shifted to the top of his head and the elder’s fingers settled into his hair. Quieting down and holding back the onslaught of questions that were plaguing his mind, a brief flicker of familiarity drifted over him as his eyes fell shut.</p><p>He couldn’t remember this place or the physician beside him, but a sense of safety had enveloped him and as the fingers in his hair moved in a comforting manner, the warlock allowed the pull of sleep to drag him back beneath its cover.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“Please tell me.. who are you?”</em>
</p><p>Merlin’s words played on repeat throughout the prince’s mind, as did the fear that had been woven into them. He couldn’t get the look on his face out of his head either, the confusion that had appeared just by looking at him.</p><p>Leaning backwards in his chair and folding his arms across his chest, Arthur stared mindlessly across the room while the voices around him droned on in an endless fashion. He was in no mood for this meeting, but his father had made it clear he was not to miss it.</p><p>The king cared very little about the happenings of his son’s manservant, aside from the anger he held towards Arthur’s insistence on getting him back. The man almost wished he were capable of the same apathy when it came to Merlin, yet he found the harder he tried to ignore the pressing concern the more it reared its ugly head.</p><p>“Arthur!” Jolting at the irritation laced through his uttered name, the blond met his father’s pressing stare and noticed for the first time the silence that had fallen across the room. Unfolding his arms and sitting up straighter, Arthur cleared his throat and arched a questioning brow towards the king.</p><p>“I asked you what your thoughts were on the new patrol’s regime.” The tightness of his father’s voice was unmistakable, and Arthur had no doubt the question had already been posed more than once.</p><p>“It sounds fine.” He replied, letting his eyes fall to the series of documents spread about on the table as he searched for the one he needed.</p><p>“Arthur-“</p><p>“I do think it’s a bit too lenient though.” He cut in, reaching out and shifting one of the pieces of parchment closer to the man. “These men have been thoroughly trained and most have held their positions for years. They know what is required of them, I see no point in allowing them to slack off and grow accustomed to such an order only to find they are no longer of use if anything happens in the future.”</p><p>Settling back and returning his stare to his father, the tension began to dissipate as Uther glanced over the page and nodded. “You hold a valid point.” He uttered, casting a look of approval towards his son as the prince’s own gaze shifted back to the table.</p><p>While he’d learned years ago to divide his attention in the council to keep himself from growing too bored, he’d barely kept himself out of trouble due to his wandering thoughts.</p><p>So Merlin didn’t remember, it wasn’t as if such a thing were so terrible. Gaius would fix him and all would return to normal. And even if he never fully remembered, what did that matter? He was certain the boy’s attitude would remain the same, as would the way he worked. He had nothing to be concerned about. And yet the weight in his stomach continued to plague him just as strongly as it had over the last two days since the boy had first woken.</p><p>Glancing up as one of the council began to discuss a treaty the kingdom had signed years back, Arthur worked to keep a sigh from leaving him. He’d left soon after Merlin had woken with the intention to return after he’d obtained some rest, but his father had had other plans.</p><p>He’d kept his son relentlessly busy with various meetings, pointless errands, and stifling patrols. Even the one time he’d actually needed to visit the physician to have his wound looked over, the king had sent for Gaius to come to the prince’s chambers instead where little could be spoken about the servant.</p><p>Be it punishment or lesson the king was trying to instill in his son Arthur didn’t care. He’d easily been blaming his lack of focus on the previous weeks where he’d been injured on more than one occasion, but he suspected his father was quickly growing to realize the falsity in his claims.</p><p>As the meeting came to a close and the council began to leave, Arthur rose from his chair only to be stopped by his father’s throat clearing. “Arthur.” Turning, he met the king’s gaze and obediently stepped closer at his beckoning. “Despite your attempts at fooling the council of your attention, don’t think I haven’t noticed how distracted you’ve been.”</p><p>“It’s nothing, Father, I’ve merely got a lot on my mind.” He offered simply, his fingers drifting over the edge of the table as Uther’s gaze narrowed.</p><p>“This doesn’t have anything to do with that servant of yours, does it?”</p><p>“Of course not.” The prince scoffed, drumming his fingers briefly against the wood.</p><p>“Because if it is-“</p><p>“I told you it’s not.” The man snapped, glancing away at the disapproval he received for the tone of his voice. “I’ll make certain I pay more attention during the next meeting.” He relented, his voice lowering as the king shifted in front of him.</p><p>“See to it that you do. I don’t need to remind you how important learning these things is. As boring as you may find it all, it is one of the most important jobs you’ll have one day as king.”</p><p>“I know.” Shuffling back a step, Uther nodded once in show that he could leave and Arthur didn’t hesitate to stride away from the suffocating chambers. He knew the importance of it all, he’d never denied that. However it was hardly his fault that the idiot wouldn’t leave his thoughts when it had been nearly impossible to know how he was.</p><p>Turning the corridor and walking towards the field, Arthur’s steps faltered at the sight of a young woman hurrying in the opposite direction. “Guinevere!” He called out, walking faster as the maid paused and looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up at the sight of the prince.</p><p>“Arthur? Are you alright?” She questioned once he’d drawn nearer.</p><p>“Are you going to see Gaius?” Glancing down at the basket she held that was filled with various herbs, the girl’s head bobbed a couple of times.</p><p>“I had a bit of time and I offered to gather some of the things he was running low on since Merlin, well..” Trailing off, a knowing eye sat upon him and Arthur was grateful for the opening she’d purposely left for him.</p><p>“Speaking of my foolish servant, how is he?” His tone was gruff but Gwen paid it no mind, the basket shifting in her arms as she turned and began to walk slowly towards the physician’s chambers.</p><p>“Physically he’s doing better, Gaius says he should make a full recovery.” The purposeful pause did not slip past the prince’s attention, the man staring intently at her as they rounded a corner and her eyes fell. “He still doesn’t remember much, though.” Gwen murmured, her fingers playing with the edges of her basket.</p><p>“He remembers Ealdor, and his mother, but he doesn’t remember coming here at all. It took Gaius some time to assure him that he was safe here.” With a small, jerking motion, the maid shrugged while Arthur’s hand scraped through his hair. “I’m on my way to see him, if you’d like to come with me?”</p><p>Looking over at her invitation, Arthur’s mind stumbled over itself in a race to find the right words. He didn’t have much time, but he could stop by, could manage to see him for just a few moments.</p><p>“I can’t.” He heard himself saying, his body coming to an abrupt stop in the middle of the hall as Gwen paused in confusion. “I’m to go on patrol and I’ll be late if I don’t go now.”</p><p>Why was he saying those things? Each word that left him made him hate himself a little bit more though he knew he would not take them back. How could he go there and see the boy when he had no idea who he was? How could he look at him knowing that if he’d been faster or done even a single thing different, than perhaps the boy wouldn’t be at such a loss for who or where he was?</p><p>“I understand.” Gwen nodded, offering him a small smile. “Be careful.”</p><p>With a smile he couldn’t help but return and a quick nod, Arthur turned away from the maid and strode through the halls, each step forcefully placed in an effort to keep himself from turning back around.</p>
<hr/><p>Frustration, that was the only word he could think of that perfectly fit what he felt. Squeezing his eyes shut tighter and digging his fingers against his temples, Merlin ground his teeth at the pain that flared through his head. Why couldn’t he remember?</p><p>Every time he tried to think back he was met with nothing more than an empty black void. The man looking after him had assured him that he would remember things in time, but the warlock was impatient and the unsurety he felt at every turn was maddening.</p><p>“Merlin? What are you doing?” Dropping his hands and looking up, pained hues settled on the physician as he walked through the door. Gaius had told him that he was his guardian, the boy’s safety entrusted to him by his mother, a fact that Merlin was still having some trouble wrapping his head around.</p><p>Apparently he’d been living in Camelot for a year, though he had nothing that backed up the claim aside from what the elder told him. It wasn’t that he doubted him, but he was desperate to recall it to his own mind and not be forced to rely on what was told to him.</p><p>“Trying to remember.” He grumbled quietly, the sharp pain in his head settling into a persistent ache.</p><p>“I told you it will take time, you must be patient.” Turning a reproachful eye to the ground, the physician paused in front of the boy and let out a short breath. “I know you’re frustrated Merlin, but trying to force yourself will do no good.” As the man moved to the other side of the room and began to putter about with his work, Merlin shifted on the cot that had been his own for the last two days and watched the man in curiosity.</p><p>Gaius was kind, and Merlin must have trusted him to have told him of his magic. Or at least to have used it in front of him. Gaius had said it was done without thinking, the boy instinctively going to save the physician from an untimely fate, but he’d kept the warlock’s secret and helped to watch over and guide him as time had gone on.</p><p>Dragging his fingers along his arm, Merlin’s head tilted to one side as he watched while Gaius began mixing herbs together in a way similar to his mother. He still remembered Ealdor, something he was relieved about. He remembered his mother and Will, but one thing that was missing was <em>why</em> he had left. So much had changed though, that much he knew.</p><p>Lifting his hand and brushing his fingers over his tunic, he furrowed his brows and pressed on the still sensitive skin in the middle of his chest. There were so many new scars that littered his skin, all of them from events that he had no recollection of. Stories and tales and adventures that were nothing but a gaping hole in his mind. He’d done a lot since being in Camelot supposedly, yet he was met with an emptiness that left him hollow and cold whenever he tried to think back on it all.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>Looking up at the question, Merlin sat straighter and curled his fingers around the edge of his cot. “Fine.”</p><p>“And your head?”</p><p>“It aches a bit.” He admitted, already knowing better than to try and lie to the elder. In the short time he could recall being around the physician he’d learned lying to him proved ineffective and often times impossible.</p><p>“Here, take this, it will help.” The man encouraged, walking over and offering a dark tinted vial to the boy who drank it without complaint.</p><p>Clutching the empty bottle, Merlin watched while his guardian retreated back to his work. “Gaius?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“You said that since I’ve arrived you’ve been helping me with my magic?”</p><p>“In a manner of speaking.” The man confirmed, shifting a few items on one of the worktables while Merlin stared.</p><p>“You have an extensive knowledge of magic though, right?”</p><p>Pausing, the physician looked over his shoulder at the boy and drew his brows together in question. “To some extent, yes. What is it that you’re wanting to know?”</p><p>“Is there a way..” Hesitating, Merlin inhaled a long breath. “Is there a spell or a potion that can bring back the memories I’ve forgotten?” A beat of silence passed as the elder turned to face him and curious eyes looked him over.</p><p>“Perhaps, though not any that I know of offhand. I’d need to do a bit of research, see if I can find anything.” He spoke slowly as the boy sat up straighter, the remedy he’d been given already beginning to ease his pain.</p><p>“Do you think a healing spell would work?”</p><p>“Merlin, I know that look, it’s unwise to use magic until you’ve recovered.”</p><p>“But I feel fine.” He cut in, feeling a twinge of guilt at the partial lie as the man stared at him doubtfully.</p><p>“You may not remember me, but I certainly know you and your penchant to dismiss anything that’s wrong for the sake of what you’ve set your mind on doing.”</p><p>“What am I meant to do then?” He asked dejectedly, slumping a bit where he sat. “Sit here until I heal? That could take days, Gaius, I’ll drive myself mad trying to remember.”</p><p>“And using magic when you’re not able to dedicate all you have to it could cause you problems far worse.”</p><p>“I’m a bit scraped up, that’s all.” The boy tried again, determination fueling him forwards. “And I could heal myself, I’m sure I could.”</p><p>“And what would you tell those that asked what happened? Why one moment you were injured and the next you seemed to be in perfect health?” A stern gaze fell on the warlock and caused Merlin to squirm, the truth he spoke fighting against the restlessness the boy felt.</p><p>“I’ve got to try something.” He murmured, his head falling as a quiet sigh left the physician.</p><p>“Come here, Merlin.” Looking up, the man gestured for his ward to rise, the two making their way over to one of his tables before he was being ushered towards a pulled out stool. “I’m going to ask you a couple of questions, and if you can answer them, I won’t stop you from trying one of those spells.”</p><p>“Questions?” Merlin asked dubiously, his eyes tracking the elder’s movements as a candle was lifted and held close while the man studied the boy’s eyes.</p><p>“What is your mother’s name?”</p><p>“Hunith.” He answered immediately, the candle lowering before Gaius rested his hand on the table.</p><p>“And what did you have for breakfast yesterday morning?”</p><p>“What sort of question is that?”</p><p>“Just answer.”</p><p>“I..” Pausing, Merlin’s voice cut out as he turned his head away, uncertainty flaring as he tried to think back. “Well I had.. I..” He couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t he remember just the day before?</p><p>“What about your tunic? What color was it yesterday?” Panic began to set in as Merlin’s hands gripped the edges of his stool tightly and he stared at the floor, trying to force his mind to go back. They were such trivial details but he should remember them, so why couldn’t he? “Merlin.” Forcing his head to lift, the knowing expression the elder wore only set the defeat deeper into the warlock as he looked away again, irritation at himself and the situation burning strong.</p><p>“You sustained a blow that, had it been just a fraction off, could have killed you. Give yourself more than a couple of days to recover, allow your brain to no longer bear the marks of what’s happened. You will remember in time, perhaps some familiar surroundings will even spark something inside you, but for now you must trust me when I say that magic is not an easy fix for such an injury.”</p><p>Remaining silent, Merlin could only nod briefly as the physician’s hand fell to his shoulder and squeezed before he was moving away and leaving the boy where he sat. Staring down at his open hands, a scar that stretched across his palm caught his attention, his fingers brushing over it carefully. Where had he gotten it? Why was every answer he sought shrouded by the darkness of his own mind?</p><p>Scowling as he clenched his fists, a knocking on the door captured his attention as both men turned, their eyes moving to the doorway as a young woman stepped inside, a basket held close to her chest.</p><p>“Guinevere.” Gaius spoke, offering a smile that she returned brightly.</p><p>“Hello, Gaius. I’ve got the herbs you were in need of. I hope it’s enough?”</p><p>Passing the basket off to him, the physician looked it over quickly. “It’s plenty, thank you my dear.”</p><p>Pausing a few paces away from him, the girl’s smile turned nervous as she looked to the warlock. “Hello, Merlin.”</p><p>“Hello, Gwen.” He nodded, the young woman stepping closer as a stool was offered to her. She’d been by often since he’d woken, introducing herself as the maid to the king’s ward and a friend of his own.</p><p>“How are you feeling today?”</p><p>“Fine.” He stated, forcing his hands to unclench as Gaius began to unpack the basket on the table beside them.</p><p>“I ran into Arthur in the hall.” She spoke after a few moments of silence had passed. “He didn’t have time to come by, but he did ask about you.”</p><p>“Arthur.” Merlin repeated, the name sounding strange to him as his eyes cut towards Gaius. “He’s-“</p><p>“The prince.” The elder interjected as the boy barely nodded.</p><p>“The one I work for.”</p><p>“And the one who saved you.” Gaius confirmed, turning away with his herbs as the boy’s fingers drifted over the scar on his hand once more.</p><p>“He was the one here when I woke up, wasn’t he?”</p><p>“Arthur was here?” Gwen asked, shock clear in her tone as wide eyes darted back and forth between the two men.</p><p>“He was, though he didn’t remain long.” Gaius answered carefully, his tone speaking more than his words as Gwen looked away.</p><p>“Well, I let him know that you were doing better, I hope that’s alright.”</p><p>“That’s fine.” Merlin shrugged a bit, his thumb pressing down against his palm as his brows drew together at the thought that came to mind at her words.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do?” Gwen questioned, leaning forwards in her seat. “Anything that could help you to remember?”</p><p>“Working.” Merlin uttered, lifting his head and meeting the girl’s confused gaze.</p><p>“Sorry?”</p><p>“Working. I want to go back to work.” He declared, turning to face Gaius. “You said that surrounding myself with the familiar could help me to remember, and you also said that I spent most of my time with Arthur. So going back to work could help me to recover what I’ve lost.”</p><p>It was obvious the boy’s sudden eagerness had taken the physician off guard, wary eyes studying the boy before he was glancing to the maid who seemed just as shocked as he. “Merlin, perhaps it would be best to wait a few more days, allow yourself the recovery time that I-“</p><p>“Gaius, please.” Merlin cut in, leaning against the table and staring intently at his guardian. “If I sit here just waiting I won’t be able to stand it. And if.. certain things can’t be done yet, at least let me do this.” Doing his best to plead his case, the warlock could tell the walls the physician had were crumbling.</p><p>“I will speak with Arthur, but you must rest a couple more days before any work can be done. I won’t have you making yourself worse for the sake of a few lost memories.” The warning was clear but so was the deal, both of which Merlin gratefully accepted.</p><p>“Of course. Thank you, Gaius.” Merlin practically beamed, looking towards the maid who smiled back at him. Soon he’d remember them all and everything they’d done, he just knew it.</p>
<hr/><p>It was so <em>strange</em>. It was like he was there but he wasn’t. Shifting his gaze from the paperwork in front of him to the boy across the room for the third time, Arthur studied the slow and silent movements of his servant. No one had expected him to return so soon, but according to Gaius the boy had been insistent. However if the prince had known how odd it would be he might have put up more of a fight.</p><p>As Merlin turned Arthur’s eyes fell back to his work, and though he looked over the words that were written in his father’s careful scrawl, he knew nothing he was reading was actually sticking. It had been quite some time since he’d been left to deal with the files and the taxes and the boring scripts and not had Merlin’s pestering voice in his ear. He would often berate him for the distraction, but it made the work more bearable, and now as silence lingered through the room he was desperate for something to change it.</p><p>Looking up yet again, Arthur set the quill he held down and eyed the boy standing next to his bed. “Merlin?” His voice obviously startled the boy, the servant jolting as he looked up, his fingers tightening around the pillow he held and creating creases in the fabric.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“What <em>are</em> you doing?”</p><p>“Making your bed?”</p><p>“Really?” The prince scoffed, folding his hands over the papers and narrowing his gaze. “Because you’ve been holding that pillow for half a minute now and failed to do anything more than burn a hole through it with your staring.”</p><p>Blinking a couple of times, Merlin glanced away before quickly placing it where it belonged, his gaze refusing to return to the blond. “Sorry, I must’ve been distracted.” Distracted, or perhaps he wasn’t as well off as he’d tried to convince the physician he was.</p><p>“Yes, because you have so many important things to think about that take up your time.” Arthur muttered flippantly, receiving only silence in response to his remark as the boy continued with his work. On any normal day the servant would respond with sarcasm or a retort of his own, but the silence that followed only served to make the prince feel awkward within his own chambers.</p><p>“Honestly Merlin I’m surprised you’re even here. You’re granted the rare chance at time off and you just go and throw it away. Next time you want a day off, I think I’ll remind you of this.” He stated, watching him intently as the continued quiet work threatened to drive him mad. Huffing a small breath to himself and returning to his papers which had suddenly become more entertaining than the boy with him, the only noise was that of Merlin’s shoes scuffling across the floor.</p><p>“Arthur?”</p><p>Glancing up at the voice, Arthur arched a single questioning brow at his name that had finally broken the boy’s silence. “What?”</p><p>“You.. you saved me the other day, right?” The question was posed while the servant began to straighten the blankets that already looked fine, though the prince kept that observation to himself.</p><p>“Yes, so what?”</p><p>“Can you tell me anything about what happened? Something that perhaps I might remember?” Standing straighter and staring at him from across the room, Arthur could feel the desperation practically bleeding off of him.</p><p>“You were your usual foolish, idiotic self and were captured. That’s all.” He stated gruffly, leaning back in his chair as the boy ducked his head and turned away. Yet another moment gone by where he might’ve defended himself, stated something about how it wasn’t his fault or about how he hadn’t had a weapon to protect himself with. “You still don’t remember anything, nothing at all from your time here?” Arthur cleared his throat, an attempt at forcing away the harsh tones while Merlin went about straightening the rest of his room.</p><p>“Not really. It’s just sort of.. empty.”</p><p>“Has Gaius any idea of when you’ll remember?”</p><p>“No, though he said I ought to surround myself with the familiar. Settle back into routine, try to jostle something in that way.” Gathering a few items of strewn about laundry and tossing them into a basket near his feet, Merlin looked up at the blond in curiosity. “Is there anything you can tell me about how I was? Anything of significance?”</p><p>“Significance?” Arthur practically snorted, pushing aside the quill and papers and propping his elbows against the table. “You’re ridiculously clumsy, have little regard for your own safety, and have a terrible habit of getting distracted by the smallest of things. Not to mention you can be quite mouthy. Honestly I think you might be one of the worst servant’s I’ve ever had.” He finished, almost smirking by the end as he met the boy’s gaze.</p><p>He expected indignation, shock, or even a laugh at his own expense, but what he received was a blank stare that was quickly shifted to the ground as the boy knelt to retrieve the basket. Slumping back in his chair, a hand rose to his face as Arthur watched Merlin finish his tasks in silence, not even responding with a face at the attempt towards banter. Rather than getting him to remember, all he’d managed to do was tear him down, which he assumed was the last thing Gaius wanted.</p><p>“Merlin-“</p><p>“I’ll take care of your laundry, Sire.” Merlin’s voice spoke over his before the servant paused in front of him only for the prince to dismissively wave a hand.</p><p>“Go, do your work.” With a curt nod, Merlin stepped out of his room and the door shut behind him in what felt like the loudest way possible. Somehow though, the room hadn’t changed. The emptiness that lingered was just as strong as it had been when the boy was inside.</p>
<hr/><p>“It’s ridiculous!” Merlin’s voice rose, the boy pacing back and forth in front of the physician while Gaius worked quietly at his table. “You should have heard him going on!” Scowling, the boy paused briefly in front of a stool and drew in a deep breath.</p><p>Setting down the herbs that he’d been drying, Gaius looked up at his irritated ward. He knew Arthur got on his nerves occasionally but this was different. This reminded him very strongly of a time months back when the boy first arrived.</p><p>“You know what he is?” Merlin spoke again, turning abruptly and pointing a finger at his guardian. “He’s a prat.” The words were spit out before the boy was pacing again and Gaius worked to force down the smile that wanted to rise.</p><p>“Merlin-“</p><p>“A pretentious, <em>spoiled</em> prat! I can’t believe I work for him! If I’m a terrible servant than why does he bother to keep me around?” Releasing a soft sigh, the elder admitted defeat in trying to calm his ward down, instead watching as he moved back and forth in agitation around the room. “And his chambers, Gaius, they were a <em>mess</em> and he told me it was because I’d been <em>gone</em> for so long! Like I’d taken a <em>holiday</em>. Is there no one else in the entire citadel that can clean up after him? Or is it only me?”</p><p>Stepping away from the table, Gaius placed himself in the boy’s path as he turned around again. “Perhaps it’s time you took a breath, Merlin.” He advised, placing his hands on the young warlock’s shoulders and ushering him towards a chair.</p><p>“You said that Arthur is my destiny, that I’m to keep him safe.” He spoke sullenly, slouching back and staring at the floor.</p><p>“It is.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to manage that when I can’t even stand to be around him?” He asked in exasperation, throwing his arms up and dragging his fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Merlin, you must keep in mind, you’ve been in Camelot for a year, all this time you’ve spent with him. If you couldn’t stand him, do you think you would have stayed?” The boy’s mouth opened, but quickly closed again once he found no argument had come out. “Perhaps what seems to be strange behavior is merely because you cannot remember building a bond with him.”</p><p>“A <em>bond</em>?” The boy scoffed, dropping his hands to his lap and staring up at the elder. “Gaius, Arthur is <em>infuriating</em>. Everything about him! What could have possibly changed to make us get along?”</p><p>“Those things he said to you, why do you think he said them?”</p><p>“Because he wanted to, I don’t know, anger me?” He grumbled, folding his arms across the table and staring up at the physician who could no longer stop his smile.</p><p>“Or perhaps he was attempting to rile you and draw out something more than silence.”</p><p>“So he insults me?”</p><p>“What was the first thing that came to mind?” He questioned, watching while confusion clouded over the boy’s face.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“When he said those things to you, what first came to your mind?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” He shrugged, though it was obvious what he was hiding.</p><p>“Merlin.”</p><p>“Some comment about my being capable of doing my own laundry. I think.” He muttered quietly, refusing to meet the elder’s eyes as Gaius let out a soft chuckle that surprised the young man.</p><p>“Maybe you should have said that to him.”</p><p>“And spent the rest of my day in the stocks? He’s the prince, Gaius.”</p><p>“And you’re the only person I’ve seen him allow such things to be said from.”</p><p>Narrowing his gaze, Merlin leaned against his arms and eyed the man doubtfully. “Why would that be?”</p><p>“You treat him as a person.” Gaius offered simply, beginning to press a few of the herbs he’d been working with. “The prince is abrasive and quite stubborn, but he also has a good heart and you help to keep him grounded. You respect him, but you also remind him that he’s still a person despite his royal standing.”</p><p>Falling into silence at his words, Merlin’s eyes shifted to the table while Gaius continued his work with only the sound of the crackling fire behind him filling the room. “Are we friends?”</p><p>Glancing up, Gaius found the boy’s intense blue eyes looking back at him. “You and Arthur?”</p><p>“Are we friends? You said that we spend a lot of time around one another, and, well..”</p><p>“Yes.” The physician nodded, resting his hands on the surface of the table. “You’re rather good friends, I believe. He may not speak it aloud, but Arthur cares a great deal about what happens to you. Why else do you think he was here waiting for you to wake up?”</p><p>“Everything you say we’ve done, those stories that you told me, they don’t seem real.” Laying his hands palm up on the table, Gaius caught sight of a scar the boy stared at stretched across his hand. “They don’t seem like me.”</p><p>“But they are.” He assured him, reaching out and grasping his forearm tightly. “Just because you cannot remember them now does not mean they never happened. Everything you’ve done, the relationships that you’ve formed, they’re all still here and they’ll all be waiting until the time comes that you remember.”</p><p>Keeping his eyes on the table, Merlin’s head bobbed. “I just.. I wish I had something to grab hold of. Something to fill the emptiness left behind.”</p><p>“Then do that.” His words piqued the boy’s interest, Merlin’s head lifting as Gaius smiled. “Create new memories while you wait. The next time Arthur goads you, give in. See for yourself the impact you’ve had on him, and he on you. Perhaps it will lead to nothing, or perhaps it will lead to something great.”</p><p>And there, finally, a smile began to surface on the warlock’s face. “Thank you, Gaius.”</p><p>“You’re quite welcome.” Drawing away, the physician returned to his work while the boy rose, his fingers drumming briefly against the wood before he was striding for the door with determination in every step.</p>
<hr/><p>It had been a week. The longest week of his entire life. Merlin’s days had been filled with his desperate search for the familiar and his nights were nothing but hollowed out voids where his memories had once been. As time passed Merlin had grown to recognize some things, including the way he moved about the citadel and the natural rhythm he fell into while working. Force of habit, Gaius had said.</p><p>He’d been doing the same things day in and day out for a year and his body had grown accustomed to them, so while his mind did not remember, his body did. Something that Merlin might have been grateful for had it not been so frustrating.</p><p>Guinevere and Morgana spoke to him as if he were fragile, like one wrong word would send him spiraling down the abyss of his own mind. Gaius was no better, because though he did not voice his concerns, the worried eyes that watched his every move had the boy feeling constantly on edge. Of course none of them compared to Arthur.</p><p>Merlin didn’t remember him, nor any of the time he’d spent by the man’s side. Yet everything about him was familiar, a sensation right there at the edge of his vision but always right out of his grasp. The way the prince acted, the way he trained, even the way he yelled.</p><p>And all the while Merlin felt like an imposter, just someone living another’s life. Was that really him? Were those stories and tales spoken by the people who called themselves his friend’s really true? He could no longer tell, and he’d allowed himself to slip into the comfort of believing their words despite the piece of him that could not stop wondering.</p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p>Jolting, the warlock glanced up from his work tidying the prince’s things and met the blond’s irritated gaze. “Yes?”</p><p>“I’ve spoken your name three times now, what could possibly be so important that you’re deaf to everything going on around you?” He snapped as Merlin held his tongue, glancing away with a quiet apology.</p><p>“I asked you if you polished my armor last night, I need it for today.” The prince’s tone was far less pleasant than usual and as Merlin nodded he found the man’s scowl deepening. “Why do you act as though I’m going to hurt you? What is your problem?” He demanded, rising from his chair and stalking towards the servant as Merlin straightened a stack of books on his desk.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“It’s obviously <em>something</em> so out with it!”</p><p>Folding his arms across his chest and glaring at the boy, Merlin released a short breath and met his gaze. “I’m merely trying to recall some things.”</p><p>“Is that why you’re so out of sorts? If you can’t do your work than go and find me somebody who can.”</p><p>“I would, if anyone else were capable of dealing with you.” He muttered, looking back to the desk as the prince’s retreating steps paused.</p><p>“What did you say?”</p><p>Freezing, Merlin swallowed and peered over his shoulder to find stern blue eyes watching him. “Nothing, I didn’t say anything.”</p><p>“No, I distinctly heard you muttering. So go on, tell me what you said.”</p><p>“I was just observing that you’re a bit out of sorts when you haven’t eaten.” He remarked easily, waiting for a reaction as the blond scoffed.</p><p>“You’re not exactly pleasant to be around either, <em>Mer</em>lin.” He shot back, his retort not quite what the boy had been expecting as he shifted one of the man’s quills to the other side of the surface.</p><p>“I don’t snap as much.” He commented, hearing another exasperated scoff leave the prince.</p><p>“I don’t <em>snap</em>.”</p><p>“Of course not, my mistake, <em>Sire</em>.” He replied, cutting his eyes towards the blond as he let out a sharp breath and sat back at his table.</p><p>Turning back to his work, a small smirk toyed at the warlock’s lips. Perhaps Gaius had been right, because for the first time since everything had gone wrong, something finally felt right, something finally felt like <em>him</em>. Finishing clearing the man’s desk, Merlin took hold of the prince’s chainmail that needed mending and caught the other’s eye when he spoke.</p><p>“When you’re done with that, you can muck out my stables.” He stated, a smug smile spread across his face as Merlin’s own twisted into a grimace. Yes, unfortunately, this all felt <em>very</em> right.</p><p>As the day passed and Merlin returned to his chambers to clean himself up after the disagreeable task of cleaning the prince’s stalls, the warlock pushed open the door and was greeted with the physician’s smile and a book lying open on the table.</p><p>“What’s going on?” He asked, grabbing a pitcher and pouring water into a large basin before he began to clean his face and hands.</p><p>“I believe I’ve found a spell that may help you with your memories.”</p><p>Whirling around with water still clinging to his hair, Merlin’s eyes widened. “You have?”</p><p>“I cannot promise it will work.” The physician spoke slowly, gesturing towards the book as the boy moved closer to see it. “But I believe if anything were to be of use, this might be it.”</p><p>“A way to return something that’s been lost?” He read aloud, a scrawling text jotted messily on a bit of parchment that looked yellowed and old.</p><p>“Yes. It requires a potion and incantation, but I believe you’re strong enough now to try such a thing.”</p><p>“How long will the potion take to brew? What needs done?”</p><p>“It takes a couple of days.” The elder spoke as Merlin pulled away from the book and began to look around the room.</p><p>“Well let’s get started, what needs to be gotten?”</p><p>“There’s no need.” Turning back to his guardian, Merlin watched as the elder sat a darkened vial on the table beside the book while a smile rose to his lips.</p><p>“You made one already?” The warlock asked in awe, picking it up and holding it to the candlelight.</p><p>“I found the spell a few days ago when we first spoke of it. I knew you’d be eager to try, so I had this prepared.”</p><p>Grinning widely, the boy lunged forwards and wrapped his arms tightly around his mentor, a laugh leaving him. “Thank you, Gaius.”</p><p>“Don’t thank me until we know if it’s worked.” He spoke, patting Merlin’s back before he drew away and a weathered hand tapped the book. “The spell is an intricate one, and I only had enough of the ingredients for one potion.”</p><p>“But it will bring back my memories, won’t it?”</p><p>“I’ve no way to know for sure.” Gaius shook his head while clasping his hands together in front of him. “I myself have never used such a thing, but if your memories are to be brought back through magic, I believe this is your best chance at it.”</p><p>Nodding in response, Merlin clutched the vial tighter and leaned over to view the parchment, his eyes darting over the written words. Murmuring it to himself a couple of times to perfect the pronunciation, Merlin straightened and pulled the cork out of the vial.</p><p>Breathing deeply, the boy’s gaze settled on his hands as he worked to concentrate. He’d cast spells a multitude of times according to Gaius, but from what he could remember, all the magic he’d done had been instinctual and without the use of words. And though the feeling felt as familiar as other things had, he could not grasp hold of much more than that to offer him reassurance.</p><p>“Trust yourself, Merlin, you can do this.” The physician’s words encouraged him as his next breath rattled out.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>“Diegol cnytte, gewitte me yst, þa tacnian me yst þonne ieceþ sicle.”</strong> </em>
</p><p>As the words he spoke drifted over and around him, the potion in the boy’s hand began to glow, the liquid inside shifting to a dark purple hue as Merlin’s eyes flickered briefly to Gaius before he was downing the contents. Swallowing as he lowered the small glass, a moment of calm washed over him and he began to wonder if the recitation had failed. Opening his mouth to ask the elder what he did wrong, a jolt of pain shot through the boy’s head and Merlin’s knees were hitting the ground before he knew what was happening.</p><p>Groaning as the pain heightened, the vial slipped from his fingers and hit the floor as his hands rose to his head, the warlock clasping at his temples in agony as his breathing turned short and ragged. His body tensed and a daggered pain struck his chest before his body was trembling and his head began to scream in misery.</p><p>Digging his fingers into his hair, Merlin attempted to cry out, to beg his guardian for help, when the darkness clouding his mind began to lift and people and places and voices began to flood into his mind all at once.</p><p>It was like he was drowning without water, no air to be seen only the visions and the voices ripping through his mind. He could see the Great Dragon telling him of his destiny, he could see Arthur fighting in the tournament against Sir Valiant. He could see Gwen and Morgana hiding away the druid boy and he could see Gaius worrying over him while he was ill.</p><p>Conversations and arguments and broken plea’s swam around him until he was lost in the midst of it all, the warlock flailing against the uncertainty and the doubts that still told him what he saw was far from real. But then it was there, passing by his eyes just as quickly as the rest, but it was an anchor he grasped ahold of. The most powerful he’d ever been, and the most determined, as his fight with Nimueh flashed before him.</p><p>He would not lose his family. He would not lose his friend. He would not lose his home, or his life, or his destiny. He was so many things, and he’d gained so much since coming to this kingdom. He was a sorcerer, a servant, a son, a friend. So much had come to pass, but even more still waited for him.</p><p>The storm began to settle and the waves began to still and suddenly Merlin was gasping for breath for the first time in what felt like years. He remembered who he was, and perhaps, for the first time, he was really seeing it too.</p><p>“Merlin?” Blinking open his eyes, Merlin’s gaze settled blearily on the worried face of his guardian, the man who was like his father, and watched a breath of relief shudder out of him. “I wasn’t sure you’d wake, my boy.” He spoke, his hands grabbing the warlock’s arms and pulling him to sit up, though he had no recollection of ever falling to the floor.</p><p>A dull pain ached in the back of his mind, but as he sagged against the hands that held him up, Merlin felt more peace than he had in days. “Merlin? Say something, are you alright?”</p><p>Lifting his head, a weak smile drifted onto his face as he nodded. “I remember.” He spoke wearily, though his smile grew. “I remember it all.”</p>
<hr/><p>It wasn’t intended. Arthur would never believe him, but he hadn’t meant for time to slip by as it had. Gripping the tray tighter, Merlin hurried through the halls towards the prince’s chambers and thought back on the events of his last hour with a mixture of elation and disbelief.</p><p>The potion had left him feeling nauseas and disoriented, Gaius going so far as insisting he remain on the floor where he’d fallen until the fog had lifted from his mind. He may remember that which he had forgotten, but his injury was still prevalent and he was not going to have the boy overstressing himself.</p><p>Merlin didn’t bother fighting him on it, not that he would have even succeeded, but he was more preoccupied with the fact that it had <em>worked</em> and he could <em>remember</em>. Though he’d not expected it to be so <em>exhausting</em>. So he’d lost track of time and well, he was already returning to old habits.</p><p>Slowing as he reached Arthur’s door, Merlin pushed it open and purposely avoided the act of knocking that he’d been doing the last couple of days. Entering the room and carrying the tray to the prince’s table where the blond was already sitting, Arthur looked up and fixed the boy with a withering stare.</p><p>“It’s about time.” He muttered, though his words only made the smile the servant wore wider. The prat was the same as always, but somehow he couldn’t be happier. “Stop that.” The prince grumbled, picking up his fork once the tray was placed as Merlin arched a brow in confusion while he poured his drink.</p><p>“Stop what?”</p><p>“That grinning.”</p><p>“Hadn’t even realized I was.” He stated, pulling away and standing to the side as Arthur frowned.</p><p>“You’re still doing it.”</p><p>“I can’t help it, I’m happy.” The warlock shrugged, anticipation clinging to his every word as Arthur rolled his eyes and returned to his food. “Don’t you want to know <em>why</em> I’m so happy?” He pushed, tilting his head and staring intently at the blond who only gripped his fork tighter.</p><p>“If I ask you, will you get rid of that ridiculous smile?”</p><p>“Yes.” He answered hastily, clasping his hands behind his back as a deep sigh rolled out of the prince while his fork clattered to the table.</p><p>Folding his hands in front of him, annoyed blue hues met the boy’s and a dry tone left the prince. “Merlin, <em>why</em> are you <em>so</em> happy?”</p><p>It was obvious he didn’t care, but the warlock could barely keep it in as he leaned forwards. “I remember.”</p><p>“You remember what?”</p><p>“Everything.” He shrugged, settling back and standing taller again as the prince stared back at him blankly. “Well, not <em>everything</em>, it’s still sort of coming back here and there, but I <em>remember</em>.” The silence that followed his declaration was one he’d not been expecting, receiving instead the prince’s intense stare, the man frozen as if a statue. “Arthur?”</p><p>“Could’ve guessed at such a thing.” He muttered suddenly, turning back to his food and stabbing at a piece of meat with his utensil.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It’s not difficult, <em>Mer</em>lin, you certainly remembered how to be <em>late</em>.” Biting back an immediate retort, Merlin dropped his head and fought the urge to roll his eyes at his friend. “Honestly I think you were a better servant before you got your memories back.” The words had the smallest hint of a teasing tone, and as the warlock’s head lifted again he found the blond peering up at him.</p><p>“Maybe, but you’d have gotten bored with me.” He shrugged, feeling his lips twitch upwards again as Arthur jabbed his fork at him.</p><p>“You’re doing it again, stop it.”</p><p>“I’m just smiling.”</p><p>“Yeah, and it’s creepy. Go do something useful with yourself instead of standing there like some idiot.” He muttered, waving a hand flippantly at him as the boy turned away with a shake of his head. Arthur would never change, would he? Though he had kept the boy safe, and made sure he’d made it to Gaius despite the difficulties.</p><p>“Thank you.” Merlin spoke up a moment later as he stepped over to the prince’s wardrobe, catching sight of a tunic half closed in the door.</p><p>“For what?” The weary sigh that left the man did little to deter the boy as he glanced over his shoulder.</p><p>“For helping me. I remember the bandits, and I know you risked your own life to get me back to Camelot safely, so thank you.”</p><p>“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur muttered, taking a drink from his goblet and staring down at his plate. “But for the record, it wasn’t for you. It was about the principle. They’d killed two of my men, I wasn’t about to let them kill my servant as well, how pathetic would that be?”</p><p>“Right, course. Well, thanks all the same.” Adjusting the tunic carefully and closing the wardrobe’s door, Merlin looked back over his shoulder and caught sight of the prince staring quietly at his plate, the smallest of smiles twitching the corner of lips before he was shoveling a bite of food into his mouth. No, Arthur would never change, but then again, Merlin didn’t want him to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>Wow I really don’t like this chapter. Like, I really kinda hate it. Normally when I write these I go into it having mapped out exactly what I want to happen. This time? Not even close. The first chapter came to mind and I just kind of assumed the rest would fall into place, but then I got crazy busy and I knew how it would end but that was about it. So if this chapter is an absolute trash fire I’m so sorry and you all deserved better.</p><p>I hope you’re all well and had a good holiday if you celebrated! I’m excited to write (better) chapters under the light of my Christmas tree and honestly I’m considering doing a couple of holiday specials? What do you guys think? Let me know! Thanks for reading, and leave a comment if you want!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Snowball Fight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The seasons had changed abruptly in the kingdom, a biting cold sweeping through Camelot and forcing its people to draw out their winter cloaks and stoke their fires a bit more when night would fall. For Merlin, the cold wasn’t so much a bother but rather what it often brought with it, and when he awoke that morning to find snow had fallen while he slept, his mood had taken an immediate turn for the worse.</p><p>“Good morning, Merlin.” Gaius spoke from in front of the fire, the elder’s form bent over the pot which no doubt held the breakfast he’d prepared for the both of them.</p><p>“Morning.” He mumbled, tugging his jacket on over his shoulders and sitting down at the table while he fumbled with tying his neckerchief. Dropping his hands as a bowl was placed in front of him, the warlock’s fingers quickly wrapped around the warm dish.</p><p>“Feeling cold this morning?” Gaius observed, sitting down across from him as the boy looked up with a small frown.</p><p>“Just enjoying the heat while I can. It snowed last night.”</p><p>“Did it?” The physician hummed, stirring his food around with a spoon. “I suppose I won’t be having you fetch me any additional herbs today. Unless you wish to be out in it that it?”</p><p>“Of course not.” The boy scoffed, shoveling a bite of food into his mouth before starting at the heat.</p><p>“I just took it off the fire.” Gaius chided as the boy opened his mouth a fraction and sucked in a breath of air in an attempt to cool down his food. Forcing himself to swallow and grimacing at the burn on his tongue, Merlin’s head fell and a sigh left him as he began to mimic the physician and stir his food around while steam came off the top. “You’re rather out of sorts today, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing.” The boy mumbled, spooning up another bite and letting it drip off his utensil and fall back into the bowl.</p><p>“Yes, I can see that.” The man remarked dryly as the warlock glanced up at him.</p><p>“It’s the weather.”</p><p>“Not fond of the snow?”</p><p>“Not particularly.”</p><p>“Well I don’t think many are, not when they must work in it.” Sliding a cup of water across the table to him, Merlin took a slow sip and eyed the physician.</p><p>“You don’t need any help here today, do you?” He asked hopefully as the elder arched a brow before Gaius was folding his arms across the table and studying the boy.</p><p>“It seems to me Merlin that you’re only ever interested in learning about science when you wish to avoid something else.”</p><p>“That’s not true.” The boy objected. “I asked you about something once when I was helping the druid boy.”</p><p>“So you wish to learn when you’re avoiding something <em>and</em> when you’re committing treason.”</p><p>“A simple no would have sufficed.” He grumbled, eating another spoonful as Gaius shook his head.</p><p>“What are you so desperate to ignore today?”</p><p>“Nothing that I actually can.” He stated, shoveling another bite in quickly at the feeling of Gaius’ brows narrowing in his direction.</p><p>“Merlin.”</p><p>“I just don’t like being out in the snow much, that’s all.” He admitted, glancing up briefly before looking back to his dish. “And knowing Arthur, he’ll take every opportunity to force me into it.”</p><p>“Well perhaps the prince would understand.” A beat of silence passed after he spoke, the warlock staring at his guardian with his spoon halfway between his mouth and the bowl before the elder finally shook his head and looked away. “I did say <em>perhaps</em>.”</p><p>“Yeah, and <em>perhaps</em> he will take advantage of my discomfort and make my day miserable for his own enjoyment.”</p><p>“So long as you’re optimistic.”</p><p>Dropping his spoon back into his bowl with a brief sigh, Merlin rose and tugged at the sleeves of his jacket. “Bye, Gaius.” He called, unable to put off the inevitable and making his way out the physician’s door and down the stairwell as he wrapped his arms around himself.</p><p>The chill in the halls was offset by his brisk pace to the kitchen and then to Arthur’s chambers, a room that greeted him with its warmth once he’d pushed open the door and stepped inside. With his usual amount of grace, Merlin deposited the tray onto the prince’s table and strode to his windows, drawing the drapes aside and allowing the light to filter inside. A quiet groan sounded behind him, though Merlin’s attention was captivated by the grey sky above and the white blanket that coated the courtyard below.</p><p>“What are you doing?” A mumbled voice thick with sleep spoke, and the servant turned to find the prince still caught beneath the throes of his blankets with only half his face looking out from beneath a pillow.</p><p>“Good morning, Sire.” He spoke cheerfully, stepping away from the window as Arthur grimaced up at him.</p><p>“I asked you what you were doing, not to shout to the whole of the kingdom.”</p><p>“I was merely looking outside.” Merlin shrugged, walking to the man’s wardrobe and retrieving his clothes for the day. “It’s snowed overnight.”</p><p>“Has it?” That seemed to fully wake the prince, the blond sitting up and turning groggily towards his window. “Damn. I’m to go on patrol this morning.”</p><p>“You can’t get out of it?” The boy questioned, setting the clothes aside and pulling out his boots as Arthur’s blankets shifted while he stood.</p><p>“I’m going with my father, so no.” Running his hands through his hair with a yawn, he stepped around his servant and sat at the table, staring blearily at the still covered tray.</p><p>Without a word the warlock followed and removed the lid and poured the prince’s drink before he went to work making his bed and clearing up a few items the man had left lying in the middle of the floor. Several minutes passed in silence, only the noise of the fire between them as Merlin finished tidying the room and Arthur ate his breakfast.</p><p>“You’re quiet today.” The prince commented, his words muffled by the food in his mouth.</p><p>“No more so than usual.”</p><p>“That’s a lie.” He stated, pointing a finger towards his servant. “Normally I can’t get you to shut up in the mornings.”</p><p>“Well I suppose I finally got the hint.” Merlin spoke with a shrug, though the prince’s gaze narrowed at his words.</p><p>“You’re acting strangely, Merlin. What did you do?”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything.” He scoffed, a hint of offense in his tone as he knelt to check on the fire.</p><p>“Well then something is wrong because you’re brooding.”</p><p>“I don’t brood, that’s your job.” The warlock muttered as a sharp laugh left Arthur as his chair scraped across the floor.</p><p>“Tell me, Merlin, we both know you’re incapable of keeping things to yourself anyway.”</p><p>Biting back his immediate response, the boy followed the prince as he moved across the room to help him dress for the day. “Just disagreeable weather today is all.”</p><p>“What, you don’t like the snow?” Arthur teased, his eyes following the boy while Merlin adjusted his tunic.</p><p>“You sound surprised.”</p><p>“I thought you’d love it.”</p><p>“Why’s that?” Arching a bow at him as the man tugged off his sleepwear and threw it at him, Arthur gathered his trousers and gave a shrug.</p><p>“I don’t know, children enjoy it and you’ve got the mind of one.” Staring back at the blond, the prince’s tilted smile faded as his hand shoved against his friend’s shoulder. “Come on, <em>Mer</em>lin, it’s a joke. What’s made you so bitter against the weather that you’ve lost your sense of humor? Did you fall in a snowbank as a child?”</p><p>Locking his jaw, Merlin glanced down and worked on the other’s belt as he tried to think of an answer to give. When none came to mind and the man’s stare threatened to bore a hole right through his skull, the warlock settled for the truth.</p><p>“You’ve been to my home.” Merlin spoke quietly, carrying over the man’s chainmail he would need for the patrol.</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And you’ve seen the buildings. They’re not as well built as the ones here.” Pausing to pull the armor over the prince’s head, the expression he wore encouraged the boy to go on as he stepped around and began to adjust it behind him. “We never had a lot in Ealdor, but we worked hard for what we did have and we made do. But in the winters we could not always keep the snow from entering our homes.” As he spoke he kept his eyes on his work, adjusting Arthur’s clothes and bringing over his cloak.</p><p>“Even with the fires going the wind still tore through the walls and made it impossible to rid any space of the chill.” He used to offer to try and use his magic but his mother always refused, only pulling him closer and telling him stories of when she was a child as they sat in front of their fire together.</p><p>“Some winters were harsher than others, and if we had a poor crop before one there were times the men would go to hunt in an effort to bring in more food. And while most would return, there were some that were not found again until the spring.” Standing back and surveying his work, Merlin finally looked up at the prince and found a neutral mask in place, though he hadn’t interrupted him even once.</p><p>“I may be better off here with Gaius, but I can’t help thinking about Ealdor with snow like this, about my mother still being there.” Silence lapsed over them when he’d failed to speak more, the boy shifting awkwardly as he pressed his lips together. He shouldn’t have said so much, it wasn’t as if the man would even understand, he’d probably never experienced the harshness of snow except from a distance.</p><p>The blond stared at his servant for a moment longer before Arthur was stepping away and tugging at the edge of his cloak. “Well you’ve managed to make my morning quite depressing Merlin, thanks for that.”</p><p>“You asked.” He muttered, the tension exiting his chest in the form of a long breath as Merlin knelt and gathered the clothes on the floor together to be washed later.</p><p>“Yes, and if I’d known it was more than a simple ‘I get cold’ I wouldn’t have.” Arthur scoffed, his back to the boy as he strode for his door. “Hurry up, you still need to prepare my horse.”</p><p>Dropping the clothes to the side and hurrying after the prince, the two walked side by side through the halls, his home and his mother on his mind even more than it had been since speaking the words aloud. He could picture her there, standing over the fire preparing a meal for later in the evening and going about her usual tasks with the slightest tremble to her hands that she always worked to hide from him.</p><p>Often nights several people would gather in one home in an effort to keep warm, laughter and stories filling the rooms until the late hours as his village trudged through another seemingly endless winter. Those were some of his favorite nights despite the cold, those spent playing with Will and pretending to be asleep so they could listen a bit more to the tales and adventures the men would claim they’d had. No, Ealdor wasn’t a rich village, and as he’d grown Merlin had felt more and more out of place, but during those dark and frigid nights those were the times he’d felt the most at home.</p><p>As the two stepped outside and the sharp winter’s air struck him, Merlin huddled into his jacket and returned to the present, with the kingdom instead of his village and a different friend by his side. Walking down the steps to the courtyard, their boots crunched against the snow that blanketed everything around them.</p><p>“Have you ever enjoyed the snow, or is that depressing tale how all your winters went?” Arthur questioned, glancing at the other as Merlin shook his head with a small frown.</p><p>“Obviously I played in the snow, Arthur, just as I’m sure you must’ve.” He stated, looking down at where his boots were creating tracks. “In fact, I-“ The words he was about to say were abruptly cut off as his head jerked forwards, a chill running through the boy as a mound of snow connected with the back of his head and began to fall down his neck.</p><p>Spinning around in shock, blue hues landed on the prince who wore a taunting expression and was brushing snow from his gloves. “Really? Because judging by the look on your face you’ve never even seen a snowball before.”</p><p>“I know what a snowball is, <em>Arthur</em>, I just wasn’t expecting to be struck by one.” He shot out, reaching back and brushing the powder from his hair as the prince bent over and scooped another mound up and began patting it between his hands.</p><p>“Come on, <em>Mer</em>lin, don’t you know how to have any fun?”</p><p>“How is using me for target practice fun?” He muttered, turning around and feeling another snowball strike his back.</p><p>Glaring over his shoulder, a loud laugh left the blond. “You’re really just going to stand there?”</p><p>“What do you want, for me to hit you with one?”</p><p>“Like you could.” The man scoffed, throwing out his arms. “Honestly I’d be surprised if you could even hit the stables.”</p><p>“You’re a big enough target.” Merlin grumbled as the prince arched a brow.</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“Nothing.” He called back, his fingers twitching.</p><p>A moment of debate ran through the boy’s mind before he was stooping to the ground and digging his hands into the snow. Unlike the prince he had no gloves, the cold biting into his fingertips and turning them red as he stood and began crushing the snow into shape between his freezing palms.</p><p>“Well?” The prince goaded, waving his hands in a mocking manner. “I take it back, you probably couldn’t even throw hard enough to hit the stables at all!”</p><p>Without another thought Merlin drew back his arm and threw, watching as it sailed through the air moments before it was hitting its target. A target that happened to be Prince Arthur’s face. Staggering back a step and muffling his laughter, Merlin’s mouth hung open as the blond’s smile fell, a hand slowly rising to brush the powder off his face while steeled blue eyes found his servant.</p><p>“You’re the one who wanted me throw it.” He defended quickly, lifting his hands and choking down another laugh as the prince began to walk towards him with slow but purposeful strides. “Arthur?” He questioned, backing another step away as snow gathered around his ankles. “Arthur, I-“</p><p>“Run.” The prince spoke, leaning to one side and dragging his hand through the snow as Merlin’s brows shot up and he turned, darting across the courtyard towards the first possible place of cover. He barely managed to slide behind a cart containing straw before another snowball was flying past his head.</p><p>“You missed!” He couldn’t resist calling out, hearing the prince muttering as he got closer and the boy sunk to his knees, the wet snow clinging to his trousers and seeping through to his skin. Quickly gathering a mound of snow, Merlin waited with baited breath for a sound from the prince, the snowball he held ready burning against his palm as he finally dared to duck his head out in search of the man.</p><p>The action proved to be fatal as a snowball struck him just moments later, the cold bursting across his face as the prince’s laughter rolled across the courtyard. Not even waiting to brush the snow out of his eyes, Merlin threw his own at the sound of the blond and grinned when he heard it make contact.</p><p>Pushing himself up and wiping away the snow from his face and hair, the servant peaked back up over the cart and spotted Arthur. Opening his mouth to speak, he hesitated when he saw the blond was no longer grinning but staring at him intently, a hard expression with wide eyes watching him.</p><p>That’s when the warlock’s gaze shifted to the second person that had not been there just moments earlier, the one with snow across his back and whose form was entirely rigid. Panic surged through Merlin as he stood abruptly and bowed, hearing the man turn and suck in a sharp breath.</p><p>“My Lord, I am so sorry.” He apologized quickly, risking a glance up to find Uther’s furious glare moving between the both of them.</p><p>“This is what caused you to be late? Playing around when you’re meant to be on patrol?” He asked tightly, turning his attention to his son as Arthur bowed his own head.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Father. I was on my way-“</p><p>“Don’t.” He uttered, the ice in his voice colder than the air around them as his eyes cut to Merlin. “Go ready my son’s horse as is your job before I have you flogged for such behavior.”</p><p>“Yes, Sire.” Merlin nodded, turning and jogging for the stables as the racing of his heart became more prevalent than his soaked clothes.</p><p>Numb fingers worked awkwardly to ready Arthur’s steed, the snow that had been on his back seeping through his jacket and onto his tunic as the prince stepped inside after him, the silence between them tense. Shaking hands struggled to adjust the straps, Merlin’s breath coming out in rapid clouds of white before the prince was beside him and pushing him away, the man’s gloves shoved in his direction as he began to adjust his horse for himself.</p><p>“Next time, improve your aim.” Arthur muttered, tightening one of the straps before moving around to the other side. Opening his mouth to reply, all the warlock could manage was a choked laugh that he quickly smothered with a cough, looking away from the prince’s harsh gaze that told him he hadn’t been fooled. “Is something <em>funny</em>, Merlin?”</p><p>“Nothing, Sire, nothing at all.” He spoke quietly, berating himself in his mind. It wasn’t funny, and he was lucky that Uther hadn’t thrown him in the dungeon for what he’d done. But despite that, he couldn’t keep himself from snickering, the servant struggling to force down his erratic laughter.</p><p>“You look like you’re having a fit.” The prince noted, moving around the horse once more before snatching his gloves from the boy and tugging them back on.</p><p>“I just-I didn’t think it was possible for your father to hate me more.”</p><p>“Well, looks like you were wrong. Again. What a surprise.” He muttered, shoving the servant’s arm and taking hold of his steed’s reins.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Arthur.”</p><p>Glancing at the boy, the blond rolled his eyes. “Shut up, <em>Mer</em>lin. You can apologize after the lecture I’m about to receive and the one I’ll give <em>you</em> later.” Pausing near the doors, Arthur’s hold on the reins shifted and he looked over his shoulder at his friend. “At least for once it will be over something entertaining. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my father get struck by a snowball before.”</p><p>Turning back around, the prince’s lip twitched and his head dropped as he led his stallion from the stables, and as a grin overtook the warlock’s face, he pretended not to hear the quiet chuckle that left Arthur as he walked away.</p>
<hr/><p>Merlin couldn’t even begin to imagine what he must have looked like when he’d stepped through the door after he’d seen Arthur off, but judging from Gaius’ expression, it was far from his normal appearance.</p><p>“What happened?” The elder gaped, rising from his chair as the door fell shut behind him and the warlock headed directly for the fire, his body trembling as he stretched his hands out towards the flames. “Did you fall into the snow?”</p><p>“In a manner of speaking.” The boy spoke quickly, his speech faltering as he clenched his teeth and sat on a stool next to the hearth as his wet clothes clung to his frame.</p><p>“Don’t tell me Arthur pushed you?” The physician questioned, eyeing the boy as he grabbed at Merlin’s jacket, prying off the partially wet article of clothing.</p><p>“No, no he.. <em>we</em> had a bit of.. well..” Lifting his arm as his guardian pulled at the sleeves of his soaked tunic, Gaius worked to untie the neckerchief and tossed them both aside. “He threw a snowball at me.” He stated, shivering as the air hit his bare skin and he worked to pry off his boots while avoiding the physician’s stare. “And then I threw one at him..” He continued, realization striking his mentor as a more disapproving expression settled over his face before he was departing into the warlock’s chambers.</p><p>“So you were playing around and acting like children in this weather, with no cloak or gloves?” He questioned once he’d returned with dry clothes, the stern tone not lost on the boy as Gaius turned and Merlin quickly changed before settling back in front of the flames.</p><p>“It wasn’t intentional.” He mumbled, holding his hands out in front of him and bending them with a grimace, the tips a dark red and stinging in pain as the heat finally began to warm his frozen frame. “Neither was the snowball that hit the king.” He added, jolting at the sudden sound of objects clattering behind him.</p><p>“You did <em>what</em>?” Turning to look over his shoulder, he found the physician gaping at him with a mess of crushed herbs strewn across the table in front of him. “How could you be so foolish? What if he had thrown you in the dungeon? You would’ve caught your death of the cold.” The man scolded as Merlin kept quiet. “After messing about as you have I wouldn’t be surprised if you do anyway! Of all the silly, ridiculous things you get up to Merlin, you ought to know better than this.”</p><p>Lowering his head guiltily, the warlock’s eyes settled on the floor as his eyes stung. He knew Gaius would be annoyed, his mother was the same when he’d return home after a time in the woods with Will, his hair plastered across his face and his cheeks flushed from the cold. He knew it was out of worry for his own wellbeing, but that didn’t stop the guilt at the truth his guardian spoke. If he wound up ill because of this, it would be his own fault.</p><p>“Did you hit him?”</p><p>Looking up at the sudden question, Gaius stepped forwards and pressed a cup into the boy’s hands. “What?”</p><p>“You said you threw one at Arthur. Did you hit him?”</p><p>Smiling despite himself, Merlin’s fingers wrapped around the warm mug and laughed quietly as his head nodded. “Right in the face.”</p><p>A smile stretched across Gaius’ lips and as his hand came to rest on his ward’s shoulder he uttered a single word. “Good.”</p><p>Grinning wider, Merlin brought the cup closer as the man stepped away only to return a moment later with a small towel that was promptly dropped onto the warlock’s head. “The next time you plan to act like children however, perhaps take a bit more caution.” He advised, ruffling the boy’s hair as Merlin shuddered again.<br/>
“I’ll do my best.” He promised, looking up at the elder though his view was partially obstructed.</p><p>“See to it you do, I’d rather not find you frozen solid one day because of some foolish actions between you and the prince.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Gaius.” The boy laughed, gripping the cup tighter and catching his eye. “Nothing like that will happen.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>Why are they so cute? Why is Arthur the best at distracting Merlin from his thoughts even though he sucks at actually saying he cares? Why am I laughing at three in the morning at picturing Uther with snow plastered across his back? This story has now become my favorite, I’m in love with every single bit of this. I needed some good old fashioned fluff with just a bit of foreshadowing perhaps? Maybe?</p><p>I don’t know how much ‘holiday’ stuff I’m going to write, though I would like to try a New Year’s story, but I’m gonna write a few more winter themed ones before starting in with season two. I have quite a few things planned, but I think I’m gonna enjoy the ‘less canon’ ones for a bit first.</p><p>Hope you guys enjoyed, feel free to let me know if there’s anything specific you want to see! I’d also love any comments or reviews, they always make my day ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Almost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>None of it was real. That was the only explanation he could think of for what was happening; none of it was real. He was just imaging the soaking fabric sticking to his skin and the chill that refused to part. He had simply made up the boy lying motionless on the cot before him and the blood that was dripping to the floor. His thoughts were morbid and cruel and filled with horror, but that’s all it was, in his head. Everything was fine, because it wasn’t real.</p>
<p>And he was so close to believing that lie; to wrapping himself up in the comfort of fantasy and pretending he was somewhere else entirely instead of the physician’s chambers watching his entire world fall apart in front of him. He blamed it on the shock and the freezing water that had made half his body numb even as he stood practically in the fire. Why else would he be struggling to breathe at the mere sight of Merlin unable to answer Gaius’ fervent questions?</p>
<p>He wanted to close his eyes, to look away from the scene unfolding before him, but no matter how hard he tried his gaze kept shifting between the same three things. First, his servant’s face. Deathly white and tinged with blue, with eyes that refused to open no matter what his guardian tried. Second was the floor, the planks stained in a pool of crimson. That much blood was supposed to be inside a body, inside <em>Merlin’s</em> body. Yet there it was, mocking him with its metallic stench and growing with each drop that continued to roll from the boy’s open wound.</p>
<p>And finally, the third was Gaius. The elder worked feverishly in aiding the boy, his focus set entirely on his work. He’d not glanced up even once since he’d set to it, but still Arthur looked every few seconds, waiting for something, <em>anything</em> to be said to him. He wanted to help, wanted to be of some kind of use, but the first time he’d attempted to part with the hearth he’d nearly collapsed against a table filled with books and Gaius had snapped at him to go back.</p>
<p>That in itself should have been enough of a sign of how bad things were, Gaius rarely snapped and never at the prince. Of course Arthur could not hold it against him, not with the very life draining out of Merlin with each second that passed. And oh God, there it was again, that sense of dread so thick and heavy it threatened to cut off every last shred of sanity the young man had left.</p>
<p>He could feel it clawing up his throat, digging its claws in until he wanted to scream. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He was the Prince of Camelot, and he was not going to lose his cool over the wellbeing of a servant. <em>Over the wellbeing of his friend.</em></p>
<p>Clenching his teeth and forcing the beast back down his throat, Arthur returned to the only thing he could, the three gruesome scenes that never seemed to change. Over and over his eyes drifted, back and forth and back again, from friend to blood to physician. He was a statue, cursed to remain silent and powerless against the horror consuming someone who deserved more than such a fate.</p>
<p>And suddenly he could no longer do it. He could no longer contain the beast or remain sitting uselessly by the fire that did little to warm him when the dread was colder than ice. Before he could think better of it Arthur was staggering forwards, a numbed foot stuffed inside a soaked boot sliding across the floor while a bloodstained hand caught himself on the table.</p>
<p>One step. Then one more. There was no flower he could retrieve this time, no beast he could drag Merlin away from, but he could at least offer his assistance, make a show of strength to the physician who worked to stop any more blood from dripping to the floor.</p>
<p>And he might’ve done that, or he might’ve fallen, at the rate he was going Arthur really wasn’t sure what would become of him. But before he could even try the doors were bursting open and the tense air was shattered by the booming voice of the king.</p>
<p>“Arthur.” Looking to his father, the prince swallowed down the concern for his friend and forced on the mask that he’d spent years perfecting. “Are you alright?” Heavy hands clamped down on his shoulders but he felt disconnected from it all, even the man’s voice sounding distant to him.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He heard himself saying, his head turning as his eyes flickered between the three places again. Always the same three things. Something had to change, it had to.</p>
<p>“Gaius.” The king’s voice echoed, the volume nearly making Arthur cringe away as the physician looked up for the first time since he’d started aiding his ward.</p>
<p>“He’s fine, Your Majesty, though he needs to rest.” The elder’s voice was distracted, and the moment the king looked away he was turning his attention back to the boy.</p>
<p>“You heard him, Arthur.” His father urged, grasping his son’s arm tightly and beginning to pull him towards the door. And despite the frozen nature of his limbs and the exhaustion that he struggled to win the fight against, Arthur found the strength to plant his feet and pull away from his father.</p>
<p>“No.” He spoke, the defiance short but firm, his eyes never shifting from his servant.</p>
<p>“Arthur, you’re frozen stiff and covered in that boy’s blood, you need to return to your chambers and be taken care of before you make yourself ill.” The king stated sternly, readjusting his hold and tugging at the blond’s arm again as the prince wrenched himself free and turned a sharp glare towards his father.</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving until I know he’s alright.” He could feel his mask slipping, worry mounting higher and higher as the dread slid up his throat and wove into his words. He knew better than to allow his emotion to cloud his judgement, especially in the presence of his father, but something had broken in him when he’d been dragging the boy up the stairs and he found that he no longer cared.</p>
<p>“I know you consider that boy your friend, but you must understand that your life is held in greater value as is your health.” And there it was, the moment the prince understood the anger Morgana so often felt towards the king. Fortunately the man seemed to understand the weight of his words, his head snapping in Gaius’ direction as the physician’s gaze rose once more and met the king’s almost guilty expression.</p>
<p>“Gaius, I mean you no offense, I know he’s like a son to you.” Reaching out for Arthur’s arm once more, his father’s fingers tightened around his wet sleeve. “But Arthur you’re the prince and <em>my</em> son, I cannot stand by and allow you to make yourself sick. You must not let such feelings stand in the way of your own wellbeing.”</p>
<p>Turning a reproachful stare towards him, Arthur opened his mouth to answer when the sound of Gaius’ stool scuffing the floor drew his attention back to where Merlin lay. Confusion struck him first, his mind unable to determine what was happening though his chest began to constrict painfully as his mouth turned dry. Dread had morphed into panic, only he could not place why.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” He questioned, taking a step closer that sent prickles of pain through his feet. “Gaius, what’s going on?” He pushed, his voice tight as the physician began to pull away the blankets that had been piled around the boy.</p>
<p>“He’s stopped breathing.” The man uttered, the words strained as he began to push down rhythmically on Merlin’s chest.</p>
<p>Arthur’s own breath caught in his throat as his father pulled him towards the door, the prince unable to fight the motion as he stared at his friend, the boy’s body jerking with each push of Gaius’ hands. This wasn’t happening. This <em>couldn’t</em> be happening. None of it was real. <em>None of it was real.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em> <strong>EIGHT HOURS BEFORE</strong> </em>
</p>
<p>“I don’t think this is part of my job.” Merlin mused, his fingers carefully rifling through a stack of loose parchment while he hovered at the opposite end of Arthur’s table.</p>
<p>“Your job is to do whatever I tell you to do.” The prince retorted, not even bothering to look up from the scrolls stretched out before him.</p>
<p>“But weren’t you told by the king to do this yourself?” Passing a sheet of paper towards the blond when he stretched out his hand, annoyed blue hues met the servant’s.</p>
<p>“And why exactly am I being forced to go through all of this, <em>Mer</em>lin?”</p>
<p>Ducking his head and fighting off his smile, the warlock returned to sorting through the seemingly endless stack. “Because you were late for patrol, Sire.”</p>
<p>“And <em>why</em> was I late?”</p>
<p>“Because tormenting me with snowballs was more important apparently.” He said coolly, hearing a book hit the table as he looked up and found the man’s hardened gaze on him.</p>
<p>“If I recall, I’m not the one who pelted my father, the <em>king</em> of Camelot, in the back because <em>I</em> wasn’t paying attention.”</p>
<p>For two days the incident had been brought up in various conversations and spoken in hushed tones, though Guinevere’s laughter had certainly made it worth it by itself, but this was the first time Arthur himself had brought it up since it had happened.</p>
<p>“I told you it was an accident. I was aiming for you.” The boy shrugged, struggling to keep his composure as a scoff left the man on the other side of the table.</p>
<p>“And I told <em>you</em> to improve your aim. I’m in this mess because of you, so forcing you to sort through the last five years of taxes seems only fair.”</p>
<p>“Fair to you, maybe.” He grumbled, picking up another small stack of parchment and sliding a leaflet towards the prince who glanced over it distractedly.</p>
<p>“Would you rather be cleaning out my stables?”</p>
<p>“If it gets me out of another three hours of this.” Moving around the table and sitting in the chair opposite Arthur, Merlin sat the stack down and began to separate it.</p>
<p>“You know, most people would be honored to work alongside their prince, Merlin, you should consider yourself lucky.”</p>
<p>“I’ll consider myself lucky if I don’t get another papercut.” He winced, jerking his hand away from the stack and pressing his thumb against a small slice in the skin of his index finger.</p>
<p>“Quit whining.” Arthur muttered, leaning back and making a note on the open scroll beside him.</p>
<p>Suppressing a sigh, Merlin went back to work in categorizing the stacks, passing various scrolls and books to the prince as he needed them. Truthfully, he wasn’t too bothered by it all. Though it was painfully boring and the old records were difficult to read at times, he’d take it over being out in the frigid weather again.</p>
<p>Their work went on undisturbed for a few minutes longer, the two working in relative silence until a sharp knock on the door caught their attention and Arthur was calling for them to enter.</p>
<p>“That’s how you do it.” The prince commented as the door began to open.</p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p>“Knock.”</p>
<p>Blinking, Merlin frowned and leaned forwards. “I know how to knock.”</p>
<p>“Really? Given how rarely you do it, I’d have thought it was a foreign concept to you.”</p>
<p>“I knock before coming in!” The warlock defended, catching the pointed stare from his friend before he was slouching back. “I knock <em>occasionally</em>.”</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur.” Lifting his head at the messenger clearing their throat, Arthur urged him forwards. “The king had requested your presence immediately for a pressing matter that has arisen.”</p>
<p>Cutting his eyes towards Merlin, the prince nodded. “I’ll find him, thank you.”</p>
<p>With a low bow, the messenger departed and Merlin shifted in his seat. “Shall I continue this while you’re gone?”</p>
<p>“No, Merlin, I think you’ve done plenty for today.” Standing from his chair, Arthur tapped the table once. “You can go ahead and muck out those stables like I know you’ve been so anxious to go and do.”</p>
<p>Feeling his mouth pull open in shock, a smug grin rose onto the blond’s face before the warlock was pushing himself out of his own chair. “What do you think the king wants?”</p>
<p>“Another lecture I’m sure. He seemed to have more to say yesterday but was forced to cut it short.” Arthur stated, striding for the door with the servant right on his heels.</p>
<p>“But he called it a pressing matter.”</p>
<p>“Why are you so interested in what it is he has to say?” The man demanded as they walked through the halls together.</p>
<p>“I’m just curious.”</p>
<p>“Is that it? Or is it that you want to know if he has anything more to say about you?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter, he’s never going to not hate me.” The boy muttered, hearing a short laugh leave his friend.</p>
<p>“Well you are an idiot, and you seem to act an even bigger one whenever he’s around.”</p>
<p>“No, I just-“</p>
<p>“Merlin!”</p>
<p>Stopping abruptly and turning to look behind him, the warlock spotted Morgana hurrying towards them, a hand holding a portion of the skirt of her dress while stray strands of hair flew around her face. “Morgana?”</p>
<p>“Merlin, don’t go.” Slowing to a stop in front of him, heavy breaths left the young woman as she stared up at him with terror in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Morgana, what has gotten into you?” Arthur demanded, looking the girl up and down as Merlin drew his brows together in concern. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in days, her face drawn and pale with prominent circles beneath her eyes.</p>
<p>“Please, you have to listen to me, you can’t go.”</p>
<p>“Can’t go where?” He questioned slowly only to hear Arthur heave a sigh beside him.</p>
<p>“Morgana this is getting out of hand, perhaps instead of creating a scene you ought to go and get some rest.”</p>
<p>Furious green hues that seemed on the edge of unhinged flashed towards the prince, the woman taking a step closer and glowering up at him. “You never believe me but I don’t care. This isn’t about you, Arthur, you don’t have to listen to me, but maybe Merlin will.” Looking back to the warlock, Morgana’s hand shot out and caught hold of his, her fingers wrapping tightly around his wrist. “Please, Merlin, don’t go.”</p>
<p>“Morgana, I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you do, don’t leave the citadel, <em>please</em> you mustn’t.”</p>
<p>“Honestly Morgana, what is wrong with you?” Arthur snapped, receiving her frustrated glare once more as her fingers dug into the boy’s skin.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” He began, twisting his arm out of her grasp as the girl’s head snapped towards him while her hand fell back to her side. “I’m not going anywhere.” And though he offered her a small smile the girl seemed unconvinced, her mouth opening to further speak when a voice called for her from a different hall.</p>
<p>“Morgana! Mor- oh, there you are.” Slowing her steps and catching her breath, Gwen placed a hand to her chest and walked towards the three of them, her eyes flickering to Arthur before returning to Morgana. “My Lady, please, come back to your chambers.”</p>
<p>“Was it another of those nightmares?” Arthur asked, his jaw tensing as Gwen’s arm wrapped around the trembling woman.</p>
<p>“She hasn’t been able to rest well the last few nights no matter what Gaius gives her.” She spoke softly, looking to Merlin apologetically. Evidently Morgana hadn’t saved the warning to give just to him.</p>
<p>“Please, don’t go.” Morgana’s voice broke through the boy’s thoughts, her eyes finding his before Gwen was urging her away, walking with her back through the corridor as their hushed voices faded with them.</p>
<p>“Well, at least she’s directing it towards you this time instead of me.” The prince grumbled, a perplexed expression on his face as the two watched the girls round a corner and vanish from sight.</p>
<p>“Arthur!” The sound of Uther’s voice resounding through the corridor had Merlin stiffening, both of the boys turning to find the king striding towards them with a stern expression.</p>
<p>“Father, I was just coming to find you.” Arthur spoke, taking a step towards him as Merlin’s eyes fell to the ground. He wasn’t afraid of the king, but the intimidation included with the knowledge of his short temper and personal disgust of his son’s manservant kept the boy from wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to himself.</p>
<p>As the king came to a stop in front of them, blue hues dared the briefest look up and found the king frowning at him, clear distaste openly contorting his features as the warlock looked away again. It was just a snowball, was it really something to still be upset over?</p>
<p>“I want you to gather some of your men and go on a hunt.”</p>
<p>“In this weather?” Arthur nearly scoffed, turning and gesturing towards the window where the cold chill hung in the air and the snow continued to create a thick blanket over everything it touched. “Surely you’re joking.”</p>
<p>“The outlying villages and those on the outskirts of the Lower Town have spoken of a beast ravaging their land at night, attacking their farms and making off with their animals. I suspect a wolf to be responsible and I want you to go and take care of it before it causes any further damage.”</p>
<p>Standing straighter, Arthur nodded. “We’ll begin tracking it at once, though I’ll admit I haven’t heard of a beast so daring as to venture so close to the people.”</p>
<p>“The winter has been harsh for everyone, even the animals, but this cannot stand. Deal with this, Arthur, and reassure the people once you have. Letting them see that you’ll take charge when these problems arise will help strengthen their view of you as their future king and leader.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Father.” Arthur nodded once more, bowing his head as Merlin glanced up again just as Uther’s eyes fell on him.</p>
<p>“See to it that you do your job this time.” He spoke sharply, a stare colder than the ice creeping up the panes of glass cutting through the boy as Merlin bowed his head and waited to lift it again until he heard the king’s boots traveling back down the hall.</p>
<p>“I’d wager he still hates you.” Arthur commented after a beat of silence had passed and Merlin sighed, his shoulders sagging.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’d think so.”</p>
<p>“Go on then, ready our packs.” The prince waved as the warlock’s brows shot up in surprise.</p>
<p>“You want me to go with you?”</p>
<p>“No, Merlin, I want to go hunt a starving wolf in the cold while carrying all of my own weapons. Of course you’re going.” He snapped, staring at the boy as if he’d grown a second head as Merlin’s eyes darted to the corridor where Morgana and Gwen had been minutes earlier.</p>
<p>He’d already felt uneasy when Morgana had warned him as he knew her dreams were more than that, but now that he actually had reason to leave the citadel he could feel his nerves twisting around inside him. And unfortunately for him, Arthur seemed apt at reading him like an open book at the worst times.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me you actually believe that nonsense Morgana was spouting.”</p>
<p>“No of course not.” Merlin answered quickly, though he couldn’t drag his lingering gaze back to the prince even when he heard him release a heaving sigh.</p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>“You have to admit that its strange timing.” He defended, finally looking back to the blond who was shaking his head at him.</p>
<p>“You know as well as I that Morgana’s dreams are nothing more than that, she probably just heard one of the knights mention it. Besides, it’s a wolf not some large creature waiting to devour you. You’ll be fine. Now go and get the packs, I’ll ready the men.”</p>
<p>Leaving no room for argument, Merlin bowed his head in compliance. “Yes, Sire.”</p>
<p>Turning and making his way towards the back stairwell, the warlock tried to force his mind away from the growing unease building inside him. Arthur was likely right, it was just a simple hunt, everything would be fine. After all it was just a wolf, so how bad could it be?</p>
<hr/>
<p>There were few things that Arthur detested more than the cold. For as much as he had complained about the work earlier, he almost wished he were back sorting through the old documents that sent dust flying anytime a page moved. Not that he didn’t enjoy a hunt, but it was different riding through snow that layered not just the forest floor but drifted down around them in large flakes that clung insistently to his cloak.</p>
<p>He’d never minded the snow, and after what happened with Merlin and his father he even found it more enjoyable, but they’d been tracking the nuisance for the better part of the day and he was growing more irritated with each second that passed. Not by the ride or even the chill, but by the boy on the horse beside him that was insistent on looking over his shoulder every few seconds, or shifting in his saddle, or readjusting his hold on the reins.</p>
<p>Unlike the vibrant red that he and knights he’d brought along wore, Merlin had a faded blue cloak that was wrapped tight around him and old looking gloves that he had no doubt were loaned to him by his guardian. The servant was cold and obviously on edge from the ridiculous notions of danger that Morgana had filled his head with, but as the boy readjusted in his saddle yet again Arthur could no longer take it.</p>
<p>“Would you stop that?” He snapped, the sudden break in silence startling the boy as Merlin’s head jerked up and met the prince’s irritated gaze.</p>
<p>“Stop what?”</p>
<p>“Your constant fidgeting. You’re driving me mad.”</p>
<p>“I’m just trying to stay warm.” The words were muttered out quietly, his stare turning away while Arthur scoffed.</p>
<p>“Had I known you were going to be this annoying I’d have left you home.”</p>
<p>“You act as though I volunteered for this.” Merlin retorted, holding the reins tighter as their horses picked their way carefully through the snow.</p>
<p>“Are you really that much of a coward, Merlin?”</p>
<p>“I’m not a coward.” He griped, glancing to the ground as if he too were looking for tracks, something that Arthur found rather amusing given he was fairly certain the boy had never even seen a wolf’s track before. “I just don’t like this weather.” Glancing up to the sky, the snow continued to drift down and caught in the boy’s dark hair as he blinked against the offending flakes.</p>
<p>“Quit being such a <em>girl</em> Merlin, snow can’t hurt you.” Smirking at the frown he could feel from the servant, Arthur looked to the ground again before he was tugging his horse to an immediate stop and lifting his arm to signal the knights. “I’ve found tracks, we’ll leave the horses here and go the rest of the way on foot.”</p>
<p>Climbing down from his stallion, he passed the reins to Merlin and took his crossbow, his eyes trained on the tracks in the snow as he silently began to follow them. It wasn’t long though before he heard his idiotic servant stumbling after him, somehow managing to make as much noise with the soft snow padding his steps as without.</p>
<p>“Would you be quiet?” He hissed once the boy had grown closer, Merlin’s steps stopping abruptly as he teetered awkwardly where he stood in an attempt to keep his balance. Rolling his eyes at the boy’s antics, Arthur continued on, looking back to his knights and gesturing for one to go one way and two to go the other while Merlin kept close behind him with his sword and quiver of arrows in hand.</p>
<p>“Where do you think it is?” He questioned in a pathetically weak attempt at keeping his voice low that only succeeded in grating on the prince’s nerves as Arthur glared at him again.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, but if you don’t shut up we’ll find it when it runs!”</p>
<p>Clamping his mouth shut in response, Merlin focused on his steps while the blond moved forwards. “Arthur?” Gritting his teeth, Arthur’s hand flew backwards and made contact with the side of the boy’s head, Merlin’s soft grunt of discomfort followed by an offended look. “What-“</p>
<p>“Shut. <em>Up</em>.”</p>
<p>“There’s more tracks.” He hissed quickly before shying away, evidently expecting another strike that the prince seriously considered before his words were sinking in. Following the servant’s line of sight, a second set of tracks appeared across from them and ventured off to the right.</p>
<p>Lifting a hand and flagging down his men, Arthur made a silent motion to the tracks and the knights nodded, veering off to follow them. Looking back to Merlin, the boy wore a pleased expression that disappeared the moment he caught the blond’s scowl.</p>
<p>Continuing on beside the first set of tracks, the two walked for some time before the silence of the forest was broken by the noise of rushing water as they approached a stream in the distance. The thought of traipsing through the freezing water was less than ideal, but Arthur was preparing himself for the deed when Merlin’s hand shot out and he was pointing to the other side of the bank.</p>
<p>Half hidden behind the trees was an outcropping of rock that formed what looked to be a cave, and while the prince’s initial plan had been to kill the creature while it slept, something had alerted it to their presence. The animal crept slowly along the tree line, gleaming eyes staring back at them above a set of teeth that were curled into a snarl.</p>
<p>Crouching down and aiming, the wolf’s head turned suddenly, looking at something to its left before Arthur was firing and the arrow was striking its target, the animal falling into the snow and disappearing behind a tree. Lowering his weapon and waiting to see if it would rise, Arthur stood and shoved the crossbow towards his servant.</p>
<p>“Was that the only one? Are we finished?” Merlin asked softly as Arthur turned, his brows pinched together in frustration.</p>
<p>“Are you that eager to return home?”</p>
<p>“I just.. I have a bad feeling.”</p>
<p>“If you’re so anxious to get back why don’t you go and see if it’s dead.”</p>
<p>“Me?” The boy stared, his mouth hanging open.</p>
<p>“No, the person behind you. Yes, <em>you</em>, <em>Mer</em>lin, and fetch my arrow while you’re at it.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes darted to the other side of the stream before he was looking down at the rushing water and then back up to the prince, a look of disbelief clear on his face. “You can’t be serious. What if it’s not dead?”</p>
<p>“Merlin, I’m an exceptional shot, if it’s not dead we have bigger problems to worry about.”</p>
<p>“If you’re so sure of yourself then why do I need to go check?”</p>
<p>“Because you’re annoying me and I want my arrow. Now go.” He instructed, making a shooing motion with his hand that earned a frown from his servant before the boy was dropping his weapons and trudging reluctantly towards the bank while muttering to himself. “Oh, and Merlin, try not to fall in!” Arthur called out, unable to help himself as blue hues shot him a dirty look to which he grinned in response to.</p>
<p>The prince watched as the servant approached the bank and paused, looking for the safest way across. It wasn’t too far to the other side, but the water was flowing swiftly along its course and Arthur knew he was about to be given a show as the boy began his attempt to cross. Stepping closer and leaning against a tree, the blond’s arms folded across his chest while Merlin tugged at his cloak before he was stepping out onto a rock that jutted out of the water.</p>
<p>A quiet curse floated towards him as the edge of the boy’s cloak turned a shade darker, spots of water clinging to his clothes as his arms stretched out on either side of him to keep his balance as he stepped onto another stone.</p>
<p>“Hurry up, Merlin!” Arthur shouted, his laughter uncontained as the servant stiffened a moment, obviously considering turning back before he pressed on, jumping awkwardly to the next stone and wobbling back and forth.</p>
<p>Regaining his balance a moment later, Merlin scurried over the last two stones that provided a path before he was jumping onto the other bank and scrambling up. As he disappeared behind the line of trees, Arthur craned his neck in an effort to see him before the boy was jumping back up like a rabbit, a bloodied arrow in hand.</p>
<p>“It’s dead!” He shouted, his voice barely reaching him over the distance and the sound of the stream.</p>
<p>“Clean it off before you come back!” The prince called back, his lips curling into another smile at the sudden deflation the boy had at his command.</p>
<p>Trudging back to the stream, accusatory blue eyes looked at him as the arrow twisted in his hand. “Can’t it wait until we’re back?”</p>
<p>“Not unless you want to clean the blood from every arrow in my quiver.” He challenged, taking another step to the other bank as Merlin frowned and knelt to the ground. Tugging off the worn gloves and setting them to the side, the boy stuck the arrow in the freezing water and started at the cold, his face scrunching up while he began to clean away the blood.</p>
<p>“Prince Arthur.” Turning, the blond spotted one of his knights returning.</p>
<p>“Did you find where the second set of tracks lead?”</p>
<p>“No, but the others are still tracking it. We did come across more however, leading further into the forest.”</p>
<p>“We must have alerted them, Merlin’s fault no doubt, though if they return to their original hunting grounds I’m not that concerned.” He stated, glancing back at his servant where Merlin had balanced himself carefully at the edge of the bank. “We’ll continue when the others return, make certain they’re cleared from this area at the very least.” Arthur decided, looking back to the knight who nodded in understanding, though his own eyes were settled on the boy.</p>
<p>Before another word could be said the man’s expression changed and he was lurching towards the stream. “Prince Arthur!”</p>
<p>Whirling around at the urgent call of his knight, Arthur’s eyes found Merlin still at the bank only to have movement behind him draw them away. A dark shape crept low to the ground behind the edge of the trees, moving with precise steps towards the oblivious boy.</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Arthur shouted, scooping his crossbow off the ground and retrieving an arrow. The boy’s head lifted in response, the clean arrow in hand as his eyes landed on Arthur. At the noise, a low snarl ripped free from the beast and startled the boy, Merlin letting out a yelp of surprise as he tried to stumble back and create distance between himself and the creature.</p>
<p>Barely taking the time to steady his shot, Arthur released the arrow just as the wolf lunged towards Merlin, the boy raising his arms to shield himself before he was falling backwards into the stream. The yelp of the creature mingled with the splashing of water, the prince’s arrow sticking out of the wolf’s side as it lumbered backwards and took off into the trees.</p>
<p>“Go after it!” He yelled, waving the knight off. “Find it!”</p>
<p>As the man took off, Arthur dropped his crossbow and took off running. Reaching the edge of the bank he spotted Merlin flailing in the water, the cloak he wore caught on something beneath the surface as he struggled to free himself.</p>
<p>Without another thought Arthur unhooked his own cloak and let it fall to the ground before he was darting across the same stones Merlin had, albeit with far less caution, and stopped in the middle as he grabbed hold of the boy’s arm and tugged him towards him.</p>
<p>The water worked quickly in freezing his fingers and legs, the cold chill sweeping up his sleeves and trousers as the stream soaked into his clothes. Managing to unhook the clasp of his cloak and tug at Merlin’s shoulder once more, the boy scrambled onto one of the stones and spluttered water out of his mouth.</p>
<p>“Come on!” Arthur barked, his voice tense as he pulled one of the boy’s arms over his shoulder and helped him to stand on the uneven surface. With some effort the two made it back to the bank where one of the knights had returned and was waiting, taking hold of Merlin’s other arm and tugging him up and onto the snow as Arthur climbed out after him.</p>
<p>“Only an idiot like you would <em>actually</em> fall in the water!” The prince chided, sinking down next to his friend who was shivering and soaked from head to toe. The water had left his hair plastered to his face with droplets rolling down his neck and his teeth were chattering between the coughing fits that occurred as his body tried to expel the water from his lungs.</p>
<p>When he didn’t respond to his remark, Arthur leaned closer and grabbed the boy’s shoulders, shaking him once in an attempt to get him to focus. “Merlin.” He called, shaking him again until dazed blue hues lifted to his face.</p>
<p>“C-Cold.” He stuttered out with a grimace, his head falling as water splattered against the blond’s hands.</p>
<p>“Bring me my cloak!” Arthur demanded, the knight stepping back to retrieve it as the prince’s attention returned to the boy while he looked him over. “You’re lucky you didn’t hit your thick head again.” He scoffed, glancing up as his knight returned and reaching out for the cloak.</p>
<p>“Sire, you’re bleeding.” The man stared as Arthur paused, turning his hand around to see crimson smeared across his palm.</p>
<p>“No..” He mumbled, confusion floating around him as he tried to block out the cold and determine if he’d injured himself without realizing. “I don’t think it’s mine.” He finished, turning back to where his servant was curled in on himself and still trembling uncontrollably.</p>
<p>Arthur kept one hand on his shoulder and he quickly scanned him over again. Water dripped down his face and his clothes but along his left arm and shoulder he found the tunic was darkened not just by the water, but by his blood.</p>
<p>“Merlin, did that wolf attack you?” He demanded, spotting a tear in the fabric and ripping it wider as the boy groaned and leaned forwards.</p>
<p>“It’s c-claws.” He forced out, his breathing fast and sharp as Arthur drew back in horror at the sight of the injury, deep gouges cutting through Merlin’s arm and bleeding out onto the snow now that the tunic was out of the way. Tightening his hold around the boy’s other shoulder the prince snatched his cloak from the knight.</p>
<p>“We’ve got to get him back to Gaius immediately. Bring one of the horses, now.” He instructed, watching the man turn and run before he was looking back to Merlin, the boy’s eyes partially closed and head falling into his chest as he quickly wrapped the cloak around the servant’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m f-fine, A-Arthur.”</p>
<p>“You’re not fine, you’re an <em>idiot</em>.” He scowled, pressing a portion of the fabric against the injury as the boy inhaled a sharp breath and jerked forwards, his forehead colliding with the prince’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“S-Stop.” He groaned, pale fingers digging into the snow as the prince grit his teeth and pressed harder.</p>
<p>“I need to stop the bleeding, and you ought to learn to pay attention to your surroundings.”</p>
<p>“Bit h-hard when I-I’ve got a p-prat yell-yelling at me.” He stuttered, his body sagging into the blond as Arthur shook him.</p>
<p>“Merlin you can’t fall asleep out here.” He warned, his head tilting to try and catch the boy’s eye only to find them fully shut.</p>
<p>“..m not.” He mumbled weakly as warmth began to spread across the prince’s hand, blood seeping through the fabric of his cloak.</p>
<p>“I’m serious, Merlin, don’t go slacking off just because you got a bit wet.” He scolded, shaking him again and only receiving a quiet groan in response. Fear wrapped around the man’s heart with each minute that passed until he heard the sound of his knight returning, looking up to find the horse slowing as the man swung off midstride and led it the rest of the way.</p>
<p>“Help me get him up.” Arthur spoke the moment he was within earshot, grabbing hold of the boy’s injured arm as a cry of pain voiced Merlin’s discomfort. Ignoring the quiet grumbles and fearing the moments of silence, the two managed to get the servant on his steed only for him to lean forwards, his fingers unable to curl around the reins as Arthur cursed softly.</p>
<p>“Go find the wolf.” He muttered, his voice low and cold as he regarded his knight. “I want you to find it, to kill it, and to bring me its pelt.” Turning round without another word, he mounted the horse behind his servant and caught the boy’s dazed expression watching him in confusion as a question began to part his lips. “Not a word.” He spat out, reaching around him for the reins and urging the horse forwards with his heels.</p>
<p>At the movement Merlin’s body crashed back into Arthur, a weak attempt given at muffling his groan as the boy clutched desperately at his arm. Water and blood had soaked through the majority of the cloak draped around him, and as it pressed against the prince he could feel the cold seeping into his own tunic. Suppressing his own shudder at the numbness working its way over his own body, Arthur urged the horse to go faster as the boy’s head lolled back against his friend.</p>
<p>“Hold on, Merlin.” He mumbled, forcing his eyes on the path in front of them despite the haggard breaths that jolted the servant’s slight frame every few seconds. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, he wasn’t meant to have been injured.</p>
<p>“Come on!” He yelled, pushing the horse faster as snow kicked up around them. Merlin had mentioned having a bad feeling but he’d simply brushed it off as the boy being foolish, just giving the prince a hard time about being in the forest, but perhaps he should have listened.</p>
<p>Glancing down at his friend, he cursed again and shook the boy’s arm, no longer drawing out even a sound of complaint. Panic began to spread while they rode, the citadel further than needed with the boy’s blood staining his hands as Arthur murmured a silent plea on the boy’s behalf.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Everything was cold and dark. It felt like he was floating, drifting along in a river he couldn’t see or feel but allowing himself to be carried away all the same. There was a sense of pain in the back of his mind, like an ache from a dream that had ended but still lingered in his head.</p>
<p>He tried to think back, to figure out when he’d fallen into the darkness or why he was drifting along, but he could not make sense of how it had happened. Instead he kept floating, further and further and further away until all he could feel were the invisible waves beating against his back and carrying him somewhere far away.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Merlin! Merlin, can you hear me?”</em>
</p>
<p>A seizing pain struck the warlock at the voice, a distant yet broken sound that cried out for him from someone he cared for and respected. But why was Gaius shouting for him? Where was he? He wanted to open his eyes and pull himself from the water, but the harder he tried the more the waves worked to drag him down. A heavy weight settled on the boy’s chest, and he knew he needed to wake.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Bring that here, set the water down. We must stop the bleeding.”</em>
</p>
<p>Something had happened, someone was injured. Was that why Gaius was shouting for him? Did he need his help? He wanted to be of use to his mentor, but the weariness that urged him to stay was so tempting.</p>
<p><em>Just a little longer</em>, it begged, <em>just a few minutes more</em>. And he wanted to give in, wanted to drift along with the waves willing to sweep him away. After all, the water that pulled him soothed the pain he felt, pain that the more he struggled to wake the stronger he felt. Why should he fight against it if all that awaited him was further misery?</p>
<p>If he continued to float away, would what he felt fade away entirely? But there was something there, a presence that urged him to rise, to fight. It was familiar, reaching out to him and begging him to listen. His chest constricted just at the thought, pressure beginning to build as his breaths rattled out in harsh and shallow gasps that made his ears ring.</p>
<p>The waves were no longer a comfort but a danger, the water pulling him beneath the surface as he flailed about, struggling for his freedom. His feet touched the ground as he fought and the moment they connected everything came to a crashing halt. From the pain to the chill to the ragged gasps that failed to be enough. Even the current had faded to nothing, everything holding its breath as a peace settled over him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Let go.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just let go.</em>
</p>
<p>The darkness prevailed but the warlock was no longer lost. He was standing, teetering on the edge of an unseen precipice, and everything inside him was telling him to go. Just step forward. Just let go.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please.. no..”</em>
</p>
<p>Merlin’s body froze, the voice as clear as day jarring him as he sucked in a breath. He’d never heard that much desperation in the voice before, the words drifting around him as the pull he felt from before grabbed onto him like a vice.</p>
<p>His foot shuffled back a single step, shifting away from the edge and back towards a destiny that wasn’t yet complete, a destiny that begged for him to stay. He was no longer confused, his thoughts flooding back in pieces as his hand lifted to his arm, pain bleeding through while a warm breath of air struck him.</p>
<p><em>“Your destiny is to protect the young Pendragon until he claims his crown,”</em> The Great Dragon’s voice washed over him, the tendrils of a memory wrapping around and pulling him further from the edge. <em>“and when he does, magic can be returned to the realm.”</em></p>
<p>His destiny.</p>
<p>His friend.</p>
<p>His future king.</p>
<p>He could not let go now, he could not leave Arthur. Two sides of the same coin, that’s what was said about them, one side that still needed the other. He’d made his decision, yet he was met only with the same empty darkness that continued to surround him.</p>
<p>When would he wake? The edge was still perilously close, his body still wavering near the abyss and he was torn between his destiny and a fate he could not control. The ground beneath him trembled and he wobbled unsteadily, the open maw of what awaited him after his drop urging him closer, a loss he could not explain denying him of his wish as he began to fall.</p>
<p>
  <em> <strong>“Seópan ærest wearð feasceaft funden. Denum æfter dom. Dreamleas gebad he gewann langsum.”</strong> </em>
</p>
<p>Light broke through the darkness in patches, the echoed words pulling at the warlock and surrounding him in a tight embrace before he was being wrenched backwards, the precipice disappearing with the current and forcing him to the surface of his pain.</p>
<p>The agony that struck him was blinding, his eyes tightly closed while he grimaced, unable to stop the groan that worked past his lips. A heavy hand tightly grasped at his own, and as Merlin worked to see past the burning haze, the shadow of a figure hovered above him.</p>
<p>“Merlin?” The voice that spoke was closer now and heavy with grief as the boy blinked away the daze and focused on the face above him. “You’re alright, Merlin, you’re alright.” The voice soothed while the face of his guardian settled into focus and the warlock’s own rasping tone filled the room.</p>
<p>“Wh-What happened?”</p>
<p>“You nearly died.” The hand on his tightened as the boy pressed his head into the pillow beneath him, another wave of aching misery coursing through him as he shut his eyes tight in an effort to combat the nausea that followed the pain.</p>
<p>His dream was fading quickly, the feelings and thoughts dispersing as fast as sand through his fingers, but one thing remained at the forefront of his thoughts and he opened his eyes again to look to the physician. “Gaius.. Did you use magic?”</p>
<p>An answer was not even needed, the look on the elder’s face more than enough to confirm what the boy had thought. “You had stopped breathing, Merlin, it was the last thing I had that I could try.” He admitted softly, squeezing the boy’s hand fondly.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” He murmured, exhaustion creeping up through his bones and tugging at his thoughts as the man smiled.</p>
<p>“Try and rest, my boy. You’ve been through quite an ordeal and I’m afraid your swim in the stream only made things worse after the blood you lost.” As the elder began to rise, Merlin’s fingers tightened around his hand and made him pause, curious eyes aged with wisdom glancing him over. “Merlin?”</p>
<p>“You pulled me back.” He spoke, the words scratching painfully at his throat. “I was letting go.. I was.. I couldn’t fight it..”</p>
<p>“Merlin-“</p>
<p>“You pulled me back.. you didn’t let me go..”</p>
<p>A tense expression crossed onto the physician’s face and a second hand wrapped around the boy’s as Gaius quieted him. “Rest now, Merlin.” He urged, keeping hold of the young warlock’s hand as if it were a lifeline. “Just rest.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>The ANGST. Also this somehow turned into some epic snow saga and I ain’t even mad about it. Tell you what though, in all the random things I’ve learned while doing research for these stories, the fact that people actually hunt wolves for fun made me incredibly sad.</p>
<p>Hope you guys enjoyed this story, it kinda came out of nowhere but ties beautifully with my next one which I’ll be posting on New Year’s Eve! (Or day, it depends tbh) But anyway leave a comment if you’d like and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. New Years Eve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of his coughing echoed loud and long throughout the room, the pain in his lungs seizing his chest and forcing the man to double over, a hand pressed tightly over the offending area. The unpleasant motion had been an ongoing occurrence for the last several days and the last of the symptoms from his illness to fade. And while the fever and the chills and the brief bout of nausea had been far from fun, a piece of the prince wished that any of those would return in favor of easing the constant ache and rattle that the fits left him with.</p>
<p>Sitting up from his stooped position on the bed, tired blue hues shifted to the doorway, half expecting one of the servants to come rushing in with yet another goblet of water or question of wellbeing. When none did, Arthur could feel one side of his mouth quirk upwards into a triumphant smile. Perhaps they had finally received the message that he’d thought he’d made loud and clear; he didn’t want or need them constantly around him.</p>
<p>He was the Crown Prince of Camelot for God’s sake, not a child in constant need of company or care. Not to mention that every last one of them that his father had sent was more incompetent and annoying than the last, though a piece of him held a spot of twisted pride at the fear that had crossed the last one’s face at his roaring command of being left alone.</p>
<p>Falling backwards against his bed and pressing his head against the blanket that was spitefully mussed, Arthur let his feet drag against the cool floor while he stared up at his bed’s canopy. He hadn’t expected Merlin to still be gone. No, that wasn’t true. A piece of him had, but a piece of him had also hoped that it wasn’t as bad as it had seemed.</p>
<p>After all, how did the idiot expect him to get by with the ridiculous staff that his father had employed? At least Merlin knew where his things were stored, and though he often appeared late he tended to be around when Arthur really needed him, and he wasn’t one to shy away whenever he yelled.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes and drawing in a slow breath in an effort to stave off the next round of coughing he could feel building, he pictured the boy in his mind, still lying about in Gaius’ chambers. After his father had pulled him away that night, Arthur had nearly collapsed, his adrenaline long since faded and his body giving in to the cold and the exhaustion of the day’s events.</p>
<p>He’d been confined to his bed and his chambers like a child with a series of quiet, obedient servants tending to him around the clock. Struck with a high fever during the night, he’d barely been conscious when Gaius had stepped foot in his room, no doubt at the command of the king, and approached him with a level of weariness he’d only ever seen during a heavy outbreak.</p>
<p><em>“He’s fine.”</em> The man had assured him before the question could even be spoken, though the look on his face told a story that was far more complicated than those two words that he’d conveyed. A story that, despite the several visits during the worst part of the prince’s illness, was left unspoken, any concern or inquiry shushed with the usual ‘he’s alright’ that left Arthur more frustrated and worried than before.</p>
<p>Sitting up as the next bout of coughing ensued, Arthur’s toes curled against his floor and tears sprang to his eyes as he sucked in a sharp breath, a daggered pain dancing behind his eyes. At least his father hadn’t spoken much about his actions, although the expression of displeasure was never far when he asked after his son’s health.</p>
<p>A fact that Arthur was still surprised about, waiting anxiously for the moment to come when his father would burst into a long winded lecture about risking his life needlessly and defying his direct orders upon his return.</p>
<p>Twisting around on the bed and eyeing the fire that still burned bright in an effort to keep his chambers warm, Arthur listened once more for the sound of a knock or respectful questioning that would signal someone’s approach. Just another thing Arthur had yet to grow re-accustomed to. Had Merlin been around there would be no knocking or quiet mutterings, only quick footsteps and heavy breaths and a teasing voice that would ask if he was alright or was he to fetch Gaius in case he was dying from such a mild affliction.</p>
<p>Reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose, Arthur pushed himself off the bed and swayed a moment, a hand stretching towards his nightstand until he was steady before he was padding over to his dresser to rummage through the drawers.</p>
<p>He’d done his job of playing obedient prince for the last three days, listening to his father and remaining dutifully in his chambers. But now he was practically well and he hadn’t seen Gaius since the evening before and he felt it was necessary to seek out the man and have him clear him once and for all.</p>
<p>Finally finding a pair of socks in the next to last drawer, the prince sat in one of the chairs and quickly tugged them on before snatching his boots and shoving his feet inside. He was certain Gaius would be in his chambers so late in the evening and seeing as he was the physician and Arthur had been ill, he didn’t see a single issue with paying the man a visit despite the hour. And if he happened to find Merlin there and awake, well then he would have no choice but to ask his idiotic servant how he was doing and when he’d be returning to work, he wasn’t rude after all.</p>
<p>So with the decision made and his next cough rolling out shorter and quieter than his last, Arthur pulled open his door and stepped out into the hall, not at all pausing to check the emptiness of the corridor first or taking the time to avoid any guards during their patrol. And in no way was the prince tired after his trek to find the boy-<em>the physician</em>, the labored breaths and rattling of his lungs nothing more than his own imagination.</p>
<p>Climbing the stairs slowly and pausing near the door, Arthur found that it was cracked a fraction, just enough to allow a sliver of firelight to fall out and color the tips of his boots. Lifting a hand and carefully pushing open the door, the prince poked his head inside, spotting the elder near the patient’s cot with a book in hand and glasses on his face.</p>
<p>He had half a mind to turn away, to go back to his room and wait until morning for fear of disturbing what little peace the man so rarely got, but the creak of the door betrayed him and the book was lowering at the same time as tired eyes were lifting. Unable to deny his presence, the prince stepped inside at Gaius’ beckoning and forced his gaze to remain firm on the white haired man.</p>
<p>With movements that screamed of weariness and age old aches, Gaius stood and approached the young man, concern pulling at his mouth as he looked the prince over. “Sire, are you alright?” And his voice was impossibly soft, the room far too quiet for containing the servant that was known to chatter on regardless of the situation, and <em>damn him</em> because his focus had shifted without realizing, blue hues settling on the silent mound taking up the cot that was reserved for those under Gaius’ watchful care.</p>
<p>“Arthur?” The physician spoke again, because the prince had yet to speak, had yet to move any further into the room, and suddenly the blond was coughing, a desperate hand flying to his face in an effort to muffle the noise as he bent over, pain catching in his chest and decorating his vision with a serious of small sparkling lights.</p>
<p>When the fit ended and the breath had returned to his lungs, Arthur took note of the comforting hand on his arm and the worried expression studying him. Standing up straight and clearing his throat, the prince moved away from the elder and his ward and closer to the fire, creating a distance from the resting boy so as to not further risk waking him.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He spoke as soon as the other was near, and at the doubtful expression that made it clear the words were not believed, Arthur swallowed and tried again. “I came to request a draught to ease the cough.” And that sounded far better, steadier and stronger and how the prince was meant to sound.</p>
<p>“I believe I have one made up.” Gaius nodded slowly, eyeing the young man a moment longer before turning to look through his cabinets.</p>
<p>Sitting down on one of the stools near the fire to wait, Arthur’s stare returned to his servant and attempted to make out the finer features of the boy in the faint light. It was easy to see how pale he was and how it contrasted against the small dusting of red along his cheeks that indicated a fever, but the rest of his body was hidden beneath a heavy blanket, one that was drawn all the way up past his shoulders.</p>
<p>The stain on the floor had been scrubbed away, no trace of the blood that had once coated the boards beneath the sleeping boy, and Arthur couldn’t help but wonder how bad the injury had ended up being. “How is he doing?” He asked, forcing the question out as casually as he could as the movement behind him paused momentarily.</p>
<p>“He’s doing far better than he was.” The elder finally spoke, and at his words Arthur cursed himself because he’d known all along the physician had been holding back and he should’ve been by before to check on the foolish boy. “He’s had a stubbornly high fever.” The man continued, moving to a different cabinet behind the prince as a few vials clattered together during his search.</p>
<p>“And while I’ve managed to get him to eat here and there, he’s spent most of his time asleep.” Returning to the prince’s side, Gaius placed an orange tinted vial on the table and clasped his hands together, the weariness more prominent as shadows moved like spirits across his face. “I wasn’t sure he was going to make it at first.” He admitted, and his voice was so low Arthur barely caught the next words that left him. “I’m not sure what I’d have done if..” And he doesn’t need to continue because Arthur already knew and really he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done either.</p>
<p>“Gaius?” Turning his head towards the physician he was met with a wizened gaze and the question that had been lingering in his mind suddenly seemed foolish beneath his sharp eyes.</p>
<p>“Sire?”</p>
<p>“Is it possible for..” Pausing he caught he breath and forced himself on. “It is possible for one to see the future through their dreams?” His inquiry was met with a lingering silence, Gaius’ face a mask of neutrality that made the prince feel ridiculous for even considering such a thing before the man’s voice finally appeared.</p>
<p>“For someone who has magic there is the possibility of such a gift, though it is difficult to control. Why is it that you ask?” He spoke carefully, eyes narrowing a fraction as Arthur looked away.</p>
<p>It wasn’t against the law to discuss magic in the theoretical sense, but it verged so close to other things he knew exactly how his father would react if he found out his son dared even mention it. He should have known better than to even bring it up, but Gaius was knowledgeable about such things, and perhaps he was just looking for a reason.</p>
<p>“Morgana came to us before the hunt begging for Merlin not to go. She wouldn’t say why but she was nearly in tears telling him to stay within the citadel. A few hours later we were hunting, and then, well, that happened.” He made a gesture towards his servant before dropping his head with a soft sigh. “She has such odd dreams I’d thought.. but it sounds foolish now hearing it out loud.” He muttered, dragging his hands over his face and wondering if he was not as well as he’d thought he was.</p>
<p>“Morgana’s dreams are just that, Arthur.”</p>
<p>“I know, but..” Meeting the elder’s eye, he barely shook his head. “Merlin told me that he had a bad feeling. I don’t know if Morgana’s rambling spooked him or he was just cold, but I..” <em>He felt responsible.</em></p>
<p>“No one could have predicted a wild animal attacking him.” Gaius spoke sternly, his hand falling to the prince’s shoulder. “Not Merlin, not Morgana, and certainly not you. What matters is that he’s here, and he’s going to be fine. He will recover in time.”</p>
<p>Looking up at the man, Arthur’s next breath ended in a cough, short and shallow as he dropped his head again. “I know. But perhaps I should have listened.” He mumbled, not even sure if the man could hear him with his voice so low, but the hand fell from his shoulder and the elder was stepping away as Arthur’s gaze returned to his servant.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how long he sat at a distance, watching and willing the boy to move in some way before he heard a quiet muttering behind him. Searching for the physician, he spotted the man grabbing hold of his satchel and turning apologetic eyes to the prince.</p>
<p>“I’ve just remembered a salve I was meant to deliver earlier but haven’t had the time to do so. May I ask you to stay with Merlin until I return?” The question was a surprise to the blond, but Arthur’s head nodded anyway as Gaius started for the door. “I should return before too long, and then you’ll be able to return to your chambers.” He stated, a firm stare sent his way that made it clear his words were more than a bit of advice.</p>
<p>With another nod, the physician left quietly and Arthur was standing, making his way to the same chair that Gaius had vacated not long before and settled in near his servant. Up close it was easier to see him, as well as the way he breathed long and slow with sleep, interrupted only by the occasional hitch.</p>
<p>Leaning forwards and resting his elbows on his knees, Arthur’s head sunk against his hands and he let his eyes fall to the boy’s shoulder hidden beneath the thick blanket. He was tempted to lift it, to see how much of his arm had required a covering and whether the blood had made it look worse than it was.</p>
<p>And a piece of him nearly did, a hand beginning to reach out, but a sudden cough stabbed through his chest and forced his arm to retract, curling instead towards his body as his eyes squeezed tight, working too late to smother the too loud noise as his throat burned in protest. As the fit ended the prince sucked in small, wheezing breath past dry and cracked lips before a hoarse whisper drifted up towards him.</p>
<p>“Gaius said you were sick, but you sound awful.” The voice was startling, Arthur’s head jerking up to find two tired eyes staring back at him with an expression of worry creasing his brow. “You <em>look</em> awful too.” Merlin remarked, his voice scratched and weak but holding the usual teasing tone to it all the same.</p>
<p>“You’re one to talk,” He countered without hesitation. “At least I’m not still lying about in bed.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure if Gaius had his way you would be.” He spoke sluggishly, the slightest slur to his words as he blinked slowly. And all Arthur could do was smirk, because of course the idiot was right, but he was also <em>awake</em> and <em>sassing</em> him and a piece of him hated the amount of relief that flooded through him at such a simple thing.</p>
<p>“Probably.” He uttered, feeling the pull in his chest as he turned his head away, a rough cough dislodging the pressure the first cough had brought up as the cot in front of him shifted and the prince was moving before he could think.</p>
<p>With a hand pressing down firmly on Merlin’s chest and forcing him back, surprised blue hues stared up at the man half hovering over him. “What <em>exactly</em> do you think you’re doing?” He demanded, putting as much of a stern tone to the words as he could, though admittedly his voice was tight and dry and he was fairly certain it sounded more choked than anything.</p>
<p>“I was going to fetch water.” Merlin defended softly, no longer fighting his weight as the prince pulled his hand away and sat back in his chair.</p>
<p>“You’re worse off than I am, you’d pitch over the moment you stood up and I don’t want to have to pick your useless self off the floor.” He scolded, swallowing away the ache in his throat as he leaned back and folded his arms while Merlin shifted his stare to the room behind him.</p>
<p>“Where’s Gaius?” He asked, the side of his head pressing into his pillow as he sought out his guardian.</p>
<p>“He went to make a delivery.”</p>
<p>“At this hour?” Merlin croaked, eyes widening in surprise.</p>
<p>And Arthur was about to answer, to say <em>of course why else would he leave</em> when it suddenly struck him as to <em>why</em> Gaius would have put off something he could’ve done while Gwen was visiting earlier. A flush of embarrassment rushed over the prince, his words refusing to come out as he stared at the boy who was waiting for his answer. Was he that easy to read? He’d known Gaius his entire life, but they’d never been overly close, not since he was a child, so how had he known he’d wanted an excuse to stay if it wasn’t written all over his face?</p>
<p>“He’s been busy taking care of your lazy self, hasn’t had the time for hardly anything else.” He answered flippantly, waving a hand at the servant as if he hadn’t taken a solid ten seconds to come up with an answer. It seemed to be enough for the boy though, Merlin settling back as the blanket shifted and a section of his bandages came into view. “How’s your arm?” Arthur asked, eyeing the boy as Merlin’s gaze drifted away.</p>
<p>“Gaius thinks I’ll have quite the scar when its healed.”</p>
<p>“Only you would manage to have that happen.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t ask for the wolf to attack me.” He stated, a small pout forming on his face as he stared up at the blond. “I don’t actually ask for any of the things that happen to me to happen.”</p>
<p>“You’re just unbearably clumsy, we all know.” Arthur smirked, enjoying the frown that tugged the other’s lips down.</p>
<p>“You’d think I’d have better luck after being forced to put up with someone like you.” He muttered back, looking away at the man’s scoff.</p>
<p>“I’m a delight to be around, <em>Mer</em>lin.”</p>
<p>“Of course you are, Sire.” He retorted, still not looking at him as Arthur rolled his eyes and turned away, spotting a pile of fabric on a table near the boy’s bedroom door.</p>
<p>“I see the knights returned your cloak and gloves.”</p>
<p>A small sound of confirmation left the boy in response. “I’ll need to thank them when I can get around again.”</p>
<p>“You nearly scared Gwen half to death you know.” Leaning forwards, Arthur’s hands came together in front of him. “And Morgana.”</p>
<p>“They’ve been to see me, both of them. Gwen was crying.” The boy noted quietly, his eyes lifting to the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Well they thought you were going to die.” The price stated abruptly, hesitating as the boy tensed. “Course you didn’t, which means you haven’t lucked out of your chores.” He added, attempting to bring another smile to the servant’s face as tired eyes met his.</p>
<p>“Still not having any good luck then.” He mumbled with a blank expression that brought a laugh out of the prince, his head dropping as the sound turned into another hacking cough. When he’d finished he found the boy watching him with a pained expression before a hand fell against his chair.</p>
<p>“You didn’t take that draught I left out, did you?” Looking over his shoulder to find Gaius standing over him, the elder beckoned him to rise and follow, once more moving to the fire as he extended the vial that had been left on the table out to him. “This will help with the cough and to help you to sleep.” He promised, pressing it into the blond’s hand as Arthur accepted it gratefully.</p>
<p>“You ought to return to your chambers before the king finds out you’ve been here; you know he won’t take well to you not remaining in bed.” Looking back to his servant, Arthur found he wasn’t surprised to see his eyes shut again, his head turned towards the two as if he’d been listening to them when he’d drifted back off. “He’ll be alright, his fever ought to break soon.” The physician assured, ushering him towards the door.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Arthur voiced before he was fully out of the room, catching the man’s eye before he swallowed. “For the potion.” He added, because that’s what he’d come for after all, and the elder just smiled back at him as if he were in on a secret and bowed his head.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Sire.” And then the door was closing and Arthur was making his way back to his chambers feeling lighter than he had before. He’d gotten what he’d needed, and the next few days that promised to be endlessly busy no longer seemed so unbearable.</p>
<p>Perhaps if the boy healed quickly he’d even be a part of the oncoming celebration instead of holed up in his chambers. Not that Arthur cared of course, only for the fact that he’d be bored senseless without someone that he could mess with.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He was beginning to regret his decision. No, that wasn’t entirely true. A piece of him had regretted it the moment he’d left the warmth of his home and ventured out into the hall. Merlin’s fingers curled around the edges of his cloak as he pulled it tighter around himself, an ache racing through his arm as he forced himself up the last few steps.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t have pushed himself so hard or dared to come so far, though neither had seem so daunting when the thought first came to mind. Gaius was sure to complain and he could already see the man’s eyebrows frowning at him in that disapproving manner he seemed to reserve solely for him, but as he walked through the empty corridor filled only with his own labored breaths and approached the balcony covered in a thin layer of snow, he felt as if the trip hadn’t been entirely in vain.</p>
<p>Bracing himself against one of the pillars and looking out at the forest decorated in the white powder, Merlin drew in a deep breath of the cold night’s air. Gaius had suggested he go out, stretch his legs and walk around somewhere more than the small room he’d been stuck in for days, and Merlin had readily agreed. At least, he had until he’d actually left the physician’s chambers.</p>
<p>Each and every hall and corridor were practically bursting with people; servants and staff carrying or fetching or cleaning. Merlin had been overwhelmed, barely dodging one frantic man as he raced towards what the warlock suspected to be the prince’s chambers. There were also visitors in the citadel and a feast was currently underway, though for what the boy wasn’t entirely sure.</p>
<p>He’d tried seeking Arthur out, to ask how he was and what was going on, but when he’d finally made it there he’d found his room empty and he hadn’t wanted to pursue the search any further. Whatever event was taking place no doubt had the prince in attendance, and in Merlin’s desperation to get away from the mass of people filling every available space he’d found himself here. Just as it had been before the tower was void of any other living soul, left empty and hollow with its barren walls and closed off room.</p>
<p>Shutting his eyes and drawing in another breath, the boy’s trembling began to fade, leaving only an annoying reminder of the weakness left over from his sickness. Once his fever had broken and he’d been able to keep food down again, Gaius had finally stopped hovering over him, though he’d still kept a close watch over his ward. At the very least he’d been permitted to move back into his room, the small bit of privacy a luxury that he’d gratefully taken.</p>
<p>Merlin had seen Arthur once more since his first visit, glad to have seen the prince again in good health. He’d only stayed a few minutes though, asking Gaius about some things that the warlock hadn’t been able to fully hear due to his own struggle with his coughing fits getting out of hand. But that had all been a couple of days ago, and the warlock found himself wondering how the prince had been fairing without him around.</p>
<p>Not that Arthur was <em>completely</em> incapable without him, but he was curious as to how he’d affected the rest of the servants stuck dealing with him in his time off. He could only imagine how much more of a pain the prince could be recovering from an illness.</p>
<p>Reaching a hand out and brushing away a portion of the snow, Merlin’s finger began to draw lines in the remaining powder, creating a small design that left the tip of his finger a bright red while the cold bit into his skin.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” The next line was jerked harshly through the others, the picture he’d been creating ruined as the warlock’s head snapped up and found Arthur standing in surprise at the top of the stairwell.</p>
<p>“What are <em>you</em>?” He repeated the question back, too surprised himself to do much else as the blond’s eyes narrowed at him and his lips pressed tightly together. “You’re hiding from the feast, aren’t you?” Merlin asked suddenly, beginning to smile at the flash of irritation that struck the prince before his expression was hidden beneath a mask and he was striding forward.</p>
<p>“Of course not.” Arthur snapped, his fists curled by his sides as he stopped beside the other pillar and folded his arms, falling back against the stone while Merlin stared. “Alright, maybe.” He finally relented, scowling towards his servant. “But I’m not <em>hiding</em> I’m merely taking a walk.”</p>
<p>“Of course, Sire.” He nodded, not bothering to try and hide his smirk as Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you hiding from Gaius?”</p>
<p>“He wanted me to get some air.” He shook his head, dragging his fingers through the remainder of his design, making the dragon as indistinguishable as its wings. “This was the only quiet place I could find.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t even know this tower was unused.” The prince commented, turning his gaze to the room across from them. “What’s in there?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I’ve only been up here once before.” Merlin shrugged one shoulder, the other still carefully pressed to his side.</p>
<p>“You’ve never looked?” Arthur practically gaped, narrowing his eyes in disbelief.</p>
<p>“Why would I have any reason to?”</p>
<p>“You’re so nosey I would have though you couldn’t resist.”</p>
<p>“I’m not nosey.” The boy scoffed, his mouth open in offense as the prince pushed away from the stone and caught his eye.</p>
<p>“Yes Merlin, you are.” He stated before making his way towards the room.</p>
<p>Trailing behind the man with a quiet grumble, he peered around the blond as he pushed open the door and stepped inside, dust rising from the floor wherever they stepped. The room was similar in size to Gaius’ chambers with a stairwell that led to a second-floor landing covered in empty shelves and a room at the back that Merlin suspected to be just like his own.</p>
<p>A vast array of crates and chests covered a majority of the space, stacked precariously throughout the room while a large window overlooking the forest allowed moonlight to filter in and light the space. Without a word they each took a different side as they began to inspect the old objects, thick layers of dust billowing about with every breath that left them.</p>
<p>“It looks like my chambers after you’ve taken a day off.” Arthur remarked, unlatching a chest and waving a hand to rid the dust from his face.</p>
<p>“Your chambers have never looked this bad, at least not since I’ve started.” Merlin retorted, prying open a leather bag and grimacing at the fabric on the inside that came off between his fingers.</p>
<p>“This place hasn’t been touched in years.” The prince murmured, moving to another stack of luggage and pulling over a crate. “Even the storage rooms are cleaned from time to time, this place shouldn’t be so filthy.” He complained, pulling out a few items and holding them up to see them better. “Why do these look familiar?” He questioned, holding one up higher for Merlin to see as the warlock leaned over his stack.</p>
<p>A tall, cylindrical glass coated thick with dust was held aloft in the prince’s hand and Merlin frowned in thought. “It looks similar to what Gaius uses when brewing his herbs.”</p>
<p>“That’s what it is, all of this looks like equipment he would use.”</p>
<p>“Could this be an old physician’s chambers?” Merlin mused, walking over and reaching into the same crate and pulling out a small metal box covered in intricate designs.</p>
<p>“I doubt it, Gaius has been in his tower as long as I can remember, and he doesn’t seem the type to just leave some of his things behind.”</p>
<p>“He’s definitely not.” The boy muttered, forcing the countless arguments about the man’s tendency to collect and hold onto things from his mind as they continued looking around. “Actually, you know what this looks more like?” Holding up another metal container and a vial with a dark stain coating the bottle, he met the prince’s eye.</p>
<p>“This all looks like the equipment that one sorcerer had, the one who tried to take Gaius’ job.” Frowning, Arthur took the box from the boy and opened it, tipping it upside down as a few small coins tumbled out into his open palm. “Edwin, that was his name!” Merlin snapped his fingers, drawing away from where the man knelt and looking over the items again.</p>
<p>“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin, why would anything used for creating magic be in this tower?”</p>
<p>Spotting a familiar looking piece of wood propped inside another crate near the window, Merlin shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe it was taken from a group of visitors, or it was left over after a raid?” Pulling the wood free and turning it over, the warlock’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes went wide.</p>
<p>Carved into the wood were bold letters written in a simple script, similar to the one leading to the chambers that had been his home for some time, only the words looking back at him were far different. Lowering the plaque and dragging his fingers over the dusty letters, a lump he could not swallow down rose in his throat.</p>
<p>
  <em>Court Sorcerer.</em>
</p>
<p>Had Camelot really had one of those? He knew the ban on magic had been around for years, almost as long as Arthur if he wasn’t mistaken, but before that had happened had Uther actually entertained such a position? He could hardly believe it, though the proof was weighing rather heavily in his hand.</p>
<p>“Are you listening to me?” Arthur’s voice interrupted his thoughts as Merlin’s head jerked up.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I asked what you found.” Wordlessly Merlin turned the plaque over, gripping the edges tightly and curling his fingers over it as he held it up for the prince to read. “You’re blocking part of it, Merlin. All I can see is you holding a sign that says ‘sorcerer’ on it.” Rising from his crouch and reaching out, he took the plaque from the warlock’s hand and glanced it over, the prince’s own expression changing, morphing into one of confusion. “We used to have a Court Sorcerer?”</p>
<p>“This must have been their tower.” Merlin mumbled, not daring to speak any louder for fear the man would notice how tight his voice had become.</p>
<p>“Why did my father never tell me?” Arthur asked, though the boy got the sense it wasn’t a question he was meant to answer. “He must have closed this place off after he instituted the ban, though why he wouldn’t just get rid of all of this is beyond me.” He muttered, dropping the plaque onto a chest and staring at it.</p>
<p>“If he had a sorcerer appointed in his court..” Merlin began carefully, keeping his eyes on the prince’s face. “Then he must have once thought that magic wasn’t all evil, right?” Because it wasn’t, and he was so desperate for Arthur to see that, to <em>understand</em> that. His destiny was linked with Arthur’s, they were meant to return magic to the realm one day, and all of that would be so much easier if he didn’t have to hide who he was and what he could do.</p>
<p>“Not a chance.” Arthur scoffed, the sharp denial cutting through the warlock like a blade as he looked away, cursing himself for allowing that small shred of hope to surface. “Why do you think the ban was put there in the first place? He knew the dangers of magic, knew what it could do. Who knows how old all of this is? He may never have known this was up here.”</p>
<p>But there was a pause, as if he wanted to say more but wasn’t sure how, and Merlin could see a fight raging through him, a fight that reignited that cursed spark that couldn’t help but wonder when he’d be able to tell him the truth without fear of what may happen.</p>
<p>“But the proof is all here, that plaque alone is-“</p>
<p>“Magic is what took away my mother, Merlin.” His words immediately stopped the warlock’s, the boy’s mouth shutting tight as Arthur glared at the plaque. “My father refuses to talk about, he won’t even tell me what exactly happened to cause her death, but I know that magic is the reason.” Pushing the crate aside and shoving the sign inside, darkened hues sought out his servant’s face. “So how can magic be good when all it does is leave death and misery in its wake?” Before the boy could answer Arthur was turning away, walking towards the door. “The answer is that it can’t, and it never will be.”</p>
<p>Dropping his gaze to the crates and chests that were still unopened around him, Merlin turned and followed after his friend, closing the door tightly behind him and pausing at the sight of the blond leaning against the balcony, his hands propping him as he stared out over the trees. The warlock knew better than to say anything, instead walking closer and folding his arms across the ledge and leaning forwards, a small spark of pain shooting through his shoulder as the two stood side by side in the silence of the evening.</p>
<p>He knew Arthur would need time to come around to the idea of magic being used for good, to understand that it was the person who used it and not the act in itself that was evil, but his hopes had risen in that room and had left him feeling deflated at the prince’s fierce refusal to see that. Tilting his head towards the sky and releasing a soft breath that left a brief cloud floating through the air, a sudden cheer erupted in the distance followed by two more that had the warlock turning his head.</p>
<p>“Was that from the courtyard?” He questioned, stirring the prince from his thoughts as the man sighed.</p>
<p>“Probably. I’ve no doubt the tavern has already kicked out several people, though I’m sure that will do little to disturb their celebrations.”</p>
<p>“Celebrations?” Merlin repeated, turning a curious eye towards the prince. “Is there more than just a feast going on tonight?”</p>
<p>Arthur’s head swiveled towards him in shock, stunned silence washing over him as the blond tried to find words. “Do you not know what today is, Merlin?” He finally settled for asking, leaving the warlock to draw in on himself as heat flooded his face.</p>
<p>“A holiday, obviously.” He scoffed, though he could not place which it might be as the man faced him directly. He prepared himself for the joke that was sure to be made at his expense or a comment about how idiotic he was, but instead the man leaned back against the pillar once more and barely nodded his head.</p>
<p>“I forgot you’ve been out of it for a while. Everyone is celebrating the oncoming new year.” And suddenly the boy was reeling, because not only had he somehow <em>lost</em> days, but Arthur had just had the perfect opportunity to insult him, yet he <em>hadn’t</em>. Opening and closing his mouth in the hope that something coherent would come out, he barely managed a quiet ‘what’ that had Arthur nodding. “It’s the night of.”</p>
<p>“I-I didn’t realize.” The boy breathed, sagging against the balcony as the weight of what the prince said struck him.</p>
<p>“You were in and out of consciousness for over a week, Merlin, honestly I’d have been surprised if you had remembered.”</p>
<p>“I know, I just..” Gripping the ledge tightly, the boy grit his teeth against the ache drilling through his arm as he stared at the snow that still clung to the stone. “I’d meant to return home before it was here.”</p>
<p>“To Ealdor?” Arthur asked, shifting beside him as Merlin’s head bobbed in response.</p>
<p>“I’d wanted to spend a couple of days there. This will be the first year I won’t celebrate with my mother. I won’t even get to see her.” He mumbled, unsure whether the man could even hear him as a high pitched shriek followed by more laughter echoed up the stairwell from a group walking past.</p>
<p>“I suppose your celebrations were far less extravagant.” The prince remarked as a faint smile pulled at Merlin’s lips.</p>
<p>Looking out at the expanse of trees drowning in the snow and the moonlight, he could almost picture his mother sitting at home waiting for him, watching the sky like he was. When would she realize he wasn’t coming back? Had she already?</p>
<p>“In a way it was the same, just on a much smaller scale.” He spoke, feeling the blond watching him, waiting to see if he would continue. “Each household would gather together, moving from home to home if the weather permitted or splitting apart into just two or three if it didn’t. There would be stories and games and music and dancing, and if it was a good year there was even ale.”</p>
<p>It was always loud and jovial, everyone working their hardest to spend one night forgetting about the cold and the dark and the struggles their farms faced. In those few hours, waiting for the new year to come, they were the happiest he’d ever seen them.</p>
<p>“Of course I preferred the time after all the festivities were ended.” Merlin continued, glancing briefly at the prince and forcing back his surprise at the man’s full attention to his story. “After all was said and done my mother and I would return to our home and we’d sit at the fire with the bread that she’d made fresh that morning. We’d talk of the things that happened during the year, the things we learned and the things we ought to have learned, and we’d share stories of our own that we felt were important.”</p>
<p>Even as a child his mother would sit with a smile, listening to him go on about the way he’d used his magic to save a bird or how he’d beaten Will in a race around the fields. She never cared that they were just silly ramblings or that she’d heard them before, she’d give him her full attention and ask questions or encourage him to share even more. Merlin smiled at the memory, pressing a single finger into the snow.</p>
<p>“Then when we were finished she would pull out a piece of parchment and tear it in half, and then we’d each write a wish on it before tossing it into the fire.” Looking to the sky now, he could hear his mother’s words recited each year playing through his mind. “She would say that as the paper burned and the smoke drifted towards the heavens that it was a deal we were making with those that watched over us. If we continued to do our best, to learn and grow and make the most of the oncoming year, then they would help to grant us our wish.”</p>
<p>“And you believed that?” It was the first time Arthur had spoken, and as Merlin turned to look at him, he found amused yet intrigued eyes watching him.</p>
<p>“When I was a child, yeah. But then after the first few wishes didn’t come true I caught on. We still did it every year though, same as always. It was my mother’s favorite tradition, and mine too I guess.” He shrugged, turning around and leaning his back against the ledge as Arthur stared past him in silence before his head was tilting a fraction to one side.</p>
<p>“Traditions.” He murmured, his brow furrowing in thought. “My father has one, if you can really even call it that. More of a belief, really. He always told me that if you ended the year with those you want to be present in your new one, you should be together when it changes. That’s why there’s so much going on.” He gestured, waving a hand in annoyance towards the stairwell.</p>
<p>“He always invites his old friends to stay a few days and take part in a celebration. It’s normally a bore, but it’s one of the few times that my father allows himself to relax. Of course they do so by drinking every drop of ale they come in contact with.” He muttered as Merlin chuckled, catching the man’s eye as he smirked. “That’s the time to get on his good side, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“I can’t even imagine trying to serve during a celebration like that.” He laughed as Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t have to serve, idiot. Most likely Gaius would bring you along.”</p>
<p>“Gaius normally goes?”</p>
<p>“He and my father are friends; have been since before I was born.” He nodded as if it were obvious. “Course I haven’t seen him this year.”</p>
<p>The observation was made offhandedly, the prince continuing to talk of the different royals and dignitaries that frequented the event, but Merlin felt guilt rising up inside him. If Gaius hadn’t gone it was due to his looking after his charge, and though the warlock had no control of the circumstance, he still felt responsible for him missing out.</p>
<p>“Not that it matters much, he never stays for long. He always claimed that he had to prepare himself for all those that would be ill the following morning.” Arthur continued, oblivious to the warlock’s wandering thoughts.</p>
<p>“Is that why you’re up here hiding, because everyone is drunk?” He teased, receiving an irritated look in response.</p>
<p>“I told you, I was taking a walk. The fact that even Morgana’s company seemed more entertaining than listening to them relive old times for another year in a row is just a coincidence.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.” Merlin nodded solemnly, though he knew his sarcasm had not gone unnoticed.</p>
<p>“So tell me, what would it have been?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“If you’d made a wish this year, what would it have been?” Arthur asked, a steady gaze lingering on him as the boy blinked.</p>
<p>He couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t admit that what he wanted most was the prince to accept him and his magic, so instead he offered a sheepish smile. “I’ve no clue, haven’t had the time to really think on it.” Which wasn’t quite a lie, though it wasn’t the truth either. It seemed to be enough for the blond though, the man’s eyes falling away and looking back to the forest as Merlin studied him. “What about you? If you could wish for something for the oncoming year, what would it be?”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe in wishes, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“I know that, but if you did, what would you wish for?” He pushed, leaning forwards in a show of anticipation that drew a short laugh from his friend.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.. actually, yes, I do. I’d wish for a competent servant, one who actually could do his job without constantly getting injured or getting himself into trouble.” He spoke dryly, the sheepish smile returning to the warlock’s face.</p>
<p>“Not enjoying my replacements then?”</p>
<p>“All of them are ridiculously stupid.” He scoffed, folding his arms and speaking gruffly. “Even more so than you, which unfortunately says a lot.”</p>
<p>“You’ve probably scared every single one who has tried to get near you.” The boy remarked as Arthur scowled.</p>
<p>“If I have its for good reason.”</p>
<p>“Guess that makes me a good servant in comparison then.” He hummed, grinning at the prince whose scowl only deepened.</p>
<p>“Hardly.” He spat. “In fact you’re terrible; but at least you’re entertaining.”</p>
<p>“So glad I can be of service then.” Merlin grumbled as his smile fell, tugging his cloak tighter around his shoulders while the sounds of music and off key singing made itself heard in the distance. “Sounds like things are getting more exciting.”</p>
<p>“I ought to get back, someone’s bound to have noticed my disappearance already.” Arthur sighed, eyeing the boy as he pushed away from the pillar. “Gaius is probably wondering where you went off to as well.”</p>
<p>“Probably.” Merlin nodded, standing straighter and following the blond towards the stairwell. “Do you join them when they sing?”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Because if you do, I’ll have to come and listen.”</p>
<p>“I said shut <em>up</em>, <em>Mer</em>lin.”</p>
<p>Chuckling as they walked down the stairs, Merlin’s shoulder bumped against his friend’s. “Happy New Year, Arthur.” He declared as they reached the bottom and turned to go their separate ways.</p>
<p>Barely glancing back at the boy, a faint smile could still be seen tugging at the prince’s lips as he nodded his way. “Happy New Year, Merlin.”</p>
<p>Turning, the warlock made his way back through the still bustling halls, the ache in his shoulder ever present but the weariness he’d felt was gone. Perhaps the next year would hold better things for them, and maybe there was a chance that his wish would even come true this time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>For the record, little Merlin’s wish for at least three years was to meet his father and that’s why he stopped believing. You’re welcome for that last minute angst. I also have a ton of exciting stuff planned for season two, and a lot more for that tower, so look forward to that this coming year! (I’m excited)</p>
<p>ANYWAY I’m posting this earlier than I’d planned but I’d like to wish everyone a very happy New Year! 2020 sucked ass BUT here’s hoping and praying that 2021 can be salvageable! Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading my stories, you’re made this year far more manageable and much more enjoyable. I hope to continue to write and grow and to provide you all with even more stories in the oncoming year! – Ace ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Any Other Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Prince Arthur?” Gwen’s knuckles rapped against the prince’s door, the sound followed by a heavy crash from inside as the girl’s hand jerked away, her brows knitting together in concern as she leaned forwards and listened to the sound of quiet muttering on the other side.</p><p>“Arthur?” She called again, more wary than before as she opened the door a fraction and peered inside. Drawing in a breath of surprise, the girl stared openly at the mess spread out across the prince’s floor. And there, right in the middle of a whirlwind of clothes, boots, armor, and a shattered vase was not the prince, but his servant. “Merlin?” She questioned, glancing back into the hall before she slipped inside and walked closer to the young man who audibly sounded a breath of relief.</p><p>“Gwen, you scared me half to death.”</p><p>“What are you doing?” She asked, reaching out and pulling one of Arthur’s tunics off the boy’s head as he scrambled to his feet and gestured towards the open, and now empty, wardrobe.</p><p>“Cleaning!” He declared a bit out of breath as he waved his hand around.</p><p>“Cleaning?”</p><p>“Yes, cleaning. I was organizing and the shelf broke and then I slipped and everything tumbled out and, well, then you came in.” His words poured out fast and breathy, eyes darting anxiously over the maid’s shoulder at the door as he began to kick the pile aside while fumbling with something in his pocket.</p><p>Gwen wasn’t a stranger to Merlin’s odd behavior or the curious things he and the prince got up to, but even so she could not keep the doubt from her mind as she studied the obvious guilt the boy was trying to hide.</p><p>“So, uh, what are you doing here?” He asked suddenly, stretching out a hand and bracing it against the wardrobe’s door as he leaned forward and attempted a casual pose.</p><p>“I was looking for Arthur.” She answered slowly, her gaze drifting around the room as if she half expected to find the blond there and acting just as strangely as Merlin. “You haven’t seen him around anywhere, have you?”</p><p>“Nope, not today. Hardly at all really, too busy you know. Cleaning.”</p><p>“Merlin, what’s going-“</p><p><em>“Where is he?”</em> Arthur’s voice, loud and angry, echoed from outside, cutting off the maid’s question as all of the boy’s nonchalance vanished and he was grabbed hold of her wrist.</p><p>“Hide!” He hissed, pulling her with him as Gwen let out a quiet yelp, stumbling over the various items littering the floor as Merlin tugged her behind the prince’s heavy drapes and pulled the fabric around the both of them just as the door to the prince’s chambers flew open.</p><p>“Merlin!” Arthur sounded absolutely livid, his footsteps heavy against the floor as he stopped in front of his wardrobe and sucked in a long breath. “You worthless, good for nothing..” He was muttering, seething with anger as Gwen dared a glance at Merlin and found the boy standing as still as a statue, his lips pressed tightly together and his eyes firm on the floor as if he were putting everything he had into being quiet and listening.</p><p>“When I find you, you’re going to wish Cedric were still around!” The prince shouted, his footsteps leading off to the other side of the room as Gwen carefully covered her mouth, the tight quarters stuffy and threatening to draw out a sneeze that would be sure to reveal herself and the servant to the irritated royal. “Wait until I get my hands on you.. Out of my way!” Arthur’s voice sounded again as he stormed back through the door and out into the hall as Merlin let out a long, slow breath that made the drapes shudder in front of him.</p><p>“So, you’re <em>cleaning</em>?” She questioned softly, peering up at the boy who displayed a sheepish smile before he shoved the drapes away.</p><p>“Something <em>may</em> have happened, and Arthur <em>may</em> be blaming me for it.”</p><p>“What did you do?” She asked, her hands smoothing back her hair as the boy shook his head vigorously.</p><p>“I swear, Gwen, it wasn’t me.”</p><p>“What wasn’t?”</p><p>“Wait,” He paused, hands freezing in midair as he narrowed his gaze at her. “Are you telling me that you don’t know?”</p><p>“Don’t know what?” She pressed, suddenly feeling as if she’d missed something obvious as a grin began to pull at the servant’s lips.</p><p>“It’s.. well, it’s.. I can’t explain it, it’s just sort of something you have to see for yourself.” He waved a hand dismissively, though the devious smile remained as he dug into his pocket. “What was it that you wanted him for?”</p><p>“Oh, I was just, going to check on something, it wasn’t that important. But why are you in here if you’re trying to avoid Arthur?” She asked as the boy pulled out a dark tinted jar and held it up for her to see.</p><p>“I came looking for this. I’ve got to figure out who put this in here before Arthur decides to throw me in the stocks. Or the dungeon. Or whatever other punishment he can come up with.” Merlin shuddered, slipping the small jar back into his pocket before he was stepping towards the door and pressing his ear against it. “Just before you came in, I remembered that someone else brought Arthur his breakfast because I was up late aiding Gaius, so I just need to talk to them.”</p><p>“And you need to do that without Arthur finding you?”</p><p>“That’s the idea.” He nodded, deciding it was safe as he pulled open the door. “Sorry to drag you into this just now, I sort of panicked.” He apologized, flashing her one of his widened smiles that always brought out one of her own in return.</p><p>“Uhm, Merlin?” She called as he started out the door, almost laughing as the boy stumbled and leaned backwards to look at her. “How are you going to talk to whoever was up here?”</p><p>“Well, it was one of the dishwashers, so I figured I’d find them in the kitchen.”</p><p>“Isn’t Cook still angry with you?” She asked, getting no response out of the boy except for a blank stare. “For the cake you made her drop?” She pushed, lifting her brows as realization finally struck and boy’s shoulders slumped.</p><p>“Oh, right. She’s sure to call Arthur the moment she sees me.” He mumbled, suddenly sounding dejected as Gwen moved closer and urged him out the door before she closed it behind them.</p><p>“Why don’t I go with you? I can distract her while you find and talk to the boy.”</p><p>“I don’t want to put you out any more than I have, Gwen.” He spoke quickly, concern filling his eyes as she smiled again. Despite his own troubles he still didn’t want to risk bothering anyone else. She didn’t think she’d ever get over how selfless he could be sometimes.</p><p>“You’re not, I’m offering. Actually, I’m insisting. You need to prove that it wasn’t you, and I’ve got a bit of time to spare. And I really am curious to see what’s happened.”</p><p>The grin that overtook the boy was wide and lit up his whole face. “You’re the best, Gwen.” He beamed, turning and striding around the corner as she quickly followed, only for the two of them to crash into Morgana.</p><p>“Oh, My Lady, I’m so sorry.” Gwen quickly apologized, backing a step away as Morgana glanced between the two of them and caught her maid’s eye, flashing the girl a coy look that made her cheeks flush.</p><p>“It’s no problem, Gwen, I’m fine.” She said dismissively, her fingers reaching up and carefully readjusting a blue flower pinned behind her ear. “Where are you two off to in such a hurry?” Green eyes flickered back and forth between the two servants as Gwen cut her eyes to Merlin.</p><p>“We were, uh, w-well we..” Merlin stuttered, his hands flailing about as if they’d give the answer for him.</p><p>“The armory.” Gwen blurted out as the boy quickly nodded.</p><p>“Yes! The armory, we were headed there. I needed Gwen’s help with one of Arthur’s swords.”</p><p>“Yes, it-it’s had him at quite a loss.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just not very.. swordy.. at all..” He continued as Gwen fought the urge to groan. Had he always been such a terrible liar?</p><p>Morgana’s face contorted into one of confusion, the boy trapped under her watchful gaze before she was starting. “Oh, Merlin, Arthur’s been looking for you.”</p><p>“I know.” He muttered before what he said struck him and he was fumbling to correct himself. “I mean, I know, we’re on our way to see him now.”</p><p>“After the armory.” Gwen interrupted as Merlin nodded and caught her arm, starting to lead them both away.</p><p>“Right, after the armory. Got to fix the sword and such.”</p><p>“Merlin?” The girl called, causing the boy to stop abruptly as Gwen’s shoulder collided with his chest.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Arthur just went down that way, so I’d take the other hall if I were you. You know, to get to the armory.”</p><p>A small twinkle of mischief danced through emerald hues and Merlin was breaking out into another grin, his hand letting go of Gwen and instead ushering her the other way. “Thanks, Morgana.”</p><p>“Just be careful, Merlin. Arthur is in quite a state.” The woman warned before she turned and walked the other way.</p><p>“What sort of state is he in?” Gwen questioned as they hurried through the corridor and down the stairs.</p><p>“A furious one I’d imagine. Like I said, you’ve got to see it for yourself to really understand.” He answered distractedly, peering around each corner before they continued in his attempt to avoid the prince.</p><p>Gwen didn’t want Merlin to get into trouble, and certainly not before he found the proof that he needed, but the maid found herself almost hoping to cross paths with Arthur, desperate to understand what exactly had happened that had led to the events she found herself caught up in.</p><p>By the time they reached the kitchens, Cook was nowhere in sight and Merlin heaved a calmer breath, the tension in his shoulders relaxing as he muttered something about how it hadn’t been his fault her cake had been in his way. Gwen walked behind him as they ducked between servers and assistants that were busy preparing for lunch until they found themselves in a small nook near the back where two teenagers were working on cleaning the last of the dishes from the morning meal.</p><p>“Donovan?” Merlin asked as one of the boy’s lifted his head, a mop of blond hair nearly covering his eyes as he stepped towards them.</p><p>“If Cook sees you, Merlin, she’s gonna start yelling.” He warned, a thick accent clinging to his words as the servant merely shrugged.</p><p>“I’d rather face her wrath than Arthur’s right now. You took him his breakfast, didn’t you?”</p><p>Nodding his head, the boy brushed aside his hair with the back of a wet hand. “Was something wrong with it?”</p><p>“No, nothing was wrong, I was just wondering if you saw this on the table when you took it in?”</p><p>Pulling the jar out again the boy leaned closer and stared hard at it. “I do remember seeing something like that in there, but I didn’t see who dropped it off.”</p><p>Frowning, Merlin returned the jar to his pocket. “Did you see anyone else around, in the hall or anywhere?”</p><p>“There was a knight talking to Prince Arthur in the corridor when I went in.”</p><p>“A knight? Do you know which one?”</p><p>Biting down on his lip and glancing up at the ceiling in thought, Donovan let out a low hum. “I think it might have been Sir Dominic, but I’m not positive. Sorry Merlin, I wish I could help you more.”</p><p>“You’ve helped plenty, thanks.” With a hand squeezing the child’s shoulder, he returned to his work and Merlin turned to face Gwen. As he opened his mouth to speak his eyes flickered over the girl’s shoulder and went wide, the words disappearing.</p><p>“What are <em>you</em> doing in my kitchen?” Turning, Gwen caught sight of Cook staring angrily at Merlin, a spoon tight in hand as she strode towards them.</p><p>“I was just leaving.” He assured her, backing away to the door as the woman scowled.</p><p>“You know the prince is looking for you? He thought you might be here shirking your duties.”</p><p>“I highly doubt that’s why he’s looking for me.” The boy mumbled under his breath, taking another step backwards before speaking louder. “Yes, and I was just on my way to find him. So, I’ll be going now.”</p><p>Backing another step away, the servant’s elbow caught a stack of drying dishes on the edge of a table and flailed in a failed effort to catch them. The sound of kitchenware clattering to the ground was loud and halted all chatter from the rest of the busy room as Merlin glanced up apologetically.</p><p>The woman’s face turned a shade of dark red as she started towards him before Gwen surged forward and caught his arm, beginning to tug him towards the door. “We’re so sorry for the mess.” She apologized quickly, pulling him over the dishes and out into the hall as Cook’s ranting echoed after them while they hurried away.</p><p>“We’ve got to find Sir Dominic.” Merlin spoke once they’d put distance between themselves and the kitchen.</p><p>“Where do you think he is?”</p><p>“Out on the field training maybe, or he might be on a patrol. We can check with one of the other knights if we have trouble finding him.”</p><p>“Won’t Arthur be out on the field too?” She asked, her question causing the boy to pause a moment.</p><p>“No, I have a feeling that Arthur won’t be doing much of anything until he finds me.” And there it was again, an amused smirk pulling at his lips as he continued walking. “We ought to check the armory first, see if any of the knights are there that we can talk to.”</p><p>“You’re really not going to tell me what’s happened?”</p><p>“Honest, Gwen, even if I did I couldn’t do it justice.” He shook his head as they walked through the citadel, pausing only long enough to allow the boy to check which paths to take until they were stepping inside the armory. The room was filled with various weaponry, with shields lining the walls and swords carefully kept to one side. Walking further inside, movement on their left had the servant freezing.</p><p>“Merlin?”</p><p>Swiveling around, the boy relaxed almost immediately at seeing one of the knights staring back at him rather than the prince. “Sir Dominic, I was just looking for you.”</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>Stepping closer behind Merlin, Gwen peered around him at the knight that she’d only seen a few times in the past. Sir Dominic was tall, with broad shoulders and short, darkened hair. His voice was deep, and she knew him as one of the quieter men that Arthur had, one who gave thought to what he said before he spoke.</p><p>“You were talking to Arthur this morning, weren’t you?” Merlin asked, digging into his pocket once again as the knight stood, sheathing his sword he’d been cleaning and shifting as he stood half a head taller than the boy.</p><p>“We were discussing plans for a patrol with one of the new knights.” Dominic nodded as Merlin freed the dark jar.</p><p>“When you were talking, did you see any-“</p><p><em>“Merlin!”</em> Stopping midsentence, the boy’s eyes widened as he glanced behind them, the partially open door making the prince and his shouting clear as day as he drew closer.</p><p>“Actually, never mind, I’ll-I’ll come back later.” He said quickly, ushering Gwen to the door as the girl peeked outside and shook her head.</p><p>“Too late.” She whispered, spotting the blond’s shadow rounding the corner as Merlin lunged forward and shut the door.</p><p>“Merlin, what’s going on?” Dominic questioned, narrowing his eyes as the servant spun around and laughed awkwardly.</p><p>“Nothing, nothing important. Uh, we just, well we..”</p><p>“Merlin! I know you’re down here!” Gwen winced at the closeness of Arthur’s voice and Merlin’s stuttering fell quiet as the knight looked from them to the door and back again.</p><p>“Over there, behind those shields.” He finally spoke, gesturing to one corner of the room as Merlin’s eyes lit up. As quick as they could the two were crouching and ducking behind a set of shields in need of repair after a session of training, Gwen sliding carefully between two of them while Merlin pushed her skirts back and slid behind them next, bracing his hands against the wall just as the door flew open.</p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p>“Sire?” Dominic’s questioning voice asked as a heavy breath of irritation sounded.</p><p>“Where is that useless servant of mine?”</p><p>“Sire, what hap-“</p><p>“What <em>happened</em> doesn’t matter! One of the maids saw that idiot come this way!”</p><p>“Oh?” The knight replied smoothly, and in the darkness of their hiding spot Gwen could see Merlin’s lips twitching, the whites of his teeth showing as he grinned at the floor.</p><p>“You’re telling me you haven’t seen him at all?” The prince asked carefully, his voice tight and ice cold as Gwen held perfectly still, her fingers pressed against the cool wall next to her.</p><p>“If Merlin were indeed here, Sire, would I hide him from you?” Gwen caught her lip between her teeth as the boy’s head fell, a barely restrained laugh shaking his shoulders as a heavy silence lingered in the room, no doubt caused by Arthur trying to decide if his knight was lying to him or not.</p><p>“If you see that idiot, you bring him straight to me, is that understood?” Without waiting for an answer Arthur stormed back through the door again while Merlin let out a slow breath.</p><p>“He’s gone.” The knight called, walking closer to where they were hiding as Merlin climbed out and offered his hand to Gwen, helping her to stand as she worked to smooth out her wrinkled skirts.</p><p>“Thank you, Sir Dominic. But, why didn’t you tell him?”</p><p>A small smile lit up the knight’s face as his hand fell to the pommel of his sword. “Did you do that to him, Merlin?”</p><p>“No, of course not.” The boy spoke adamantly, shaking his head.</p><p>“That’s why.” He uttered, his gaze settling on the servant. “Besides, it’s not unusual to see the prince so worked up or blaming you. Giving you away wouldn’t really be fair to you, especially not with a lady in the midst of it all.” Tilting his head and offering her a kind smile, Gwen bowed hers and gave one in return.</p><p>“We’re very grateful, Sir Dominic.”</p><p>“You made mention of my talking to Prince Arthur?”</p><p>“Oh, yes! The boy exclaimed, opening his palm to reveal the jar and holding it up. “That’s why I’m avoiding him, I’m trying to prove it wasn’t my fault. The boy who delivered Arthur’s breakfast said this was already there when he went in, but you were talking to Arthur beforehand; did you see anyone coming or going while you were standing there?”</p><p>Considering the question while staring at the jar, Dominic finally nodded. “Before the boy you mentioned, the only other person I saw was the Court Physician. The prince sent him inside, so perhaps he was the one to leave it.”</p><p>“Gaius?” Merlin stared. “I’d never considered somebody <em>added</em> something to this, I just assumed they’d taken it in.” Muttering to himself, the boy slipped the jar back into his pocket distractedly before glancing back up. “Thanks again, Sir Dominic, I owe you one.” He grinned, moving to the door as Gwen nodded her own thanks and goodbye before she was following after her friend. “The question now is whether this was tampered with before or after Gaius took it to him.”</p><p>“Perhaps I could be of more help if you’d tell me what the salve actually did to him?” She began only to receive another teasing smile.</p><p>“It will be worth the wait to see it in person, Gwen, I swear. Come on, he’s bound to check in with Gaius sooner rather than later and I’d rather not run into him without an exit in sight.” Shaking her head with a small smile, the maid walked beside him as whispers began to float up around them in the corridors.</p><p>Several pairs of eyes followed after Merlin and a few even pointed, but the boy seemed oblivious to it all, his mind focused on the mission at hand as they began to walk up the stairwell leading to his home. “Gaius?” He called out, pushing open the door and pausing, his body tense in preparation to make a run for it at the first sign of Arthur.</p><p>“Merlin! What have you gone and done now?” Gaius’ chiding tone was the only voice to greet them as the boy glanced at Gwen with a tilted smile before he was slipping through the door. “Have you seen the state Arthur is in? I knew you were irritated but <em>this</em> is taking things too far.” Stepping into the room after him, Gwen stood quietly by the door, her eyes flickering out to the stairs on occasion to see if anyone were on their way up.</p><p>“Gaius, it wasn’t me.”</p><p>“Wasn’t you? Well who else could have done such a thing, Merlin? What you-“</p><p>At the sudden silence caused by the physician’s halted words, Guinevere’s gaze drifted back to the room and found the elder’s quiet stare on her as she smiled at him. “Hello, Gaius.” She waved as the man nodded a greeting and eyed his ward again.</p><p>“If you <em>added</em> anything, Merlin-“</p><p>“Gaius, I swear, I didn’t do a thing. That’s why I’m here, I’m trying to figure out who <em>did</em>.” Slipping the jar from his pocket, he held it out to his guardian who took it carefully. “Someone used the salve you brought to do it, or they switched it out, but no one saw who it might have been. I was hoping maybe you saw someone while you were in there?”</p><p>“No one was there at the time, I’m afraid.” The man shook his head, carrying the offending jar to his worktable and setting it down. “Arthur and one of his knights were speaking outside his room, so unless whoever did this was cleared by the prince himself, I don’t see how anyone would have managed to get inside.”</p><p>“So I’m done for then, that’s what you’re telling me.” The boy groaned, falling to a stool and slumping down as Gwen stepped forward.</p><p>“You ought to be looking for a way to reverse what’s been done, rather than trying to find the person who did it. You know Arthur is unlikely to listen to any form of reason in his current condition.”</p><p>“About that,” Gwen spoke up, finding the elder’s eyes again. “Will you tell me what happened?”</p><p>A beat of silence passed as the two men met each other’s gaze. “You didn’t tell her?”</p><p>“I told her it was something she had to see herself.” Merlin explained, fighting back the same grin he got anytime the subject was approached as the physician scoffed and waved a hand at his charge.</p><p>“Go, before he returns in his search for you. Just keep in mind you can’t keep running from him forever.”</p><p>“Has he been here already?” Merlin asked, rising from his seat as the physician nodded. “What did you say?”</p><p>“What could I? That I hadn’t seen you. A fact that he didn’t take well I’m afraid.”</p><p>“We’d better get going then.” Gwen encouraged, catching the boy’s eye as he nodded.</p><p>“Thanks, Gaius.”</p><p>“Have someone tell me if you’re thrown in the stocks again.” He called after them as they left the room and started back down the stairwell.</p><p>“Where do we go now?”</p><p>“I don’t know, but I think Gaius was right. I should figure out a way to fix what’s happened first, then find the person who it. Arthur’s bound to catch up to me sooner or later.” As they reached the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the courtyard, he was still speaking, though it had turned more into personal rambling.</p><p>“What I don’t understand is how someone managed to get into his room without being seen by anyone, and how they even had time to mess with that salve. Did they even mess with it? Or did they trade it with a different one? But then that would mean they prepared it in advance and had been planning all of this. Did they go in later to switch the jars perhaps? But then wouldn’t Arthur have been suspicious?”</p><p>“Okay, enough.” The maid sighed, walking faster and blocking his path as the boy stumbled to a halt, a shocked expression rising to his face. “I can’t take it any longer, Merlin please, tell me what happened.”</p><p>Smiling, the boy’s head fell with a short laugh. “Alright, well, you know that I didn’t deliver his breakfast to him, and I wasn’t even there for a large portion of the morning due to helping Gaius.” He began, his hands moving with his words. “The first time I saw him today was when I was drawing his bath. He disappeared behind his screen and used that salve for his injuries. The next thing I know, he’s shouting and cursing and he comes back out and he’s-“</p><p>“Blue.” Gwen interrupted, her eyes widening as Merlin frowned.</p><p>“Blue, yeah, how did you know I was going to say that?”</p><p>“Because you’re right, I did need to see it for myself.” She stared, barely able to get the words out as she motioned behind him. Standing across the courtyard from them with a furious expression that she could see even in the distance stood the prince with half his face, his neck, and both of his palms stained in bright patches of blue. “How did that happen?” She whispered as Merlin snickered next to her before he was attempting to mask the noise in a cough.</p><p>“Dye perhaps? I don’t know for sure..” His words faded as he laughed again and Gwen attempted to turn a disapproving look his way, though she doubted it was effective as she herself struggled to keep her own laughter down.</p><p>“Merlin, stop.”</p><p>“What? I didn’t do it but it’s still funny.” He chuckled as the maid looked back to the prince and caught his eye. Irritated blue hues softened when they found her, only to turn to ice when his gaze shifted to the dark haired servant next to her.</p><p>“Uhm, Merlin?”</p><p>“What?” With his grin still intact, the boy turned and spotted the prince striding towards him, his smile falling in an instant as he cursed under his breath. “Oh, hell.”</p><p><em>“Merlin!”</em> Arthur boomed, closing the distance between them quickly as his servant backed a step away and lifted his hands.</p><p>“Arthur, it wasn’t me.” He defended, taking another cautious step back as the blond’s anger rolled off of him.</p><p>“Where the hell have you been?” He demanded, his jaw tightening as Merlin stumbled back once more, trying to create distance between them.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for the person who did that.”</p><p>“And did you find them?”</p><p>“Well, no, not exactly, but I-“</p><p>“I’ve been looking for you <em>everywhere</em>.”</p><p>“I know.” Merlin spoke quickly before he grimaced and tried to back track. “I mean, w-were you? I-I mean.. blue.. blue suits you?” Gwen winced at his rambling, the prince’s face turning a shade of red that stood out against the blue smears lining one side of his forehead and cheek.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Arthur questioned, his voice turning low and quiet as Merlin continued to back away.</p><p>“Who, me? I’m just, over here, gonna be over here.”</p><p>“No, you’re not. Come here.”</p><p>“No thanks.” The servant shook his head, moving faster as the gap closed between them.</p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p>“It really doesn’t look that bad!” He shouted, breaking out into a dead run as the blond cursed and chased after him.</p><p>“Get back here you spineless coward!”</p><p>Gwen turned to watch as the two began running through the courtyard, their antics being spectated by everyone around as people stopped to stare.</p><p>“I see Arthur finally found Merlin.” Morgana spoke up from behind the girl as the maid turned and grimaced.</p><p>“Unfortunately.”</p><p>“Did he find out who was responsible?”</p><p>“No,” Gwen shook her head, glancing over her shoulder at where Merin barely dodged the prince’s outstretched hand before he was scrambling over a stack of hay. “We didn’t learn much of anything. Gaius said that Arthur and Sir Dominic were speaking in the hall, so no servant could have passed them without him seeing, so he thinks maybe someone went up later.”</p><p>“Well, Gwen, I think the answer is really quite simple.” Morgana stated, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “A servant wasn’t the one who did it.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Who else would have done such a thing?” The girl asked, staring at the king’s ward before her eyes fell to Morgana’s hand, the same blue flower she’d had in her hair earlier now twirling between her fingers. A blue flower that looked to be the same hue as the color staining Arthur’s skin. “You?” She gasped as the pieces connected and she was looking back up as a smile stretched across the other’s lips.</p><p>“You know, some flowers can create a rather strong dye when mixed properly.”</p><p>“But Morgana, why?” Gwen questioned as the flower stopped mid twirl while a sigh left the woman.</p><p>“Arthur got such a big head after that man was with him, what was his name, Cedric? And look at how he treated poor Merlin during all of that, it wasn’t fair! He can’t even see how much he does for him.” She explained, a small pout lining her face as the maid shook her head.</p><p>“I understand, but now poor Merlin is getting the blame for something that you did! You have to tell Arthur it was you.”</p><p>“Oh please,” She scoffed, the flower carefully finding its place back behind the girl’s ear. “Arthur wouldn’t acknowledge it was me if I smeared the dye across his face myself.” A sudden shout had both girls turning as Gwen winced in sympathy at the sight of Arthur pinning Merlin to the ground, the prince half on top of him as the boy flailed against his grasp.</p><p>“I will apologize to Merlin later, I really hadn’t meant for him to take the blame. I did do it for him after all.” Looking to the girl, Morgana’s arm looped through Gwen’s and pulled her close while the two boys continued to struggle. “He was right though, blue does suit him.”</p><p>And suddenly Gwen was laughing, loud and long as her free hand lifted to cover her mouth and the noise. “How long will it last?” She asked as Morgana looked away.</p><p>“Oh, only a few days.” And they’re both laughing together, moving away from the scene as Merlin tried to throw a fist full of hay into the prince’s face. As much as she hated to see him take the fall for what Morgana did, it wasn’t as if the two wouldn’t come back from it.</p><p>Despite their fighting a triumphant smile had already returned to Arthur’s face and even the crowd had begun to lose interest, going about with their routines as if the prince weren’t laughing against his manservant’s weak attempts to push him off his back. After all, why should they? It was just any other day when it came to the two of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>Let’s start the year off right with some chaotic Camelot laughs. I have no idea where this one came from, it just sort of appeared when I decided I wanted a fun fic with Gwen and Merlin participating in shenanigans together, but I hope you guys enjoyed!</p><p>Leave any comments or reviews if you feel like it, they always make me smile and inspire even more crazy tales. I hope you’re all enjoying the year so far, let’s try and make this a great one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Sleep Deprived</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been another late night for the physician as he stepped into the empty hall and drew in a slow, deep breath. This was the second night he’d been awake into the early morning hours caring for those that had suddenly fallen ill. It had started with a couple of the guards, something trivial and easily cured, but then the cases had doubled and tripled and so many had come down with the sickness that Gaius was having trouble keeping up with the demand for his time. He hadn’t been entirely alone in his endeavors, but Merlin had his own work that needed to be done and they were still just two people.</p><p>The corridors were hauntingly silent as the elder made the weary trek back to his home, the time of day just before dawn when those that would soon be filling the very space that seemed so open were enjoying the last lingering minutes of their dreams before their days work began. Gaius himself dared to entertain the idea of a few blissful hours of rest, though that depended entirely on no one else arriving at his door with that telling pale complexion and trembling they could not control.</p><p>As he made his way up the stairwell to his home, and hopefully to his bed, he briefly wondered if Merlin had managed to get any rest himself that night. Despite the physician’s claims that he was not needed, the boy had stubbornly refused to leave his side whenever another patient appeared, or another poor soul was sent to fetch him in the stead of one unable to leave their bed.</p><p>And he hadn’t complained, not even once, not even when his sleep was constantly disrupted, or his room had been overrun with patients needing an ever vigilant eye kept on them. A piece of the man wondered if it was to make up for shouting at him days before, when he’d been tired and overworked keeping Arthur’s secret during the tournament, but when he’d brought it up Merlin had only shrugged off his concerns and insisted that he was happy to help.</p><p>Pushing open the door to his chambers just as the first rays of the sunrise began to shine over the horizon, Gaius was forced to pause and take in the stranger collapsed on the patient’s cot across the room. The man’s face was buried in a pillow with a blanket thrown over his still shuddering frame, and near his head on the floor where an arm dangled limply over the side of the cot a bucket sat waiting, just in case it was needed.</p><p>With the softest of sighs leaving him, Gaius closed the door and pulled the satchel from his shoulder, moving to his table to set the bag down with the rest of his potions. Only as he did he was brought to a halt once again, this time not by a stranger, but by a familiar mop of dark hair that lay against the table.</p><p>Where the elder’s chaotically organized placement of potions and draughts had once been set out on the table was now the young warlock and the mess he’d made in what was no doubt an attempt to help the man that had arrived after the physician had left. Empty vials and a half used elixir were pushed off to the side and Merlin, the poor boy, was awkwardly bent over the surface with his arms creating a pillow beneath his head and one of the elder’s pestles still in hand.</p><p>Setting his bag down on a stool, Gaius retrieved a spare blanket and neared the boy, carefully draping it over his shoulders before his hand fell gently into his unruly hair. The warlock had been working himself hard over the last few days, and though the sun was determined to rise and claim the beginnings of a new day, the physician did not have the heart to wake him yet.</p><p>Pulling away from his ward, Gaius moved to check on his newest patient when a quiet voice still caught beneath the throes of sleep called out for him.</p><p>“Gaius?”</p><p>Looking over his shoulder at the boy who had partially sat up, he found himself smiling fondly. “Go back to sleep, Merlin.”</p><p>Blue hues disappeared briefly behind heavy eyelids before Merlin was sitting up further, forcing his eyes open as he looked to the stranger on the cot. “Is he alright? I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”</p><p>“I’m sure he’s fine.” Gaius soothed, keeping his voice quiet as he stepped closer and rested a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Were you awake all night?”</p><p>“Most of it.” Merlin mumbled before he was stifling a yawn. “He came in not long after you left, asked to wait for you. I did what I could for him but.. well, I’m not you.” He gave a small, sleepy smile and tilted his head up to look at the physician as Gaius patted his arm.</p><p>“Get some rest, Merlin, I’ll handle things from here.” He assured him as the boy’s eyes drifted shut once more and he was laying back against the table as the elder readjusted the blanket over him. He had just begun to step away when Merlin called out again.</p><p>“Gaius?”</p><p>“What is it, Merlin?”</p><p>“Is it very late?”</p><p>“Very early.” He corrected, looking back at his ward as Merlin frowned against his arm.</p><p>“How early?”</p><p>“Dawn. Now go to sleep.” Gaius urged, moving across the room.</p><p>“Dawn?” The boy mumbled, the word slurring into the slow breathing of sleep as the physician started for his own bed. “Dawn!” The sudden whispered shout jolted the man, Gaius turning back around to find Merlin standing, the blanket on the floor around his feet and his eyes wide and glued to his guardian. “I have to go and wake Arthur.”</p><p>“This early?”</p><p>“It’s his first day returning to training the knights and he demanded an early start.”</p><p>“Merlin, you’ve been awake all night and you haven’t slept much the last few days. Perhaps you ought to let someone else wake him?” The elder advised, concern bleeding through into his words as the young warlock shook his head a couple of times and scrambled away from the table.</p><p>“I can’t.” He shook his head again, stumbling over to where a pitcher of water and a basin sat on another table. “If I don’t go now I’ll be late, and I wouldn’t have time to find someone else to do it instead.” Pouring water into the dish the boy hesitated, hands hovering in front of him before he was submerging them and bringing a handful of water up and splashing it into his face.</p><p>“Without proper rest you cannot do your job well.” Gaius uttered, the parental warning slipping out with his tone as Merlin patted his face and blinked quickly, water droplets stuck on his eyelashes and caught in his hair.</p><p>“I’m alright, Gaius, really.” He assured, though it wasn’t difficult to see the words were a thin veil of a lie meant to cover his dragging movements and glassy eyes.</p><p>“If you wear yourself down, you’re sure to catch the illness that’s spreading.” He attempted a final time as Merlin straightened his wrinkled tunic and reached for his neck, the scarf he usually wore nowhere to be seen as he dropped his hand, ultimately seeming to decide one wasn’t needed.</p><p>“You should take your own advice.” He declared, flashing him a tired smile before he was bounding for the door.</p><p>Gaius could only let out a sigh as his ward disappeared into the stairwell before he looked back to the man still passed out on the cot. Another long day awaited them all he was sure.</p>
<hr/><p>Some days the citadel felt impossibly small. There were times when people were everywhere and running into each other every few minutes and the idea of a moment alone was a fantasy. And then some days the citadel was just too big. Times when you could spend an hour looking for someone and still not have searched even half the rooms or talked to a quarter of the people. It was enough to drive a girl insane, and in a way, Morgana was beginning to feel just like that.</p><p>She had gone from the field to the stables to the armory in search of Arthur, yet she had come up empty handed each and every time. No one seemed to have a solid answer as to where he was, and it felt almost like she was being led on a chase. All she wanted to know was where the knight who had won the tournament had vanished to. No one seemed able to find him after the feast a couple of days before and she’d hoped that Arthur might have run into him after he’d returned from his trip.</p><p>Of course, getting those answers required actually finding him, and it was seeming as if he were nowhere in the whole of Camelot that anyone knew. No one had seen any sign of Merlin either, which wasn’t all that surprising. Normally if one couldn’t find one, it was because they were with the other.</p><p>So when Morgana had stopped by to check Arthur’s room, she’d nearly cheered when she peered inside and spotted Merlin across the room. Well, rather Merlin’s <em>boots</em>. She’d never paid much attention to them before, but they were clearly the servant’s, what with the worn out soles decorated in various shades of leather from having been patched on more than one occasion.</p><p>Stepping further into the room and following the boots up to the back on their owner, she paused when she realized he was alone and putting Arthur’s laundry away. “Hello, Merlin.” She called out, a smile rising to her face as she waited for him to turn and acknowledge her. “Merlin?” She spoke again, in case he hadn’t heard her, but still he didn’t turn.</p><p>It wasn’t noticeable until she walked closer, but the boy wasn’t even moving. He was on his knees in front of the dresser with a partial basket of laundry beside him, but his arms were resting against an open drawer and his eyes were closed while his forehead pressed into the drawers above.</p><p>Worry cut through her as the woman dared to move closer, relieved to find that he was indeed breathing, and that it was in fact slow and steady, indicative of sleep. The question that pressed at Morgana’s mind was no longer where the prince was, but why his servant had seemingly fallen asleep in the midst of his work.</p><p>A moment of debate ran through her before a decision was made and the king’s ward was reaching out, carefully touching the boy’s shoulder. “Merlin?”</p><p>The effect was instantaneous. The boy’s eyes flew open and he was falling back, a pair of trousers that had been in his hand flying out with him as Morgana stumbled back, staring wide eyed at the servant’s flailing as he blinked and looked around until dazed blue eyes settled on her.</p><p>“Are you alright?” She asked as Merlin scrambled to his feet, his head ducking down as he ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“Morgana, sorry, you startled me. I-I was.. I must’ve been lost in thought.” The excuse was weak, and even more so that he wouldn’t meet her eye, but the flush rising to the boy’s cheeks had the woman shaking her head and willing herself to believe it.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to scare you.” She laughed, keeping her tone and words light as she brought her hands together in front of her. “I called out but, like you said, you must’ve been lost in thought.”</p><p>A small shimmer lit up Merlin’s eyes as he finally looked up at her, and suddenly the boy was smiling, an unspoken secret passing between them before he was turning away, kneeling once more and hurrying to put away the rest of Arthur’s clothes. “What was it that you needed?” He asked, standing up straight when he’d finished and casting a curious gaze in her direction.</p><p>But the question she had on her tongue faded the moment she got a better look at him. His hair was unusually unruly, and though he’d moved quickly with his work, his body seemed to drag heavily, yet even that was nothing compared to his eyes. The deep shadows beneath them were prominent, dark smudges like ink making his usual joyful nature seem almost haunting when a smile wasn’t in place.</p><p>“Morgana?”</p><p>“Are you alright?” She asked before she could stop herself, watching as the boy’s brows drew together in confusion.</p><p>“I’m fine, why?”</p><p>“You just, you look exhausted. Is Arthur being more of a pain than usual?”</p><p>Merlin smiled at that, relieving some of the tension that strained his features. “I’ve been busy helping Gaius with everything going on, so I’m just a bit tired is all. But I’m fine, really.” He assured her, the words sounding genuine despite the strange way she’d found him.</p><p>“If you’re sure.” She relented, glancing around Arthur’s room once more. “Have you seen Arthur anywhere? I need to ask him something.”</p><p>“He’s in a meeting with the king right now.” Merlin explained, reaching down and retrieving the empty basket that the prince’s laundry had been in. “But I’ll tell him you were here when he returns if you’d like.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Morgana nodded, dropping her hands and turning for the door before she hesitated, looking back over her shoulder. “Oh, and Merlin?” Catching his attention, she smiled warmly. “Try and get some rest tonight, won’t you?”</p><p>The smile that lit up his face widened her own as the boy nodded in response, the girl leaving the prince’s room and pulling the door shut behind her while trying to push aside the worry she felt rising for him.</p>
<hr/><p>With quick steps and a racing heart, Guinevere hurried towards the kitchen. There wasn’t any real reason for her to be in such a rush aside from the desire to step away from the constant talk of the tournament.</p><p>Morgana had been speaking all morning of the knight who had won, and Gwen couldn’t bring herself to look her in the eye. The ‘knight’ had mysteriously disappeared after the tournament, leaving more than one woman wondering where he’d vanished to and if anyone had been lucky enough to go with him. But for Gwen, whenever her mind wandered back to the event, there was only one thing keeping hold of her thoughts.</p><p>Shaking her head at the moment that was determined to replay at the worst of times, the maid rounded the corner and came to a sudden halt, a flicker of surprise washing over her. Standing off to the side near the kitchen door was Merlin, his body leaning back against the wall and his eyes firmly closed.</p><p>She moved closer to say hello, but before the greeting could come out, the boy’s head began to fall, swaying gently back and forth as his chin sunk towards his chest. His hands were braced against the wall behind him, but the lower his head sank the more he began to shift, slowly tilting to one side. Without warning Merlin’s body slid too far and the boy was tumbling to the side, headed straight for the floor.</p><p>Jumping forward to try and catch him, the boy’s eyes flew open and he instead caught himself as Gwen halted, the two coming up only inches apart before the maid was pulling away and Merlin stared at her with widened eyes.</p><p>“Hello, Gwen.” He offered after a moment of tense silence, the girl nodding her head a couple of times.</p><p>“Hello, Merlin. Are you—Are you alright?” She questioned, wringing her hands together as the boy straightened and ran his own down his face.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just tired is all.’ He shrugged with his words, lowering his hands and offering her a smile that screamed of exhaustion.</p><p>“You look more than tired, Merlin, you look dead on your feet.” Gwen murmured in concern as one of Cook’s assistants poked his head through the door and glanced at the boy.</p><p>“The prince’s lunch is ready.” He spoke before ducking back inside.</p><p>“Guess I better go.” Merlin smiled apologetically, barely seeming to even acknowledge what had just happened as he pushed himself away from the wall before Gwen stepped closer and laid a hand on his arm.</p><p>“Is that why you’re out here? You were waiting for Arthur’s tray?”</p><p>“I didn’t want to risk causing any other problems by waiting in there.” He laughed, a tilted grin lightening up his expression as he motioned behind him. “You know how angry they get when I break things. Or drop things. Or bump into things.”</p><p>“Not a bad idea.” Gwen smiled, pulling her hand away slowly. “But Merlin, you ought to get some rest, you look terrible.”</p><p>“Terrible?”</p><p>“Well not terrible, like <em>terrible</em> you just look, well, ill.”</p><p>“<em>Ill</em>?” He repeated, concern flashing across his face as Gwen waved her hands.</p><p>“No! N-No, I just mean, you look incredibly tired.” She sighed, her hands clenched tightly beside her as the boy’s shoulders relaxed.</p><p>“I’m alright, Gwen, really.”</p><p>“Here you are, Merlin.” The same assistant from before stepped partially out of the door between them, handing a tray over to the servant as the boy flashed a wide grin.</p><p>“Thanks, Torin.” He beamed before he was looking back to the girl. “Sorry Gwen, I’ve got to go. You know how grouchy the prince can get without his meal.” Without another word the boy was striding past her and down the corridor, his shoulders falling the further away he got as Gwen bit down on her lip and made a mental note to check in on him later.</p>
<hr/><p>Some day he was going to figure out what it was that Merlin did all day, because it <em>certainly</em> wasn’t his job. If he was doing his job, then he would have returned to the prince some time ago with news of freshly polished armor and a cleaned blade. Instead, Arthur was once again forced to track his servant down.</p><p>He should have known the direction his day was destined to take when Merlin had first brought him his lunch. The boy had been uncharacteristically quiet, almost as though he’d had something weighing on his mind that was distracting him. A fact that Arthur found amusing given the boy rarely seemed to have a cohesive thought on the best of days, but having to track him down was taking it a step too far, even for Merlin. Didn’t he know that the prince had better things to do with his time?</p><p>After a lengthy discussion about the breaches in their kingdom that had allowed the assassin though, and a pileup of work that had been left with half the guard falling ill, this was no time for the idiot to be slacking off.</p><p>Stalking into the armory in hopes of finding someone who would know where the lazy oaf had gone, he was surprised to find Merlin was actually still there. Not working of course, that would be too much to ask for. No, instead he was slumped against one of the tables asleep, a piece of cloth clutched tightly in one hand and the hilt of Arthur’s sword in the other.</p><p>The prince had half a mind to wake him with a shout, to watch as the realization hit him when he learned that Arthur had found him in the midst of his midday nap, but something gave him pause. Instead, a devious smile crept up onto the blond’s face and he was backing a few paces away, coming to a stop next to a shield that was propped against the wall by some of the knights’ armor.</p><p>Carefully reaching his hand behind it Arthur pushed the shield to the floor, the metal clanging as it fell into the other equipment, creating a loud ruckus that had the servant jolting from his resting place, the rag and sword jerking with his movement and falling to the floor beside him.</p><p>“Good morning, <em>Mer</em>lin!” Arthur called loudly, stepping in front of the boy as his eyes lifted to the prince. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you? I didn’t mean to, here I thought you were supposed to be <em>working</em> and not <em>sleeping</em>.” He scolded, folding his arms as he waited for the flood of explanations to leave his servant in an attempt to excuse his behavior. Only it never happened.</p><p>Merlin’s eyes only fell, looking to the floor in a puzzled manner, as though he couldn’t figure out what had happened or why the sword was lying at his feet. Something must finally have clicked however as the boy barely shook his head and absently rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry.” He mumbled quietly, and the smile that Arthur had been fighting fell altogether as he watched Merlin reach for the sword.</p><p>“Are you planning on losing a finger?” The man asked in cautious amusement, his servant’s hand only inches from the blade as if he meant to pick it up at its sharpest point.</p><p>Blue hues flickered up briefly, eyeing the prince in confusion before he continued to reach for the sword and Arthur’s body was moving instinctively. Surging forward, his fingers caught hold and wrapped tight around Merlin’s wrist with only a moment to spare, a scoff leaving the man as he jerked the boy’s arm up.</p><p>“Are you that desperate to get out of work?” He demanded, the reprimand dissolving as the boy’s head lifted and tired eyes met his.</p><p>He hadn’t noticed it before, not that he’d really paid any mind, but up close it was impossible to deny how weary Merlin looked. He had noticed his unkempt appearance that day, but he’d failed to see the shadows beneath his eyes or the way his stare wasn’t fully there. Not until now, at least.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Merlin asked, staring up at the blond as if the last minute hadn’t even occurred, confusion morphing his expression as Arthur frowned.</p><p>“Keeping you from cutting yourself, you idiot. Even you ought to know better than to grab a sword by the blade.” He grumbled as the boy glanced to the floor, almost seeming surprised at the weapon at his feet. When he didn’t respond Arthur shifted and lifted his other hand, snapping his fingers in front of Merlin’s face as blue eyes looked back up at him.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Merlin frowned, sitting up and pulling his wrist free from the royal’s grasp as Arthur blinked down at him.</p><p>“You look awful.” He muttered bluntly as the boy rubbed at his eyes again.</p><p>“I’m fine.” He mumbled, reaching back down for the sword, thankfully grabbing hold of it by the hilt, and sat it back on the table in front of him.</p><p>“You’re fine?” Arthur repeated, looking from his slouched shoulders to his barely restrained yawn. “When was the last time you slept?” It was a simple enough question, but the hesitation that kept the silence lingering between them had begun to dredge up that annoying feeling of worry within the prince.</p><p>“I’m not sure.” Merlin finally responded, staring hard at the table.</p><p>“How can you not be sure?”</p><p>“I’ve had a lot going on.” The boy spoke, as if the flippant response were more than enough to answer his question.</p><p>Placing a hand firmly on the table beside him, Arthur leaned forward and fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Well try and <em>guess</em> then.”</p><p>“Here and there.” He shrugged, one hand still gripping the hilt of his sword as he worked to not meet the other’s stare.</p><p>“And when did you last get a full night of rest?” Arthur asked tersely, beginning to grow irritated with his vague answers.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Merlin admitted with a sigh, his head tilting to one side. “I think.. yesterday, after the feast.”</p><p>“The feast?” Arthur repeated again, the worry growing in size as his fingers drummed against the table. “Do you mean the feast that was held after the tournament?” The boy nodded in response and the prince’s eyes closed for a moment, a short breath pulling in past clenched teeth. “Merlin, that was two and a half <em>days</em> ago.”</p><p>“What?” Jerking his head up, the servant’s shoulders tensed while his mouth moved silently before a small gasp left him. “It was.”</p><p>“How do you <em>forget</em> when you last slept?” The man asked incredulously, pulling away from the boy. “I mean, what is it exactly that you do with your time that could possibly keep you up?” Waving a hand before he could speak, Arthur shook his head. “Forget it, I doubt I even want to know. You’re useless to me like this, you can barely even keep your eyes open. Go home.”</p><p>“I can’t.” Merlin answered sullenly, stopping the prince as he was beginning to leave. “There’s no point, I mean. If I return I’ll just go back to helping Gaius, and most of the space is filled with those battling this sickness.”</p><p>Understanding suddenly washed over Arthur at his words, as did a twinge of guilt at not having realized it sooner. He’d just assumed it was Merlin’s random nonsense that had interfered with his sleep, but of course he’d been kept busy helping Gaius with the illness that had been spreading about.</p><p>“I can still work.” The boy spoke again, pulling Arthur back into the conversation as the royal laughed sharply.</p><p>“Can you? Because you haven’t even touched that sword since I walked in.”</p><p>Looking down at the weapon that he still had a hand on, Merlin frowned and gripped it tighter. “What was it you came in search of me for?”</p><p>“My father wanted to personally go through the remaining guard to see if anyone else was responsible for allowing Myror access inside the citadel, so he’s left a great deal of paperwork for me to do in his stead.”</p><p>“And you wanted me to help you with it?” Merlin finished, peering up at him again with eyes that looked too much like glass.</p><p>“Until I saw how useless you would be, yes.”</p><p>“I’m fine.” He said again, pushing himself up from where he sat and wavering a moment. “I’ll be up as soon as I’ve finished with your sword.” Reaching for the cloth that was still on the ground, a shudder ran through the boy and Arthur couldn’t stop the grimace at the thought of him trying to do anything with the weapon with as out of it as he was.</p><p>“Just come with me now, the sword is fine.”</p><p>“But I haven’t-“</p><p>“Merlin, leave it.” He spoke sternly, his tone leaving no room for argument as the boy pulled his hand away and dropped the cloth on the table beside it. “Just go.” Arthur motioned, holding back a sigh at the way the servant moved past him, each step taken as if a weight were pushing him into the ground. He had half a mind to send him back to Gaius regardless, but he was aware that what the boy said was true, and though Gaius would fight for him to sleep, Merlin was stubborn enough to ignore him.</p><p>The walk back to his room was a quiet one, neither of the two speaking as Arthur kept behind the boy, half expecting him to collapse before they even made it back. To his credit though he not only made it back to the prince’s chambers but stood patiently until the man gestured to the table where a myriad of documents were already waiting for their time.</p><p>Had it been Arthur’s choice their roles would have been reversed and he himself would have gone through the guard, but his father had reminded him that due to his absence from the tournament, he was more aware of who had been positioned where during the time. And seeing as he couldn’t come clean to his father about what had really happened or where he really was, he was stuck with the most boring work possible.</p><p>As Merlin sank into a chair, Arthur grabbed one of the scrolls and dropped into his own across from the boy before he looked him over, watching as he began to sort through the work that lay before them.</p><p>The two went about things in relative silence, broken only by the occasional request from the prince or question for the boy to check over their work, yet each time he spoke it seemed to jar the other from his stupor. Looking up from his scroll after a longer stretch of silence, he found Merlin with his eyes closed and arms braced against the table.</p><p>His head moved back and forth before his chin was falling towards his chest and the boy was starting, eyes flying open as Arthur’s stare shifted back to his work. It was almost painful to watch but the prince stayed quiet, seeing no point in trying to argue with the boy if he was going to be foolish enough to turn down the opportunity to return home.</p><p>Brushing off the irritating concern that tended to rear its head around the boy, Arthur straightened in his seat and ran his finger down one of the scrolls beside him.</p><p>“Where is that parchment I had with the-“ His words came to a crashing halt as Arthur looked back up and spotted the boy flat against the table, one arm beneath his head and the other lying on top of one of the tomes.</p><p>Shoving aside the papers and rising from his seat, the prince considered waking the boy and sending him back to Gaius, but as he approached him his resolve faded and all he could do was stare at the resting boy with a minor amount of annoyance.</p><p>“Idiot.” He muttered quietly, carefully pulling the page he needed free from beneath the sleeping servant’s arm before he was returning to his seat and looking back to his papers.</p><p>The boy’s quiet breathing was slow and steady as Arthur sorted through his father’s work, his gaze shifting to his dark haired friend on occasion to check on him before he was returning to the scrolls in hand. There was no point in trying to wake him when he knew he was bound to fall asleep somewhere else. At least where he was he wasn’t in the way of anyone, and Arthur was sure he’d find plenty of work for the boy to do when he woke to make up for it later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>How has it been so long since I updated?? I’m so sorry! I got caught up with some personal issues and didn’t realize how quickly time had passed. Hopefully a cute, sleepy Merlin makes up for it!</p><p>I also want y’all to know that I’m watching the show in time with the stories I’m writing, so I’m still actually in the beginning of season two, and when Arthur kissed Gwen I SCREAMED like YES BOY GET YO GIRL.</p><p>Anyway. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, so feel free to leave any comments you’d like because they always brighten my day so so much! Thanks for all your patience guys, you all rock and I hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Story Notice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey, everyone! I have some mixed news to share with you all. After a really, REALLY long time of writing, I've finally decided to publish one of my books on Kindle. It's really exciting, and I'm super pumped about it! The sad news, however, is that the story is actually only half written (whoops) and I set a crazy deadline that I'm now going to be struggling to meet. Because of that, I will unfortunately be unable to dedicate the needed time to this story. But fear not! I will be publishing at the end of February, and will continue to post chapters after that! I know it's only a month, and this is a really awesome opportunity to further my career and finally call myself a published author, but I'm heartbroken because I adore writing these and I already had the next chapter planned out.. But anyway, I really appreciate you all and your interest in this story, so I hope you all will cheer me on and be willing to wait until March for the next installment!</p><p>Thanks so much everyone, wish me luck!</p><p>- Ace ^-^</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn’t have a choice. The fight had gotten out of hand, too much blood had been spilled, and Arthur’s voice had been pained when he’d told Merlin to run. It was clear that the bandits had the upper hand from the start, and as the knights had lain bloody and still on the ground, the young warlock had known he was out of options.</p><p>The leader of the men had pressed a sword to Arthur’s throat, a streak of crimson trickling down and staining the collar of his tunic from where the steel had cut into his skin, and the man had been gloating. The great Pendragon, bested by mere bandits. Never mind the fact that there had been over a dozen of them that had ambushed a meager group of four. But Arthur had ignored the goading words, he’d just screamed for Merlin to go, to run and save himself. So Merlin had done what he did best; he’d ignored the prince’s command.</p><p>With a trembling breath and a shaking hand, the warlock’s eyes had shifted color and the bandits that had surrounded the prince were pushed away by the strongest wind he could create. Their shouts of surprise had been loud, though they hadn’t compared to the shock Arthur displayed so openly on his face. Not that the boy had looked for long, he couldn’t, not when he had more pressing matters at hand.</p><p>In minutes the young warlock had managed to take down most of the bandits, a sparse few running as far and as fast as they could with a few injuries that Merlin hoped would make them think twice before they attacked the prince again. His victory was short lived however, because as the boy’s eyes returned to Arthur and he found that the prince was still kneeling where he’d been on the ground, Merlin knew that he’d reached a fork in the road. A single choice was about to determine the rest of his life, and he wasn’t even the one who was able to make that decision.</p><p>“Are you alright?” The boy ventured slowly, the lingering silence hanging heavy and tense in the air as Arthur slowly rose, his movements stiff and hard. “I know that you—”</p><p>“Don’t.” The blond barked, lifting a hand to silence him as a stern look hardened his gaze. “Don’t speak.” Turning away, the prince’s eyes swept over the carnage around them, blood and weapons and fallen men strewn across the forest floor as Merlin fought to swallow past the growing lump in his throat.</p><p>Seconds continued to tick by as the warlock began to grow anxious, his hands clasping together weakly. “Arthur, I know it’s a bit of a shock, but—”</p><p>“A <em>shock</em>?” The prince repeated, spinning around and staring at the boy with a gaping expression. “Merlin, you have <em>magic</em>.”</p><p>“I know, but—”</p><p>“How long have you been hiding this? Practicing this right under my nose?” He demanded, cutting in again as the boy fought the urge to shrink away from the roaring anger in his friend.</p><p>“I was born with it.” He said quietly, waiting for the blond to erupt again. Instead, the prince merely stared, his mouth parted as if he were trying to speak but was unable to find the words. Jumping at the opportunity, Merlin took a step forward and drew in a large breath. “I was born with magic; I’ve had it all my life. But I don’t use it for anything evil, I never have. I use it to help you, to help Camelot. I’ve only ever used it for good, Arthur, I swear to you.”</p><p>“You lied to me.” He spat the four words out like they were poison, his hands balling into fists beside him.</p><p>“This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.”</p><p>“Magic is <em>outlawed</em>, Merlin! You shouldn’t be using it at all!”</p><p>“It's who I am!” Merlin shouted back, his voice thick with emotion as a hand rose to his chest. “I know what you think of it, but I can’t change what I am, how I was born. But Arthur, I’ve never once used it for anything, <em>anything</em> but good!”</p><p>The prince said nothing, hard blue eyes staring at his servant as Merlin dropped his hand and silently began to pray to anything that was listening. He needed him to understand, he needed him to know that he’d had no choice but to lie to him.</p><p>“What you did was wrong.” Arthur finally spoke, the words quiet as his gaze fell to the blood soaked ground. “But I’ve done something worse.”</p><p>Hope dared to spring to life inside the warlock as he leaned closer and caught his breath. “What?”</p><p>Looking back up, a blank mask fell over the prince as he uttered three words that drove through the boy like a sword through his chest. “I trusted you.” Turning around, Arthur knelt to retrieve his weapon, gripping it tightly as Merlin stumbled forward, his body suddenly weighted with grief.</p><p>“A-Arthur!” He called, tears gathering in his eyes and making his vision swim as the blond began to move away from him, the hope he’d had shattering at his feet as he surged forward. “Arthur, <em>please</em>!”</p><p>“Stay away from me!” Whirling around, the point of the prince’s blade swung towards him, hovering only inches from the boy’s throat as wide, horrified eyes met those filled with hatred.</p><p>“Arthur, please.” Merlin whispered, his body frozen as he tried not to look at the sword that didn’t even tremble. “I need you to understand.”</p><p>“I understand, <em>Merlin</em>, I understand that all this time you’ve been lying to me. Were you just trying to get close to the crown? Did you think that if you could weasel your way into the citadel that you’d have an easier time in destroying it? Destroying <em>us</em>?”</p><p>“No!” The boy’s head shook fervently, trying desperately to blink away the moisture that was rapidly gathering in his eyes. “Arthur, I would <em>never</em> do anything like that, you <em>know</em> me!”</p><p>“I thought I did.” He scoffed, his lips turning down in a scowl as he stared at the warlock in disgust. “Now you’re nothing more than a stranger.”</p><p>“Arthur, don’t.” Merlin begged, daring a half step closer as the tip of the sword moved to connect with his throat.</p><p>“Get back!” The prince yelled as the boy froze again, gritting his teeth against the steel that bit into his flesh as he lifted his hands in a surrendering manner.</p><p>“Arthur—”</p><p>“My father was right about magic! It’s evil, and corrupts all those that fall prey to it, and you’re just like all the others!” His words slammed into the warlock with so much force that Merlin took a step back, a strangled breath all he could get out.</p><p>“You don’t mean that.” He finally whispered. “I’d never do anything to hurt you, Arthur. <em>Never</em>.”</p><p>“You already have.” The prince declared, dropping his blade and staring at the boy with cold detachment. “I don’t want to see you again, Merlin.”</p><p>“After everything we’ve been through, after <em>everything</em> we’ve done, how could you think that I could do anything that was evil?” His voice cracked painfully with his words, a tear slipping down his face as he stared at the blond in desperation. “Do you really think so little of me that my having magic would make you hate me?”</p><p>Arthur remained silent at the question, his eyes studying the boy as the warlock struggled to keep his composure, hurt and anger and fear driving through him until the blond finally spoke. “Leave Camelot, Merlin. And never come back.”</p><p>“What?” The word was barely audible, catching in his throat as he stared in disbelief at the prince.</p><p>“I’m banishing you, and you’re never to cross the borders into Camelot again.”</p><p>“Camelot is my <em>home</em>, Arthur! You can’t just kick me out of my home!”</p><p>“Can’t I?” Arthur roared, and the amount of rage on his face was more than the warlock had ever seen before. “You’re lucky that I don’t take you back to my father and let him execute you like the lying sorcerer that you are!” Merlin couldn’t move, he could hardly even breathe as he stood rooted in place.</p><p>“Consider this the last civil act I grant you in repayment for saving my life.” Arthur continued, blue eyes void of all emotion as they stared at the warlock. “But I swear to you Merlin, if you ever come back here, if I ever see you again, I will take you to the executioner myself.” Sheathing his sword, the prince turned and stalked through the trees, leaving the boy to stare helplessly at his back as he went.</p><p>How could he say those things? How could he treat him like that? He had known how Arthur felt about magic, but a piece of him had thought their friendship was enough to at least warrant a civil conversation about it. Arthur was abrasive and cold at times, but they <em>were</em> friends, weren’t they? They couldn’t end things like this, they just <em>couldn’t</em>.</p><p>“Arthur.” He called out, his voice cracking again as he tried to force himself louder. “Arthur, please!” Despite his cries the man never stopped, never turned back, and as the blond disappeared into the forest Merlin felt his world collapsing as he sunk to his knees, the tears he’d been holding back finally spilling down his face. “<em>Please</em>.” He choked out, a sob making his shoulders lurch as his head fell.</p><p>They’d been standing at a fork in the road and Arthur had made his decision. He’d chosen to leave the warlock behind, to throw him away as if he were nothing. He’d failed his destiny. How could he protect Arthur now? How could he return magic to the realm when the prince wanted no part of him? But it was worse than that. In a matter of seconds he’d lost everything that was important to him. Gaius, his home, his best friend. He’d lost it all.</p>
<hr/><p>He didn’t have a choice. He hadn’t planned, or wanted, to spend his day in such a manner, but his father hadn’t left any room for argument. Heaving a quiet sigh and twirling a stick between his fingers, Arthur slumped forward and frowned into the flames of the campfire. He’d been trying to sleep all evening but there was just too much on his mind.</p><p>After Morgana’s kidnapping, the king had received word of druids hiding out in various parts of the forest, and Uther had sent his son straight away to rid their land of the remaining few that had gotten away. He’d spent all day tracking them, along with a few of his knights, and Merlin of course. They’d kept on their trail, but the druids managed to evade them each time they drew close, and the men were finally forced to make camp for the night when it grew too dark for them to see.</p><p>None of the men had thought twice about the king’s order, after all, he’d been in quite a state over what had happened to his ward. But Arthur, well, he felt conflicted. They’d kidnapped Morgana, even inflicted pain upon her, but he felt as though there were more to the story that she hadn’t told them. Of course he wanted them to pay for what they’d done to her, but he’d seen their camp, filled with families and children.</p><p>If a druid were going to kidnap someone of royalty, someone they knew would send the kingdom into an uproar in a search for them, would they endanger the lives of their children by bringing them to the same camp? Not to mention that until now, the druids had not made a move on Camelot, avoiding any and all contact whenever possible. But when he’d tried to question her, Morgana had only said that she could not remember due to the pain and the trauma from what she’d been through.</p><p>Arthur didn’t doubt her claims, he’d seen with his own eyes as they’d tried to drag her off, but he still wondered if in the midst of everything he’d managed to lose a few pieces of the puzzle along the way. Considering those lines of thought would only get him into trouble though, the prince had kept his qualms to himself, not even indulging his servant with the pressing questions weighing on him.</p><p>He couldn’t allow any doubts he had to reach the knights, not when he was meant to be their leader, when it was his job as the crown prince to remain firm in the beliefs of his father. And if that meant chasing the druids down one by one then he would do so without hesitation. At least, not out loud.</p><p>Stretching out his arm, Arthur poked a fallen log back into the fire with his stick and let his eyes wander over their small camp, his gaze resting on his servant who had set up his bedroll at the base of one of the trees. The boy was curled in on himself, yet he seemed to move restlessly where he lay, a heaving breath escaping him as he turned to his other side.</p><p>The druids weren’t the only thing weighing on the man’s mind that evening. Neither of them had spoken of the boy’s affections towards Morgana since the night she’d been brought back, but he was painfully aware that they were still there. He’d not enjoyed saying what he had, especially knowing that much of it had been a lie, but he could not risk Merlin falling any further onto Uther’s bad side. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he felt like a hypocrite.</p><p>He’d gotten onto the servant for vying for the attention of someone out of his reach when Arthur himself hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Guinevere at every second of the day. She was just so, <em>different</em>. Refreshingly so. The way she smiled, the way she said his name, even the way she spoke to him that was like no one else and then would try and backtrack in an attempt to remain respectful.</p><p>When he’d kissed her, it had been like nothing he’d felt before, and he often let himself get lost in the dream of what that might be like, time spent in her presence. And then reality sunk in, and everything became exactly what it was, a dream.</p><p>Dropping his head with a sigh, Arthur slumped against his hand and poked again at the edge of the fire, letting himself sink into his gloom before the sound of movement caught his attention. Glancing up, he spotted Merlin once more twisting around on his pallet, a soft groan drifting towards him as he frowned towards the boy.</p><p>Uther would have both of their heads if either one of them acted upon the feelings they had for the girls that had caught their attention. Not that the servant would let that stop him, but at the very least the prince was determined to do what he could to keep him away. Did Merlin feel the same about Morgana that he felt about Gwen? He knew how fond the girl had become of his servant, the two having steadily grown closer since his arrival in the kingdom, but it had seemed that just in the few days since her abduction the two had grown closer still.</p><p>Merlin often disappeared for long stretches of time only for the prince to later find him sneaking from the girl’s chambers under the guise of delivering potions for Gaius. Had it only happened once or twice, the royal would have been inclined to believe him, but the smile the boy continuously failed to hide was a clear indicator of the falsity to his claims. That was part of the reason he’d been so adamant for the servant to accompany him. Some time away from the citadel, and Morgana, would do him some good.</p><p>Pushing the stick he held further into the flames, Arthur looked to the boy once more as he continued to squirm, quiet mumbling drawing out an annoying amount of concern within the royal as he leaned forward where he sat. Shadows caused by the fire moved in a haunting manner over the boy’s tense features, and the prince barely had time to wonder what had happened before Merlin shot up from the ground.</p><p>Shocked by the sudden movement, Arthur watched as the boy gulped in several large breaths while his fingers dug almost painfully into the dirt beside him. “Merlin?” He called out, keeping his voice low in an effort to not wake the knights as the boy’s entire body went rigid, a grimace crossing his face as he dropped his head and drew in a sharp breath. “What’s the matter with you?”</p><p>Despite his questioning no sound left the boy, his body stiff and still as if afraid to move as Arthur fought the urge to sigh. Why did he always try to keep things to himself? Didn’t he know by now that never worked? “What, did you have a nightmare?” He questioned in a teasing tone only to watch as the servant’s body tensed and drew in closer as Arthur stared. “Seriously? How old are you?” He gaped, the urge to laugh fading as he noted the shudder that ran through the boy’s slight frame.</p><p>Closing his mouth and shoving the stick fully into the fire, Arthur let out a slow breath. “What was it about?” He asked quietly, looking up at the boy as he shook his head back and forth, dark hair swinging across his forehead.</p><p>“Nothing.” Merlin croaked, and it was an answer that the prince couldn’t help but roll his eyes at. His servant was the worst liar on the best occasion, but there was no way anyone would ever believe such a pathetic attempt.</p><p>“Obviously it wasn’t nothing, you’re sitting there <em>shaking</em>.” The blond pointed out with a scoff, staring hard at the boy who had yet to meet his eye. “Tell me.” He urged, softening his voice as Merlin hesitantly lifted his head and caught the prince’s pressing gaze.</p><p>Surprise struck Arthur at the watery eyes that looked back at him, the fire illuminating the tracks along his cheeks from where he must have been crying in his sleep. “You’ll just think its’s stupid.” He mumbled, drawing his legs up towards his chest while brushing the dirt from his fingertips.</p><p>“Merlin.”</p><p>“It was just..” Staring into the fire, the boy wore a haunted expression as his arms tightened around his knees. “It was about someone that I care about. They learned something about.. about me, and they misunderstood.” Arthur could barely hear him over the fire, but if the boy noticed he didn’t care, obviously already lost in the dream that had shaken him so badly. “They reacted poorly to what they learned and.. and I-I..” Sucking in a breath, Merlin’s head shook again. “I lost them.” The final words were barely a whisper as a hand scrubbed quickly at his face, the prince glancing away while pretending not to hear the quiet sniffle that left the other.</p><p>“What did they discover?” He asked, speaking up once it was clear the boy was finished. All that met his question though was silence, the servant tucking himself in tighter as the prince settled his chin into his hand. “Must have been your incredible laziness. Or perhaps your inexplicable talent for tripping over your own feet all the time.” He laughed, though the sound felt hollow as he tried, and failed, to rile a smile from him.</p><p>Glancing away as his mind raced, Arthur was once again struck with the strong sense of how different the two of them were. He’d never met someone who could get so worked up over losing a friend, let alone one from a dream. He’d watched friends move to other kingdoms and he’d lost men in battle, but all of that was just a part of life. Yet here was this boy, this strange servant who cared too much and was so painfully loyal to everyone around him that just a dream could work him up in such a manner.</p><p>In a way, Arthur was almost jealous. He’d never been close enough with someone or felt so strongly about them that the idea of no longer having them around would inflict such misery. He had friends of course, but Merlin, he had <em>real</em> friends.</p><p>Suddenly uncomfortable by the path his thoughts had taken him down, Arthur shifted where he sat and looked back to the boy. “So, that’s what upset you then?” He asked, his tone sobering. “Losing a friend?”</p><p>Merlin’s head turned away while his fingers picked at the sleeve of his tunic. “I told you that you’d think it was stupid.”</p><p>“Not stupid,” Arthur stated, catching the other’s surprised stare. “Perhaps a bit childish, though.”</p><p>Sinking his head into his arms, the servant stared at the flames in silence as the prince leaned against his knees. The boy was still visibly upset, and for some reason, the prince couldn’t make himself ignore it. There was just something that didn’t sit right with him whenever the other wasn’t his usual exuberant self, and it annoyed the royal to no end.</p><p>“They weren’t your friend.” He spoke after several seconds had passed in heavy silence. “If someone learns something about you, something that’s a part of who you are, and they choose to hold it against you for whatever reason, to just throw you aside because of something that you have no control over, then they were never really your friend to begin with.”</p><p>As Merlin’s lips pressed tightly together and his fingers curled into tense fists, Arthur got the strange sense that he’d somehow made it worse. He’d never been good at such things, but he’d come too far now, so with a soft curse, the prince uttered one final thing. “And that’s their loss, Merlin.”</p><p>The words were the quietest he’d ever spoken, so quiet in fact that he wasn’t even sure that the boy had heard him, and a piece of him hoped he hadn’t. But when he dared to look up, he found wide blue eyes staring back at him that caused the prince to turn away just as quickly. He felt a rush of embarrassment wash over him at the statement, but the fear and the hurt had fallen from his servant’s face, and he forced himself to focus on that as he cleared his throat.</p><p>“Personally, I’m surprised to hear that you even have friends.” Arthur continued, the flippant comment far easier to get out as he slid off the log he’d been perched on and sat on the ground, leaning back to get more comfortable. “Who was it about anyway?”</p><p>Looking across the fire, Merlin stared back at the prince with a small frown before he was relaxing, and his shoulders were lifting in a shrug. “I’m not really sure.” He finally answered, leaning back on his hands as he stared hard at the prince. “I didn’t recognize them.”</p><p>Scoffing, Arthur folded his arms across his chest and tilted his head back until his eyes found a piece of the night sky through the branches of the trees above. It was so typical of the boy for him to be upset about something that wasn’t even real.</p><p>“Why are you awake?” Merlin questioned after a few moments, drawing the blond’s attention back to the camp as the man gave a half shrug of his own.</p><p>“Couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>“Something on your mind?” The servant pressed, leaning forward in a show of interest that had the royal rolling his eyes again.</p><p>“I always have something on my mind. Unlike you, I have real things that require my attention.” At Merlin’s persistent stare, Arthur huffed out a heavy breath. “I’ve been thinking about the druids. While we’ve had to make camp, there’s no doubt that they’ve continued to put distance between us and them.” Not that he minded, although it did just prolong the inevitable.</p><p>“And if we cannot find them?”</p><p>“We keep searching until we do. My father has commanded their death.” Merlin’s eyes fell to the fire at that, and even Arthur couldn’t deny the poor taste that lingered in his mouth at the words. “Though I suppose if we cannot find more than a weak trail at the end of three days, we’ll have no choice but to return for lack of supplies.” He added a moment later.</p><p>“Perhaps we’ll find them tomorrow then.” The boy offered, though it sounded far from hopeful as he settled back onto his bedroll. Neither of them spoke another word, but Arthur knew that Merlin was as awake as he.</p><p>Settling back and letting his eyes wander to the fire, he watched the flames dance while one of the logs split apart, the two halves siding to either side as a weight settled over him. He’d told Merlin that Morgana couldn’t be his friend, but the fact was that <em>he</em> couldn’t be either, no matter how easy it was to pretend at times. In the end, he faced the same problem with Merlin that he did with Gwen. A friendship with one, a relationship with the other, it didn’t matter how much he wished for things to change, pursuing either was an act that was just too far out of reach.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p><p>I MISSED MY BOYS SO MUCH.</p><p>Guess who is back! Ahhh I’m so happy to be writing these lovable idiots again! I’ve literally been thinking about them nonstop and have come up with several more stories that I’m really eager to play out! I’ve never had this much muse for anything in my life and it’s exciting.</p><p>I want to thank everyone SO MUCH for their support in my endeavor! Your encouragement and patience has meant the world to me. Currently my book is still in the process of being completed (family issues and my own procrastination got in the way and made me push the date back lol WHOOPS) but I will be finishing it in the next few weeks! In the meantime, I’ll keep you guys posted on its progress when I get the time to update!</p><p>I hope you guys enjoyed, and I cannot wait to get back into this story. Leave me a comment if you’d like, and thanks so much again for your patience!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. A Day In His Shoes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“When are you going to tell me why you suddenly decided to do this?” Merlin questioned, dragging a chest into the middle of the room while Arthur glanced up at him from where he was knelt on the floor going through another.</p>
<p>“I’m the prince, Merlin, I don’t have to answer to you.”</p>
<p>Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, the boy dropped to the ground and began to sort through the various items that filled the old chest. “Why didn’t you tell the king about what’s up here?”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell Gaius?” The prince shot back, the lack of a decent retort keeping the warlock quiet as the two stared at one another before returning to their individual searches.</p>
<p>Merlin had been surprised when Arthur directed his servant up into the tower that morning, but he certainly wasn’t bothered by it. He’d been trying to find the time to return since learning it had once belonged to a Court Sorcerer, but between the tournament and the assassination attempt and Morgana’s kidnapping, one thing after another had left him without the time.</p>
<p>Pulling out a stack of dusty tomes and setting them off to his left, Merlin carefully lifted out a large glass bowl that was partially stained in a deep crimson hue. Grimacing at the thought of what might have caused the coloring, the warlock sat it with the books and peered curiously into the chest.</p>
<p>“What are you wanting to find?” He asked, reaching into one corner and pulling out a loose stack of parchment that had messy scrawls filling the pages.</p>
<p>“Nothing in particular, I just want to know what’s here.” The prince murmured distractedly, the clattering of glass sounding as the boy glanced over the stack of crates and boxes that separated them. He didn’t bother trying to pry for more information though, instead letting a comfortable silence fall over them as he sifted absentmindedly through the yellowed parchment.</p>
<p>Merlin couldn’t deny the shock he’d felt when he’d first learned that Arthur had never told the king of what the tower contained, and even more so when he’d discovered it was done purposely. Part of him wanted to believe that it was a good sign, that the man wanted to learn more of the magic that had once been used in aiding Camelot rather than destroying it, but he couldn’t help but be wary for both his, and Morgana’s, sake.</p>
<p>Regardless of the reasons, the two had been searching through the belongings of the tower’s previous owner for the better part of an hour and the amount of chests and crates still vastly outnumbered the one’s they’d already gone through, most of which having contained old equipment and weathered books that Merlin had already decided to further investigate at another time.</p>
<p>Leaning back against one of the heavier crates, the boy pushed the loose parchment away and came to a thin leatherbound book that was torn and frayed along the edges. Without even opening it he could see that the pages were old, the edges cracking at the smallest touch, and he was debating whether or not he should try to open it when he heard a questioning voice nearby.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Looking up, Merlin carefully put the book down and sat forward, craning his neck to see the blond around the items piled up between them. In the prince’s hand was a glass bottle, rounded at the bottom with a neck that thinned as it neared the top. Unlike the rest of the equipment they had found, there was a yellow liquid that sloshed around that was held safely inside with a cork wedged into the opening.</p>
<p>“No idea.” The boy shrugged, pushing himself up and leaning over the chest to see it better.</p>
<p>“It looks about as old as everything else here.” Arthur noted, lifting the glass higher as the warlock strained to get closer. An action that, had he thought it all the way through, he might not have done.</p>
<p>Merlin felt it a moment before it happened, though it was too late to stop it, his body already in motion as the sole of his boot slid on the stack of parchment he’d set aside and he was falling forwards, hands flailing as he tried to land anywhere except for the array of glass items that Arthur had pulled out. And to his credit, he did manage to avoid it.</p>
<p>Instead, his knee bumped against a crate and he staggered to the side, his shoulder knocking into Arthur’s as the two collided and tumbled to the floor in a tangled heap of arms and legs. The bottle the prince had been holding was caught between them and as they rolled Merlin felt it shatter, the boy hissing as shards of glass poked into his skin and he felt moisture splashing across his tunic.</p>
<p>“<em>Merlin</em>!” Arthur yelled, a hand smacking against the servant’s arm that was pinning the royal down.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” Tumbling off the blond and scrambling to his feet, he offered a hand to his friend that was quickly swatted away.</p>
<p>“Look what you’ve done, you clumsy oaf!” Arthur scowled, showing off his sleeve that was torn at the cuff and soaked in the liquid from the vial.</p>
<p>“It could have been worse?” Merlin offered sheepishly, looking down at his hand and the front of his own tunic. While he’d been splashed down the front of his chest, a few shards of glass were embedded in his palm and drawing dots of blood to the surface.</p>
<p>“<em>Worse</em>? Does your nose not work, this smell is atrocious! And on top of that, now I’m bleeding.” As Arthur held his arm away with a grimace, the warlock spotted a streak of blood across his arm where a larger fragment had cut into him.</p>
<p>“The smell isn’t any worse than the stables.” The boy shrugged, wincing as he began to pick the glass from his palm and pressed a finger over the offending scrapes in an attempt to stop the bleeding.</p>
<p>“Unlike you, I don’t go around wishing to smell of my horses.” Arthur grit out, finally pushing himself up and carefully brushing what remained of the shattered glass off of him. “What could that have possibly been, anyway?” He complained, kicking the fragments into a small pile as Merlin glanced around them warily.</p>
<p>“I’m not really sure..” He said slowly, catching the royal’s eyes as they too darted around the tower.</p>
<p>“You don’t think it was some sort of potion, do you?”</p>
<p>“It might have been?” Merlin winced as the man glowered at him.</p>
<p>“Well, you’d better hope that it <em>wasn’t</em>.” Arthur snapped, jabbing a finger into the boy’s chest.</p>
<p>“I’m sure it was just some brewed herbs of some sort.”</p>
<p>“It was <em>bright yellow</em>, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps it was just very old?” He suggested, looking back to his tunic and scrunching his nose up at the smell.</p>
<p>“You’re an idiot.”</p>
<p>“We seem fine at least, except for a couple of scratches, so if it were some sort of potion wouldn’t we see some sort of ill effect?” He reasoned, following after the prince as he stepped over the objects littered across the floor and headed for the door.</p>
<p>“How should I know? I’ve never had such a thing spilled on me before.”</p>
<p>“Maybe the stench is just the worst of it.” Pulling at his tunic again Merlin stopped, staring down at his front where a large patch had previously been wet but was suddenly bone dry.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Arthur demanded, stopping a few paces away and openly staring at the servant as if he’d lost his mind.</p>
<p>“Your sleeve.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Check your sleeve.” Stepping closer, Merlin didn’t bother waiting for the royal to do as he said, instead grabbing his arm and holding it out to find his tunic dry as well.</p>
<p>“Wasn’t that wet a moment ago?” Arthur asked quietly as Merlin let go of the prince just as he drew in a sharp breath. “I swear to you Merlin, if this ends badly I will throw you into the dungeons until you’re <em>grey</em>.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Huffing at him in annoyance, Arthur moved away and slammed the door shut behind them before making his way down the stairwell with the warlock trailing behind. “Should we tell someone what happened?” Merlin asked, lifting his palm and carefully prodding at the stinging cuts.</p>
<p>“Tell who? And how exactly would we even go about that?”</p>
<p>“Gaius might know something, about what it was or what it might have done.” He offered, stepping to the side as they walked into a corridor and a passing guard bowed.</p>
<p>“You didn’t tell Gaius about the tower, remember? And if we admit to knowing what’s up there and keeping it to ourselves, he’s going to have a lot of questions. Questions that neither of us want to answer.” Arthur frowned, his voice low and irritated as Merlin quickened his pace to walk beside him.</p>
<p>“I know, but if something <em>has</em> happened because of what was in that, then—”</p>
<p>“You said it yourself, we both seem to be fine. Even that awful stench has gone away. So, whatever’s happened can’t be that bad.”</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“Merlin.” Stopping abruptly and facing him, Arthur met his startled stare with a firm one of his own. “We will wait and see if anything has happened before we make any decisions, is that understood?”</p>
<p>With a small bow of his head, Merlin nodded. “Yes, Sire.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Turning away from him and continuing on their way, they rounded a corner just as a servant rounded the one ahead of them, a look of relief falling on the young man’s face as he approached the two.</p>
<p>“My Lord, King Uther has requested that you dine with him this evening.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be there.” Arthur answered distractedly, his reply causing the servant’s puzzled gaze to shift to him before he was turning to Merlin.</p>
<p>When the young man did not move or speak again, the warlock exchanged his own look of confusion with his friend. “I’ll.. I’ll be there too?” With a stiff bow, the servant slipped around them and disappeared down the opposite hall as the both of them turned to watch him go.</p>
<p>“Did he just—”</p>
<p>“Bow to me?” Merlin finished, barely nodding his head. “I think he might have.”</p>
<p>“That was odd.” Arthur murmured, nudging the boy’s arm and motioning for him to follow as the warlock shook off the strange behavior and continued after the prince. “I’m going to want to change before I do anything else today. Even if the stench and the stain have vanished, I don’t want any trace left of what happened, so make sure you wash this well and mend the sleeve.” He instructed as they turned another corner and Morgana appeared in front of them.</p>
<p>“Hello, Merlin. Arthur.” With a smile and a small nod to the both of them, the king’s ward passed, and the warlock paused, twisting his head around to watch as she walked off.</p>
<p>“What is it now?” The prince questioned, his voice nagging as Merlin frowned.</p>
<p>“She nodded to you first, then to me.”</p>
<p>“I’m the prince, Merlin, obviously people are going to acknowledge me before my servant.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know, but she said <em>my</em> name first, not yours.”</p>
<p>“So? She got confused, it certainly happens to you enough.” Arthur scoffed, waving off his concern as the boy jogged to catch up to him.</p>
<p>“Don’t you think something seems off?”</p>
<p>“Is this another one of those <em>feelings</em> you get?”</p>
<p>“Arthur, I’m serious, something doesn’t feel right.”</p>
<p>“You’re just being paranoid.” The royal sighed, turning his head and eyeing the boy. “We’re fine. If anything, people are reacting strangely because <em>you’re</em> acting odd.”</p>
<p>With his shoulders slouching, Merlin said nothing more and tried to push away the weight that had settled in his stomach.</p>
<p>“Ah, Merlin!” Glancing over his shoulder, the two slowed as Gaius caught up to them, a bag filled with potions and salves hanging off his shoulder. “I’m afraid some of the knights returned from patrol with a bad reaction after encountering some plants out in the forest. I’ll need you to fetch some herbs later on, so I don’t run out.” Neither of the boys spoke, only able to stare as the physician went on, speaking directly to Arthur.</p>
<p>“Wait,” The prince uttered, lifting a hand and eyeing the elder. “You’re telling <em>me</em> to fetch herbs?”</p>
<p>“As opposed to the other person living under my care, yes Merlin, I am.”</p>
<p>The blond’s head swiveled around to gape at the warlock, though all the servant could do was shake his head in shock. “Just to be clear, you’re asking <em>him</em> to gather the herbs for you?” Merlin reiterated slowly, pointing at Arthur as Gaius’ brows drew together and he was looking between the both of them.</p>
<p>“Yes, after he’s finished with his work for you of course, Sire.” He nodded as Merlin’s eyes grew wide and his mouth fell partially open. “Is something the matter? You’re both acting rather strangely.”</p>
<p>“No! No, it-it’s fine, we’re fine.” The boy spoke quickly, cutting his eyes to the prince who was still staring hard at the physician.</p>
<p>“Alright then. I’ll get a list together for you.” His guardian spoke, reaching out and patting the royal’s arm while tipping his head respectfully in Merlin’s direction before he walked past them down the hall.</p>
<p>“Did he just—”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“No.” Arthur mumbled, shaking his head back and forth. “No, no! <em>No</em>.” Grabbing the boy’s arm, the prince pulled him through the corridor and down the next before he was pushing the warlock inside his chambers and slamming the door behind them. “What the <em>hell</em> was that?”</p>
<p>“How should I know?” Merlin shook his head as the royal stormed towards the opposite wall and faced a mirror.</p>
<p>“I still <em>look</em> like me. Don’t I look like me?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” The servant assured, stepping up behind him and catching his own reflection looking back.</p>
<p>“Then <em>why</em> did Gaius speak to me as if I were <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>Merlin’s mind raced as he stepped away, his fingers prodding again at his scraped hand. “I think.. I think maybe that potion may have done more than we thought.”</p>
<p>“That’s not <em>possible</em>, Merlin! We look exactly the same as we did before!”</p>
<p>“We do to us,” The boy began, tilting his head as he tried to think back. “But maybe the problem isn’t that <em>we</em> look any different, but that other people are <em>seeing</em> us as different.”</p>
<p>“That makes no sense.” Arthur snapped, stalking away from him and across the room. “I know what’s going on.” He suddenly declared, clicking his fingers at the boy. “They’re trying to make a joke.”</p>
<p>“A joke?”</p>
<p>“Yes! They think they’re being clever, <em>funny</em>, but they’re not.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, Arthur, I don’t think anyone would be brave enough to try and joke with you.” Merlin said dryly, leaning back against the prince’s desk as the blond narrowed his eyes at him.</p>
<p>“What? That’s absurd! I know how to—I can <em>take</em> a joke!”</p>
<p>“Really?” The boy quirked a brow in question. “What about the dye?”</p>
<p>“The dye—that wasn’t a <em>joke</em> that was <em>cruel</em>. I was stained blue for nearly a week! No one took me seriously.”</p>
<p>“I just don’t think anyone would try and joke about something like this.” The servant shrugged, dragging his fingers along the back of his neck. “Besides, Gaius wouldn’t get involved with such a thing even if that were the case. Which means—”</p>
<p>“Which means it’s magic.” Arthur sighed, slumping back against the wall and glaring at his servant. “This is your fault.”</p>
<p>“<em>My</em> fault?”</p>
<p>“Yes! You’re the one who spilled the damn thing all over us.”</p>
<p>“I tripped, and you were the one holding it who let it fall, so—”</p>
<p>“You’re blaming <em>me</em>?”</p>
<p>“Yes! No! No? I was just.. what?” Arthur’s eyes rolled at the boy as Merlin struggled to finish. “I was just—what are we going to do about this?”</p>
<p>“We’ll just have to go back to the tower. There were so many books and notes there, there has to be something about that vial we found. After all, it was one of the only things that even had anything left in it.”</p>
<p>“At what point do we ask for help?” Merlin asked cautiously.</p>
<p>“We don’t. Not until we’ve exhausted all other sources.” The prince spoke firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument even though the warlock had more than a few. He could already feel Gaius’ disapproval at not telling him what happened <em>or</em> about the tower, especially with the prince being involved, but then again he wasn’t sure how he would manage to tell his guardian without Arthur finding out.</p>
<p>Why was he so intent on keeping the tower a secret? He knew why <em>he</em> wanted it left alone, what with it being his only connection to the sorcerer that had once resided in Camelot free from the fear of being executed for what they practiced, but why was Arthur? He wasn’t granted long to ponder it though, a sharp knock echoing through the room as the prince called out an allowance for the person to enter.</p>
<p>One of the younger servants stepped inside and looked around before their gaze settled on Merlin. “Sire, the knights are waiting on the field.”</p>
<p>“Damn, I forgot about training.” Arthur cursed as a hand rose and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be there in a moment.” He answered as the servant’s confused stare shifted to the royal before he was looking back to Merlin.</p>
<p>“Oh, right. I’ll uhm, I’ll be there. As well. I-In a moment.” He stuttered as the servant nodded once, ducking back out the door as Merlin’s eyes drifted to the prince. “We have to get to the tower.”</p>
<p>“No, <em>you</em> have to get to training.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Merlin gaped, staring at the man who rolled his eyes at his outburst.</p>
<p>“No one can know what’s happened Merlin, so until we sort all of this out, you get to play prince for a day.”</p>
<p>“You cannot be serious.”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, I am. You’d just better not disgrace me while you’re at it.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember what happened the last time I tried to train?”</p>
<p>Squinting in thought, Arthur’s head bobbed. “You ended up with a bloody nose if I recall.”</p>
<p>“And you want me to go out and fight, while <em>also</em> pretending to be you?” Merlin stared as the prince clamped a hand on the boy’s shoulder and steered him towards the door.</p>
<p>“Of course not, Merlin, they would know something was wrong right away just by the way you hold a sword. No, you’re not going to fight. But I can’t just not show up either, so you’ve got to make an appearance, and have Leon take over the training for today.”</p>
<p>“You swear?”</p>
<p>“What are you, a child? Yes, Merlin, <em>I swear</em>.” The blond promised as the warlock swallowed back another argument. He trusted him, so if Arthur said he wasn’t going to have to fight, then he believed him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The Prince of Camelot was a liar.</p>
<p>“Would you calm down?” Arthur chided in his ear. “You’re making <em>me</em> antsy, and I don’t even get nervous.”</p>
<p>“You swore to me.” Merlin scowled, turning a reproachful stare towards his friend.</p>
<p>“You act as though I knew this would happen.” The prince retorted, scrunching up his nose in distaste as he looked the boy over. “It’s too loose.”</p>
<p>“Of course it’s too loose,” Merlin grumbled, looking down at the armor he’d struggled into. “It doesn’t <em>fit</em>.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps if you worked to be more than skin and bone you’d actually have some muscle to fill it out.” Arthur commented, batting the boy’s hand away as he tried to fidget with one of the straps, instead making the adjustments himself.</p>
<p>“What, like you? Sure that’s all just muscle?”</p>
<p>“And what is <em>that</em> supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“Nothing, Sire.” Merlin quickly shook his head, the jab at the blond only making him feel minutely better as he looked across the field in dismay.</p>
<p>“There, that should hold.”</p>
<p>“<em>Should</em>?”</p>
<p>“Relax, Merlin, just remember what I taught you.” The prince encouraged as the warlock spotted Leon striding onto the grounds.</p>
<p>“All I remember you teaching me is how to take a hit. Several strong, painful hits.”</p>
<p>“You take the blade, you hold it up, and you <em>strike</em>. It’s really self-explanatory.” Arthur sighed, holding up the sword as the boy frowned.</p>
<p>“My problem isn’t the <em>striking</em>, my problem is when the <em>other person</em> is striking.”</p>
<p>“Then you block. Which again, self-explanatory.” The prince stated, offering him a far too chipper grin as he patted him on the back. “Try not to hurt yourself.”</p>
<p>They’d come out to do just as Arthur had said before, to hand off the training to Leon, but then Uther had come by and the prince was shoving the boy onto the field before he could object. <em>“Just one fight.”</em> The man had murmured, keeping his eyes on his father while Merlin pulled on the armor. <em>“You can manage just one, can’t you?”</em> And though the warlock completely disagreed with his capability of holding his own against a knight, he still found himself striding out to meet Leon with Arthur’s sword in hand.</p>
<p>A piece of him wondered briefly if it was too late to ask the Great Dragon to find another sorcerer, one better suited for the royal Pendragon’s demands, but as wary blue eyes skirted across the edge of the field and found Arthur nodding encouragingly, the boy resigned to trying his best.</p>
<p>“Are you ready, Sire?” Leon questioned, forcing the boy’s attention back on him as he gripped the sword tightly, feeling several people watching them as he tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat.</p>
<p><em>“Just focus on the fight, nothing else matters.”</em> Arthur had said, which was all well and good for <em>him</em>, but he wasn’t the one about to fight with an experienced knight with almost no knowledge of his own.</p>
<p>“Sire?” Leon asked again, taking a step closer as Merlin straightened his shoulders and nodded.</p>
<p>“Of course.” He answered gruffly, trying his best to imitate what Arthur sounded like as he lifted the blade. He’d watched the prince fight on several occasions, and he’d had to take the brunt of his hits on even more, but the armor he was wearing was too bulky, the blade too heavy, and Merlin had no illusions of a skill he didn’t possess. And yet, despite the likeliness of a pathetic and no doubt embarrassing defeat, the warlock lifted his sword in time to block the first blow that came from the knight.</p>
<p>A sense of pride surged through the boy at the small miracle, but the moment didn’t last long, Leon lunging immediately into another strike that Merlin had to stumble to the side in an effort to dodge. There was a pause in the knight’s step at the action, no doubt confused as to why the prince would be on the defensive rather than hitting back, but it was all the warlock could do to focus on not being struck.</p>
<p>Twisting the blade awkwardly in his hand, he made to strike only for the man to easily block before his sword struck the boy in the side. Staggering back under the weight of the blow, Merlin drew in a sharp breath and grit his teeth, steadying himself as he felt every eye on the field watching him.</p>
<p>If he were fighting as himself, the boy had no doubt that Leon would go easy on him, allowing openings to present themselves and encouraging him to take it easy as he learned. However, Arthur was the best of the knights, trained and skilled in combat and not at all as clumsy with a weapon as the warlock was, so he knew there was no chance at any slack being given whatsoever.</p>
<p>The next strike from Leon was followed by two more, all of which the boy fought to block. And he managed, with the first two at least. The third hit against his shoulder and nearly forced him to the ground, pain shooting through his arm as he stumbled again and glanced to where Arthur was standing and grimacing at their fight.</p>
<p>Looking back to the knight, Merlin couldn’t stop himself from wincing at the approach of the man’s sword that promised a pain similar to the last, so the boy did the only thing that came naturally to him. Turning his head away, the warlock’s eyes shifted color and the knight’s blade swung too wide, forcing Leon to stagger forward to regain his footing from the forced mistake.</p>
<p>Taking the opportunity, Merlin swung as hard and as fast as he could, almost breaking out into a grin as he struck the man with the flat of his sword and sent the knight stumbling back. Whether or not what he did technically counted as cheating he wasn’t sure, but Arthur always spoke of playing to one’s strengths and magic <em>was</em> the warlock’s strength.</p>
<p>Glancing again to the prince at the edge of the field, he found Arthur looking on in shock, and what the boy hoped was even a flicker of pride. Unfortunately, his brief moment of glory was all the distraction that Leon needed. Unlike Merlin who was lucky to have gotten a hit in, the knight was able to recover instantly and moved to strike at the boy’s unguarded right side.</p>
<p>Moving quickly to block it, the feint was clear a second too late, the man twisting around and striking him instead on the left. A crackle of pain shot through him as the hilt of the knight’s sword connected with his jaw, jarring the boy and sending him sprawling to the ground. The weapon fell from Merlin’s grasp as he went down hard, barely managing to bite back a groan as Arthur jogged towards them.</p>
<p>“My Lord, are you alright? I had thought you were going to block it.” Leon was apologizing, hovering over the boy as Merlin lifted a hand to his throbbing chin.</p>
<p>“He’s fine.” Arthur interrupted, kneeling beside the warlock and looking him over. His eyes widened a fraction as the boy’s hand lowered, blood smeared across his palm and dripping down his chin from a split in his lip as Merlin grimaced. “You’re done.” The prince murmured beside him, grabbing hold of his arm and hoisting him up. “You have to say something.” Arthur hissed in his ear as Merlin cleared his throat, pain like fire dancing behind his eyes as he met the knight’s confused and worried stare.</p>
<p>“Uh.. good work.” He spoke, offering the knight a small nod.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re—”</p>
<p>“He’s fine. Just, having an off day.” Arthur interrupted, tugging at the boy’s arm as Merlin nodded again while wiping the blood from his face. There was murmuring as they walked off the field, and no sooner were they out of earshot did the prince begin to grumble.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Merlin spoke the moment they stepped inside the armory and the blond’s hand had fallen from his arm. “I really did try.” Dropping onto one of the benches, the warlock leaned back carefully, wincing at the aches brought on by the fight.</p>
<p>“I know.” Arthur sighed, folding his arms over his chest while the boy began to wriggle out of the armor. “Actually, I was surprised you got a hit in at all. How did you manage that? You couldn’t even get close to me when I tried training you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, uh.. must’ve been luck, I guess?” He shrugged with a nervous smile, his eyes flickering briefly to the prince before he was pulling off the rest of the bulky armor.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s a shame that <em>luck</em> couldn’t have done anything more. It’s a good thing my father walked away before he saw what a mess that all was.”</p>
<p>“I told you I wasn’t cut out for this.” Merlin mumbled, slouching down and wrapping an arm protectively around his side.</p>
<p>“Unfortunately for the both of us Merlin, you have to be.” Arthur snapped, glaring at his servant who wiped away a fresh streak of blood.</p>
<p>“Or we could tell someone, what happened was an accident.”</p>
<p>“Accident or not, I’m your prince and it’s your job to do as I say.”</p>
<p>“You’re not the prince right now.” Merlin pointed out, carefully touching the split in his lip with the tip of his tongue as the blond glowered at him.</p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin—”</p>
<p>“Arthur?” Both boys fell silent as Leon stepped into the room, his gaze shifting from Merlin to Arthur and back again in concern. “Sire, is everything alright? Things felt a bit.. different out there.”</p>
<p>“Everything is fine.” Merlin assured. “Just fine. I’m fine.” Standing up and throwing his arms out in show, the tip of his boot kicked into a piece of the armor he’d taken off and sent it clattering across the floor as he stumbled back, knocking into another piece that skittered off in the other direction as Leon’s brows knit closer together.</p>
<p>“I think he just needs to eat something.” Arthur cut in, reaching out and grabbing Merlin’s arm in a tight grip before ushering him towards the door. “Take over the knight’s training, Leon, you already know all the drills.” The prince instructed over his shoulder as the knight’s shocked stare caused Merlin to pause.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yes, what he said.” He called, feeling the royal tug at him again as he made a hand motion similar to those Arthur often made before the two were hurrying out the door and away from the knight.</p>
<p>“You’re making me look like a fool.” The blond complained the moment they were out in the hall.</p>
<p>“<em>I</em> am?” Merlin nearly scoffed, rubbing his fingers over his arm where he’d been grabbed as Arthur turned and poked a finger at him.</p>
<p>“You’re around me constantly, this shouldn’t be so difficult for you.”</p>
<p>“No, but I haven’t trained for years in being a prat.” The boy shot back before the disapproving look from the prince had him ducking his head.</p>
<p>“There you are!” Their bickering came to a halt as Merlin looked over his shoulder and spotted Gaius walking towards them, the bag over his shoulder partially full and indicating that he was still in the midst of his rounds. No doubt the guards that had needed tending to had set him further back than usual, and the small scrap of parchment he held in his hand was sure to be the list of herbs he needed to fetch. Or rather, that Arthur needed to. “I’m glad I caught up to you—Sire, are you alright?” His sentence took a sudden turn as worried eyes looked over his ward.</p>
<p>“Yes, Gaius, I’m fine.” The boy smiled faintly in reassurance, mindful not to strain the split any further after the bleeding had finally seemed to stop. “What was it that you needed?” His mind was racing, an idea that shouldn’t be brewing taking over every other thought as he watched his guardian turn towards Arthur.</p>
<p>“I have that list of herbs I need gathered.” He explained, holding the parchment out to the prince who backed a step away.</p>
<p>“Actually, Gaius, I was just about to—”</p>
<p>“Find you.” Merlin interrupted, the idea blossoming into an outright action as he fought to keep the grin off his face.</p>
<p>“I was?”</p>
<p>“He was! He can actually fetch those herbs for you. <em>Right now</em>.” Merlin nodded, cutting his eyes towards his friend and finding a hateful glare that promised a number of unspeakable punishments that would befall him later.</p>
<p>“Really? Good, then here you are, Merlin. Try not to smash them, alright?” He instructed, passing the page to the reluctant prince while the warlock clasped his hands behind his back.</p>
<p>“He’ll get right on it, Gaius.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I will.” Arthur’s voice was tight as he spoke, the elder’s eyes shifting between the two before he bowed at his ward and turned away, starting up a stairwell as the blond’s fist connected with the servant’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Ow! What was that for?” Merlin protested, gripping his arm with a frown as Arthur scowled.</p>
<p>“<em>What was that for</em>? What do you <em>think</em> that was for! Why would you tell him that?”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who said we’re keeping this to ourselves, <em>and</em> that we can’t draw attention to it by acting any different than we normally would. I do what Gaius asks of me, which does include gathering herbs when he need them for his work.” The warlock reasoned, dropping his hand as the prince’s lips pressed tightly together.</p>
<p>“Don’t use my own words against me, <em>Mer</em>lin.” He snapped, turning away and throwing his hands up. “Fine! Let’s go and get them then.”</p>
<p>“Actually, I thought I’d go up to the tower, see if I can find any answers.”</p>
<p>“Oh no you don’t. You’re going to gather herbs, just like you told Gaius you would.” The man declared, catching hold of his arm in another iron grip.</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“Come on, don’t want to keep him waiting!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Somehow this doesn’t seem fair.” Merlin muttered, setting a few stems off to the side.</p>
<p>“What’s not fair about it?”</p>
<p>“If I have to pretend to be you, shouldn’t you have to pretend to be me?”</p>
<p>“And what, dig about in the dirt for some roots?” The prince laughed as if the very idea were unthinkable. “Really, I don’t know why you complain, this is rather nice.”</p>
<p>Glancing over his shoulder at the royal as he leaned back on the log of a fallen tree, the warlock frowned and dug his fingers deeper into the earth to get around one of the roots. “You could at least help a little, <em>Sire</em>.”</p>
<p>“You know what Merlin, you’re right, I could.” Pausing, the boy looked over in surprise as the prince stretched out a hand and plucked a flower from the ground before he was offering it out to him. “There, I helped.”</p>
<p>Blinking once, the servant took the flower and drew in a short breath. “Arthur, this isn’t even on his list.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t it? Alright then.” Leaning down, he plucked something else and held it out to the boy as Merlin stared.</p>
<p>“That’s just a blade of grass. You just grabbed <em>grass</em>.”</p>
<p>“You wanted me to help, so I’m helping.” The blond shrugged, an all too innocent look plastered across his face as the boy turned away and stood, venturing deeper into the forest. “Do you not want my help anymore?” Arthur called after him, the laughter in his voice only further irritating him as Merlin knelt to the ground again.</p>
<p>“No, Arthur, I’m fine. Thank you.” He answered tersely.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome!”</p>
<p>Dropping his head, the boy rubbed at his eyes before he returned to his work, gathering together a decent pile of leaves and roots and plants that Gaius had requested. By the time he returned to where he’d left Arthur, Merlin found the prince comfortably stretched out across the log, his arms beneath his head and his eyes closed.</p>
<p>“Finished already?” The blond asked, tilting his head as the boy pursed his lips.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m done.” He muttered, dropping the pile on the ground next to the royal before he was retrieving the satchel they’d grabbed earlier and began carefully stacking them inside.</p>
<p>“It’s quite nice out here, relaxing and peaceful.”</p>
<p>“When you’re not working I’m sure it is.”</p>
<p>“Are you insinuating something, Merlin?”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t dare, Sire.”</p>
<p>Stifling a yawn, Arthur pushed himself up and reached for the bag, taking it from his servant’s hands and peering inside. “Is that enough? Doesn’t look like much.”</p>
<p>“He can only use so much at a time, why do you think I fetch them so often?”</p>
<p>“If this is all, then let’s go. We have other things to be worrying about.” Rising from his perch, Arthur started back towards the citadel with Merlin right behind.</p>
<p>Brushing the dirt from his fingers and rubbing a hand absentmindedly over his shoulder that was still aching from the fight, the warlock spotted a woman walking near the tree line with a basket in hand. “Gwen!” Lifting a hand and waving, Merlin grinned as the startled maid looked up and stared before she was tentatively lifting her own in return.</p>
<p>“Stop!” Arthur hissed, lunging back towards his servant before he was freezing, watching as Gwen began picking her way over the uneven ground towards them. Standing up straighter and clutching the satchel tightly, the prince nodded in the girl’s direction once she’d stopped in front of them. “Guinevere.”</p>
<p>“My Lord.” She spoke respectfully to Merlin with a small tip of her head before she was smiling warmly at Arthur. “Merlin.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing out here?” The boy asked, looking down as Gwen lifted her basket to show off a colorful variety of flowers she’d collected.</p>
<p>“I had some time to spare, so I thought I’d brighten up Morgana’s room.” Even though she was speaking to him, Gwen wouldn’t meet the boy’s eye, instead looking over at where Arthur stood beside him. “What are you two doing?”</p>
<p>“Collecting herbs.” Merlin declared, finally managing to capture the maid’s attention as surprised eyes met his.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m teaching him.” Arthur blurted, clearing his throat and holding the satchel up for her to see. “Gaius needed them and it’s honest work, and well, he wanted to be of use.”</p>
<p>“You offered to help?” The smile Gwen wore softened, and Merlin’s eyes cut to Arthur, finding the prince studying the girl intently before the warlock was looking back and nodding his head in response.</p>
<p>“Yeah, honest work, like he said. Course I don’t know a flower from a weed, so it’s been a bit difficult.”</p>
<p>“He’s being <em>modest</em>, of course.” Arthur interjected, his tone sounding dangerously close to a warning as Gwen looked at the blond with a furrowed brow before directing her attention back to Merlin.</p>
<p>“Are you alright? You look like you’ve been bleeding.”</p>
<p>Merlin reached for his lip only to stop halfway, a sudden sheepish smile appearing. “Oh, yeah! No, I’m fine, Leon just, you know, got a good hit in is all.” He stammered out the explanation as Arthur scoffed beside him.</p>
<p>“More than one.” He’d said it quietly, but there was no doubt that Gwen had heard, a look of surprise darting over her face as the blond hurried to correct himself. “I just mean that Leon is a very good knight who fights very well.” The two boys exchanged a glance before they were looking to Gwen.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m glad you’re alright.” She said earnestly, looking up at Merlin and pulling her basket closer. “I ought to be getting back.”</p>
<p>“Bye, Gwen.” Merlin smiled again as Arthur shifted next to him.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Guinevere.”</p>
<p>Dark eyes studied the two of them a moment longer before she was tipping her head and walking away, her skirts brushing over the foliage as she went.</p>
<p>Once she was several paces away, Arthur’s hand smacked into the back of Merlin’s head, causing the boy to pull away with a hiss of pain. “Why do you keep hitting me?”</p>
<p>“Are you capable of thinking <em>anything</em> through?” He insulted as Merlin rubbed the back of his head with a frown.</p>
<p>“I was just saying hello to Gwen, what’s wrong with that?” When the man didn’t respond, the warlock narrowed his eyes at him. “Things did seem strained though. Did something happen between the two of you?”</p>
<p>“Of course not, don’t be stupid.” The prince scoffed loudly, though the man had suddenly taken on a defensive posture, folding his arms across his chest and refusing to look at the boy.</p>
<p>“Well, it certainly <em>seemed</em> like things were tense.” He commented as the royal shoved the satchel into his arms and glared at him before he was turning and stalking back to the citadel without another word.</p>
<p>Hurrying to catch up to him, Merlin looked off to where Gwen had gone and frowned in thought. He’d noticed the odd behavior between the two of them in the time since the tournament, but he’d never questioned it until now. Had Arthur done something when staying with her? He should’ve known better than to ask such a favor of the girl, but they’d been desperate, and he didn’t think the prince could ruin things between them that quickly. Of course, he really couldn’t underestimate the man, Merlin knew above anyone just how frustrating the blond could be.</p>
<p>Walking through the corridors of the citadel, the warlock spotted Gaius leaving one of the rooms as he nudged the prince and the two were hurrying to catch up with the man. “Here you are.” Arthur presented the bag proudly, shoving the satchel into the elder’s surprised arms.</p>
<p>“Why are you giving this to me? Take it with you when you return home.” Pushing the bag back into Arthur’s hands, Gaius looked him over with an odd expression. “And hurry back when you’ve finished with your duties this evening, I’ve a bit of cataloging that needs done.” He spoke, giving the prince another bewildered look before he was turning away and Arthur was motioning for the warlock to do something.</p>
<p>“Uhm, actually, Gaius.” Merlin called out, causing the elder to pause and look back at him as the boy racked his brain for an excuse. “I need, <em>Merlin’s</em> help with.. uh.. paperwork this evening. It will probably take some time so..” He trailed off as his guardian narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Of course, Sire. His service to you comes first.” Nodding his head, Gaius looked to the prince and stared for a long moment. “The cataloging can wait.” Bowing his head at his ward, the physician stepped away again as Merlin turned and began to put as much distance between the two of them as he could.</p>
<p>“Paperwork? That was the best that you could come up with?”</p>
<p>“He wouldn’t have believed me regardless of what I said, so it’s not as if it really matters.”</p>
<p>“He seemed to believe you just fine.”</p>
<p>“You saw the way he looked at you when I said that didn’t you? He knows something is wrong, he just isn’t questioning it because he thinks you’re the one who made the excuse for me. I mean you. I mean.. this is confusing.” Rubbing at his temples, Arthur shoved the bag back at Merlin as the boy sighed. “We need to figure out how to be better versions of, well, us.”</p>
<p>“That shouldn’t be too hard. All I have to do is act like a complete idiot.”</p>
<p>Rolling his eyes, Merlin pulled the satchel over his shoulder and let out a soft hum. “And I suppose I just have to be as arrogant and pompous as possible.”</p>
<p>“I am neither arrogant <em>nor</em> pompous, <em>Mer</em>lin.” Arthur scowled as the boy moved out of the way of a passing guard.</p>
<p>“Of course you’re not.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>not</em>.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I said, Sire.” He shrugged, catching the dirty look the man sent his way as he hurried ahead of the blond.</p>
<p>“Merlin, get back here! Merlin!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I can’t do this.” Merlin shook his head vehemently as Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.</p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Can we go back to the knights? I think I’d rather be hit again.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin!” Arthur snapped, eyeing his servant in irritation as the boy glanced up warily from where he sat at the prince’s table. “It’s just dinner, it’s not a war meeting.”</p>
<p>“That might be better.” The boy muttered, running his hands through his hair as the prince paced beside the table.</p>
<p>“I’ve already told you, you’ll go in and you’ll speak <em>very little</em> to minimize any suspicion, then you’ll come down with a headache or something and you’ll take any early night. That’s it.”</p>
<p>“Your father hates me, Arthur.”</p>
<p>“No, he doesn’t, he’s just constantly irritated by you, there’s a difference.”</p>
<p>“That’s not any better.” His servant grumbled, leaning back and tipping his head to watch the blond as Arthur stopped beside his desk.</p>
<p>As much as he hated to admit it, Merlin had a point. Blundering through training and gathering the herbs for Gaius hadn’t been too difficult, although talking to Gwen had certainly been the most stressful, and he couldn’t ignore the stiff way his servant moved after the fight with Leon, but dinner with his father was going to be much harder to get away with.</p>
<p>Then again, he couldn’t cancel, such a thing would cause the king to suspect something was wrong and cause him to question why his son had been acting so strangely all day. Out of the two options, having Merlin dine with his father was the less damning one, though that really came down to how the boy acted around the king.</p>
<p>“Besides, it’s not just me we have to worry about, it’s you too.” The servant’s voice drew the prince from his thoughts as Arthur looked up at him, blue eyes narrowing at the boy.</p>
<p>“What do you mean how <em>I’ll</em> do?”</p>
<p>“With serving.” Merlin answered simply, as if those two words weren’t the most amusing thing he’d said all day.</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>serving</em> anyone, Merlin, where did you get a ridiculous idea like that?” Arthur laughed, the very notion unbelievable as the boy just stared.</p>
<p>“You’re me.”</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>“So, I’m your servant, I’ll be expected to serve. Or rather, you will.”</p>
<p>The laugh died on the man’s lips as he tried to figure out if the other was joking or not. When his expression remained annoyingly sober, Arthur shook his head. “No. We’ll find someone else to do it.”</p>
<p>“Won’t the king think it’s strange that I’m not there?”</p>
<p>“Of course not, we’ll tell him that you’re doing something else. Or I am. You know what I mean!”</p>
<p>“Arthur,” Sitting up, Merlin rested his hands on the table and leaned closer. “I’m almost always at your side, there wouldn’t be a good enough excuse as to why I’m not there after he’s seen me with you all day.”</p>
<p>“Well I’m not going to <em>serve</em> my own <em>father</em>, Merlin. I’m the crown prince! I don’t serve, I’m served <em>to</em>.”</p>
<p>Rising from his seat, Merlin only shrugged while he pushed the chain back against the table. “If you don’t want a lot of questions, I don’t think there’s much of a choice. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be there to make sure I don’t say something I’m not supposed to rather than risk leaving me alone with the king?”</p>
<p>Opening his mouth to object, all that came out was a curse, the logic in the boy’s statement infuriating. “<em>Fine</em>. But this will <em>never</em> be spoken of again, is that clear?”</p>
<p>“I sort of figured that everything that happened today would never be spoken of again.” He said, and there, there was that ridiculous smirk on his face that only further aggravated the man. “Shall we practice how to serve then?” Oh, and he was <em>enjoying</em> himself, wasn’t he?</p>
<p>Scowling, Arthur waved him away. “It’s serving plates, it’s not that difficult.”</p>
<p>“But you’ve never done it before; what if you do it wrong?”</p>
<p>“You put the plate down and you keep the drinks filled. Honestly, if you think that’s hard than you’re more of idiot than I thought.” He huffed as Merlin shrugged again, a ghost of a smile on his lips as he ducked his head and turned for the door.</p>
<p>“Then I suppose we ought to go, shouldn’t we?”</p>
<p>“It’s not difficult, Merlin.” He reiterated as they left his chambers.</p>
<p>“If you say so.”</p>
<p>“I <em>do</em>!”</p>
<p>“Alright.”</p>
<p>Scowling at the back of the boy’s head, the two made their way through the citadel before Merlin paused, gesturing down a different corridor. “The kitchen is that way.” He pointed, eyeing the prince as Arthur straightened his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Try not to act like a complete fool around my father.” He muttered, turning away and hearing a laugh behind him before it was quickly masked by a cough.</p>
<p>The prince didn’t often stop by the kitchen, at least not since he was a child, but he didn’t remember it ever being so cramped and busy before. “There you are, Merlin!” A voice shouted at him over the noise and Arthur turned, spotting a young man weaving around the crowd to get to him with a wide grin set on his face.</p>
<p>“Heard about the last minute dinner, have to say I’m glad I’m not the one serving it!” He was talking fast, a hand falling heavy on the royal’s shoulder as the man realized he recognized him but was ashamed to admit that he didn’t know his name. “So, what’s going on with you and the prince? Everyone’s been saying that you’re both acting strange. Well, stranger than usual!” A barking laugh left him, and Arthur fought the urge to pull away, the servant moving closer as the kitchen staff continued to bustle around them.</p>
<p>He wasn’t a fool, he’d known that the way they were acting was going to be noticed by some, but he hadn’t expected so many people to be talking about it. And what exactly did he mean by <em>‘stranger than usual’</em>? “Nothing is going on, just the normal routine.” Arthur finally spoke, forcing a tight smile onto his face as the servant pulled his hand away. Curse Merlin and his jovial nature.</p>
<p>“Whatever you say, Merlin. Listen, Cook’s on a rampage again, I guess Rosette dropped one of the desserts she’d prepared for tonight, so be on the lookout alright? Last thing you need is another fight with her.” Patting his back in a farewell after hearing someone shout, the servant stepped away while the blond looked around the room in surprise. Did Merlin usually get into fights with the cook? That was news to him. Although he got the sense that there were a few things that the boy failed to bring up whenever they were together.</p>
<p>Unsurety fell over the prince after the servant left as he looked around the room in bewilderment, women moving back and forth around him as he moved towards one of the walls, trying to keep out of the way until he figured out what he was doing.</p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>Looking to his left, one of the assistants caught his eye with a smile and gestured towards two plates of food as the man moved closer, his stomach voicing a sound of complaint as he carefully picked them up and fought to make his way out of the room and to the dining hall.</p>
<p>His father’s voice was the first thing that greeted him when he arrived, and the prince paused briefly in the doorway as he looked inside. His father was speaking of the court he’d held the day before, no doubt going over the details regarding the extra guards that would make their rounds in an effort to keep the druids from reaching Morgana again. And Merlin, well, he looked as if his life were being threatened. The boy sat rigid in his chair with his mouth clamped shut and his hands tightened into fists that rested tensely in his lap as the prince rolled his eyes and strode into the room.</p>
<p>In an easy motion he set a plate in front of his father before he sat Merlin’s down, catching the boy’s relieved eye with a glare. <em>“Relax.”</em> He mouthed, the silent order forcing some of the tension out of the servant’s shoulders before Arthur began filling their goblets.</p>
<p>“How was training?” The king questioned, reaching for his drink as the blond stepped away and stood partially behind the man, watching as Merlin froze.</p>
<p>“It went.. well.” His words were quiet and strained, and Arthur had half a mind to dump the pitcher he held onto the boy just so he’d have an excuse to get him away. “H-How was.. how did your other meetings go? Father.”</p>
<p>The prince couldn’t stop himself from grimacing at the awkward question, thankful at least that his father only nodded while eating a bite of his food. “Rather well, we settled on a good deal of things.”</p>
<p>Silence washed over the room and Merlin looked desperately at where Arthur stood as the prince made a motion for him to eat. Looking down at his plate like the command was going to hurt him, the boy hesitantly picked up a grape and popped it into his mouth as the blond made a show of rolling his eyes again.</p>
<p>“How has Sir Elecard’s training been going?” The king spoke up as Merlin’s hand froze above his plate.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s gone..” Turning to the prince, Arthur nodded his head a couple of times as the boy looked back to Uther. “Well. It’s gone well.”</p>
<p>“Good. And what of Sir Nolan?”</p>
<p>“Sir Nolan.. uh.. w-well..”</p>
<p>Lifting his hand, Arthur made a swinging motion that the boy furrowed his brows at. <em>”Sword.”</em> The man mouthed, making the motion again.</p>
<p>“Oh! Right, he is, he’s uh, his sword work is improving. From before. Which is good.” Merlin nodded for extra effect, and as the king leaned forwards Arthur knew all too well the look he was giving despite only seeing the back of his head.</p>
<p>“What is wrong with you today? And what happened to your face?” Uther demanded, a narrowed gaze no doubt staring hard at the boy who was barely maintaining eye contact.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s nothing. Leon merely got a lucky strike in.” The answer that left the boy was impossibly smooth, to the point that the prince openly stared at the boy in shock.</p>
<p>“Leon?”</p>
<p>“I’ve had a bit of an off day.” Merlin nodded, his eyes flickering back to Arthur as Uther suddenly turned, glaring at his son as the prince straightened, forcing a neutral mask into place under his father’s scrutiny until the king turned back to the table.</p>
<p>“So it would seem.”</p>
<p>The evening continued with Merlin occasionally picking at his plate and Uther watching the boy while several heavy bouts of silence that were barely interspersed by sparse conversation left Arthur standing back in agony waiting for the meal to be done.</p>
<p>The longest stretch of silence finally came to an end as the king set his goblet down with less care than usual and heaved a sigh. “I suggest that you take an early night, Arthur, and perhaps tomorrow you’ll be more yourself.”</p>
<p>“I would love to be myself tomorrow.” The boy answered immediately, glancing up and nodding fervently. “But uhm, yes, I will. Goodnight, uh, Father.” The halted way he spoke would have finally driven the prince mad had it not been for the fact that Merlin was standing and making his way to door.</p>
<p>Beginning to follow after him, the king cleared his throat loudly behind them. “Where are you going?” Both boys froze, each glancing over their shoulder as Uther’s cold gaze settled on Arthur. “Clean this mess up.”</p>
<p>Rising from his own chair and turning away, Arthur looking to Merlin in shock as the boy barely shrugged, though his lips were curling up into a smirk that betrayed the innocent nature he was trying to convey. Gritting his teeth, the royal started back to the table, a list of curses and the worst chores he could think of simultaneously running through his mind as he began to clear the dishes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>With his back braced against the wall and his arms folded over his chest, Merlin worked to keep an annoyed expression on his face as he waited for his friend. He didn’t get how Arthur managed to look irritated all the time, he was exhausted just trying.</p>
<p>Tilting his head back with a sigh, Merlin closed his eyes and listened to the sounds emanating from the kitchen. He was more tired than usual, his body still ached from the fight with Leon, and his nerves were shot after his dinner with the king. He’d considered going straight to the tower and letting Arthur meet him there, but he found himself waiting all the same.</p>
<p>Opening his eyes and kicking the heel of his boot against the wall, he reached up and tugged at the collar of his tunic and watched as a passing servant bowed in his direction. What were people seeing when they looked at him? Obviously they saw Arthur, that was painfully clear, but was he dressed like him as well or was he in his own clothes? Did he still sound like himself?</p>
<p>The entire ordeal had been frustrating for them both, but Merlin did wonder about the potion and its original intended use. It had to have been created by someone powerful, and the prospect of finding out more about the Court Sorcerer was exciting. A list began to form inside the boy’s mind as he thought of what else he wanted to look at, at what questions he wanted to ask, until he spotted Arthur stepping out into the corridor with an expression that was nothing less than hostile.</p>
<p>“What took you so long?” Merlin asked, pushing away from the wall and hurrying to catch up to the prince as the blond stormed through the hall, furious blue eyes glaring daggers at the boy as he waved his hands defensively. “No, no that was a genuine question, you were gone a long time.”</p>
<p>“Does no one realize that you’re <em>my</em> servant?” Arthur demanded, turning a corner with his hands balled into fists as Merlin’s brows knit together.</p>
<p>“What are you—”</p>
<p>“I went to do one job and I was told to do five others. That’s ridiculous! No wonder you’re late all the time, you’re busy doing everyone else’s work on top of your own!” The prince was ranting, a scowl carved deep in his face, but the warlock could hardly get over his shock enough to process it. Was Arthur actually acknowledging how hard he worked? “The only person you should be working for aside from myself is Gaius.” The blond continued angrily, turning another corner and starting up the stairwell that led to the tower.</p>
<p>“Hard work, isn’t it?” The boy asked with a smirk as the royal turned his scowl on him.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Merlin.”</p>
<p>Biting his tongue to keep his laughter at bay, they walked into the room where the whole mess had begun. Pieces of broken glass still littered the floor, and the items they’d been pulling out of the chests were cluttering the space.</p>
<p>“What exactly are we looking for?” Merlin asked, kneeling beside a crate and selecting a small stack of assorted books and loose parchment.</p>
<p>“Anything about that potion, anything about what might have happened or how long it’s meant to last. I’m tired of this, it’s one thing to fight in a tournament without taking the credit, it’s another to go about serving my own father his meal.” Arthur was still fuming as he snatched up a pile of books and joined the boy near the towering window as they sat together, using the moonlight to see the texts written throughout.</p>
<p>Several minutes passed in silence with nothing more than the turning of pages before the prince was scoffing, the noise drawing the warlock from his own reading as the blond held up the journal he had. “Whoever this sorcerer was, they claim that they can tame a wolf with a mere enchantment.”</p>
<p>“Sounds possible.” Merlin answered distractedly, looking to his own book again before he froze, glancing back up to find the prince’s gaze on him.</p>
<p>“And how would <em>you</em> know that?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, with magic I just assume a lot of things are easy.”</p>
<p>The man’s hard stare remained on him for a few seconds more before he was turning the journal back around and sighing. “Magic is trouble in all areas it seems.”</p>
<p>Letting out a slow breath, the warlock looked back to the book he was reading and swallowed thickly. He hadn’t made it very far into the writings scattered around them, but almost all of them appeared to be journals, and the few tomes that were there had several entries crossed out with notes written along the sides.</p>
<p>Whoever the Court Sorcerer had been, they had been experimenting with different types of magic. A few spells he recognized were written in the front of the book he held, but the further in he got, the more it was clear the sorcerer had spent hours taking apart the words and studying them, combining various spells together, and completely changing entire sections. Merlin wasn’t sure if it was even possible, or safe, but the more he read the more intrigued he was at how powerful the sorcerer had to have been to attempt such a thing.</p>
<p>“I’ve got nothing.” Arthur complained after nearly two hours of searching, the prince falling onto his back against the floor and tossing the final book he’d grabbed aside.</p>
<p>“We’ve barely gone through any of what’s here.” Merlin pointed out, his eyes still skimming over the messy scrawl as Arthur grumbled.</p>
<p>“It’s not as if either of us even understand what they’re talking about on these pages. I don’t know what I expected to find.”</p>
<p>Lowering the journal and looking at his friend, Merlin stretched his arms above his head and stifled a yawn. “Maybe the potion will wear off given time.”</p>
<p>“But we have no proof of that, and I cannot take another day of people thinking that I’m <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>“It’s difficult, isn’t it?” The boy smirked, leaning against the wall as Arthur’s foot kicked against his shin.</p>
<p>“Hardly. I just can’t bear the thought of you ruining my name any further.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t last one day actually doing everything that I do.” The warlock countered as the royal sat up.</p>
<p>“Merlin, I could easily do your job, the problem is that you can’t do mine.”</p>
<p>Shifting to lean back on his hands, the boy’s fingers brushed against the stack of parchment he’d pulled out hours before. “I simply don’t have any interest to.” He retorted, pulling the stack closer and glancing down at the first few pages.</p>
<p>“It’s not that there’s no interest, it’s that—”</p>
<p>“I found it.” Merlin cut him off, sitting up straight and snatching a page from the stack.</p>
<p>Arthur moved closer to the boy at his declaration, leaning over his shoulder to see as the servant scanned his eyes over the page. Just like all the others it was filled with messily scrawled notes and ideas, though a small sketch of the bottle they’d found was in the top corner and a few scribbles beneath contained notes on the effects.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t even last a day, we should be fine by morning.” Merlin spoke with a relieved sigh at the first part of the text as Arthur’s shoulder pressed against his. “Look, it mentions that it’s for disguises, and that it works when you mix it with the blood of the person you want to resemble.” Lifting his hand where the small scratches were a shade darker than his palm, Arthur frowned beside him.</p>
<p>“But we both bled, so—”</p>
<p>“So we sort of, swapped, rather than taking on the appearance of one or another. They called it a sort of illusion spell, by mixing the blood with the potion you appear exactly as the person you took the blood from. Unless you injure yourself while disguised, I suppose.” He shrugged, gesturing towards his mouth.</p>
<p>“Who would bother with such a strange potion in the first place?”</p>
<p>“I think it’s rather clever actually.” The boy admitted, capturing his friend’s attention. “If you’re trying to sneak in somewhere for instance, a regular disguise will only get you so far. But if you’re able to look and sound like someone who belongs where you’re going, it grants you the chance to go unnoticed for that period of time.” Silence followed his statement, and he was beginning to regret speaking up at all when the prince pulled away from him and pushed himself to his feet.</p>
<p>“You continue to baffle me, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You have these moments of clarity, like you’re smarter than you look.” Turning away from the warlock, Arthur shook his head. “It’s a shame they never last.”</p>
<p>Rolling his eyes at the added insult, Merlin dropped the page and scrambled up to follow the prince out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him while making a mental note to retrieve some of the journals to go over in his own time. “So, what are we going to do now?”</p>
<p>“You said it yourself, it should wear off by morning.” Arthur waved a hand flippantly as they made their way back to the man’s room.</p>
<p>With his body dragging by the time they were inside the prince’s chambers, the warlock stayed close to the door, already dreaming about returning home. “I’ll be glad to put this day behind me.” Arthur sighed as he fell back onto his bed, his arms stretched out over his head as Merlin covered a yawn he could no longer control.</p>
<p>“Do you require anything else before I go?” He questioned, praying that the answer was no so that he too could collapse into bed.</p>
<p>“You can’t.”</p>
<p>“I can’t what?”</p>
<p>“Go home.”</p>
<p>Blinking, Merlin shook his head, not sure he heard him correctly. “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“What’s Gaius going to think if he sees me walking in and deciding to spend the night? What’s anyone going to think?” The prince scoffed as the boy rubbed at his eyes.</p>
<p>“Then you go.”</p>
<p>“And have people wondering why I’m leaving the physician’s chambers so early in the morning? Come on, Merlin, use your head.”</p>
<p>“Well then what do you propose I do if I can’t go home? I’m exhausted, Arthur.”</p>
<p>“You’ll just have to sleep here.” The man gestured, tilting his head and staring at him as Merlin looked around.</p>
<p>“Where, exactly?”</p>
<p>“There’s a perfectly good floor, and if you do your job like you’re supposed to, it will be clean enough for you to sleep on.”</p>
<p>“You cannot be serious.” The warlock gaped, looking down at the floor that promised to be freezing.</p>
<p>“It’s not my fault that this happened.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not my fault either.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who tripped.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s shoulders sagged as he watched the prince get more settled on his bed, his arms resting on his chest as the boy sighed, begrudgingly accepting his fate. “Can I at least have a pillow?”</p>
<p>“Of course, Merlin, I’m not cruel.” Without another word the prince grabbed one of his pillows and threw it hard at his servant, pelting him in the face as the boy staggered back and the pillow fell to his feet.</p>
<p>“Yes, you’re so gracious, <em>My Lord</em>.” He grumbled, eyeing the royal as he reached for the pillow while the man laughed. He had half a mind to throw it back, but a piece of him suspected that if he did then there was less of a chance that it would be given back, and he had no desire to sleep on the floor with no padding at all.</p>
<p>Walking over to a spot near where the fire burned and promised to be the warmest, Merlin was about to lie down when a knock sounded at the door. Looking up in surprise, the warlock met the prince’s widened gaze just as a voice spoke from the hall.</p>
<p>“Arthur? Are you in there?”</p>
<p>Arthur waved his hands back and forth at the boy while shaking his head, only the action was futile as another knock sounded before the door began to open.</p>
<p><em>“Bed.”</em> Merlin mouthed, the prince furrowing his brows in response before he seemed to understand, the man suddenly rolling to the side and falling to the floor beside the bed and out of sight.</p>
<p>“Arthur?”</p>
<p>Turning back around, Merlin met Morgana’s concerned eyes as the door fully opened, the pillow he held gripped tightly as he plastered on a smile. “Morgana, hello. What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I came by to see if you were alright. You’ve been acting strange all day, and then no one could find you all evening.”</p>
<p>“I was just busy. With paperwork.” He lied, his heart beating faster as the girl took a step closer and stared at him doubtfully.</p>
<p>“Paperwork?”</p>
<p>“Yes, loads.”</p>
<p>“Has Merlin been helping you with that paperwork?”</p>
<p>“A bit, why do you ask?”</p>
<p>“Because that’s him on the floor, isn’t it?” Peering around the boy, Morgana looked towards the bed as Arthur sat up, a weak smile of his own seeming oddly out of place.</p>
<p>“Right, of course, well you see.. he’s uhm.. he’s well..”</p>
<p>“Cleaning under the bed.” Arthur declared, holding up one of his socks and smiling even wider. “I don’t do it as often as I should, and <em>Arthur</em> deserves my very best work.”</p>
<p>A small frown pulled down the boy’s lips as he glanced at his friend, his fingers digging into the pillow he held as Morgana’s eyes drifted back to his. “Arthur, what’s going on? You don’t really expect for me to believe you’ve been doing paperwork this whole time, do you?”</p>
<p>“It’s the truth.” The boy said firmly, lifting a hand up as he began walking towards the door while trying to usher her with him. “And we’ve still got a lot to do, but thanks for checking on us. Me. Checking on me. Goodnight, Morgana.”</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“Goodnight!” Arthur called, still crouched by the bed as the woman tried to object.</p>
<p>“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Merlin promised her, practically shoving the king’s ward out the door before he was closing it tightly and falling back against it with a heavy breath. Looking up at his friend, Arthur’s head fell, all traces of the forced cheer gone from his face.</p>
<p>Pushing off the door and walking towards the bed, Merlin sat heavily on one side as Arthur fell onto his back on the other, neither of the boys uttering a word for a few moments. “Why do so many people have to notice when you’re not yourself?” Merlin finally asked, the pillow resting on his lap as he turned and looked at the prince whose eyes had closed.</p>
<p>“Because I’m royalty, and anything other than strength and a sense of calm is concerning to others.” He remarked dryly, opening his eyes and looking up at the servant with a blank expression. “I’m serious about under the bed, Merlin. It’s filthy under there.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take care of it tomorrow.” He promised as the prince shifted and nudged his knee against the boy’s side.</p>
<p>“Get on the floor, you’re taking up all of my space.”</p>
<p>“I can’t.” Merlin shook his head, turning more until his back was leaning against the headboard.</p>
<p>“Really? And <em>why</em> can’t you?”</p>
<p>“What if someone else comes in? How would you explain <em>Prince Arthur</em> sleeping on the floor?”</p>
<p>A beat of silence passed as they stared at one another, the warlock’s brow raised in question before Arthur’s leg pulled away and he rolled his eyes. “Fine. But don’t you dare fall asleep.”</p>
<p>Smiling at the small victory, Merlin settled back and folded his arms on top of the pillow as he stared across the room at the fire. “Arthur?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Why are you keeping the tower a secret?” He’d asked before, but the prince had refused to answer, something that the boy expected again, only instead of a snarky retort the man merely sighed.</p>
<p>“Because I want answers.” He muttered, blue hues lifting to the canopy above them.</p>
<p>“Answers to what?”</p>
<p>“I don’t really know.” A quiet laugh left the blond, his hands slipping beneath his head as he crossed his ankles and tapped one boot against the other. “I’m not foolish, I understand the risk of allowing anything magical within the borders, even something as trivial as books. But at some point there was a sorcerer that worked here, possibly even under my father’s reign. I want to know what happened, and why.”</p>
<p>Keeping quiet, Merlin turned his head towards the prince as he spoke, though the man’s gaze was still set firmly above them. “I was raised to believe that magic is evil and to be wary of the dangers it possesses, but this tower indicates that someone in Camelot once trusted magic enough to grant someone a high position in the court, and I’d like to find out who it was.”</p>
<p>“Will you ever tell your father about it?” Merlin questioned softly, finally getting the blond’s attention as the royal’s head tipped and his eyes found his servant’s.</p>
<p>“I’ll have to. It’s going to be hard enough to admit that I came across the tower, the last thing I need is for him to discover it on his own and find out that I’ve known it was there for some time.” Looking away, Merlin pulled his arms apart and stared down at his hands, one finger picking at the nail on another. “What about you? Why didn’t you tell Gaius?”</p>
<p>Refusing to meet the man’s eye, the warlock smiled sheepishly. “I suppose.. I was just being selfish.”</p>
<p>“Selfish?’ Arthur laughed, sitting up on his hands and turning a bewildered look on him. “How is keeping the tower a secret <em>selfish</em>?”</p>
<p>“Have you noticed that it’s the only place in the entire citadel that no one ever goes to? It’s quiet, calm. If I told Gaius about it, he’d tell the king, then it would be used for something else.” Of course, that wasn’t all of it. The truth was that he felt a connection to the tower, to the things that were carefully packed and hidden away inside. There was so much knowledge in its walls, so much that he could learn from. But most of all it was proof of a Court Sorcerer that a king had trusted, and just knowing that had created a constant well of hope in the boy for a future where such a thing might be possible again. “So, selfish, like I said.” He laughed weakly as Arthur scoffed.</p>
<p>“That’s not selfish, Merlin.” The prince stated, looking at the boy with a contemplative gaze. “Completely ridiculous, yes, but not selfish.” The warlock smiled at that, a true smile that showed off his teeth as the blond smirked, falling back again and stretching his arms above him.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do if you can’t find the answers that you’re looking for?” Sliding down a bit while speaking, Merlin cautiously drew one leg onto the bed, afraid of being kicked off if he drew too much attention to himself.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I don’t even know if there are answers there, like I said.”</p>
<p>“You could try asking the king.”</p>
<p>“My father would never discuss anything of the sort with me, you ought to know that.”</p>
<p>“It’s worth trying, isn’t it?” The boy pushed only for the prince to scowl at the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Would you?”</p>
<p>Blinking, Merlin looked away and scratched at his cheek. “No.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.” Closing his eyes, Arthur dropped an arm over his face and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I know this whole thing is ridiculous, just look at what happened.”</p>
<p>“No it isn’t.” Merlin objected immediately, half sitting up as he hurried to continue. “You’re allowed to question what you were taught. If it turns out to be true, or if you find reasons to doubt, then that’s your path to take, your right to find.” Glancing to the fire, the warlock felt an ache in his chest. “The king can only do so much to prepare you for when you will rule. Some things you have to decide for yourself. And whether magic is one of those things is also up to you.” And he hoped, oh how he hoped that he would find the fault in Uther’s blatantly biased nature towards anything even resembling magic.</p>
<p>“You’re doing it again.” Turning, Merlin found the prince staring up at him, curious blue hues peeking out from under his arm as he studied the boy beside him.</p>
<p>“Doing what?”</p>
<p>“Who are you, Merlin, really?”</p>
<p>Leaning back in surprise, the boy’s heart began to beat faster as he barely shook his head. “I’m-I’m nobody, I’m just.. me.”</p>
<p>“You say the strangest things sometimes, behave in a way that I’ve never seen. I’ll think I’ve got you figured out, then you’ll say something like that and suddenly I’m not quite sure anymore.”</p>
<p>“I guess I’m just different.” Merlin offered, the serious tone Arthur carried surprising him as the man’s arm shifted to fully cover his face again.</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t watched you trip over nothing yesterday and nearly pitch into the fire, I might be inclined to believe you.” The prince snorted, a small smile curling his lips as the warlock let himself relax, one foot propped on the bed and the other moving back and forth along the floor.</p>
<p>“You know what I can’t believe? That you actually let this whole thing play out as it did. I mean, you served <em>me</em> dinner.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“We should document this, show the people that their prince is capable of acting like a normal human.”</p>
<p>“Go to <em>sleep</em>, Merlin.” Arthur grumbled, his body tensing.</p>
<p>“But Sire, you told me not to fall asleep.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin!” One of the man’s pillows flew towards the boy, nearly knocking him to the floor as he smothered his laughter and turned onto his side, hearing the prince’s mutterings behind him. There were few times when he could feel Arthur letting go, when his usual gruff demeanor fell and gave way to someone who could just enjoy a moment without feeling the weight of judgement behind it, and there was a piece of the warlock that took pride in getting to be someone who got to see that side of him.</p>
<p>He’d noticed a change in the prince when he’d competed in the tournament, the sheer fact that he’d turned down the praise a miracle in itself, but he’d noticed it in other ways as well. Maybe keeping the tower and what happened to them a secret could’ve been prevented had they gone to Gaius for help, but perhaps this was an opening for Arthur to learn that not all magic was to be feared. He didn’t need to be alright with it right away, he just needed to see that not all of it was evil, that would be enough for Merlin for the time being.</p>
<p>Blinking hazily, the warlock let himself indulge in the thought, in imaging a future where Arthur would be king, and their destinies would be fulfilled. A future where magic would return to the land, a future where Arthur would be the greatest ruler in Albion, and a future where maybe Merlin would have a part in it all as something more than just a servant.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Gwen!” Jolting at the sound of her name being shouted, the maid turned and spotted Morgana leaning around the door to her chambers, waving frantically to get her attention.</p>
<p>“My Lady, are you alright?” She asked, hurrying to her side.</p>
<p>“You must come with me right now.” The woman urged, her hand taking hold of Gwen’s and pulling her with her through the halls as the girl struggled to keep up until Morgana came to a stop in front of a door. Or more importantly, in front of Prince Arthur’s door.</p>
<p>The girl was only half listening to the woman beside her as her mind drifted to the day before when she’d stumbled upon Arthur and Merlin. They had been acting rather odd, especially the prince, and she’d spent the rest of her day wondering why. Rumors had spread quickly among the staff, speaking of how both of the men were far from their usual selves, but no one had been able to find them the previous evening, and she hadn’t seen Merlin like she often did when she’d gone to wake Morgana.</p>
<p>“—I offered.”</p>
<p>“What?” Gwen blinked, realizing too late that she’d missed most of what the other was saying as Morgana sighed and squeezed her hand.</p>
<p>“I <em>said</em> that Arthur never turned up for breakfast, and Uther was going to send a servant to fetch him, he said he’d been acting differently since yesterday, but I offered instead because he’s right, something was definitely going on that they didn’t want anyone to know about.”</p>
<p>“They, being—”</p>
<p>“Arthur and Merlin.” The woman nodded fervently, her hair flying around her face. “Only when I came and knocked, he didn’t answer. Of course, I didn’t knock <em>loud</em>, but I did knock.”</p>
<p>“Morgana..”</p>
<p>“So, I opened the door and.. well, you just have to see for yourself.” The maid began to object as the king’s ward pushed the door open a fraction, the words dying on her lips as Gwen was suddenly leaning forward, unable to contain her curiosity as she peered into the room. She wasn’t quite sure what she’d been expecting, but what she was looking at was the furthest thing from it.</p>
<p>Gwen was used to seeing Merlin and Arthur in the same room, but not exactly in such a state. The prince was stretched across one side of his bed on his stomach with a pillow over his head while one of his arms hung over the side. But then there was Merlin, who instead of trying to wake the man from his slumber, was actually asleep beside him. With his back to the blond, the servant was facing them, his hair smushed into the pillows and his body curled in on himself while the brown jacket he often wore was draped over his shoulders.</p>
<p>“I-I don’t understand.” Gwen whispered, glancing up at Morgana who shrugged beside her.</p>
<p>“I’ve no clue what happened. They said they were working on paperwork last night, so I don’t think Merlin ever went home. But I never thought I’d see Arthur being this kind.”</p>
<p>Leaning against the doorframe, Gwen felt a smile begin to rise as she shook her head. Arthur was kinder than Morgana gave him credit for, though even she had to admit she was surprised at the situation. What had worn them out to the point that they’d collapsed in such a way? Neither were in their bedclothes, and each even still had their boots on.</p>
<p>“We should leave them, they’re obviously exhausted.” The maid murmured, reaching out to close the door just as Merlin shifted, groggy blue eyes opening and meeting her frozen stare.</p>
<p>He blinked once, then twice, and suddenly his eyes were widening as he bolted upright, his jacket falling into his lap before he turned, looking to Arthur and showing off the way his hair had become an unruly mess on the one side. The boy said something unintelligible to the prince as he shoved a hand against the man’s arm before he climbed, or rather stumbled, off the bed. Arthur sat up next, slower and with a sleep laden expression, and Gwen felt her cheeks warm in embarrassment at having been caught looking in on the two of them.</p>
<p>“You’re late for breakfast with the king.” Morgana announced, the teasing smile she proudly wore indicative to her lack of shame as Arthur’s face morphed into one of hesitation before he was glancing to his servant.</p>
<p>Merlin began to speak again, the low tone notable though his words were not, and it was followed by a small shrug and what almost appeared to be a look of relief from the prince.</p>
<p>“Did we interrupt something?” Morgana questioned loudly, obviously enjoying herself as the dark haired boy whirled around, his jacket gripped tightly in hand, and offered a sheepish grin.</p>
<p>“N-No, we just worked late last night, and I guess I must’ve dozed off.”</p>
<p>The sound of Arthur’s hand connecting with the back of Merlin’s head followed immediately after his hurried explanation, and the boy turned to look at the prince with a pout as the man climbed swiftly from his bed and straightened his tunic. “And after I deliberately told you <em>not</em> to fall asleep.”</p>
<p>“You did. He did.” Merlin nodded, looking back to the girls.</p>
<p>“I think I hear Gaius calling for you.” Arthur muttered behind the boy, giving him a small push as the servant began tugging his jacket back on and snatched up a satchel that was sitting on the table.</p>
<p>“I think I do as well.” Moving to the door, Merlin skirted around the two girls, his eyes glued to the floor as he murmured a soft apology and hurried into the hall.</p>
<p>Daring another look into the room, Gwen watched as the blond ran his fingers through his hair and regarded the two of them with a calm demeanor. “Apologize to my father if you will, I’ll be there shortly.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll understand,” Morgana tilted her head, and the maid noted the mischievous look in her eye. “What with all the paperwork you had to do.” Turning away with a grin, the woman stepped back from the door as Arthur glanced to the side, the mask he often wore fading with a flush of red that brightened his cheeks.</p>
<p>Murmuring a quiet apology of her own, Gwen quickly closed the door and looked to Morgana who seemed all too proud of herself. “What was that about?”</p>
<p>“It’s probably best not to ask, you know how the two of them are. Come on.” Morgana laughed, looping her arm through Gwen’s and pulling her through the corridor once more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>This is the longest chapter I’ve written for anything ever but I’m kind of majorly obsessed with this. I had this written and saved for a while because I’d decided it didn’t fit well enough with the stories or the characters, but then I read through it a few days ago and decided I loved it too much not to share. Plus, it actually opens up into the stories that will come with the tower, so win-win!</p>
<p>I hope you guys enjoyed this.. whatever this is. My next chapter will take longer to come out, so I hope this is enough to tide you until then! I would love to hear from you, so leave me a comment!</p>
<p>Also, as a side note because I was too excited not to share, I ended up joining a Merlin group on Facebook, and offhandedly made a comment on a post I made that I wrote about these two, and after asking for my handle someone freaking RECOGNIZED this story. I’m not kidding when I say I screamed for a solid minute, it literally made my ENTIRE day and honestly my life too. But ANYWAY thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. A Brewing Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tensions had been running high for days, and Morgana was at a loss for the reason why. She could understand why Gwen had been more distant than usual, after everything that she had been through that was to be expected. But Arthur had been moody, and Merlin had been quiet, and the only time she’d been able to ask about the reason, they’d both brushed her question aside like it was nothing.</p>
<p>Clutching the reins tighter, Morgana looked beside her at where Gwen was riding silently, her cloak drawn tight around her shoulders and her hands hidden beneath the fabric. Pursing her lips, the woman’s head turned a fraction to look behind them at where two knights rode and kept watch, more vigilant than ever after the last ambush that had led to their kidnapping.</p>
<p>Facing around front again, Morgana stared ahead at Merlin’s back, the prince and his servant leading the way along the road. Forcing her hands to ease around the leather, the young woman looked back to her maid in contemplation.</p>
<p>“Are you alright, Gwen?” She finally asked, her soft voice breaking through the silence as dark eyes met her own.</p>
<p>“Of course, My Lady. Why do you ask?” She was so formal with her lately. What had she done to warrant that?</p>
<p>“You’re just quieter than usual.” She explained, watching as her friend glanced away with a guilty expression. “You didn’t need to come with me today, Gwen. After everything that’s happened, I’d never ask that of you.”</p>
<p>Shaking her head, dark strands of hair fell against the maid’s cheeks and a weak smile that had recently become rare brightened the girl’s face. “I don’t mind,” Gwen murmured, her stare set on the road they traveled. “I cannot stay hidden away within the town forever.”</p>
<p>All too soon her smile vanished, replaced once more with an expression wrought with grief. Suppressing a sigh, Morgana righted herself and found Merlin looking back, his eyes on Gwen before he caught the woman’s stare and quickly turned back around. Something had definitely happened between the three of them while they were gone, and she wished that just one of them would tell her what that was.</p>
<p>Uther hadn’t been pleased to find Arthur missing, but when he and Merlin had returned safely with Gwen, he’d barely said a word about it. Perhaps a piece of him had known that his son would go off in search for her, no doubt at Morgana’s plea, but did he know that the prince was already packing when she had gone to beg for his help?</p>
<p>Arthur had been ready to risk everything to get her back, yet since they’d returned the two had barely even spoken. There was no doubt that Gwen had been scared for her life—what little she’d managed to pry from the girl was horrifying—but there was more going on that they were not saying.</p>
<p>“If you wish to talk, you know I am here, don’t you?” Morgana spoke again, riding closer and extending a hand to the girl.</p>
<p>Looking up, Gwen smiled—a true, full smile—as her fingers wrapped around the woman’s and squeezed. “Thank you, Morgana. But truly, there’s nothing to speak of.” Letting go of her hand a moment later, the king’s ward could only nod, a new bout of worry beginning to rise.</p>
<p>The girl had been so secretive lately, even before she’d been taken. What could have happened that she felt she could not confide in her friend like she once had?</p>
<p>Staring at Merlin’s back once again, determination settled over her. She knew asking Arthur would lead nowhere, and if Gwen was bent on keeping the events of their time away to herself, then she would just have to ask the one person who she hoped would no longer lie to her. Merlin was terrible at lying anyway, and if she asked without the prince around, perhaps he would help her to understand what exactly had happened.</p>
<p>Their party began to slow, and in the distance Morgana could see the stone that marked her father’s grave. Arthur glanced back at the woman and met her eye, though neither said a word as their horses came to a stop.</p>
<p>“Would you like me to come with you?” Gwen offered, her voice soft and sweet as one of the knight’s dismounted and offered a hand to the king’s ward.</p>
<p>“No,” She shook her head, taking the man’s hand and landing firmly on the ground. “I think I wish to visit him alone.”</p>
<p>Gwen nodded once in understanding, her eyes following the woman as Morgana turned away and clasped her hands together. Making her way closer to the monument, she looked over her shoulder and saw the same knight offer a hand to her maid while Arthur and Merlin stood off to the side.</p>
<p>A noticeable gap separated the three of them, though the largest was between Arthur and Gwen, each standing on opposite sides of their horses and keeping their eyes on anything but each other. Frowning in thought, Morgana turned back to the grave and stopped in front of it, sorrow falling over her hard and fast as everything else drifted away.</p>
<p>Unclasping her cloak and pulling it free, she laid it beside her as she knelt, her fingers brushing over the rough stone. She missed her father greatly, and it had been too long since her last visit. Yet even as she sat with him and felt the sunlight warm her shoulders, a weight settled in her stomach. What would he say if he knew what she was? What would he say if he knew of her magic?</p>
<p>Her fingers paused over the grave and her head fell, eyes staring hard at the grass beneath her. She’d lost her father, she could not trust Uther, and Arthur could never know. All she had was Merlin and Gwen, and she needed the girl to be able to trust her. If she couldn’t, then how could she ever tell her the truth about what she was? About what she could do?</p>
<p>Closing her eyes and digging her fingers into the ground, Morgana drew in a shallow breath. Merlin hadn’t shunned her for her magic, and she wanted to believe that Gwen wouldn’t either. But until she learned what it was that she was hiding, she could not put her trust into her as much as she wished.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Early afternoon light filtered through a cloud filled sky as Gwen sat quietly against a tree, her hands folded primly in her lap and her eyes cast dutifully downward. She wished that Morgana had wanted her to come with her. Sitting at the grave and paying her respects to the woman’s father would have been far better than sitting and waiting while trying to avoid Arthur.</p>
<p>The prince and his knights stood waiting not far from where the king’s ward sat, giving her enough space for privacy but staying close enough that they were prepared for any threat that might appear.</p>
<p>Lifting her head and staring across the road at where the blond stood beside his servant, Gwen watched as Arthur teased the boy about something, their words indecipherable. Whatever it was though, Merlin was obviously not amused as the prince poked a finger at the dark haired boy, leading him to frown and mutter something that drew a laugh out of the other.</p>
<p>When Morgana had announced that she wanted to make another trip to her father’s grave, Arthur had immediately stepped in to go with her. He would not risk another ambush without being there himself, which in turn meant that Merlin had tagged along as well.</p>
<p>And true to Morgana’s word, she had not asked her maid to come along. Gwen had been the one to offer. She knew how difficult the visits could be, how often they left her upset, and she did not want her to be alone. However, a piece of the girl had come to regret her decision as she pulled her cloak tighter to fight off a sharp gust of wind that had the horses moving about nearby.</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure which was worse; how on edge she was at every noise or how uncomfortable she had become around Arthur. He’d said he rescued her only because of Morgana’s begging, but she knew that wasn’t true.</p>
<p>She had seen the way he looked at her, at the realization that struck when he saw Lancelot’s hand wrapped around hers. But why did he care? They could not be together, not at any time, now or in the future. His father would not allow it, and why would a prince want to court a maid?</p>
<p>But with Lancelot all that was different. She could still feel his fingers around hers, could still hear his promises through the bars of her cell. But then he’d gone. He’d left her. She couldn’t believe that what he said was a lie, that he hadn’t meant any of it. But it still hurt. It hurt that he hadn’t even said goodbye. The first time he’d left she hadn’t known if she’d ever see him again. And now, now she didn’t know if she could bear to.</p>
<p>Morgana kept pushing, kept asking for answers that she didn’t have and couldn’t give, and that just made everything so much harder. She didn’t dare tell her about Arthur, she didn’t dare tell anyone, but she couldn’t bear to speak of Lancelot either. It all just hurt too much. Of course, that only left the time she’d been captured, and she was trying her best not to think about that at all.</p>
<p>Blinking away the overwhelming thoughts, Gwen caught blue eyes looking back at her and she quickly looked away, unaware she’d still been staring at the prince while her mind had wandered. Ever since they’d gotten back, they had barely spoken a word to each other.</p>
<p>She’d been heartbroken when Lancelot left, and though a piece of her believed Arthur hadn’t meant the words he’d so callously said, they had still been cruel, and she could hardly face him after. Even Merlin had seemed different, quieter than usual. That at least wasn’t much of a surprise, not with knowing how close the two had been. Lancelot leaving had been hard on the both of them.</p>
<p>Dragging her fingers over the edges of her cloak, Gwen’s eyes lifted to the sky, watching as the clouds began to darken. It was only the movement in front of her that made her look away, spotting Morgana as she made her way back to them.</p>
<p>Her face was drawn, her eyes were downcast, and Gwen was standing to meet her. The horses moved about restlessly, and the maid kept far away as she made her way towards the clearing. Morgana didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around her the moment she was close enough, and Gwen hugged her back just as much, hearing the smallest sniffle that had her tightening her squeeze.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” She asked softly, pulling away as the king’s ward nodded and mustered a weak smile.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Taking her hand in hers, she held it tight while Merlin led their horses closer. Giving Morgana a hand and helping her climb atop the animal, Gwen glanced back to see Arthur and the knights mounting their own.</p>
<p>“Gwen?” Turning back, she found Merlin beside her, the reins to her horse held out as her face warmed at having been caught staring.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She murmured, letting him help her as well as she settled back and drew her cloak around. Another gust of strong wind pushed against the girl, and her eyes shifted to Morgana just as she shuddered. “Didn’t you have a cloak, My Lady?” She asked, urging her horse to step closer as the woman brushed her fingers against her shoulders in surprise.</p>
<p>“Oh. I must have left it back there.” She frowned, turning to look back at the stone marker as Merlin stepped into view.</p>
<p>“I’ll run back for it.” He offered, sprinting away as Arthur brought his own horse up behind the two of them.</p>
<p>“Hurry up! I want to make it back before nightfall!” He called out, heaving a sigh as the servant stumbled in the grass. Gwen’s horse pawed at the ground as the girl’s eyes lifted to the sky again, the color fading fast and giving way to heavier clouds. “It’s going to storm soon.” Arthur observed, bringing the maid’s gaze back to him for a tense moment.</p>
<p>“Got it!’ Merlin shouted, carrying a bundle of fabric in his arms as he returned, stopping beside Morgana’s mare and handing the cloak up to her.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Merlin.” She smiled, beginning to take it from his hands just as her horse shied away from the servant, causing the king’s ward to grab for the reins and drop the cloak. “Why are the horses so skittish today?” She complained, one hand falling to her mare’s neck in a soothing manner as Merlin knelt for the cloak.</p>
<p>Gwen’s eyes followed his movements, shuddering against another brisk wind that pulled at her hair. Merlin’s fingers grabbed the mound of fallen fabric, and as he did there was movement in the grass, catching the maid’s attention as a snake slithered away and darted between the horse’s legs.</p>
<p>Morgana’s mare let out a snort and lowered its head, stepping backwards abruptly while large eyes followed the movement. “Careful, Morgana!” Arthur warned, pulling his own horse back to keep it from colliding with hers.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” The woman shook her head, gripping the reins tighter while Merlin stood.</p>
<p>The cloak was draped over his arm and he took a small step closer, lifting a hand to the side of the mare’s neck. “It might be the storm. The sooner we get back the better.” He spoke softly, his voice purposely low in an effort to keep the horse calm as he slowly passed Morgana her cloak once again.</p>
<p>He’d only just taken a step back when the woman’s horse let out a heavy grunt and the king’s ward tightened her hold as the animal began to stomp at the ground. A sound of surprise escaped the woman as she held on, her knuckles white around the reins as Merlin reached for the bridle.</p>
<p>“Morgana!” Arthur voiced another warning, reaching out to her as a clap of thunder shook the ground.</p>
<p>Letting out a shrill noise, the woman’s horse lifted up, rearing back as Morgana screamed. Gwen’s mare stumbled to the side, and the maid’s eyes widened in fear at the events that unfolded in front of her.</p>
<p>Arthur had surged forward, his arm shooting out and grabbing Morgana’s as she slid back, losing her hold and falling as the prince pulled her onto his own steed. The woman’s horse pulled away and reared again as he caught her, it’s front legs kicking out and knocking against Merlin’s chest as the boy tried to back away, sending the servant sprawling to the ground.</p>
<p>“Merlin! Move!” Gwen cried out, her breath caught in her throat as she leaned forward, watching as he fell hard and tried to scoot out of the way.</p>
<p>Time seemed to slow, and Merlin wasn’t moving fast enough. The heels of his boots dug into the ground and the palms of his hands shoved himself back, but as the horse came back down its hoof connected with the boy’s leg.</p>
<p>An outcry of pain left Merlin in an agonized scream, and Gwen’s head jerked away, tears gathering in her eyes. When she looked back, the boy’s hands were around his leg, and she felt sick at the sight of the blood smeared across his palms.</p>
<p>Another crackle of thunder boomed, and a streak of lightening lit up the sky. The sound was the last straw, and the mare was bolting. Merlin held up his arms in an attempt to shield himself, but as the horse fled, its leg struck the fallen servant, kicking into his side and shoving the boy across the ground.</p>
<p>The force sent Merlin rolling, landing near Gwen’s own horse as the animal shied away, letting out a snort of surprise. It all happened in seconds, and one more passed in horrified silence as the maid stared down at her now motionless friend, as if the world were waiting for him to speak. Only his voice was not the one to break the spell.</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Arthur was running towards him, and everything began sharpening into focus.</p>
<p>The wind had picked up, carrying the scent of dirt and rain and something metallic. Gwen’s hands shook as she climbed off her horse and dropped to the ground, falling only inches away from where the boy lay.</p>
<p>“Merlin?” She whispered, sinking to her knees and feeling the hard earth beneath her as a streak of crimson caught her eye. Merlin was on his side, with one arm against his ribs and his head turned towards the ground. He had yet to move, but his chest rose and fell with breath, and Gwen took solace in that.</p>
<p>“Merlin, can you hear me?” Arthur was on his other side, and as his hand fell to Merlin’s shoulder, a short breath shuddered out.</p>
<p>Pressing his lips together into a thin, tight line, Arthur gently rolled the boy over, drawing a groan out of the servant. Merlin’s eyes were shut as he lay on his back, and Gwen gasped, covering her mouth as she stared down at her friend.</p>
<p>A large cut had opened up right above the boy’s left eye, blood and dirt smeared across his forehead and down his cheek, with fresh drops rising to the surface. His tunic had pulled up when he rolled, and a small amount of blood had gathered at his hip as well, seeping into his clothes and sticking to his skin. But the worst, by far, was his leg. The limb was obviously damaged where the horse had first struck him, the trousers torn and revealing a mess of dark blood and already bruising skin.</p>
<p>“Merlin?” She called again, the name a plea as she reached out a hand that carefully cupped the boy’s cheek. Merlin’s eyes fluttered open briefly at her voice, only to fall shut right after, a tremor running through him. “There’s a lot of blood.” She murmured, fearful eyes looking to prince who had yet to move again, instead kneeling beside his servant as he looked him over.</p>
<p>“It’s not as bad as it looks.” He finally spoke, meeting her eye with a tense frown. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but his leg is the worst of it.” His voice was calm, his words attempting to soothe the girl next to him, but his eyes betrayed him. Worry was alight in them, in the way they kept looking him over.</p>
<p>A quiet groan sounded before Gwen could answer, and Merlin’s eyes flickered open again. “Merlin?” Arthur questioned, leaning closer and waving a hand over him. “Can you hear me?”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately..” The boy mumbled, his eyes sliding shut again as his hand weakly reached for his leg. “It’s broken.. my leg..” He wheezed out, the words woven with pain as he grimaced.</p>
<p>“I noticed.” Arthur commented evenly, a hint of teasing to his words that left Gwen staring. “Anything else? You were kicked fairly hard.”</p>
<p>“Not sure..” The boy shook his head before thinking better of it, groaning again as the girl took his hand and held onto it. “It’s hard to breathe.. lot of pain..” Tilting his head towards the blond, Merlin opened his eyes again and tried to focus on him. “I’m sorry, Arthur.. I didn’t see it rearing.. not until it was too late.. I was trying to help..”</p>
<p>“Stop.” The man interrupted, the boy’s words straining with effort as another shudder ran through him. “You can apologize later once we’re back. Once I figure out how to get you back..” Trailing off, Arthur sighed, blue hues glancing to Gwen before looking away just as quickly. “Come on. Let’s see if we can get you up.” The prince decided as another roll of thunder rumbled overhead.</p>
<p>Arthur grabbed ahold of one of Merlin’s arms while Gwen took the other and felt the boy tense. They’d only just started to move him when the servant cried out, his arm slipping free from the prince’s grasp as he sucked in a hard breath and squeezed his eyes shut tight.</p>
<p>“No, no. I’m gonna.. I’m gonna stay here..” Merlin groaned through clenched teeth as Arthur frowned above him.</p>
<p>“You can’t stay here, Merlin. You’re bleeding and it’s going to storm soon.” As if on cue, lightning shot through the sky in a brilliant flash of light while a gust of wind blew through the trees above them and sent leaves scattering to the ground.</p>
<p>“Just leave me..”</p>
<p>“Not an option. Gaius will blame me if I don’t bring you back.” Arthur shook his head even though the boy’s eyes were still firmly shut.</p>
<p>“No he won’t.. you’re the prince. Just tell him.. tell him I made you angry and I’ll find my way later. It’s not.. it’s not like it will be the first time.” At his words, Gwen looked up and found a near guilty expression on the man’s face before he sighed.</p>
<p>“You might want to cover your ears.” He said softly, meeting the girl’s stare for the briefest moment before he was standing. Stepping over the boy, Arthur placed a foot on either side of his legs and bent over, grabbing hold of his servant’s wrists.</p>
<p>“What are you—<em>Ah</em>!” As the prince pulled him into a sitting position, Merlin’s shout was loud enough to make the girl wince as she slipped around and steadied him from behind. One of his arms curled tight around his chest and Merlin leaned over another inch, a drop of blood rolling down the side of his face and lingering on his chin. “<em>Why</em>?” He wheezed, short, sharp breaths leaving him with such force that his whole body trembled.</p>
<p>“You needed to get up. You’re welcome.” Arthur muttered, turning and beckoning to one of the knights who had drawn closer. “Help me get him on his horse.” He commanded, kneeling once more beside the boy and slipping his arm around his back, easing his weight against him as Gwen pulled away.</p>
<p>Standing to her feet and moving back to give the knight room, the maid looked up at where Morgana still sat on the prince’s horse. Her cloak was still clutched tightly in hand, while wide, fearful eyes watched over the three of them. She hadn’t spoken a word the whole time, and as Gwen stepped closer to her, she reached up and grabbed hold of her hand.</p>
<p>“Is he going to be alright?” Morgana asked softly, her hand shaking as the girl gave it a comforting squeeze.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” She answered, daring a glance over at where the knight and Arthur had pulled their friend up the rest of the way. The prince’s arm was looped around the boy’s waist, and Merlin’s arm was hanging around the man’s shoulders as the blond said something to him that she couldn’t hear.</p>
<p>“They’re bickering the same as always, and Arthur said that it looks worse than it is.” She said that, but even so, Merlin had grown paler once he was standing, and the men on either side of him was the only reason he was not crumpled on the ground.</p>
<p>As the knights helped the injured servant to get on his horse, Gwen turned away. She couldn’t watch the struggle, could barely bear to hear the noises he made out of pain from the necessary movements. But as her eyes drifted she could not look away from the blood on the ground, or the trails in the dirt from his dragging leg, nor could she forget the sound of the horse trampling on him with its heavy hooves.</p>
<p>It was several minutes later before Arthur came over to them, time that had allowed the sky to grow impossibly darker. He dragged his hands along his trousers as he neared, but streaks of crimson remained, only spreading to the fabric and staining it as it did his palms.</p>
<p>Finally looking back, Gwen spotted Merlin sitting completely frozen on his horse, his hands so tight around the bridle that his knuckles were white. His leg hung limp and awkward against the animal’s side, and she could see the strain he felt from trying to remain upright.</p>
<p>“We need to go. It’s going to start raining any minute.” Arthur urged, but Gwen could hear the words of worry underneath. <em>“We need to go. He won’t be able to ride for long.”</em> He never voiced his worries, he never spoke of his concerns, but Gwen had seen a side of him most others hadn’t, and his eyes gave away more than his words ever did.</p>
<p>She followed the prince quietly back to her horse, barely even looking at him as she mounted, and only watched as he walked away to climb on with Morgana. Another gust of wind pushed through the trees, making the limbs and the leaves rustle from the force as the horses moved restlessly again, falling into line as they finally made their way home. A drop of water hit Gwen’s hand as they rode, and as the maid’s eyes lifted to the sky, she murmured a silent prayer towards the safety of her friend.</p>
<p>They hadn’t gone far when Arthur’s voice from behind brought them to a stop, and as the girl began to turn, she found the man climbing off his steed yet again. Jogging to the front where the two knights rode, the prince stopped and spoke quietly to them as Gwen and Morgana exchanged a glance.</p>
<p>Looking past the king’s ward at where Merlin had been riding, she winced at the way the boy had collapsed entirely against the mane of his horse. His body was limp, the reins had slipped from his hand, and dread washed over the girl. Her attention was drawn away only when Arthur passed by, walking straight by his own horse and stopping beside Merlin’s.</p>
<p>“The knights will take you both the rest of the way.” Arthur declared, answering the unasked question as the wind picked up and a light rain began to mist over them.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Morgana asked, her voice loud against the noise of the growing storm.</p>
<p>“Getting Merlin back is going to take time. Moving him was necessary, but it made him worse. Riding is doing the same.”</p>
<p>“We’ll stay with you then.” The woman spoke firmly while Gwen’s head nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“No, Morgana.” Arthur frowned, a sense of authority held within his words as he looked between the two of them. “With the storm and night coming, it’s better that you and Guinevere return. We won’t be far behind, but it will take too long to stay together and there’s no point in either of you being out in this as it grows worse.”</p>
<p>Lightening flashed through the sky again, lighting up the boy and making him seem smaller, his slouched form covered in dirt and blood. “But—”</p>
<p>“This isn’t up for discussion.” Arthur snapped, his voice loud, though the crack of lightning that struck seconds later was louder. With a wave of his hand the knights urged them on, and Gwen could feel Morgana’s anger beside her.</p>
<p>“I hate when he does that.” The woman muttered, reluctantly guiding the horse forward.</p>
<p>“He’s right though,” Gwen murmured, biting down hard on her lip. “Merlin didn’t look well.” The admittance only made her heart beat fast with worry while Morgana nodded.</p>
<p>“I know. But Gaius will help him. I know he will.” There was no reassurance in her words despite how adamantly she said them, and it was Gwen’s turn to nod.</p>
<p>Looking over her shoulder as they rounded a turn, Gwen watched as the prince swung onto the horse behind his servant and caught the boy before he could fall, the two disappearing from view and leaving the girl with another prayer dancing on her lips.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Arthur was soaking wet. It was dark, he was tired, and his stomach had been protesting for the better part of an hour due to missing his evening meal. But still he trudged on, because if he didn’t then Merlin wouldn’t make it back.</p>
<p>Squinting through the heavy rain, the courtyard finally came into view and Arthur uselessly wiped at the water that streamed down his face. It hadn’t taken long for the others to get ahead of them, and in the beginning Arthur hadn’t cared.</p>
<p>The rain wasn’t heavy, and if they went slow they’d be fine. But Merlin had gone downhill quickly, and the rain had turned into a downpour, and the prince had begun to wonder if they’d make it back at all. Between the darkness and the rain, they’d been forced to go slow—the mud and extra weight on the horse from the both of them making the trek back a dangerous one.</p>
<p>Looking down again at the boy hunched over in front of him, Arthur pulled his hand from his back and dropped it to his side. He hadn’t moved once since he’d collapsed against the horse, but he’d fallen silent some time ago, and for Merlin that was as bad a sign as any.</p>
<p>It never seemed to fail; the boy was an accident waiting to happen. Even if they were doing the safest thing in the world, he was clumsy enough to find a way to get hurt. Although this time around, he supposed the fault didn’t lie on any of them. It was simply the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, only Merlin would manage to be nearly trampled to death by a horse.</p>
<p>Slowing as they neared the stables; a shout rang out to one of the guards and the man was disappearing inside as the prince came to a stop. Letting one of the stable hands take the reins, he waited until the guard from before returned, along with his two knights who had arrived earlier.</p>
<p>“We need to get him to Gaius. Now.” He instructed, lowering himself down as they neared.</p>
<p>“We came prepared.” One of his knights stated, stepping to the side and revealing a stretcher that the two men carried.</p>
<p>Nodding once, the prince’s hair was plastered against his face as he reached for his servant, grabbing hold of his arm and starting to pull him down. Setting the stretcher on the ground, the knights moved to help him, easing the boy off the horse and onto the material that was pulled across the two poles. A noise of discomfort sounded from his servant as he was set down, and Arthur stayed behind him as the knights took either end.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for them to make their way to the physician’s chambers, but trails of water followed behind each man, every one of them now soaked to the bone. Gaius didn’t seem surprised to see them when they stepped inside, instead merely gesturing towards the patient’s cot as the elder caught Arthur’s eye.</p>
<p>“Morgana told me what happened.” The physician explained, stepping closer as the knights lowered the stretcher to the ground and eased Merlin onto the cot.</p>
<p>“Can’t take him anywhere.” Arthur complained, though he lacked any true irritation that his words claimed as he scraped his hair back and felt water dripping down his neck.</p>
<p>“No, it seems you cannot.” The elder agreed, worry lining his face as the knights moved away.</p>
<p>“He’s resilient at least.” One of the men nearly laughed, dark eyes meeting Arthur’s for a moment before the knight tipped his head in a small bow.</p>
<p>“He’s an idiot.” The blond muttered in response, listening to the two men leave the room as he stepped closer to Gaius.</p>
<p>Merlin had yet to open his eyes, but he had shifted since being brought in, and his face was pinched in pain. “How did you manage this, my boy?” Gaius murmured, sitting beside his ward as water trailed from his hair and down the side of his face, seeping into the blanket below. Despite the hinderances the rain had caused, it helped in cleaning the blood from his face, making Merlin look less gruesome than he had.</p>
<p>Small, wheezing breaths shuddered out of the boy, each followed by a face twisting in pain. “Guess I.. I looked like the snake.. it was trying to stomp..” Merlin’s weak mumble was barely audible, but the attempt at a joke remained, and the side of Arthur’s mouth quirked up.</p>
<p>“You managed to escape Hengist’s Castle without a scratch,” He scoffed, standing to the side while Gaius brushed back the boy’s hair to inspect the cut above his eye. “Yet a horse is what does you in.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes fluttered open then, blinking and squinting at the ceiling before his head turned and tired eyes met the prince’s. “Rather a horse.. than a Wilddeoren..” He muttered back, his lip curving into the smallest smirk as Arthur snorted and glanced away.</p>
<p>“Don’t move, Merlin.” Gaius tutted, the soft scolding a familiar sound. “It’s a good thing that cut wasn’t any deeper.” He commented evenly, turning away from the wound as Arthur stepped closer.</p>
<p>“Well, your thick head has a use after all.” The retort brought a grimace to Merlin’s face, and the boy’s eyes fell shut again as the physician leaned over his leg.</p>
<p>“Quite the mess over here, I’m afraid. Though I suppose we should be lucky it wasn’t any worse.”</p>
<p>“No..” The boy mumbled, his fingers curling into the blanket beneath him as Gaius pulled at his torn trousers. “..got my side.. too..”</p>
<p>Turning his head, the physician’s brows pulled together while he moved over, grasping the edge of the boy’s soaked tunic and lifting it. A grimace overtook the prince’s face at the array of discolored skin painted over the boy’s side and chest.</p>
<p>A few scratches that had been opened and bled cut across his ribcage and darkened the injury more, and as Gaius lifted the tunic higher, Merlin let out a quiet hiss. Probing gently at his chest, the hiss turned into another groan as the elder finally let go of the tunic and pulled away.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe they are broken, but you most certainly have a cracked rib, if not two. You’re lucky the injury wasn’t worsened while riding back.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to stay..” The boy grumbled, glancing at the blond with a grimace. “Arthur wouldn’t let me.”</p>
<p>“Had I known you would complain this much I would have.” The man shot back.</p>
<p>“Do I even want to ask?” Gaius questioned, looking between the two like a weary parent as both boys glanced away.</p>
<p>“Probably not.” The servant wheezed.</p>
<p>Turning back around as the physician moved to the boy’s leg, morbid curiosity had Arthur watching while the elder began again to tear away the wet fabric. Both men simultaneously made a face at the mess of blood and dirt and swollen skin that stood out against the boy’s pale leg. Gaius had only just touched the limb when Merlin’s back arched, and his fingers dug into the cot beneath him.</p>
<p>“Experiencing some pain, I see.” The physician murmured, eyeing his ward while Merlin looked at him through squinted eyes.</p>
<p>“Just a little.” He ground out through clenched teeth, sinking back and staring up at the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Did you hear it break?” Gaius inquired, pulling his hands away as the boy closed his eyes again and nodded.</p>
<p>“Felt it through my whole body.” He whispered, and Arthur looked away.</p>
<p>“With all the movement it only made it worse. I’m going to have to set it.”</p>
<p>“Is that supposed to be as bad as it sounds?” Merlin asked, the smallest whimper folding into the words as his head turned and he looked up at Arthur.</p>
<p>Following his ward’s gaze, Gaius looked back at the prince as well and rose. “I’m grateful for you bringing him back, Sire. But I’m afraid the next few minutes will be quite unpleasant.”</p>
<p>Taking the hint, Arthur looked back at the boy’s wide, fearful eyes that were darting between the two of them. Reaching out and patting Merlin’s shoulder carefully, he spoke a quiet “Good luck.” before leaving the room, pulling the door shut on the two of them talking.</p>
<p>The prince had only made it down four of the steps before Merlin’s scream echoed out of the room behind him. Flinching at the noise—and the sudden silence that followed—Arthur hurried the rest of the way to his chambers, desperate for dry clothes and to try and rid the long day from his mind.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It was several hours later when Arthur woke feeling disoriented and heavy. Sitting up, the prince looked around his darkened room in confusion before shifting his gaze to the window. He’d woken sprawled across his bed, fully clothed, and with his fire dying out.</p>
<p>His curtains were still open, but he could not gauge the time with the way the rain beat against the glass. It could be the middle of the night, or early morning, and Arthur was surprised that no one had come to find him.</p>
<p>Rubbing at his eyes and yawning, the blond pushed himself up and stretched before stopping in the middle of his floor. Sitting on the table was a covered tray of food with a note beside it. Picking up the parchment and turning it over, he studied the writing that matched perfectly to Morgana’s.</p>
<p>Her swooping scrawl spoke of not wanting to disturb him after finding him asleep, and how she had requested one of the servant’s leave food for him for once he woke. She thanked him for going with her that day and apologized for the trouble put on him and the pain that had been brought upon Merlin.</p>
<p>Dropping the note on the table and lifting the tray, his stomach ached at the sight of the large variety of food that had been brought to him. Sitting down and digging in, Arthur regarded the message while he ate.</p>
<p>He knew Morgana felt at blame, misguided though it was. He’d heard the quiet gasp that left her the first time Merlin had been knocked down, and he’d seen her fear when he’d been trampled. Wincing at the thought, Arthur’s hand paused halfway to his mouth, a half-eaten piece of bread still in hand as he leaned back and looked to the window, listening to rain pelt at the glass.</p>
<p>Had she been to see Merlin since they’d gotten back? Was she sitting with him and pestering Gaius with questions? Closing his eyes with a sigh, another question came to mind, though it had nothing to do with Morgana.</p>
<p>
  <em>How was he doing?</em>
</p>
<p>The echo of Merlin’s scream was still in his mind, as was the way he’d clung to his leg. The fear that filled his face and the agony that broke his voice. He’d known men to be injured in battle, to have their legs twisted under them and crushed beneath a weight they could not fight. Many of those men had died, and even more had been left with a sign of their injury. Would Merlin be like them? Would he carry a limp wherever he went?</p>
<p>Thunder rolled in the distance and Arthur was dropping his bread, his appetite suddenly lost. Scooting away from the table and placing the cover back on his tray, the prince stalked towards his door and left his room.</p>
<p>The halls were empty aside from the patrolling guards, and Arthur decided it had to still be late in the evening as he climbed the stairs to the physician’s chambers. The door was open a fraction when he arrived, and Arthur poked his head inside.</p>
<p>The fire was dying out just as his had been, and the room was covered in dark, looming shadows. A lone figure sat beside Merlin, and the curls that fell down their shoulders had the man’s breath catching. He’d expected Gaius, though he would not have been surprised to see Morgana. But he hadn’t anticipated seeing Gwen. The girl had yet to see or hear the prince however, and Arthur shifted quietly in the doorway to try and get a better look at where his servant lay without alerting her to his presence.</p>
<p>The cut above Merlin’s eye had been cleaned and treated, though he wasn’t sure if it was the shadows or the injury itself that made the skin around his eye appear swollen and bruised. His tunic, having since dried out, was thrown over one of the physician’s stools, and the top half of Merlin’s chest was wrapped tight in bandages. The boy’s right leg was also wrapped, from the base of his knee down to his foot, and a splint the prince rarely saw used had been applied to keep the limb straight and still.</p>
<p>He seemed well enough, though his breathing was shallow, and a cloth lay across his forehead. Either way, the prince was satisfied, and he’d just began to back out the door when he heard the chair beside the cot shift.</p>
<p>Glancing up, Arthur found the maid turned towards him while wide, brown eyes met his own. Neither of them spoke, and the prince briefly considered turning and leaving. Instead, the man straightened, pretending as though he hadn’t been caught sneaking out the door.</p>
<p>“Gaius had to tend to an illness and asked for me to stay.” Gwen finally spoke, her soft voice drawing him closer as the prince nodded once.</p>
<p>“How is he?” Making a vague gesture towards his servant, he kept his eyes on the girl as Gwen looked to the boy.</p>
<p>“Gaius thinks he’ll be alright.” She murmured, a hand readjusting the cloth against the boy’s skin before they were folded once more in her lap. “He’s started to spike a fever, and he won’t be able to get around for some time, but he believes he’ll recover.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure Morgana will be relieved to hear that.” He offered, matching his volume to hers as their whispers floated around the room.</p>
<p>“She has been by twice already.” The maid barely smiled, and Arthur was struck by the realization that he hadn’t seen it in days.</p>
<p>Silence lingered heavily between them after that, but the prince hardly cared. Being around her hadn’t been easy, not since he’d rescued her from Hengist’s Castle. He wasn’t a fool. It had been plain to see how she’d felt for Lancelot. How their fingers had been entwined, how she looked at him with softened eyes.</p>
<p>It was his own fault. He hadn’t known what he expected—though Merlin’s talk of her waiting for him had certainly raised his hopes. But seeing her now was strange. It was as if they didn’t know how to be around one another anymore. And it hurt.</p>
<p>“Gaius should be back soon,” Gwen’s voice broke through the silence as the man blinked, meeting her gaze when she turned to look at him. “If you wish to stay.”</p>
<p>Arthur was nodding before he could stop himself, agreeing too quickly to her offer as he took a step closer. They were not meant to be together. That was the truth, and while it hurt, it was a fact he was working to accept. But that didn’t mean they had to keep such tension between them. She had extended a branch, and he would be an even bigger fool not to take it. He had not planned to sit by Merlin’s bedside, but if Gwen were there, he would stay for hours.</p>
<p>Taking another step nearer, there was little space separating them now, and Arthur was feeling lighter than before. But then she moved. She stood, she brushed out her skirts, and she spoke. “I ought to check on Morgana.”</p>
<p>Arthur stared, turning to follow her with his eyes as she walked to the door. The weight he’d thought he’d lost came crashing back, all of the light turning to wavering shadows as he watched her walk away. “Guinevere.” He called, his voice a desperate plea in the night as she stopped, turning only a fraction to meet his gaze.</p>
<p>There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to share, but none of the words would come. How he longed for the days to go back, for the minutes and the hours to reverse until they were back in her home and she was standing before him.</p>
<p>Would he still have kissed her? Would he still have opened that door, still allowed those feelings to surface? Of course he would. Because she was different. She saw him in a way no one else did, and as much as it hurt, he’d cherished that moment alone with her.</p>
<p>All at once every bit of longing slipped away, giving way to reality and breaking the spell of a dream that neither could indulge—that one had no desire to. Gwen’s eyes still held his, but Arthur finally looked away, keeping his mouth shut and forcing away every aching thought.</p>
<p>He didn’t have to look again to know she’d left, only hearing the door close softly and feeling her absence as strongly as ever. He’d foolishly gotten his hopes up yet again. What was he doing? What had he even been thinking?</p>
<p>One day, perhaps. One day it might change. One day he would be free to court anyone he wished, he would be free to love without the weight of his father’s judgement. But with Gwen it was too late. Her heart was no longer his, and he was a fool for thinking it could be.</p>
<p>Falling into the chair that still carried a trace of the woman’s warmth, Arthur dropped his head into his hands and released a heaving breath.</p>
<p>“Gaius?” Looking up at the mumbled name, the prince watched as his servant shifted, his head turning towards him and tired blue hues finding the man in confusion. “..Arthur?” Merlin whispered, his words slurred with sleep.</p>
<p>“Go back to sleep, Merlin.” Arthur instructed, not in the mood to speak as the boy blinked slowly and looked behind where he sat.</p>
<p>“Where’s Gwen?” He asked, wincing while he spoke as if each word hurt.</p>
<p>“She left.” The prince muttered, his tone harsher than he intended as his servant’s eyes flickered back to him, more alert than before.</p>
<p>“Did you talk?”</p>
<p>“Talk?” Arthur scoffed, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest while he forced his face to turn neutral. “Why would we talk?”</p>
<p>Merlin didn’t answer at first, only blinking again before a hand slid out from beneath the blanket that covered him and rubbed at his eyes. His heavy movements and tired speech were indicative to one of Gaius’ stronger draughts, and several moments passed before the boy spoke again.</p>
<p>“You still care for her.” The words were soft, cautious, and Arthur stared at him with a mild amount of wonder. Even in a half asleep, pain filled haze, the boy was still making a conscious effort to be sure no one heard him. And despite his somber mood, the prince almost smiled at that.</p>
<p>“Yes, well. She doesn’t care for me. Not in that way.” The boy’s mouth opened again, but before he could form any words the blond was waving him off. “Go back to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Arthur?”</p>
<p>“What?” He demanded as his servant stared up at him with a far too innocent smile.</p>
<p>“Want to talk about your feelings now?”</p>
<p>The short bout of laughter that left Arthur was unexpected but worked to ease the tension that had built in his chest. Merlin grinned at him with a sleepy smile, and the prince straightened in his seat before forcing a glare.</p>
<p>“You should be quiet,” He muttered, his voice more teasing than threatening. “Unless you want your other leg broken as well.”</p>
<p>Smiling wider, Merlin’s eyes closed as a short laugh of his own tumbled out. “You wouldn’t dare.” He mumbled, his head sinking back into the pillow.</p>
<p>“Oh, and why wouldn’t I?” Smirking, Arthur leaned back and stretched his arms out, intertwining his fingers behind his head as Merlin’s smile dipped.</p>
<p>“It would be even longer before I came back.” His words had turned softer, barely above a whisper, and the blond was rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yes, well. I always knew you were lazy beyond belief.” He uttered, staring down at the boy as his breathing slowed with newfound sleep.</p>
<p>Dropping his arms and leaning forward against his knees, Arthur stared at Merlin for a few moments longer before letting his gaze fall to the ground. Despite the joke, Merlin had to know as well as he of Guinevere’s feelings towards the man who had once been one of his knights. And even though Lancelot left, those feelings remained.</p>
<p>Squeezing his eyes shut and dragging his fingers through his hair, Arthur glanced back to Merlin’s resting form and found himself wishing for a strong draught of his own. Anything to help ease the pain that he could not escape.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>Listen. I love Arthur and Gwen. I do. And they’re absolutely end game. But Gwen and Lancelot were freaking PRECIOUS in S2E4 and I’m STILL crying over them. So obviously I had to bring the feels into the story.</p>
<p>Also, this is gonna be a three parter because why the heck not. I want some Merlin/Morgana fluff, I want Arthur/Gwen angst, I want another sick fic, and I want our ridiculous warlock trying to move around while people fuss at him. I want it all, so three parts it is.</p>
<p>Hope you guys enjoyed, and if you did I would love to hear from you! Any questions, comments, or reviews! Throw it all at me! I love it and I love you, thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Downpour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin knew it was a dream. The lights were too bright, the colors were too vibrant, and the air was too sweet. It wasn’t unpleasant, it was merely out of place and unreal.</p>
<p>Everywhere he looked, people in the Lower Town were going about their day. No one seemed to pay him any mind. In fact, no one even acknowledged him at all. Merlin felt disconnected. Like he was there, but he wasn’t.</p>
<p>If he paid close attention, it was clear that nothing was as it seemed. He could hear voices in the midst of conversation, and he could see the people milling about and laughing with one another. But nothing fit.</p>
<p>When one person’s mouth would open, as if they were about to speak, there was nothing but silence. And then when it would close, their voice would drift over to him. He felt like the world was a step behind. Or was he the one unable to catch up?</p>
<p>People would walk from one doorway to another just to go back again, some would lift their arms in a jerking manner, and the expressions they all wore were downright unnerving. All of it was overwhelming.</p>
<p>Backing away, Merlin turned and ventured towards the outskirts of the town, desperate to find something that would make sense. He knew it was a dream, but he’d never had one that was so strange.</p>
<p>The buildings grew taller behind him the further he walked, and the ground became muddy beneath his feet. Trees that towered in the forest were alive with the brightest hues he’d ever seen, all the while they looked thin and brittle and dead.</p>
<p>The further he walked to get away, the slower he seemed to go. A crushing weight began to press against his shoulders, and a weariness that appeared out of nowhere had the boy wanting to stop and curl up on the ground where he stood to sleep. It was beyond odd, and that was before reality began to seep in.</p>
<p>It started slow at first, with an ache that sparked through his chest and made the act of breathing more tedious. Then pain sprouted in his calf, and Merlin was forced to adjust how he walked, his right foot dragging through the muck. The ache was nothing more than an inconvenience until it shifted into discomfort, and then transformed into outright agony.</p>
<p>His leg could no longer bear his weight, and his lungs were screaming for air that he could not get enough of. Not without the pain. Unable to continue on, the warlock came to a stop at the edge of the trees and pulled in a short, sharp breath that sent lightening shooting through the side of his chest.</p>
<p>He didn’t think it could get any worse, didn’t think that anything could outweigh the misery he felt from just trying to breathe. Of course, with his luck, he should have known better.</p>
<p>He could see it happening all around him—the color bleeding out of the world. The leaves on the trees that had been the most vibrant shades of green were now beginning to grey, making them look sickly and frail. The grass had curled and darkened before his eyes, as if some invisible force had swept through and burned each blade with the sole purpose of turning them to ash.</p>
<p>The sky had transformed into a murky sea of fog, and when Merlin turned, he found that the buildings behind him were nothing more than shapes overrun by shadows. He knew he was dreaming, but now it had morphed into a nightmare.</p>
<p>He tried to walk, tried to get away from the ruins of his home that were creeping in on him, but even the smallest act was proving impossible. The warlock could barely even lift his hand, let alone his feet, and fear began to claw up his throat.</p>
<p>This was not his world. It had looked similar, and in the beginning it had felt the same, but this version of Camelot was not his home. His world was chaotic and unpredictable, but it was not lifeless and grey. His world was filled with sarcastic comments and entertaining jabs. It was wrapped in friendly hugs, and parental scolding, and the hope for a future without lies.</p>
<p>Merlin knew he had to be dreaming, so why did it all feel so real? Why did his pain bring tears to his eyes and dread into his heart? The colors had faded entirely, and darkness began to sweep mercilessly through the kingdom. Everything he knew and loved, be it his world or not, was being overwhelmed by the darkness, and Merlin was powerless to stop it.</p>
<p>His body began to shake, and his mind begged for him to do something. <em>Anything</em>. But he could not move. He could not hide. The world was disappearing into an abyss of shadows that was steeped in misery and he was <em>nothing</em>. Just a small piece that had been left behind that was soon to be consumed like all the rest.</p>
<p>He couldn’t watch.</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes closed, and he waited for the inevitable. Only the inevitable never came. Instead of silence, he heard voices. Quiet whispers that were soft and familiar, but with words that were just out of reach. He couldn’t discern anything more than a gentle tone, but his fear melted away the longer they spoke.</p>
<p>They brought comfort and warmth, and the feeling of a hand holding onto his arm. He no longer cared about what was happening around him, whether the darkness had devoured the world or if everything had simply gone back to the way it was. All he cared about was the hand holding on tight and grounding him while the murmuring continued around him. The voice was soothing, and with those whispers came a blessed reprieve from the pain.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Merlin woke slowly, his mind a haze of weariness and confusion. Everything was dark, and warm, and tinged with an ache that came from everywhere at once. The sound of rain slowly drifted into his consciousness, as did the soft echo of voices.</p>
<p>Pulling his eyes open, the young warlock stared up at the blurry ceiling of his home. Gradually blinking the sleep from his eyes, Merlin struggled to grasp ahold of a coherent thought, his head feeling jumbled and heavy. Finally, the boy settled on the fact that he was safe. He could see a fire burning in the peripherals of his vision, and the scent of steeping herbs was one that he’d grown familiar with over his time living with Gaius.</p>
<p>His eyes had just begun to close again with that thought when he felt pressure building in his chest. The coughing fit that struck him was abrupt and strong, jerking the boy’s body from the force.</p>
<p>Pain erupted in his chest, and Merlin half sat up in an attempt to draw in air while fire raged through his side. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he barely registered something falling from his head to his lap before he was falling back against the cot in agony.</p>
<p>His throat was raw from the outburst, and a fresh wave of exhaustion swept over him at the effort it had taken out of him. Merlin’s head was swimming, and he squeezed his eyes shut to fight off the nausea that left his stomach rolling. He couldn’t remember when he last ate, but he got the sense that if he wasn’t careful, that meal would make an appearance.</p>
<p>Several moments passed as the warlock waited for his body to relax, and he finally fell into a pattern of short, measured breaths that lessoned the ache of his ribs. When he’d calmed down, Merlin took note of the silence, the voices that had previously been there now quiet.</p>
<p>Prying his eyes open, the boy turned his head and stared at the shadow of a woman standing next to his cot. For a fleeting moment he thought it was his mother, a kind smile appearing out of the darkness and a gentle hand touching his. But then the shadow moved, letting a piece of firelight brighten her face, and Gwen was looking down at him with an expression rife with worry.</p>
<p>A wave of homesickness that he hadn’t been prepared for crashed over the boy, and his eyes slid shut again as the girl’s hand tightened around his wrist. “Merlin?” She urged, and it was only when he begrudgingly opened his eyes again at her insistence that he noticed her sitting beside him with a cup in hand. “You need to drink this. Can you sit up?” Her voice was gentle, concern forming the words and pulling down the corners of her lips.</p>
<p>Barely nodding his head in response, the warlock pushed his arm beneath him and lifted, managing to prop up on his elbow before the pain was too great and prevented him from going further. Gwen leaned closer to meet him, her hand braced against his shoulder while the other brought the cup to his lips.</p>
<p>A flush of embarrassment and a stab of frustration struck Merlin as he drank, hating that he did not have the strength to do it himself. He was grateful to Gwen however, because the moment she pulled away he was falling back, unable to keep his body upright by himself any longer. The water had soothed his throat but had only added to the nausea he felt, his stomach cramping uncomfortably as he dug his fingers into the blanket that covered him.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes against the spinning room that had turned against him, Merlin stayed quiet when he felt the cool of a cloth being smoothed across his forehead. He didn’t want to think about anything, but he didn’t want to sleep either. His dreams were strange, and even in them he hadn’t been able to escape the pain he felt.</p>
<p>“How is he?” Another question, and Merlin recognized the lilt of Morgana’s voice.</p>
<p>“His fever is rising, and I haven’t been able to get him to drink very much. Gaius isn’t back yet either.” Gwen. She sounded worried. He’d done that, had caused the unease that molded her tone.</p>
<p>“Is he still awake?” The question was absurd, because of course he was. Only when he tried to say as much, his mouth refused to cooperate.</p>
<p>“He’s been in and out this whole time, I don’t really know.” A hand was on his arm again, and the touch was cool against his flushed skin. “Has the rain let up any?”</p>
<p>“No. I’ve never seen it storm like this before.” Morgana again, and the concern had changed her voice as well.</p>
<p>Turning his head towards them, the same exhaustion from before begged for sleep, but worry of his own crept in as the hand on his arm drew away. He didn’t want to dream. He didn’t want to be left alone again.</p>
<p>“Let’s go over there. I don’t want to wake him.”</p>
<p><em>Stay.</em> He wanted to say. <em>Please stay.</em></p>
<p>But the sound of their departing footsteps told him that his silent please were useless. Slipping back into the darkness that beckoned him, Merlin drifted off to the symphony of rain and the fading hope of a dreamless sleep.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He didn’t know where he was. Shadows hung over the world and Merlin couldn’t make out anything in the darkness. The ground was solid beneath his feet, but he could feel heat rising up through the soles of his boots. The air was heavy as Merlin stumbled along through an endless night while sweat dripped down his face and neck.</p>
<p>He wandered around aimlessly for what seemed like hours, arms stretched out to feel for what he could, trying to figure out where he was. On he went, one foot in front of the other. On and on and on.</p>
<p>He walked until his clothes stuck to his body, soaked with sweat and rubbing uncomfortably against his skin. There was nothing around him. Only silence and darkness and the scorching heat. He wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but the temperature was steadily rising, and he began to pant with every breath.</p>
<p>Finally, when he was ready to collapse from exhaustion, Merlin’s foot connected with something heavy and hard. Kneeling down and stretching out his hands, the boy’s fingers brushed over what felt like a plank of wood. Dragging the tips over the coarse grain and following it to the edge, Merlin found another plank propped against that.</p>
<p>Moving around in a large circle, the warlock discovered piece after piece stacked together in an odd formation. Some were smaller than others, some thinner, but all of it was wood. Confusion and curiosity had taken over his thoughts, and he was trying to determine what exactly was in front of him when he heard a sound breaking through the silence.</p>
<p>It was familiar, and Merlin froze, listening intently as the noise repeated. It reminded him of rocks clattering together, and the boy’s brows knit in thought as it sounded a third time. That was when he saw it. A spark of light in the midst of the darkness.</p>
<p>Merlin’s hand still rested against the pile of wood, and fear replaced every other thought as he stumbled back. The noise echoed a fourth time, and the world lit up around him. The pile of wood in front of him erupted in flames, faster than he could’ve ever thought possible, and the force of the heat shoved him to the ground.</p>
<p>Shuffling backwards with his hands, Merlin stared in awestruck horror at the massive pyre that burned bright and tall and hungry. The sudden spike of heat burned against the boy’s skin, and the warlock scrambled to get away. As he did, he bumped against a wall, and when he looked behind him his stomach dropped at the sight of more wood piled high.</p>
<p>Jerking away from the second pyre, Merlin looked to his left and right and spotted smaller piles circling around him, each igniting in turn from the first fire until they reached the mountainous stack. Flames had trapped the boy within their circle, and the acrid smoke had begun to choke him as the warlock stayed low to the ground.</p>
<p>Terror kept his adrenaline high as he looked for an escape, but the smoke was gathering fast and clouding the air, making it nearly impossible to see. What had once been an expansive, never ending space had turned into a cell of fire and wood that was determined to either suffocate or burn him before he got free.</p>
<p>The flames were creeping closer, the circle closing in on him, and Merlin coughed against the smoke. His throat was raw, and his vision was swimming, but the warlock climbed to his knees and watched the thick trails of smog linger in the air. He was desperate, and he was scared. His thoughts were clouding, and his eyes were brimming with tears, and he knew he was running out of time. So, he did the one thing that came naturally.</p>
<p>Lifting a hand into the air, he swallowed uselessly and croaked out a single spell. <em><strong>“Tídrénas!”</strong></em></p>
<p>And for a moment the world stilled. The fire sank lower, the smoke thinned, and Merlin nearly smiled with relief. Then everything changed. The flames leapt higher and inched closer while the smoke turned the air grey.</p>
<p>Blinking against the heat, tears fell fast down his cheeks as the boy tried to move away from the fire, his desperation morphing into despair. He could barely move, managing only to shuffle back a few paces before he was sinking to the ground. The flames were close enough that he could feel the embers sticking to his clothes and burning small holes through them, and even his tears had dried against his flush skin.</p>
<p>For the first time in a long time, Merlin was overwhelmed with the sense of being completely alone. The air became toxic, and he choked trying to breathe it in, and a piece of the warlock prayed that if this was his end, that it would come before the fire reached him.</p>
<p>His eyes slid shut and he collapsed to the floor, feeling the same scorching heat beneath him as he did everywhere else. The flames reached for his boots, and it was growing unbearable, pain enveloping him as a hoarse scream rang out, bringing with it the taste of smoke and blood. He squeezed his eyes tightly together as the promise of unconsciousness crept in, and for once, Merlin welcomed it with open arms.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He came around to a clap of thunder that shook the whole room. Or perhaps he was the one who was shaking. Heavy breaths dragged out of the warlock despite the stabbing pain in his chest, and Merlin was leaning over the cot before he could think better of it. Be it foresight on Gaius’ part, or just insane luck, a bucket was lying beside him, and the boy was shoving himself over it just as he began to heave.</p>
<p>Nothing but a meager amount of water came out, and Merlin’s stomach cramped as he continued to be sick, the sound of empty retching agony to his ears that was only outweighed by the searing pain of his ribs.</p>
<p>Slumping back onto the cot when he was finished, the boy’s head was swimming, and every inch of his body ached and burned. In fact, the burning was bothering him more than the pain. His whole body was hot, and as his vision began to clear, he was acutely aware of the heavy blanket draped over him that was just making it worse.</p>
<p>Starting to push the fabric away, a sense of claustrophobia hit him, and he was frantically trying to free himself from the confines of the material. He was panting and tired by the time he’d shoved it to the floor, and he looked around him for water that promised a cool relief. His throat was begging for it, and when he attempted to call out for Gaius, he could not even manage a single word.</p>
<p>Heaving in a breath, Merlin pushed his arms beneath him and shoved his body up, pain striking through him at the movement but allowing him to see the rest of the room. It was evident immediately that something wasn’t right.</p>
<p>For a moment he wondered if he was still dreaming, if he’d lost the ability to tell what was real and what wasn’t. For a moment he hoped he still was because that would mean he was not as alone in reality as he had been in sleep.</p>
<p>The main room of the physician’s chambers was dark, and the fire long since dead. Straining to listen against the rain that pelted the windows, his home seemed hollow and empty, and he knew there wasn’t another soul around. It wasn’t like Gaius to leave the room dark unless he was sleeping. The man always had some form of herbs brewing, or dinner stewing, or tea steeping. To have emptiness and silence surrounding him now was disconcerting.</p>
<p>He had to wonder if something had happened or if a dire illness had drawn his guardian away. Whatever it is was, Merlin was useless to help, an annoying realization that was brought prominently to mind the moment he tried to move his leg.</p>
<p>The limb was bound tight, with a brace firmly in place. It was propped on a pillow, and there was only a dull ache that resided in it so long as he kept it still. His chest however was another story. His ribs had been securely wrapped, and the bandages circled a large portion of his chest. His tunic was missing, and his trousers were in ruins from where Gaius had cut them away, but those were details to worry about later.</p>
<p>For now, the ache in his leg spiked with his movement, and Merlin scowled at the limb in offense. It felt like a betrayal, and as soon as he found water, he planned to rectify it. Looking around the room again, the boy spotted a pitcher of water on one of Gaius’ tables near the door. It was frustratingly far away, but once he’d caught sight of it, his throat craved it even more.</p>
<p>Lifting his uninjured leg and lowering it to the ground, Merlin pushed himself up with shaking arms. Gritting his teeth, the warlock pulled his right leg off the pillow and down onto the cot itself. Pinpricks of pain raced through the limb, but the need for water outweighed his thoughts that screamed for him to stop.</p>
<p>With a final move, he swung his leg to the ground and let out a groan as his foot hit the floor. The regret was immediate, and those few small actions had left the boy winded, but it was too late to go back now.</p>
<p>Pushing himself up with more effort than it should have taken, Merlin finally stood from his cot, only to have the room sway around him. The tables turned on their sides, the floor had completely shifted, and the warlock was falling.</p>
<p>His hands flew out in an attempt to brace himself and managed to grab hold of a nearby stool, catching himself moments before he would have landed face first on the ground. Dizziness overwhelmed him, and he could feel the heat coming off his body as he stared across the room at where the water sat.</p>
<p>Shadows swarmed the edges of his vision, and what he could manage to still make out was distorted and spinning, but still he pushed himself on. Moving from stool to table, and table to bench, the warlock could see his goal getting closer.</p>
<p>Staggering forward another step, his hand slid across the surface of the table he balanced against and knocked into something heavy, hearing it clatter to the ground and roll away. He’d managed to create a trail in his wake that Gaius was sure to disapprove of, but the only thing that Merlin could focus on was taking a drink and cooling off.</p>
<p>He felt like he was back in that darkness, about to be burned. Everything was too warm, as if he were just moments away from catching on fire. Pushing himself off of the table and reaching for the one across from him, Merlin stretched out a hand and caught hold of the handle of the pitcher.</p>
<p>He felt proud.</p>
<p>Victorious.</p>
<p>Stupid.</p>
<p>In his haste to grab it, he’d forgotten about his leg. As he shifted back to brace himself, his right leg gave out and the boy, the pitcher, and the water went down together. The pitcher slammed against the edge of the table as he fell and the dish shattered, pieces of pottery smashing to the floor while Merlin’s elbows hit the ground.</p>
<p>Something sharp cut into his arm as he fell, but the pain was outweighed by the relief of water splashing over him. It wasn’t the outcome he’d hoped for, but it was better than it had been.</p>
<p>The room spun above him as he lay sprawled by the table, and as his eyes fell shut he found himself thinking about his mother again. When he was young and would fall ill, she used to hold him. She would brush away his messy hair and she would tell him stories to pass the long nights when he couldn’t sleep from the chills and the fevers.</p>
<p>Gentle fingers would curl into his, and her voice would carry him away as she wove tales of a world bettered by magic. A world where magic was revered and cherished and used for good. Merlin wanted to hear those stories again. He wanted to hear them more than anything in the world. But all he could hear was the rain.</p>
<p>Heavy drops that splattered against the glass with so much force he wondered if the panes would hold. Lightening streaked across the sky, and for the briefest moment light shined through his closed eyes. Thunder boomed close by and the sound was loud, reverberating through his head.</p>
<p>Merlin used to love rainstorms. He and Will would go out after their chores and splash in the puddles. They would run and play in the forest and behind the buildings. Their mothers would get so frustrated when they returned, seeing their clothes covered in mud and their tiny forms soaked to the bone.</p>
<p>The adventures they had were always worth it though. The knights they pretended to be, the monsters they imagined they fought. Even before Will knew about his magic, they’d been best friends. Merlin missed him. He missed his mother, and a piece of him missed Ealdor.</p>
<p>He wondered if the kids in the village still played in the rain. If they splashed around and looked up at the sky to feel the rain on their faces. He could feel the rain. It dripped on his face and rolled down his cheek. It was pleasant and cool. And very out of place.</p>
<p>In the back of his mind, past the memories, and the aches, and the homesickness, Merlin knew something was different. Hadn’t he been indoors? How had the rain gotten inside? How could—</p>
<p>“Merlin.” Arthur. That was Arthur’s voice. What was the prince doing outside in the rain with him? “What the hell were you trying to do? Why are you lying on the floor?” He sounded annoyed. Not that that was different from any other day, but that didn’t explain the rain that was still falling on his face. “Wake up, you idiot.” A hand began to shake his arm, and Merlin struggled to open his eyes.</p>
<p>After several tries he managed to crack them open and found the prince hovering over him. Suddenly the rain he’d felt made much more sense. The water was coming from Arthur, who was drenched head to toe. Had he been playing out in the rain himself? Did prince’s do that sort of thing? He wondered if Uther ever played with him the way his mother could sometimes be convinced to. Royalty was so different though, and Uther was high strung all the time so—</p>
<p>“<em>Merlin</em>. Open your eyes. Look at me.” Forcing his eyes open again at the command—though he wasn’t sure when he’d closed them—Merlin blinked hazily up at the blond. “Can you sit up?” He asked the same question Gwen had. Why was that the one thing they wanted to know? And where even was Gwen?</p>
<p>He couldn’t remember when he’d last her. He had seen her, hadn’t he? Everything was so jumbled in his head; he couldn’t tell what had been dreams and what had been real. Was he dreaming now? When had everything stopped making sense?</p>
<p>The hand on his arm shook him again, and Merlin stared up at intent blue eyes. Arthur had asked him a question, hadn’t he? He couldn’t remember what it was though, and he was so tired and hot. Why was the room so hot? His eyelids were heavy, and they were falling closed again despite his efforts. He heard a sigh above him, felt the hand on his arm tighten, and the sound of a door slamming.</p>
<p>“Arthur?” Morgana. Her voice was so easy to recognize. Hadn’t she been with Gwen? “What happened, is he alright?” More concern for him. They needed to stop worrying over him and be more concerned with what was making the room so warm.</p>
<p>“I just found him like this. I think he was trying to get to the water.”</p>
<p>“Is that blood?” The woman gasped, and Merlin could just imagine her hand lifting to her face as she spoke the words.</p>
<p>“He cut himself on something, but its not bad. He is burning up though. Did you find any sign of Gaius?” Burning up. That was such a strange term. Though, he supposed it was accurate. It did feel like he was burning. Every last inch of him.</p>
<p>“One of the guards saw him go towards the Lower Town.” It was said nervously, as if the Lower Town were somewhere to be feared. But there was nothing wrong with it, not at all. Merlin enjoyed it when he found time to go there for any reason other than Arthur’s errands.</p>
<p>“What?” Arthur again. He sounded shocked. Upset. Why should he be upset about Gaius being there?</p>
<p>“Gwen said she would try to get to him, but the roads are so bad. We haven’t had this much rain in so long.” Was Gaius in trouble? If his mentor was in danger, he had to go help him. He couldn’t afford to worry about his own problems if he had family in trouble.</p>
<p>Digging his fingers into the floor, Merlin began to push himself up and pull his eyes open. As he did, another bout of nausea struck him and the boy shut his eyes just as quickly, dizziness making it hard to discern which way was up and which was down as his back collided with the hard ground again.</p>
<p>“Merlin? Morgana, fetch some water. Now.” Footsteps hurried away, and Merlin grimaced at the pain throbbing simultaneously in his head and his chest.</p>
<p>With strength he didn’t know he had, the boy was pushing himself onto his side, his hands holding him up as the wave of sickness crashed down on him. There was no bucket in sight this time around as he heaved, though it mattered very little, not a single thing coming up with the painful action.</p>
<p>His throat burned at the effort, and Merlin barely acknowledged the arms holding him steady or the voice speaking above him until he’d finished, his body trembling and crashing against Arthur.</p>
<p>“Relax, Merlin. Breathe.” The prince’s voice was controlled and calm, a hand moving to the boy’s shoulder as he leaned against him. “How do you manage to get yourself into these sorts of positions?” Arthur questioned, though a gentle tone accompanied the scolding words as the prince eased the boy back until he was resting on the ground again.</p>
<p>Merlin’s head fell to the side and he worked to pry his eyes open until he was staring at the blond kneeling beside him, a firm hand still on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Come on, Morgana..” Arthur mumbled, and Merlin continued to stare at the prince’s arm until the door opened again and a pair of wet shoes stopped nearby.</p>
<p>“Here.” Morgana knelt down on his other side, and as he turned to look at her, the hand on his shoulder was sliding beneath them instead, helping to raise him up while the cup was brought carefully to his lips. “He’s too warm, Arthur.” She murmured while he drank, the water blissful against his aching throat.</p>
<p>“Gaius was concerned about his fever, but I don’t think he thought it would get this high. I don’t understand why it hasn’t broken yet.” The man muttered, his other hand pushing away the cup before the warlock had finished as the boy weakly reached towards it. “You’ll be sick again if you drink it too fast.” Arthur chided.</p>
<p>“What do we do? It could be hours still before Gaius returns.”</p>
<p>“We’ll have to wait it out.” The prince shifted beside him and the arm behind his shoulders wrapped tighter while a second slipped beneath the bend of knees.</p>
<p>The action sent a burst of pain through Merlin’s broken leg and caused his eyes to squeeze shut against the stars that danced around him. A quiet grunt sounded the same time as he was lifted, and he fell back into the prince, his head colliding with the man’s shoulder.</p>
<p>In all his time working for Arthur, it wasn’t often that he thought of the prince as anything more than abrasive, and he certainly would have never considered him gentle. Then again, since falling ill, nothing in his world had remained the same. Perhaps he’d been right before, and all of this was just another dream.</p>
<p>In moments Merlin was back on his cot, and the prince was pulling away, though for a moment the boy could swear that he’d felt Arthur’s hand lingering in his hair.</p>
<p>“If it doesn’t break soon we won’t have a choice. We’ll have to get Gaius back here.” The man’s voice was strained and filled with what sounded like doubt.</p>
<p>“He’s going to be alright, won’t he?” Morgana again, and her voice was thick with emotion.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” This time, the unsurety in Arthur’s voice was clear, and it unsettled the warlock.</p>
<p>Merlin wanted to speak up, wanted to thank them or to apologize, wanted to ask why Gaius was gone and why he couldn’t return. Instead, the pull of darkness urged him into it’s embrace, and just like every time before, the boy was unable to resist the call.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Merlin was floating in a stream. The water was cool and calm, carrying him down the river in a relaxing flow. His body felt weightless, and as he looked up into a cloudless sky that stretched on for forever, the boy smiled.</p>
<p>Turning his head, water splashed against his cheek, and he could see his mother sitting on the bank to his left. A wide smile was on her face, and she had a pile of flowers in her lap that she was intricately weaving together.</p>
<p>She’d taught him how to do that once, how to create crowns out of nothing but flowers and stems. He’d been teased relentless about it while growing up, and he’d stopped doing it once Will had mentioned how odd it was, but he remembered how much he used to enjoy it. How calming it had been.</p>
<p>Merlin continued floating, drifting past his mother and smiling even wider as she leaned forward and placed the crown she had been making on his head. As she disappeared behind him, the warlock looked to his right and spotted Gwen and Arthur sitting together near the trees on the other bank.</p>
<p>They were close, incredibly so, and Gwen’s fingers were entangled with Arthur’s. They looked happy. They looked in love. Merlin smiled again, and as Arthur’s head turned to follow him, the prince smirked, the same teasing expression lighting up his face that he always gave the boy. He waved a hand to usher the warlock off before he turned back to Gwen, and the last thing that Merlin saw of them was Arthur leaning in to kiss her before they were out of view.</p>
<p>Looking back to the bank on his left, the trees grew closer together and stretched even taller, creating dark spots of shadows that destroyed the picturesque scene he’d been enjoying. He was about to turn away when another familiar face caught his eye, and Merlin found Morgana hiding amongst those darkened trees.</p>
<p>Her cloak was drawn over her head and her hair was hanging loose and wild around her shoulders. Her green eyes were hard and carried with them a darkness of their own that he’d never seen. Unlike everyone else, there was no smile on the woman’s face, and concern struck the boy as to why. He started to call out to her, but the moment his lips parted she was turning and disappearing into the forest, and guilt crept over him for not trying to reach her sooner.</p>
<p>The banks on either side were empty now, the branches overhead creating shade while the gentle current lulled him towards sleep.</p>
<p>“Merlin.” All at once the boy stopped drifting, and Merlin’s eyes pulled open as he looked from one side of the river to the other. “You can’t stay here, you know. They all need you.”</p>
<p>Blinking, the warlock looked directly in front of him and stared up at where Will was standing in the middle of the water. “Will?” Sitting up and feeling the crown of flowers fall away, the boy found his body only half submerged in the water, the heat of the day washing over him while his friend grinned.</p>
<p>“They’re looking out for you, which is more than I expected. But soon, soon you’ll need to look out for them. More than you ever have before.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand.” Merlin shook his head, grief at seeing his lost friend making it hard to fully focus on what he was saying. “How can you be here?”</p>
<p>“You and your tricks, Merlin. When will you learn how to use them?”</p>
<p>“I don’t—”</p>
<p>“You need to go back now. But be careful. Not everyone is who they seem. Not all those that say they are your friend really are.” Extending a hand out to him, Will grinned wider and flashed his teeth. “I didn’t save that prince of yours just so he could die later on. You have some great destiny waiting, don’t you? So, go back and get to it.”</p>
<p>Reaching up, Merlin’s fingers wrapped around Will’s and his friend pulled, tugging the warlock up and out of the water as everything around him faded except for the hand in his.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When he woke, Merlin could still feel the weight of Will’s hand in his. Blinking groggily, the boy was weak and disoriented, having to take several seconds to focus enough to turn his head and look at the person seated beside him.</p>
<p>Morgana was asleep in a chair, her arms stretched across the cot and her head resting peacefully on top of them. Her hair was frizzy and damp, and he realized belatedly that it was her hand that had firmly taken hold of his.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes and drawing in a shallow breath, Merlin tried to recall the dream to mind. All he could remember was Will and a warning he tried to give. It had been about a friend.. A friend who would betray him, only the exact words he’d used were already fading from his fevered mind.</p>
<p>Opening his eyes again, the warlock listened to the never ending rain that played a rhythm to match the beating in his head. Looking across the room where a fire burned bright in the hearth once more, Merlin watched as Arthur halfheartedly poked at the flames. Turning around with a sigh, the prince caught his eye, and the two stared at one another in silence.</p>
<p>Will had said a friend. But he couldn’t have meant any of <em>his</em> friends because he trusted them with his life, the prince most of all. Arthur was an absolute pain, but even without his destiny he could no longer picture his life without the irritating blond being in it.</p>
<p>“She has been worried about you.” The man spoke, breaking their lingering silence as he stepped closer, keeping his eyes on the boy. “She hasn’t left your side.” Blinking, Merlin shifted his gaze to Morgana as she let out a slow breath, moving her head and pulling her fingers away from his hand while she slept.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Looking back to Arthur, the boy found the man had moved closer and was leaning against a table with his eyes on the ground. “Gaius still isn’t here, and your fever won’t break. Why is it that you pick the worst possible times to be ill?”</p>
<p>The comment was tinged with irritation, but Merlin knew it wasn’t at him. It was usually easy to tell the difference, even as sleep laden and fog ridden as his mind currently was. But there was something going on. For Arthur to admit he didn’t know something, it was often because of serious circumstances.</p>
<p>“You’re not going to die.” Surprise struck the warlock at his words, and Merlin wanted to agree, but his mouth was stubbornly remaining shut, and he didn’t have the energy to fight it. “Some ridiculous illness won’t be what takes you out, and it certainly won’t happen while under my watch. I won’t allow it. Is that clear, Merlin?”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure if the prince expected a response, but after a moment of holding his gaze Arthur looked satisfied and continued on. “Hurry up and get better. I’m sick of standing around waiting for your health to return. You’re the one who should be waiting on me, in case you’d forgotten.”</p>
<p>The words would have made the warlock laugh if he’d had the strength, but his lip did quirk up, and by Arthur’s raised brow he knew he’d seen it. The royal looked away after that, and Merlin was fading again.</p>
<p>“You’d better be fine, you idiot.” Arthur muttered gruffly, and as the boy sank back into sleep, he did so with the smallest smile on his face.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He didn’t dream. Or perhaps he was just finally waking up. Merlin wasn’t sure anymore which was which, but he found himself thrown back into consciousness with a heavy cough that racked through weary frame.</p>
<p>When one fit ended another began, and the warlock came to the conclusion that his body had decided to rebel against his lungs. He tried to breathe between the bouts, but all he managed were short bursts of air that were expelled almost as soon as he drew them in. It took several tries before he successfully managed to draw a deep enough breath in to calm the fits, and his chest throbbed at the exertion.</p>
<p>The room seemed brighter than before as the boy squeezed his eyes shut, but he noted that his body was no longer burning from the inside out. He also noticed that Morgana was no longer beside him, and that the scent of lavender was strong throughout the room.</p>
<p>Pulling his eyes open again, Merlin stared at the sunlight that filtered into the chambers through the windows and lit up the floor. And there, standing next to the fire on the other side of the room was his guardian.</p>
<p>“You’re awake.” Gaius murmured as he turned around, looking at his ward with a mixed expression of relief and exhaustion. Dark circles were prominent beneath his eyes, and concern for the elder brought a frown to Merlin’s lips.</p>
<p>“You’ve had quite the fever.” The man continued, seemingly unphased by his charge’s silence as he moved closer with a cup in hand. “Between the storm and your illness, a few of Camelot’s people have been worried.” The small smile he wore was strained but genuine, and the physician helped to ease the boy up a few inches to drink.</p>
<p>The water carried an herbal taste, though it wasn’t unpleasant, and as Merlin settled back he finally found the strength to speak. “How long?” He croaked, hoping the elder understood what he was asking.</p>
<p>“Two days.” Gaius replied, taking a seat beside the boy and setting the cup next to him. “Had your fever remained much longer, I would have feared for your life.” The words came out easily, but something in the man’s tone told him that he already had.</p>
<p>“..m sorry..” Merlin mumbled, swallowing away the pain that arose when he spoke.</p>
<p>“Do not apologize for being sick, my boy.” Gaius smiled, reaching out a hand that settled comfortingly in his hair. “Though you can apologize for my broken pitcher once you are well.” The teasing expression lit up his face and cleared away some of the stress, and Merlin managed a weak version of his own smile as he leaned into the man’s touch.</p>
<p>“You’re still fighting off the last of it, so try to rest a bit more. There will be time for talk later.” His eyelids were heavy as he blinked, and the boy barely nodded at the advice. His guardian’s fingers brushed through his hair for a moment longer before it was pulling away, and Merlin was looking up at him again. “Rest, my boy.” His guardian encouraged, beginning to turn away as fear shot through the boy.</p>
<p>He’d been in and out so many times, and so many things had happened. Conversations, and fears, and kindness, and departed friends. So much so that he wasn’t sure what had been real and what hadn’t. Had he imagined Arthur and Morgana being with him? Merely envisioned Gwen helping him? He was certain he was awake now, but the idea of drifting off and being thrust back into confusion and chaos was frightening on a level he did not expect.</p>
<p>“Gaius..” He spoke, forcing the words past his dry lips while his hand lifted towards the elder. “..will you stay?”</p>
<p>It was a foolish request, one reserved for children who had suffered from dreams they believed to be real. But then again, he was faced with the same dilemma, and the embarrassment of the request gave way to the fear of what his dreams might do next.</p>
<p>Gaius paused at his words, and suddenly Merlin regretted asking. It was obvious how tired the man was, and who was he to make such a selfish request? The boy’s hand was pulling away, willing what he’d spoken to vanish into the air, but then his guardian smiled. It was small, and kind, and reminded him strongly of his mother.</p>
<p>“I forget how young you still are sometimes.” Sitting back in the chair, Gaius’ hand returned to his head and a thumb brushed against his still warm temple. “With all you do, and everyone you save, I forget that you’re still learning. Still growing.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes closed against his wishes and instead responded by tipping his head towards the physician. “I am right here.” The man assured, his presence offering a sense of calm that had the warlock relaxing immediately into the cot. “Perhaps a story will help to guide your dreams.”</p>
<p>Gaius’ voice carried a soothing tone as he began to speak, his words weaving colorful tales of knights and kings and servants with magical talents. His words lulled Merlin back to sleep, and for the first time in two days, the boy fell into a peaceful slumber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>Wow this was.. this was a trip. This was just shameless physical and emotional trauma for the sake of the comfort after.. Poor boy.. But hey, there will be fluff next chapter so.. that makes up for all of this right?</p>
<p>I threw in a LOT of foreshadowing here, not just for the show but for future chapters as well. I’m really excited to get into it. Hope y’all are prepared!</p>
<p>Leave some comments or reviews if you’re so inclined, I am obsessed with feedback and you guys are seriously the best with it! Hope you enjoyed, and I’ll see you in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. A Summer Shower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day was dark and overcast, and Merlin was balanced precariously in the stables while he rifled through a saddle bag. Arthur had informed his servant that after his patrol one of the stable boys had lost his dagger and he’d promptly demanded that the warlock find it for him.</p>
<p>Merlin hadn’t minded the request for once as he was just grateful to finally be of use again. After having been laid up for two weeks and not being allowed to do much of anything, the boy had finally convinced the prince—and his guardian—to let him go back to work.</p>
<p>His ribs still ached, and while a fair amount of bruising remained, they were more or less fine. The only trouble that hindered him was his leg. The limb was still tightly wrapped to keep it as stationary as possible, but the bandages were easily hidden beneath a pair of oversized trousers and a partially unlaced boot. A fact that Merlin was more than a little pleased about.</p>
<p>As for getting around, that had proved a bit more difficult, but one crafted walking staff later and the warlock was once again mobile. Merlin had been limping around the citadel for a few days already, and once Arthur had grown accustomed to his slower pace, the two had more or less returned to their normal routine. There were still some things that the boy was unable to do, but the other servants had managed to fill in for him, and with each passing day Merlin was getting closer to being fully recovered.</p>
<p>In the beginning he’d planned to heal it with magic, but Gaius had immediately put a stop to that idea. Not only had several people seen how damaged it was, but many others had later heard about the accident. And though healing himself would get rid of the pain and strife that followed trying to use it, his guardian had pointed out that too many would be suspicious of such a sudden and miraculous recovery.</p>
<p>Closing up the third saddle bag he’d checked, Merlin frowned at the ground in thought. Grabbing hold of his staff and turning to alleviate some of the weight put on the injured limb, the warlock sought out any of the stable hands.</p>
<p>Arthur hadn’t bothered to tell him which of them had aided him that morning, so the boy had been left to search through everything until one of them appeared. Unfortunately for him, they all seemed to be elsewhere, and the stables were empty aside from himself and the horses.</p>
<p>Making his way over to another bag that was hanging on the wall, Merlin had just started to reach for it when one of the doors to the stable opened and the sound of heavy breathing drifted inside. One of the horses nickered, and the warlock edged around the corner and caught sight of Morgana.</p>
<p>The woman’s fists were balled tight, her face was red, and she was pacing back and forth in an agitated manner. The rain must have started up again because he could see dark spots dotting across the shoulders of her dress while water clung to her hair. Something had clearly happened to make her upset, and he watched as Morgana began to mutter quietly to herself while glaring at nothing.</p>
<p>Limping slowly out into the open, Merlin leaned against his staff and offered a smile when the woman’s head shot up, furious green eyes settling on him. Shock replaced the anger just a moment before the king’s ward was looking away, a sharp intake of breath coming from her as Merlin stopped a few paces away.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was in here.” She murmured, reaching up a hand and smoothing down her hair. She had yet to look back up at him, and the warlock leaned a fraction closer.</p>
<p>“Arthur sent me on a search for his missing dagger.” He explained, though he received no reaction. “Are you alright?” He questioned as Morgana stiffened.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” She answered tersely, and Merlin’s head tilted as her hands wrapped tightly around her arms.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Taking another step forward, the boy gave a small shrug. “If something happened, you can tell me. If you want.”</p>
<p>Morgana’s head turned at that, and green eyes studied him intently before she finally spoke. “Uther is <em>such</em> a hypocrite; do you know that?” Merlin’s eyes widened at the sudden declaration, and the boy stared with an open mouth as the woman’s hands fell to her sides. “He is so determined to hate anything that pertains to magic that he doesn’t even care if he takes an innocent life in the process! He doesn’t even see that what he’s doing is destroying any hope that this kingdom might have!”</p>
<p>The warlock was speechless, his jaw working up and down though no words would come out. After all, what could he even say to that? She was absolutely correct.</p>
<p>“Do you know what he’s doing right this minute?” Morgana asked, spinning around and facing him, her eyes bright with fury. “He is sitting in court with someone who helped a druid cross our border. They didn’t do anything, they weren’t hurting anyone, they just wanted to be safe! But he’s going to sentence that man to death just because he had the decency to try and protect an innocent life!”</p>
<p>Morgana’s voice cracked and she looked to the ground, her hands forming fists once again. “Ever since Arthur found me, after they thought I was kidnapped, Uther has had it out for anything, or anyone even remotely associated with magic. It’s as if his hatred has completely blinded him from having compassion or mercy.”</p>
<p>She was full on ranting and had begun to pace again as Merlin’s eyes flickered warily to the doors. He agreed with everything that she was saying, but the last thing that either of them needed was for someone to catch them discussing the disagreements they had with the king.</p>
<p>“All those innocent lives, all those people torn away from their families and their loved ones, and he doesn’t care! All Uther sees is magic. They could be healers, or they could be helping people, and it wouldn’t matter to him. All of it is evil, and it’s as if he’s taken it upon himself to destroy every last trace.” Closing her eyes, Morgana paused, her hands reaching out and pressing flat against a wall.</p>
<p>“What would he say if he knew?” She asked softly, and Merlin took another step closer to hear her. “What would he do if he knew what I was? What I am capable of? What I.. what I am?”</p>
<p>“Morgana.” Merlin said her name in warning, his tone staying low as the woman looked up, hurt and fear replacing the anger that had once flooded her eyes.</p>
<p>“Everyone in this kingdom, Merlin, everyone has become sick with his hatred. Everyone is so biased against magic. No one will ever come to accept it, not ever. Not like this at least, not with Uther ruling.”</p>
<p>The warlock stood frozen, his fingers tightening around the staff that helped him to stand. What could he say? He had hope that things would change. He had hope that what he’d been told was true and that Arthur would return magic to the land one day. But right now? It was no wonder Morgana had lost her own hope because she was right. Uther had been destroying every last bit of magic he came across, all while poisoning the people to do the same.</p>
<p>“How many people would hate me if they learned of me? How many would throw me to the fire because they’re terrified of what I might do? Or of what Uther might do if he learned they knew? It hurts, Merlin. To know that I’m hated for something I can’t control. For something that is a part of who I am.”</p>
<p>Swallowing past the lump rising in his throat, Merlin felt a weight settle in his stomach. Hated for who he was. Thrown to the fire for what he could do. Everything she said, all of it rang with truth. And she was right, it hurt.</p>
<p>“Morgana..” Trailing off, Merlin’s heart began to beat faster as a single, dangerous thought crossed his mind. What if he told her? What if he admitted to what he was and what he knew?</p>
<p>Green eyes blinked at him in curiosity, and Merlin found himself choking back his words. If he admitted what he was, then it could help her. It could ease the hurt and maybe even give her hope. But he couldn’t do it.</p>
<p>Something held him back, and a different series of words came out instead. “Not everyone here is like that.”</p>
<p>Blinking again, Morgana’s head fell, and she sighed. “I know. I still cannot thank you enough for keeping my secret, Merlin. For trying to help me when no one else would dare. You’re a good friend.”</p>
<p>The words stung, and the warlock fought against the urge that had risen once again. Was he a good friend? Wouldn’t a good friend be someone who would confide in her?</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for getting so upset.” Morgana apologized, dragging her fingers across her forehead and turning until she was leaning back against the wall. “With all the rain I’ve been inside for far too long. Being stuck in such close quarters and listening to Uther talk, well, I think it was beginning to drive me mad.”</p>
<p>“I can’t imagine.” Merlin mumbled, an ache that began in his leg fighting for his attention over his inward battle.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen it storm this much before. I never cared much for the rain anyway, but this has made me almost hate it.” A small frown drew down the corners of the woman’s lips, and the warlock shifted awkwardly where he stood in an attempt to lessen the pain.</p>
<p>“You don’t care for the rain?” He asked, trying to force his mind away from their previous topic. “Even as a child?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Morgana asked, looking at the boy with furrowed brows.</p>
<p>“You never had fun playing out in the rain?” The king’s ward stared blankly at Merlin for his question, and the warlock narrowed his eyes. “Not even with friends?”</p>
<p>At that, the woman almost laughed, her hands pressing down against her skirts as she shook her head. “I didn’t exactly have many friends. Uther was very strict about who I was allowed to be around. He frowned upon my keeping company with anyone who was not of my standing.”</p>
<p>Another strike of irritation towards the king welled up in the boy, but Merlin shoved it aside in favor of his next question. “Did you ever play with Arthur?”</p>
<p>That time a laugh did leave Morgana, her shoulders shaking with the motion. “Arthur didn’t play, he trained. That’s all he ever did. Honestly, I think that’s all he was ever allowed to do.”</p>
<p>Merlin couldn’t help but stare, his mind trying to wrap around the image of a young Arthur doing nothing but drills with the knights and practicing his sword fighting all day. There was something sad about that, and lonely.</p>
<p>“Did you?” Morgana’s voice drew him back, and the warlock looked up at her. “Play in the rain, I mean.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Merlin nodded, a small smile rising to the boy’s lips at the memory. “Will and I did, all the time. Whenever it rained we were out in it.”</p>
<p>“That must have been nice.” Morgana sighed, lifting a hand and gesturing around them. “Living with royalty isn’t all it seems when you’re kept locked away and have your every move watched.”</p>
<p>Shifting backwards as another spike of pain shot through his leg, Merlin tapped his fingers along the edge of his staff. “I didn’t grow up in a castle, or with wealth. We didn’t really have a lot in Ealdor, and we struggled for what we did have. But we had each other, and that was enough.”</p>
<p>Merlin loved Camelot. He loved living with Gaius and being a part of the bustling kingdom, and the boy readily called it home. But he loved Ealdor too. Each was unaware of his magic, and he knew each would treat him differently because of it, but there were unreplaceable things in both, and one of the things for Ealdor were the memories.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wish I had something like that.” Morgana’s voice was soft, and her eyes were on the ground. “That I had those sorts of memories.”</p>
<p>Turning away from her, Merlin looked outside at where the rain continued to fall in a light mist, and an idea came to mind. “Make some now.”</p>
<p>“Make what now?” Confusion morphed the woman’s features, but the warlock had started grinning.</p>
<p>“Memories. Make them now. Go play in the rain.”</p>
<p>Morgana’s mouth fell open at that, and a quiet scoff left her. “I can’t do that.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” Taking a step towards the doors, Merlin arched a brow at her.</p>
<p>“What would people think?”</p>
<p>“What people?” He kept walking until he stood just inside the stables and gestured a hand towards the partially open door. “You said it yourself, the king is in court. Who is around to say anything? The stable hands? Because they won’t say a word. Come on.”</p>
<p>“I can’t. <em>We</em> can’t.” She shook her head, though he could see a smile fighting to rise on her face.</p>
<p>“Why not?” The boy asked again.</p>
<p>“You’re still injured.” Morgana said slowly, but she had pushed away from the wall.</p>
<p>“I’m recovering.”</p>
<p>“Gaius will have a fit if you return drenched.” She stated, taking a hesitant step closer.</p>
<p>“Let him have a fit then.” The warlock shrugged.</p>
<p>“Merlin—” Pushing open the door the rest of the way before she could finish, Merlin stepped outside, feeling the cold rain hit his skin as Morgana’s hands rose to her face to smother a laugh. “You’re mad!” She shouted as the boy threw out his arms and stumbled back a step.</p>
<p>“Come on! I know you want to!”</p>
<p>Laughing harder, Morgana stood just inside the doors and stared out at him. Stretching out his hand to her, the woman hesitated before she took hold and let him pull her out beside him.</p>
<p>“How are you even supposed to play in the rain?” She asked, flinching as water hit her face.</p>
<p>Taking another step back and positioning his weight carefully against his staff, Merlin glanced around. “Well, you.. you splash in the puddles.”</p>
<p>“Splash in the puddles?” She repeated, staring at him as if he really were mentally ill. “I’ll get my dress muddy.” Morgana’s hands fell to her skirts while pieces of her dress began to darken from the raindrops seeping into the fabric.</p>
<p>“Really?” Merlin scoffed, shaking his head. “You’re not worried about the mud.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” She asked, hugging her arms around herself.</p>
<p>“You’re still worried about what people will think of you.”</p>
<p>“And how do you know that?” Arching a curious brow at the warlock, Merlin smirked.</p>
<p>“Morgana, I’ve seen you swordfight with bandits. You’ve run away from people who kidnapped you. A little mud wouldn’t stop you from doing something you want to do.” The woman’s mouth opened, but when nothing came out, the boy jumped in again.</p>
<p>“Just forget about everything.” Merlin said, motioning around at the courtyard that was mostly empty. “Forget about your standing, forget about what people might think. Forget for a moment that you’re the king’s ward, and just have <em>fun</em>.”</p>
<p>Wide green eyes stared back in silence before Morgana was breaking out into a bewildered smile. “You’re a <em>terrible</em> influence, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Me?” He asked, lifting his brows and feigning surprise. “No, I’m not any sort of influence. I’m just a servant.” He shrugged, as if the very idea were impossible.</p>
<p>“Well,” Morgana murmured, taking a step closer to him. “I think you’re much more than that.” A smile appeared on his face at her words, and he stood frozen while the rain stuck his hair against his face. “You’re also right. So, splashing it is.”</p>
<p>Stepping away from the warlock, Morgana looked around them while she walked a few paces away to where a decent sized puddle resided. Turning to face him, the king’s ward let out a breath and jumped, her feet landing in the middle of the gathering rainwater and sending muddy drops all around her.</p>
<p>A loud laugh left the woman as she pulled up her skirts and looked down at the splotches of mud that painted her ankles. “This is ridiculous!” She laughed harder, kicking one of her legs out and sending a spray of water towards Merlin.</p>
<p>“But it’s fun, isn’t it? Just to let go?” He grinned, watching while the woman spun around and made her dress twirl, water flying out away from her as she did.</p>
<p>“It’s wonderful.” Morgana admitted, reaching up her hands and pulling the pins free from her hair until it fell in waves around her shoulders, partially wet and sticking to her face and neck.</p>
<p>Cupping her hands together and letting the rain pool between her palms, a devious smile flashed in Merlin’s direction moments before water was being thrown at him. Her aim was immaculate as the rain hit the warlock right in the face and left the boy sputtering.</p>
<p>A joyful laugh echoed from Morgana, and as Merlin ran a hand across his forehead, he watched while the king’s ward began to dance in the rain. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her so carefree, and he found that his eyes were glued to her.</p>
<p>The same urge as before began to rise again, and Merlin struggled against the temptation to tell her the truth about him. She was different. He <em>knew</em> she was different, so couldn’t he trust her? The idea of sharing his secret with someone was so enticing, and Merlin subconsciously took a step closer as the woman continued to twirl with her arms outstretched. He had Gaius to confide in, but with Morgana it felt different, and the longer he watched her, the harder the decision became.</p>
<p>All of a sudden the woman’s twirling turned into a stumble as her foot snagged a stone, and Morgana was falling forward. Instinctively moving closer, Merlin caught hold of her arms and steadied her as she crashed against him, her hands grabbing his shoulders for balance.</p>
<p>Morgana looked up in surprise, as if she couldn’t believe she had tripped, and wide green hues stared back at him. Her breaths fell out fast and shallow, and her eyes were bright and alive despite the gloom of the world around them.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” She murmured, her fingers tightening around his shoulders while the boy kept a firm grasp on her forearms.</p>
<p>The king’s ward had managed to right herself, but she was still staring at him in a way he could not even begin to fathom. Long strands of her hair were plastered against her cheeks, and her lips were barely parted as she caught her breath.</p>
<p>“Morgana, there’s something that I want to tell you.” Merlin said quietly, and the woman’s head tilted to the side in curiosity.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“I—”</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Arthur’s voice cut off the warlock’s words and the both of them froze, looking behind them where they could just see the prince leaving the citadel.</p>
<p>“Nothing lasts forever.” The boy murmured, letting go of Morgana and turning towards the royal.</p>
<p>“Come on.” The king’s ward whispered, and the boy was looking back in confusion when she took hold of his hand.</p>
<p>“What—”</p>
<p>“Come on!” Pulling at him, Morgana took off back to the stables with Merlin stumbling after her. He barely managed to keep his feet beneath him as he staggered into the building and heard one of the horses nicker at their appearance.</p>
<p>“<em>Merlin</em>!”</p>
<p>The woman kept pulling the boy along until they were hiding behind a mound of riding equipment. Morgana crouched to the ground while Merlin ever so gracefully fell on his backside behind a short wall.</p>
<p>“He sounds irritated.” She mused, peering around the equipment as the warlock frowned at the hay that had started sticking to their wet clothes.</p>
<p>“He’s always irritated.” He muttered without thinking, catching the woman’s stare before he rolled his eyes. “He’s incapable of doing anything without me, even for a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Merlin!” Arthur’s shouting grew closer, and they both fell silent as the doors to the stables opened. “You useless, good for nothing servant. Where the hell have you gone and limped off to?” The blond’s voice was filled with frustration, and Merlin’s breath caught when the prince’s shadow came into view.</p>
<p>It would be bad enough to be caught slacking off, but to be hiding in the stables with Morgana was something he didn’t think Arthur would be willing to hear out. After another minute of the man searching through the building, the royal stalked back outside, and the doors were slamming shut seconds before Morgana started laughing.</p>
<p>The woman’s head fell into her hands as she tried to smother the giggles, but the sound was infectious, and Merlin found himself grinning. “Are you alright?” He asked after several moments passed and the king’s ward had yet to stop shaking.</p>
<p>“I ought to be asking you that.” Morgana sighed, calming herself down and sitting up enough to run her fingers through her hair. “How is your leg?”</p>
<p>Reaching a hand down to his throbbing limb, Merlin merely shrugged. “It’s alright.”</p>
<p>Peeking briefly around the edge of the wall that hid the two of them, the woman sat down fully and leaned her head back against the wood. “I don’t know how you do it, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Do what, anger Arthur?” He questioned, carefully stretching out his leg. “It’s really not that hard.”</p>
<p>“No,” She laughed again. “You make everything so..” Pausing, Morgana turned her head and looked at him, her dark hair framing her face.</p>
<p>“So what?” Merlin asked, breaking her thoughtful silence as one of her shoulders moved with a shrug.</p>
<p>“So much lighter.” Her words silenced anything the warlock might have said, and Merlin stared while the woman smoothed down her clothes. “I came in here so upset, and now I feel so much better.” Leaning forward suddenly, Morgana braced her arms against her knees and stared at him. “I may have magic, Merlin, but I think you have a bit of your own as well.”</p>
<p>He didn’t have the words. He had nothing to say at all, his mind couldn’t even formulate a thought to what she had said. The only thought that was at the front of his mind was about a single piece of hay that was caught in the woman’s hair, and that the small strands that had stuck to her face were just beginning to curl.</p>
<p>A few seconds passed in a quiet, contemplative fashion, and the warlock realized too late that Morgana was waiting for him to respond. But how was he supposed to do that? By saying thanks? By admitting that she was right, but not in the way she’d meant? He was running through the list of possibilities when footsteps approached the stables again, and the both of them were once again catching their breath.</p>
<p>“Morgana! My Lady, are you out here?” Gwen’s voice echoed from outside, and Morgana’s head fell.</p>
<p>“I stormed off earlier without telling her where I’d be.” She explained softly, pushing herself up from the ground and brushing her hands down her skirts in an attempt to clean them. “That didn’t help much, did it?” She sighed, turning back and forth as if to see if any hay still lingered.</p>
<p>“It looks alright.” Merlin finally mustered, catching her eye as her smile returned.</p>
<p>“Do you need help to stand, or to get back?”</p>
<p>“No,” He shook his head. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Morgana took a step back and brushed her tangled hair back behind her shoulder before she was standing straighter. Even with mud and hay clinging to her, she continued to exude a sort of elegance. He supposed forgetting her standing would never really be possible, at least not for more than a few minutes.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Merlin.” Morgana’s voice was soft and sweet as she said the words, her back turning to him as she stepped around the equipment and out of sight.</p>
<p>He listened to the doors close behind her as she left, and Merlin’s head fell back against the side of a stall. “It was my pleasure.” He spoke aloud, his fingers curling around his staff.</p>
<p>Glancing down at himself and grimacing, Merlin pulled a piece of hay off his sleeve. Gaius was sure to have his head when he saw him. Then again..</p>
<p>Looking back to where Morgana had been sitting, Merlin could still feel her warmth beside him, and his smile slowly returned. Maybe it really had been worth it in the end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N</p>
<p>That moment when I know I won’t get to write them being adorable for much longer.. They’re just so sweet and I feel like her and Merlin would’ve been great ;-;</p>
<p>Anyway, have some FLUFF! I don’t often write just pure adorableness, but I felt it was needed after the angst session last chapter.. Which do you guys prefer? One over the other, or a mix? Let me know!</p>
<p>I hope you all enjoyed and thank you for reading! I would love to hear from you, so leave me a comment! And let me know if there’s anything in particular you would like to see in upcoming chapters ^-^</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N</p><p>Do you have an idea for a story or is there a prompt you really want to see? Leave me a comment! I have tons of things planned, so it's likely you'll see it before the story is over, but I'd love to hear from you just in case! If it's within my ability, I'll do my best to bring it to life! Thanks for reading, as always you guys rock ^-^</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>